ok so re: 1634. I am only passingly familiar with brocedes but I feel like the general vibes are different. basic lore/primer, no idea how much you already know so maybe this is obvious
mitch marner is a lifelong leafs fan that always wanted to go to the leafs and is also basically famous for being a happy go lucky puppyboy. like. his childhood nickname was mickey mouse. notably grew up friends with/playing with mcdavid and strome (also had vaguely homoerotic beef with strome? I am unclear on that due to my deathly allergy to dylan strome). went 4th overall in the 2015 draft to the toronto maple leafs, but didn't start playing until 2016, so him and auston were rookies the same year. as a willmack fan I assume you understand the gravity of the situation.
auston matthews is the 2016 first overall pick for the leafs, so the curse weighs heavy on him. comes from a non-hockey market (arizona), is half mexican, has an interest in fashion, pierced ears and a porn-stache, which means that the general population is convinced he likes dick. the guy is perpetually stuck in a loop of trying to seem chill and cool and aloof while his dweebie loser nature constantly claws its way back to the surface. and no one makes his inner loser shine quite like mitch. they bonded Hard and Fast when they started playing together and when they are together their collective intellectual abilities are on par with those of an excitable dog. but also! crucially their combined playmaking ability was apparently carrying the leafs all these years, bc their on ice chemistry and scoring ability was unmatched.
a short (and incomplete) list of Clown Shit 1634 have been up to for years:
- singing living on a prayer on the bench (rookie year)
- carpooling to practice together, first because auston didn't know how to navigate toronto, then simply Because
- became honorary uncles to the small children of their older teammate. or rather became honorary children to their older teammate
- coordinated walk-in suits. but I wish they didn't because their combined fashion sense is abysmal
- coordinated warm up routine. the last ones to leave the ice after warmups.
- doodling smiley faces and other things on their gloves to "remind yourself that hockey is fun" (tradition started by mitch) ((this will come back later to bite us in the ass))
- became besties with justin bieber. auston slightly more than mitch (because apparently he has a type and his type is just. twinks)
another thing important to understanding the Situation is the fact that mitch is continuously victimized by various father figures in his life. his career is seemingly managed by his dad who by all available accounts seems insane, and his first few years on the leafs they had a head coach mike babcock who was straight up attempting psychological warfare on the team and mitch was young, small, and vulnerable, which made him an easy target. also mitch is like, addicted to trying to make older men like him (crosby, tavares, mackinnon, etc etc the list goes on). on an unrelated note one of the nicknames the fanbase gave auston is papi. do with that what you will.
but of course. the story is tragic. because the city of toronto is fundamentally evil and has a black fucking soul.
so, let me paint you a picture: the most populous city in a country obsessed with hockey has not won the cup since 1967. nineteen. sixty seven. but! there's hope! because the year is 2016, the leafs have a basically new team filled with young talent (namely marner, matthews, nylander), a hotshot new gm (kyle dubas). the air is filled with excitement so potent it borders on entitlement. "It's not a question of if, but how many".
and then. the leafs just. don't. win.
they do good in the regular season. they get to the playoffs. but they don't get further than round 2. and toronto? toronto starts looking for the Reason.
the first victim is kyle dubas. the second is mitch. and fucking trust me the toronto media will cannibalize matthews too.
marner is essentially ran out of town for the perceived crimes against the city of toronto which are:
- negotiated for a big contract despite being young
- allegedly doesn't do enough in the playoffs
- the general inability to bring about canadian rapture (win toronto a cup)
the marner hate campaign is Long and Continuous, and essentially spans his entire career (because the man has always been a twink and that's a crime that the hockey media cannot forgive), but reaches a critical point in the 2025 playoffs, when during the last game mitch is booed by the fans every shift and every time he has the puck. the jerseys are thrown on the ice. someone stalks his family and sends death threats. it's not surprising when mitch walks during free agency.
this is where we are now. divorce era. the current state of affairs:
- mitch is in vegas, and is doing pretty well there, despite the knights having a black fucking soul. in general mitch seems to be taking the divorce better than auston. he has said that the call to auston to tell him about leaving was the hardest to make. when the knights played toronto mitch passed auston the puck during warmups. and after the post-game media left the reporters saying "I want to see Auston"
- Auston is having the worst year of his career, mostly because the leafs suck ass, but also he does look like he wants to hang himself on his skate laces every time he is in public so maybe that's a factor. refuses to talk about mitch like mitch is his dead wife. ("you get 2 weeks of mitch questions, and that's it", "no more mitch questions", etc). also there is the bizarre grief ritual he performed during the warm ups for his first preseason game: https://www.tumblr.com/cogcontrol/795772014118977536
omg thank you for the lore dump!! they are definitely different than brocedes like you said but i can see some parallels. (auston having a bad season while marner thrives and rosberg having a decent life outside of F1 while lewis struggled last year being one)
gracieabrams
germansingergirl
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
izzy806
