Mass Effect Dialogue Transcripts

Hi! I'm working on putting as much dialogue from Mass Effect (1-3) into writing as I can! Currently focused on ME3 Citadel.

[medialogue]

Hello!

I've noticed there aren't any easy ways to access dialogue from Mass Effect for those who like looking at dialogue transcripts (like myself), so i've decided to try my hand at writing things down for people to look at.

I will probably update this blog quite slowly. I'm currently working on the Citadel DLC (it's fun and silly, so it's my favorite). If you have any suggestions or requests on what scenes you want to see, let me know by sending an ask!

I'm also pretty new to posting on tumblr, so sorry if things are clunky. I'll try my hardest to keep everything organized, but this blog is not going to look pretty (at least for now).

thank you for viewing the blog! I hope this helps you with whatever you may need it for :)

-meeko

Mass Effect 3 Citadel DLC Masterpost

Formatting Key

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Bar Group (Ambient)

Party Masterpost

(if Miranda was invited and Joker and EDI are together)

Miranda: But you have no plans after EDI? Someone more... human?

Joker: Uh, no? She's smart, she's funny, and she's into spaceships.

Miranda: You know what you want. I can respect that.

(if Miranda was invited and Joker and EDI are not together)

Joker: So we've thought about it, but a human and synthetic in love? It's just kind of weird.

Miranda: I admit, I was very curious to see what happened, but perhaps you're right.

Joker: Yeah, and if we ever broke up? Well, nobody wants an angry ex equipped with a Thanix cannon.

(if Shepard was not in a relationship with Jacob)

Joker: So, where'd you propose?

Jacob: I haven't yet.

Joker: Seriously?

Jacob: I want to do it right. Not on some backwater planet with some ring pumped out of a fabricator. My plan is: Shepard gets me and Brynn into the Council chambers, we do a picnic under the cherry blossoms, then comes the question.

(if Jacob is present)

Jacob: So Joker set you free, right? Do you ever get hassled for being a real-deal AI?

EDI: I am not programmed to make that kind of qualified judgement. My code is limited to information and simple interaction sequences.

Jacob: Hah! I asked directions from that bot on the way here.

Joker: So do you have infiltration software that lets you fake being drunk?

EDI: Yes, though it is rudimentary. The planned strategy was to avoid social situations where naturalism would come under scrutiny.

Joker: I wanna see it.

EDI: You are seeing it now.

Joker: Man, some Cerberus programmer phoned that one in.

Joker: Hey, when I was cleaning up the CIC, I found about 15,000 credits. Must've been the merc's payroll! EDI, we should figure out a way to slip you into the casino and put those credits to work. We could make millions!

EDI: Or we could turn it over to the Alliance war effort... or orphans.

Joker: Or that, too.

Joker: You know why Cerberus is going to lose? Demographics. You recruit a guy who's twenty and got no life, he'll work his ass off for the cause. But do you see any old people in Cerberus? Any families? No. There's no future in a terrorist group.

(if Jacob is in the group)

Jacob: And sure, they pay, but you ever bring up vacation time? There was a brick wall.

(if Miranda is also present, otherwise go to "So how about you")

Miranda: That reminds me, I heard you're going to be a father. Congratulations.

Jacob: Yeah, thanks. Be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

Miranda: You'll do great. You're a protector. That goes a long way.

Jacob: So how about you, Joker? How would you turn Cerberus around? [to 1]

(if Miranda is present, but no Jacob)

Miranda: And I'm certain you have a better plan, waiting in the woods. [to 1]

(if neither Miranda or Jacob are present)

EDI: What would you do if you controlled Cerberus?

[1]

Joker: I'd make Cerberus popular. Big propaganda campaign, like I was running for president. Fundraising dinners, shaking hands, kissing babes...

Miranda (if present): I think the expression you want is "kissing babies."

EDI (if Miranda isn't present): I believe the expression is "kissing babies."

Joker: I know what I said.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Kitchen Group (Ambient)

Party Masterpost

Traynor: I can't get over the size of this apartment. The electric bill alone could've paid for my college tuition.

Liara: Or funded the war.

Garrus (if present): Or made a nice down payment on one of those Atlas mechs. Always wanted one.

Tali (if present): Or put an air-conditioner in this suit. You have no idea how hot it gets.

Javik (if present): Or purchased a time machine so I may escape all these primitives.

Traynor: I must admit, I still feel like something of an outsider. You all have such a history with Shepard.

Garrus (if present): It's mostly a lot of running and shooting and usually, somewhere in there, a button needs pushing. But Shepard always hogs that part.

Liara: Yes, a history of close calls, narrow escapes, and more near-death encounters than I care to remember.

if Samara was invited, the dialogue starts at [1]. If Tali was invited without Samara, the dialogue starts at [2]. Otherwise, it goes to [3].

[1]

Samara (if phase 1 is energetic): Working with Shepard reminded me of my younger days: running with mercenaries, blowing things up with mercenaries, and occasionally sleeping with mercenaries.

Samara (if phase 1 is relaxed): By that measure, Shepard would have made a good justicar.

if Tali was invited, the dialogue follows [2]. otherwise, it goes to [3].

[2]

Tali: I remember first meeting Shepard. All I kept thinking was, "I hope he/she took a shower, because my filter needs replacing and humans carry a lot of germs."

(if phase 1 is energetic)

Liara: And three years later, here you are, drinking his/her alcohol through a straw. I'd call that progress. [to 3]

(if phase 1 is relaxed)

Liara (if Shepard is female): Three years later, you're eating her food. I'd call that progress. [end]

Liara (if Shepard is male): And three years later, you're eating his food. I'd call that progress. [end]

(if Tali is Shepard's love interest)

Liara: I'm guessing that's not what you think anymore.

Traynor: Well, she still may picture him in the shower. [end]

[3]

Traynor: Something to look forward to, then.

(if Tali and Garrus are present)

Tali (if phase 1 is energetic): Okay, I admit… [hiccups]… when I first heard about it, I thought Archaaaangel was some sort of mascot for a perfume company… [hiccups]… with wings and everything.

Tali (if phase 1 is relaxed): Okay, I admit, when I first heard about it, I though Archangel was some sort of mascot for a perfume company.

Garrus: Glad I got your hopes up, Tali. When I first heard about it, I though the Shadow Broker was a shadow boxer. I pictured some sort of elcor punching bag.

Liara: And that's exactly what the galaxy should keep thinking, not that I have a personal interest in it or anything.

(if Tali or Liara are Shepard's love interest)

Garrus (if Liara is Shepard's love interest): So Liara, is this the T'soni-Shepard love nest? I hope we aren't interrupting anything you two might've been... planning. [to 4]

Garrus (if Tali is Shepard's love interest): So is this the Tali-Shepard love nest? I hope we aren't interrupting anything you two might've been... planning.

Tali (if phase 1 is energetic): [Hiccups] Wouldn't you like to know, Garrus. [to 4]

Tali (if phase 1 is relaxed): You'll never know, Garrus. [to 4]

[4]

Liara: Whatever the species, males never change, do they?

if Samara was invited, the dialogue continues to [5]. if Javik is a part of the group and Samara was not invited, the dialogue goes to [6]. Otherwise, it goes to [7].

[5]

Samara: Perhaps it's a good thing we asari don't have any.

The dialogue goes to [6] if Javik is a part of the group. Otherwise, it goes to [7].

[6]

Javik: Did you know female Protheans could engage in foreplay using only their eyes? Males could not resist.

Liara (if phase 1 is energetic): Well, now we know you're not immune to alcohol.

Liara (if phase 1 is relaxed): And I had such high hopes for your kind.

[7]

Traynor: Hah! Not my problem!

(if Traynor is Shepard's love interest)

Garrus: So is this the Traynor-Shepard love nest? I hope we aren't interrupting anything you two might've been... planning.

Traynor (if phase 1 is energetic): Oh, we don't plan that kind of thing. We're all about spontaneity, losing ourselves in the... uh. Right, we were just playing chess.

Traynor (if phase 1 is relaxed): Nothing to see here. Just playing chess.

Tali (if present): So "checkmate" takes on a new meaning, I guess?

Liara (if Tali isn't present): In that case, I suppose "checkmate" takes on a whole new meaning.

if Samara is present and phase 1 is energetic, the dialogue follows [8]. if Samara is present and phase 1 is relaxed, the dialogue follow [9]. if Samara isn't present, Javik talks about female Protheans if he's present.

[8]

Samara: I sometimes miss my younger days. Centuries and centuries of carefree sex.

Garrus: And now we know something about Samara we didn't know a minute ago.

Javik (if present): Did you know female Protheans could engage in foreplay using only their eyes? Males could not resist.

Liara: Well, now we know you're not immune to alcohol.

[9]

Samara: The diversions of youth. Enjoy them while they last!

Liara: Which in the case of the asari, is about 350 years.

Traynor: I know what I want to be in my next life.

(if Garrus is Shepard's love interest or Shepard's love interest isn't in this group)

Garrus: Not a bad place, here. Decent views of the perimeter, multiple sniper perches. With some work, it's the kind of place Archangel could retire in.

Liara (if Garrus is Shepard's love interest): Also known as the Shepard-Vakarian love nest.

Javik (if present): The turian is wise. A celebration such as this is not an excuse for poor tactical planning.

if Samara is invited, the dialogue follows [10]. if not, the dialogue follows [11].

[10]

Samara (if phase 1 is energetic): You won't retire, Garrus. There will always be criminals who deserve bullets in their hea-- I mean, justice for their actions.

Samara (if phase 1 is relaxed): You'll never retire, Garrus. There will always be one more criminal who deserves justice for their actions.

Traynor: Oh, so you're Archangel! James told me it was some sort of maid cleaning service on Omega.

[11]

Traynor: I've heard the stories about Archangel. I hope to meet him someday.

Garrus: Ahem.

Traynor: Oh, so you're Archangel! James told me it was some sort of maid cleaning service on Omega.

Tali (if present): Traynor, do people ever have a hard time understanding your accent?

Liara (if Tali isn't present): I wonder, Traynor, if other cultures ever have a hard time understanding your accent.

Traynor: I wish they did! Something about an English accent says, "I'm available, please hit on me," even when I'm not on Earth.

Samara (if present): If I had a credit for every amorous attempt I've had to reject over the centuries, I'd could purchase the Citadel.

Liara: When I was an archeology student, I found galactic dialects to be fascinating. All of the phonetic variants...

Depending on who was invited and the party vibe:

Tali (energetic): Liara, this is a party. The only dialect I want to hear from you is... [hiccups]... "inebriated asari." Tali (relaxed): ...is the last thing we should talk about at a party. Garrus (energetic): And none of it matters when you're at a party. Drunk sounds drunk in any language. Garrus (relaxed): ...is something we can all discuss later. Much later. Until we forget to discuss it. Traynor: ...is mostly just an excuse to say "Can I see you naked?" in fourteen different flavors.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1 Guest Comments

Party Masterpost

EDI

(Energetic Party)

Shepard: EDI, up for some bad examples of human behavior?

EDI: I think you mean examples of bad human behavior.

Shepard: Just a hint: grammar correction, not the best icebreaker.

(Relaxed Party)

Shepard: You people watching tonight, EDI?

EDI: Participant observation.

Shepard: That sounds less friendly.

EDI: It's actually quite the opposite.

Jacob

(if Shepard romanced Jacob in ME2)

Jacob: Hey, Shepard. Thanks for inviting me. I know there still might be some stuff we want to say...

Shepard: Maybe let's do that another time.

Jacob: I was hoping you'd say that.

Shepard: This is a party, after all.

Jacob: Let's get to it.

(otherwise)

Jacob: Thanks for inviting me, Shepard. It's nice to see you like this.

Shepard: How do you like the new crew?

Jacob: You always attract the best.

Shepard: Have fun.

Jacob: You bet I will.

James

(if Shepard is female and has no love interest)

Shepard: Hey, James. Got a minute?

James: Sure, what's up?

Shepard: So... what's it going to take to get you to see me as a woman instead of your commander?

James (if he calls Shepard Lola): Oh, Lola... I've got no problem seeing you as a woman, believe me.

James (if he calls Shepard Commander): Seeing you as a woman isn't the hard part, Commander. Believe me.

Shepard: See? Such a flirt. Just knock it off and answer the question.

James: I don't know... It'd take quite a few drinks and one of those once-in-a-lifetime nights. I'm certainly tempted. Should I roll with the party mood and give in to the feeling? Or stick with my gut?

(Shepard selects Support Hook Up)

Shepard: James... glad to see you're coming around....

James: Glad to see I'm what?

Shepard: I should probably mingle. I'll find you later.

(Shepard selects Support Cool It)

Shepard: I understand. You're probably right. No sense rocking the boat.

James: Thanks. Okay, lets get down to the business of making this a great night.

(otherwise)

Shepard: Hey, James. Having fun?

James: I'm relaxed, but fun? I think my kindergarten graduation was more fun than this.

Shepard: Very funny.

James: Don't worry. I'll see what I can do. Do you know if that waterfall is warm water or cold?

Javik

Javik: In my cycle, too many people in one room risked a high casualty rate if attacked. We should all be careful.

Javik: Fifty-thousand years from now, no one will remember this party. What is the point?

(if Kasumi was invited)

Javik: Beware. Something called a "Kasumi" is is on the premises. It pretends to be invisible. Foolish primitive. Nothing escapes these eyes.

Joker

Joker: Hey, Commander. Weird to see everybody here together.

Shepard: You think?

Joker: Well, weird but good. Nice to know it's not always arm-wrestling Reapers with us. Anyway, thanks for putting it together. I'll try not to be too embarrassing.

Liara

Liara: This is nice. I don't spend much time with everyone like this. As friends.

Liara (if romanced): Of course, if you wanted to steal me away later, I wouldn't say no.

Liara (otherwise): I'm glad we could do this.

Traynor

Traynor: Hi! I'm trying to socialize. I'm not particularly good at it.

(if Traynor is Shepard's love interest)

Shepard: Maybe we can work in some one-on-one time later.

Traynor: I'll have to check my schedule. [to 1]

(otherwise)

Shepard: Not much for big parties?

Traynor: Well, if I know people, sure. But some of your friends are legends. I can't just ask if they've tried the hummus. [to 1]

[1]

(if Dr. Chakwas is the Normandy's doctor)

Traynor: Also, Dr. Chakwas apologizes for not being here. Some emergency medical consult on the Citadel. She sent some fancy liquor though! It was great. Wish you could've had some!

Wrex

Wrex: Reminds me of Chora's den. Haven't been back there in a while.

Wrex: I wonder if there's anything stronger behind the bar.

Wrex: Too many things to break in here. Could be a fun party.

Wrex: What kind of music is this? It's not that club crap is it?

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party (Welcome)

Shepard is greeting various member of their crew into their apartment, standing near the front door.

Shepard: Hey. Come on in. Thanks for coming.

Cortez: Thanks for the invite.

Shepard: Make yourselves at home.

Liara: Thank you.

Depending on who was invited:

Kasumi: Happy to be here, Shepard. Wrex: Count on it. Garrus: Don't mind if I do.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Couch Group (Energetic)

Party Masterpost

Depending on who was invited, Cortez, James, Ashley/Kaidan, Jack, and potentially Wrex, Grunt, and Zaeed sit on the couches around the fireplace.

Zaeed (if in this group): Shepard.

Depending on who is present:

Wrex: Shepard. Grab a drink. Jack: Hey, Shepard. You gonna have a drink? James: Hey, Shepard. Join us for a drink?

Shepard: Sure. How's everyone doing?

(if Grunt or Wrex are in this group)

Grunt: Ask me after ten more of these. Wrex: I'll tell you after 20 more of these.

James: Booze and krogan. This should get fun in a hurry.

(if Ashley was invited)

Ashley: I foresee many headbutts.

The dialogue follows [1] if Jack was invited. It follows [3] if Jack wasn't invited and Grunt is in the conversation. Otherwise it follows [5]. If Ashley wasn't invited, the dialogue follows [5].

[1]

Jack: Ah, yes. The krogan high five. You know, on Earth, we have sheep that do the same thing. [to 2]

[2]

Jack: I'm kidding. Shit, you all need to lighten up.

(if Kaidan was invited)

Kaidan: Yeah. I suppose we do. Thanks for doing this, Commander. I know I needed a little R&R.

Cortez: I think we've all earned a rest.

Shepard (if Shepard is close with Cortez*): That we have, Steve.

Shepard (otherwise): That we have, Cortez.

(if Kaidan wasn't invited)

James: No shit. It's not like we haven't earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

Depending on who is present:

Ashley: Here's to us... and a chance to rest. Jack: Here's to taking a damn break. James: Here's to us and a well-earned fiesta.

[end]

[3]

Grunt: Hah! Shepard always liked a good headbutt.

Ashley: So that's what happened back on Tuchanka? I thought you looked a little flatter...

Shepard: I looked a little flatter...

Ashley (if Shepard is male): Uh, sir.

Ashley (if Shepard is female): Ma'am.

(if Jack was invited)

Jack: Oh, hell no. You're not pulling rank at this party, are you?

Shepard: Nah. Not that you'd listen anyway, Jack.

Jack: You got that right. [to 4]

(if Jack wasn't invited)

James: You're not pulling rank at this party, are you Shepard?

Shepard: Only if you promise not to crash any shuttles.

James: Deal, but only for tonight.

Shepard: Deal. [to 4]

[4]

(if Grunt is in this group)

Grunt: This was a good idea, Shepard.

James: A great idea. I needed a rest.

Shepard: Yeah, we all do.

Ashley: Here's to us... and a chance to rest.

[end]

[5]

Cortez: I've never seen a krogan drunk before. Like, really drunk.

Depending on who is present:

Jack: They're just as ugly and twice as loud. [to 2] Grunt: Then you're in for a surprise. [to 6] Wrex: Then you're in for a surprise, my friend. [to 6]

[6]

James: Yeah. A 400 pound inebriated surprise. I hope you hid the good china, Shepard.

Shepard: (Laughs.)

(if Grunt is in this group)

[to 4]

[end]

(otherwise)

James: This was a great idea, Shepard. We've all earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

James: Here's to us and a well-earned fiesta.

[end]

(if Jack is present)

Jack: Ask me after five more of these.

If Ashley is present, the dialogue follows [7]. If Kaidan is present, it follows [8]. Otherwise, it follows [9]

[7]

Ashley: I'll drink to that.

Shepard: Am I going to find you on the floor tomorrow morning, LT?

Ashley: Here's hoping.

James: Well, that's great! I can wake you up with my abuela's huevos rancheros.

(if Wrex is in the group)

Wrex: I wasn't too sure about this, Shepard. But... it's good to relax, even for a bit.

James: No shit. It's not like we haven't earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

Ashley: Here's to us... and a chance to rest.

[end]

(otherwise)

Jack: Hey, thanks for doing this. I kinda needed to unwind a bit, even just for a night.

Cortez: I think we've all earned a rest.

Shepard (if Shepard is close with Cortez*): That we have, Steve.

Shepard (otherwise): That we have, Cortez.

Ashley: Here's to us... and a chance to rest.

[end]

[8]

Kaidan: (Laughs). As long as you keep control of those biotics of yours.

James: So what does happen to a biotic when they're completely borracho?

Jack: Stick around, muscles. Maybe you'll find out.

Cortez: Yeah, "Muscles." I like that.

Jack: Hey, thanks for doing this. I kinda needed to unwind a bit, even just for a night.

Cortez: I think we've all earned a rest.

Shepard (if Shepard is close with Cortez*): That we have, Steve.

Shepard (otherwise): That we have, Cortez.

Jack: Here's to taking a damn break.

[9]

James: You ever get a tattoo while you're sober?

Jack: You ever get a woman who's not drunk?

Cortez: Ooh! Ouch.

(if Wrex is in the group)

Wrex: I wasn't too sure about this, Shepard. But... it's good to relax, even for a bit.

James: No shit. It's not like we haven't earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

Jack: Here's to taking a damn break.

[end]

(otherwise)

Jack: Hey, thanks for doing this. I kinda needed to unwind a bit, even just for a night.

Cortez: I think we've all earned a rest.

Shepard (if Shepard is close with Cortez*): That we have, Steve.

Shepard (otherwise): That we have, Cortez.

Jack: Here's to taking a damn break.

[end]

(if Ashley is present)

Ashley: Better, now that I've got one of these.

Shepard: Am I going to find you on the floor tomorrow morning, LT?

Ashley: Here's hoping.

James: Well, that's great! I can wake you up with my abuela's huevos rancheros.

(if Wrex is in the group)

Wrex: I wasn't too sure about this, Shepard. But... it's good to relax, even for a bit.

James: No shit. It's not like we haven't earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

Ashley: Here's to us... and a chance to rest.

[end]

(otherwise)

James: This was a great idea, Shepard. We've all earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

Ashley: Here's to us... and a chance to rest.

[end]

(if Kaidan is present)

Kaidan: Good. I'm about halfway to feeling better.

Cortez: Halfway? Already? Who knew you were such a cheap date, Major?

James: So what does happen to a biotic when they're completely borracho?

Kaidan: Same as you. I just glow blue when I do it.

Cortez: Know any good biotic party tricks?

Kaidan: Maybe, but they're way more impressive if the audience is drunk too.

James: This was a great idea, Shepard. We've all earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

James: Here's to us, and a well earned fiesta.

[end]

(if only Cortez and James are present)

Cortez: Good. It's been a while since I just relaxed a little.

James: No shit. It's not like we haven't earned a little R&R.

Shepard: That we have, James.

James: Here's to us, and a well earned fiesta.

[end]

Sorry this one is chaotic. There are a lot of variations of this scene compared to the other groups.

*Note: I'm not sure what "close" means. It's not based on if Cortez is Shepard's love interest, but I'm not sure what makes Shepard close to Cortez.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Couch Group (Relaxed)

Party Masterpost

Depending on who was invited, Cortez, James, Ashley/Kaidan, Jack, and potentially Wrex, Grunt, and Zaeed sit on the couches around the fireplace.

Zaeed (if in this group): Shepard.

Depending on who is present:

Wrex: Shepard. Grab a drink. Jack: Hey, Shepard. You gonna have a drink? James: Hey, Shepard. Join us for a drink?

Shepard: Sure. How's everyone doing?

Cortez: Great so far. This is really nice.

(if Ashley was invited)

Ashley: It's very... soothing.

Depending on who is present:

Jack: It's great. Grunt: Quiet.

Shepard: Quiet.

Cortez: After the excitement of the mission, it's a good quiet, right?

Depending on who is present:

Kaidan: But if it got a little crazier, I'd be okay with that. Wrex: This is fun for you, Shepard? I could ramp it up. Grunt: Actually, I could use a little more action. Jack: Seriously? We could ramp it up a little, Shepard.

Zaeed (if in this group): Now you I like.

Shepard: Relax! The night is young. I like it like this.

James: You got it, boss. I'm just happy to be kicking back.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Upstairs Group

Party Masterpost

Depending on who is invited, Wrex, Grunt, Zaeed, and Javik are chatting on the balcony upstairs. If Wrex or Grunt or both are missing, this group will not appear. Zaeed and Wrex or Grunt will join the couch group while Javik will join the kitchen group.

(if Javik was invited)

Javik: So who is strongest? You or the tank-bred?

Zaeed (if invited): Yeah, I'm plenty curious myself. [to 1]

(if Zaeed was invited but not Javik)

Zaeed: C'mon boys, everyone is curious; between you two, who's the toughest? [to 1]

(if neither Zaeed or Javik were invited)

Grunt: Speaking of fighting, let's not start comparing Wrex and me. That would be all kinds of trouble. [to 1]

[1]

Shepard: What'd I miss?

(if Javik and Zaeed were invited)

Grunt: The Prothean here wants to know who would win in a fight between me and Wrex.

Zaeed: You gotta admit Shepard, it's a good question.

Shepard: It *is* a good question. [to 2]

(if Javik but not Zaeed was invited)

Grunt: The Prothean here wants to know who would win in a fight between me and Wrex.

Shepard: It's a good question. [to 2]

(if Zaeed but not Javik was invited)

Grunt: The human here wants to know who'd win a fight between me and Wrex.

Shepard: It's a good question. [to 2]

(if neither Zaeed or Javik were invited)

Grunt: Wrex and me in a fight. It's a stupid question.

Shepard: It's a good question. [to 2]

[2]

Wrex: No it isn't. Baby pyjak here wouldn't stand a chance.

Grunt: Don't listen to this fossil. The only thing he could defeat is a glass of warm milk.

Wrex: Hah! I got head lice bigger than you, Junior.

If the party is energetic, the dialogue follows [3]. If the party is relaxed, the dialogue follows [5].

[3]

(if Zaeed was invited)

Zaeed: You boys done talkin'?

Grunt: Yeah. [to 4]

(if Javik was invited)

Javik: This talk does not prove anything. [to 4]

(if neither Javik or Zaeed were invited)

[to 4]

[4]

Grunt: Only one way to settle this.

Grunt headbutts Wrex.

Wrex: Ha! Now the party's starting!

Wrex returns Grunt's headbutt.

Shepard: Another time, guys. I don't have time to buy new furniture.

Wrex: Aw, just when it was getting good.

Grunt: Yeah. You got lucky. [end]

[5]

(if Zaeed was invited)

Zaeed: Hah! We should leave these two love-birds alone.

Shepard: Let's not. [to 6]

(if Javik was invited)

Javik: The krogan talk a lot, don't they?

Shepard: Let's keep it that way. [to 6]

(if neither Javik or Zaeed were invited)

Grunt: Told you this would get ugly.

Shepard: Not too ugly. [to 6]

[6]

Shepard: I'd rather not buy new furniture.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Bar Group

Party Masterpost

Depending on who is invited, Joker, EDI, Miranda, and Jacob hang around the bar.

Joker: You know, I miss the days when Cerberus was just hilariously incompetent.

(if Jacob and Miranda were invited)

Joker: You know, when you two ran things.

Jacob: Excuse me?

Miranda: The only thing I was in charge of was the Lazarus Project, which, you will note, was very successful. [to 1]

(if only Jacob was invited)

Joker: You know, when Jacob was in charge.

Jacob: Excuse me?

EDI: What specific time period are you referring to, Jeff? [to 1]

(if only Miranda was invited)

Joker: You know, back when Miranda here was in charge.

Miranda: The only thing I was in charge of was the Lazarus Project, which, you will note, was very successful. [to 1]

(if neither Jacob or Miranda were invited)

EDI: What specific time period are you referring to, Jeff? [to 1]

[1]

Joker: "Hey, Commander, this is Cerberus. We were studying some rachni, and they got loose and killed all our guys. Can you take care of that?"

Joker (if Overlord in ME2 was completed): "It's one system over from where we hooked some guy up to the geth... who then got loose and killed all our guys."

Shepard: They did rack up quite a body count. And at least, back then, it was usually their own bodies.

(if Jacob was invited)

Jacob: We knew some cells were bad, but the Alliance and the Council weren't doing anything, and we were doing good work.

Kasumi (if invited): And crunches. Lots of crunches.

Shepard: Hey! Not okay, Kasumi!

Miranda (if invited): But we did bring Commander Shepard back.

EDI (if Miranda wasn't invited): True. However, Cerberus did successfully revive Shepard from an near-death state. [to 2]

(if Jacob wasn't invited but Miranda was)

Miranda: But we did bring Commander Shepard back. [to 2]

(if Miranda nor Jacob were invited)

EDI: True. However, Cerberus did successfully revive Shepard from an near-death state. [to 2]

[2]

Shepard: And after taking down the Collectors, I cut ties with Cerberus, got loose... and started killing all their guys.

Joker: For which we thank you.

EDI: Jeff, do you remember that I am also a Cerberus project?

Jeff: Aw, crap.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Phase 1: Kitchen Group

Party Masterpost

Depending on who was invited, Liara, Garrus, Tali, Traynor, Samara and potentially Javik stand around the kitchen counters.*

(if the party's initial setting is energetic and Garrus was invited)

Garrus: So Shepard, you can serve this swill, but can you drink it? [to 1]

(if the party's initial setting is energetic and Garrus was not invited)

Liara: Shepard. I see you serving drinks. Are you ever going to join us? [to 1]

(if the party's initial setting is relaxed and Garrus was invited)

Garrus: So Shepard, keeping the hard liquor under lock and key? [to 2]

(if the party's initial setting is relaxed and Garrus was not invited)

Liara: Shepard, Glyph said you'd prefer to keep things relaxed. [to 2]

[1]

Shepard: Someone has to drive you all home. [to 3]

[2]

Shepard: Otherwise I'd have to drive you all home. [to 3]

[3]

Traynor: Are we sure the Normandy is still there? Has anyone else tried to steal it?

(if Kasumi was invited)

Kasumi: Stealing the Normandy. Now there's an idea!

Traynor: Wait. What? Who...

Javik (if he's in the kitchen group): I see you, primitive. Which of us has four eyes?

Shepard: Traynor, do you still have your toothbrush? [to 4]

(if Kasumi was not invited)

Shepard: Do you still have your toothbrush? [to 4]

[4]

Depending on who's invited:

Tali (energetic party): We can always... [hiccups]... get another Normandy. Call up... [hiccups]... Cerberus and ask them to pleeeeease build us the SR-3. [to 5] Tali (relaxed party): We can always get another Normandy. Call up Cerberus and ask them to please build us the SR-3. [to 5] Garrus: No worries. I'm sure Cerberus would be happy to build us the SR-3. [to 6] Liara: Perhaps if we ask nicely, Cerberus will build us the SR-3? [to 6]

[5]

Samara (if invited): But wouldn't that require you to change your name? "Tali'Zorah von Normandy SR-3?"

Traynor (if Samara isn't invited): But wouldn't you have to change your name again? "Tali'Zorah von Normandy SR-3?"

Tali (energetic party): It's "vas Normandy." [Hiccups] "Von" means "one who has a weak bladder," which feels appropriate right about now. [to 6]

Tali (relaxed party): It's "vas Normandy." Even I get confused by quarian names sometimes. [to 6]

[6]

(if Garrus was invited)

Garrus: We've seen a lot of good times on the old girl.

Liara: That we have. [to 7]

(if Garrus wasn't invited)

Liara: Whatever we call it, we've seen a lot of good times on that ship, haven't we? [to 7]

[7]

Samara (if invited): Indeed.

Tali (if invited): Hear, hear.

Traynor: Some of you more than others. I'm just honored to have squeaked in.

Shepard: To the Normandy!

Javik (if in the kitchen group): And to "squeaking in" fifty-thousand years later!

Shepard's love interest (if they're invited):

Liara: And to falling in love with the ship's captain! Garrus: And to falling in love with the ship's captain! Traynor: And to falling in love with the ship's captain! Tali (energetic party): And to falling in loooooove with the ship's captain! [Hiccups] Tali (relaxed party): And to falling in love with the ship's captain!

(if Javik is in this group and Shepard's love interest toasted)

Javik: Or not.

*Note: Javik will join the kitchen group instead of the upstairs group if Wrex or Grunt are not invited.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party (Intro)

Party Masterpost

Shepard, Joker, and Wrex (if he's present) walk back to the apartment.

Joker: So after a hard day spent fighting an evil clone, you know what comes next?

Shepard: A nap?

Joker: Please. We party down.

(if Wrex is present. Otherwise skip to "Party, huh?")

Wrex: Well, I gotta get going. Things to settle up before I head back to Tuchanka. Always fires to put out when you're in charge, huh? Let me know if you want to hang out or if you're having that party.

Wrex leaves the apartment.

Joker: See ya!

Shepard: Party, huh?

Joker: No pressure. No one's gonna make you throw a party.

Dialogue choices:

Begin party preparations. [to 1]

I'll think about it. [to 2]

[1]

Shepard: All right, good idea. Let's set it up.

Glyph: I've channeled discretionary funds into your account for the purchase of any celebratory supplies, Commander. [to 3]

[2]

Shepard: I need to unwind, check out the strip. I'll think on it.

Glyph: Just in case, please allow me to provide you with credits for the purchase of party supplies, Commander. [to 3]

[3]

Joker: Okay. EDI and Cortez and Traynor are in.

Shepard shakes their head at Joker.

Joker: What?

Glyph: I have also informed Dr. T'Soni about any potential upcoming celebrations.

Shepard: Wait, wait! I'm in charge of the guest list.

Joker: Yeah, so there's no uninvite button on this thing.

(if Shepard said "Begin party preparations")

Shepard: (Sighs). All right. But when it's time, I invite the rest.

Joker: Cortez just invited James, so...

Shepard: Fine.

(if Shepard said "I'll think about it")

Shepard: All right. But if and when I decide to have a party, I invite the rest.

Joker: Cortez just invited James, so...

Shepard: Right. No promises.

Joker: I'm going to go out and see how much trouble I can get into without snapping a femur.

Joker leaves the apartment as Shepard waves him off.

Glyph: Members of your crew have expressed interest in spending time with you, Commander. You can check your private terminal for messages. If you require activities, Silversun Strip has an arcade in addition to the casino. You have also been granted a complimentary pass to the combat simulator.

Shepard: Thanks, Glyph. Guess I should take advantage of some shore leave myself.

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Party Masterpost

Intro:

Party (Intro) Welcome Glyph Start and Transitions

Party Phase 1:

Kitchen Group Kitchen Group (Ambient) Couch Group (Energetic) Couch Group (Relaxed) Couch Group (Ambient) Bar Group Bar Group (Ambient) Upstairs Group Upstairs Group (Ambient) Phase 1 Guest Comments

Energetic Party Phase 2:

coming soon!

Relaxed Party Phase 2:

coming soon!

Energetic Party Phase 3:

Dance Group Dance Group (Ambient) Joker and EDI Joker and EDI (Ambient) Biotics Group Biotics Group (Ambient) Bar Group Bar Group (Ambient) Kasumi Kasumi (Ambient) Grunt Grunt (Ambient) Phase 3 Energetic Guest Comments

Relaxed Party Phase 3:

Garrus Garrus (Ambient) Zaeed Zaeed (Ambient) Poker Group Poker Group (Ambient) Phase 3 Relaxed Guest Comments

Aftermath:

Post Energetic Party Wake Up Post Relaxed Party Wake Up Garrus

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Retake the Normandy (Conclusion)

Retake the Normandy Masterpost

Cortez, Joker and Shepard walk through the shuttle bay, surveying the damage the fight inflicted.

Cortez: Fortunately, they weren't here long enough to do much real damage.

James (if in Shepard's squad): Might have to clean up a few holes from where we shot the shit outta the shuttle bay, though.

Cortez (otherwise): Although I may need some help from James cleaning up the damage to the shuttle bay.

Joker: Plus they overloaded the heat diffusion system firing at us. Not sure if you noticed, but Shuttle Guy here did some crazy stunt-flying to keep us in one piece.

Cortez (if romanced): I was motivated.

Cortez (otherwise): It's nice to fly something a little more maneuverable than the Kodiak.

(if EDI is in Shepard's squad)

Shepard: How about you EDI?

Shepard turns to EDI, to see her visor is back.

EDI: I am once again in control of the Normandy. Thank you for asking.

(otherwise)

Shepard: What about EDI? Is she back online?

EDI: I am once again fully in control of the Normandy.

Shepard: Glad to hear it. What about the mercs? Any survivors?

Joker: Just one crappy-ass pilot and her. Alliance is taking her to a high-security facility. Maybe she can give them some dirt on Cerberus.

Brooks walks up to Shepard in handcuffs.

Brooks: I'll be more than happy to cooperate with the authorities.

Dialogue choices:

Don't make me kill you. + 2 [to 1]

I want to kill you. + 2 [to 2]

[1]

Shepard: Maya, I know that voice.

Brooks: Do you, really?

Shepard: You're getting a chance to redeem yourself. Don't waste it.

Brooks starts to hack her handcuffs, ready to run.

Brooks: So serious. Admit it. Some part of you liked having me around, looking up to the legend. We had some laughs. And who knows? Maybe we'll have more someday. You know you'll miss me.

{Paragon interrupt} + 5

Shepard: No, we won't. Because you're going to stay in your cell and do your time.

Brooks: Afraid I'll escape, come back for revenge? Is the great Commander Shepard pleading for his/her life?

Shepard: I'm pleading for yours.

Brooks cancels the hack on her handcuffs.

Brooks: So thoughtful. (Sighs). Then I suppose I'm off to lockup. You know he/she wouldn't have let me live.

Shepard: You can't clone everything.

Cortez leads Brooks away.

Squadmate:

Wrex: In the old days, we'd have just shot her. (Sighs). Good times. Javik: If you are undecided, it is not too late to throw her out the airlock. Ashley: Bitch. Kaidan: I almost wish we shot her. Garrus: I'm sorry we didn't shoot her. Tali: Bosh'tet. Liara: She'd better hope we never see her again. James: Damn. The really hot ones are always crazy, no? EDI: I dislike her intensely.

[to 4]

{interrupt ignored}

[to 3]

[2]

Shepard: Until you escape.

Brooks: Me? Escape? But I'm not a field agent!

Shepard: Stop. Just stop. You betrayed me and the Alliance in the middle of a war.

Brooks starts to hack her handcuffs, ready to run.

Brooks: I was young and naive. Admit it, Commander. You'll miss me.

Brooks breaks out of her handcuffs, and runs to escape.

{Renegade interrupt} + 5

Shepard shoots Brooks from the back, and she falls to the floor.

Shepard: Not at this range, I won't.

Joker: Maintenance to the shuttle bay. [to 4]

{interrupt ignored}

[to 3]

[3]

As Brooks breaks out of her handcuffs and flees, one of Shepard's squadmates shoots her in the back, and she falls to the floor.

Squadmate:

Wrex: You're getting slow. Javik: Problem solved. Ashley: I was really hoping I'd get to do that. Garrus: You know, I meant for that to be a warning shot. Ah, well. Tali: Well I won't miss you, you crazy bosh'tet. Kaidan: Not likely. Liara: As escape attempts go, I've seen better. James: I don't think so. EDI: I am unlikely to miss you at this range.

Joker: Maintenance to the shuttle bay. [to 4]

[4]

The Normandy lands back in it's dock, and Shepard and their squad exit it from the shuttle bay.

Cortez: The rest of the squad's waiting outside, Commander. We'll have the Normandy back in shape in no time.

Traynor and half of Shepard's crew wait outside of the Normandy, while the other half arrive in a C-Sec shuttle.

Shepard: Appreciate it.

Squadmate:

EDI: Is shore leave always like this? James: So what do you want to do for shore leave next time? Liara: Well, as shore leave goes, this hasn't been the most relaxing. Kaidan: Shore leave. Always and adventure. Tali: Worst. Shore leave. Ever. Garrus: Well, what happens on shore leave stays on shore leave. Ashley: Man, I love shore leave. Javik: That was relaxing. In my cycle, shore leave involved a higher body count. Wrex: Well, Shepard, you always did know how to make shore leave entertaining.

Shepard: (Laughs). Come one. Maybe we can take some actual time off. No explosions or anything. Just us.

Squadmate:

Wrex: Don't know about "no explosions", but "just us" sounds perfect. Javik: Unlikely... but acceptable. Ashley: Damn right. Garrus: I'll believe it when I see it, but it's worth a shot. Tali: Just us. Kaidan: That sounds fantastic. Liara: Absolutely. James: Works for me. EDI: Excellent.

Shepard and their squad walk back to their apartment, leaving the Normandy to be fixed ready for another day.

Previous: Retake the Normandy (Shuttle Bay Fight)

Next: Citadel Party (Intro)

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Retake the Normandy (Shuttle Bay Fight Banter)

Retake the Normandy Masterpost

Note: The phases may be inaccurate, as I think it's based on how fast you get the clone down to the necessary HP/medi-gel packs.

First Phase:

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

James (if he calls Shepard Lola): Hey, Lola. You copy? James (if he calls Shepard Loco): Hey Loco. You copy? James (otherwise): Shepard, this is Vega! Do you copy? Over! EDI: Shepard, can you hear me? Javik: Commander, do you hear this? Wrex: Shepard, you getting this? Garrus: Shepard, you hearing this? Liara: Shepard, can you hear me? Tali: Tali'Zorah to Shepard, do you copy?

Shepard (if James calls her Lola): Lola here. You cut through the jamming? Shepard (if James calls him Loco): Loco here. You cut through the jamming? Shepard (if James calls them Commander): Shepard here, Vega. You cut through the jamming? Shepard (otherwise): Loud and clear. You cut through the jamming?

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

Liara (romanced): I wasn't going to let you down. Liara: We did. It was heavily defended, but we got through and disabled their tech. Ashley (romanced): No way I was going to leave you in the dark, Skipper. Ashley: Affirmative. Got a bit hot, but their jamming tech is down. Tali (romanced): I wasn't about to leave you alone out there. Tali: Yes. It was rough, but we disabled their tech. Kaidan (romanced): No way I was gonna sit on the sidelines and wait. Kaidan: Affirmative. Heavy fighting, but we got it done. Garrus (romanced): I'm not the "stay at home and worry" type. Garrus: Yeah, and picked up a few more scars in the process. Wrex: More "blew up" than "cut through". I told C-Sec you'd cover the damages. Javik: Along with many mercenaries. It was quite enjoyable. James: Yeah. A bit of collateral damage, but that part of the Citadel was kinda beat up already. EDI: Correct. The mercenaries defended their position fiercely, but we eventually succeeded.

Brooks: You should've died at that damn sushi place!

Cortez: Commander, the Normandy's prepping for a jump to FTL.

Joker: Can you get to the cockpit? Like soon?

Shepard: Negative. I'm occupied in the shuttle bay!

Cortez: Roger that, Commander. We'll proceed with Plan B.

Joker: Plan B? The hell is Plan B?

Clone: I am Commander Shepard!

Shepard: Are you kidding me?

Shepard (if Conrad Verner is alive): Conrad Verner is better at being me than you are!

Shepard (otherwise): You're nothing but one more mercenary thug!

Joker: Arg, again with the pancreas!

Cortez: I'm overriding the skycar's safeties, Commander. I'll obstruct the Normandy's path, try to get their attention.

Joker: We're bait? Plan B stands for bait?

Brooks: You ruined everything! My plan was perfect!

Squadmate:

Wrex: Except for the part where you're losing! Javik: Evidently not. James: If it was perfect, it would've worked! Garrus: Better luck next time! Liara: I'm happy to help! Tali: I'm so sorry!

Clone: My team is just as good as yours!

Shepard: A team? You have minions! And you're running out!

Brooks: You should've stayed in the archives! I tried to make it clean and painless!

Brooks: You can do it! You're better than he/she is.

Clone: Get Dagger Squad in here!

Brooks: We need backup!

Clone: I can win this war. All you have are the vain hopes of a tired old man/woman!

Shepard: This tired old man/woman is kicking your ass.

Squadmate:

EDI: You will regret your betrayal, Agent Brooks! Tali: We trusted you, Brooks! And you betrayed us! Liara: You should have known better than to come after us, Brooks! Kaidan: You betrayed us, Brooks! You don't get to walk away from that! Garrus: You betrayed us, Brooks! You're not walking away from that! Ashley: You're a backstabbing Cerberus traitor, Brooks! James: You had the whole galaxy out there, and you had to come screw with us! Javik: You were a fool to betray us!

Brooks: It was easy! You were so eager to help the loveable rookie!

Second Phase (after the shuttle bay door opens):

Squadmate:

EDI: Be careful! The door is still unsecured! Tali: Watch the cargo ramp! Liara: Be careful around the cargo ramp! Kaidan: Watch out! That door's unsecured! Garrus: Watch out! That door's still open! Ashley: Watch out! The cargo door's unsecured! James: Watch out! Hell of a drop out there! Javik: Watch your step!

Clone: You're just cybernetics! Scarred, worn-out Cerberus tech!

Shepard: You know where I got those scars? Feros and Noveria and Virmire and Ilos!

Shepard (if they've completed Priority: Thessia): At the Collector base and Palaven and Tuchanka and Rannoch and Thessia! I earned these scars from protecting the galaxy! You got yours from a petri dish!

Shepard (otherwise): At the Collector base and Palaven and Tuchanka! I earned these scars from protecting the galaxy! You got yours from a petri dish!

Brooks: You're all blind! You worship Shepard while the galaxy dies around us!

Squadmate:

EDI: Shepard has earned our loyalty! All you have is cowardice and a clone! Tali: We worship Shepard? You made your own copy! Liara: Shepard is the best hope for this galaxy! And we have the real one! Garrus: Says the woman who made herself a clone! James: You're hanging out with Shepard's clone, lady! That's all kinds of messed up! Javik: The Commander fights for survival! You cling to a clone and cower in fear!

Brooks: This changes nothing! Once you're dead, we can explain everything!

Shepard: The rest of my team has already put a message in to Hackett by now! It's over, Brooks!

Clone: You're a figurehead! A decent soldier with a lucky streak!

Shepard: Then how come you want to be me so badly?

Brooks: What's wrong with you? Do you want him/her to win?

Clone: Shut up and let me fight!

Squadmate:

Wrex: That all you got? The real Shepard hits a lot harder! Javik: Pathetic. You are a poor simulation of the real Commander. James: Not good enough to handle the real Shepard, huh? Garrus: You know, the real Shepard would've blown my head off by now! Liara: Not bad, for an imitation of the real Shepard! Tali: You think you can replace Shepard? My drone fights harder than this!

Shepard: I'm taking the Normandy back. And honestly, I'm doing you a favor. 'Cause you don't have what it takes!

Clone (if male): I'm Shepard! Do you hear me, asshole? I'm Shepard!

Clone (if female): I'm Shepard! Do you hear me, bitch? I'm Shepard!

Shepard: No. You're not.

Brooks: Damn you all to hell!

Squadmate:

Wrex: Liked you better when you were funny, Brooks! Javik: I preferred you as the incompetent primitive! James: Liked you better when you were cute and funny! Garrus: Should've stuck with comedy, Brooks! You don't have what it takes for the front line! Liara: I preferred it when you were harmless and helpless! Tali: You should've stayed silly and harmless, Brooks! It suits you better!

Note: I wasn't able to trigger the following lines in my own playthroughs, so it may be unused.

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

James: All right, we've got stuff locked down on this end. EDI: We have the situation under control here, Shepard. Javik: We have killed the primitives here. Wrex: All quiet on our end, in case you were worried. Garrus: We've got everything down here under control, Shepard. Liara: We've got everything under control down here, Shepard. Tali: We've taken down the last of these bosh'tets. All quiet down here.

Shepard: Glad to hear it.

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

Liara (romanced): So be careful up there. I believe in you. Liara: The rest is up to you. Good luck. Ashley (romanced): Now go kill this bastard, Skipper. Ashley: Good luck up there, Commander. Tali (romanced): Now kill that bosh'tet and take back my ship. [to 1] Tali: Now go kill that bosh'tet. Kaidan (romanced): Time to take back your ship, Shepard. I know you can do it. Kaidan: Good luck up there, Commander. Garrus (romanced): So stay safe up there, and take back what's yours. Garrus: Now quit slacking and kill this asshole. Wrex (if Shepard is male): Now kick this guy's ass. Wrex (if Shepard is female): Now kick her ass! Javik: Now destroy this imposter and reclaim what is yours. James (if Shepard is male): Now waste that asshole. James (if Shepard is female): Now waste that crazy bitch... no offense. EDI: Now kill the imposter and reclaim the Normandy for me. [to 2]

[1]

Shepard: Your ship?

Tali: You know what I mean.

[2]

Shepard: For you?

EDI: For us.

Squadmate:

EDI: I am the Normandy, and I will see you dead! Tali: I am Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, and this is how we deal with pirates where I'm from! Liara: I lost one ship already, I'm not losing another! Garrus: Get the hell off my ship! James: You still want the ship assholes? Come and get it! Javik: Find your own ship. This one is mine.

Clone: Take him/her down!

Squadmate:

Wrex: Keep dreaming, pyjak. Javik: Unlikely. James: No chance! Garrus: Not on my watch! Liara: I don't think so! Tali: Give it your best shot, bosh'tet!

Related: Retake the Normandy (Shuttle Bay Fight)

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Retake the Normandy (Shuttle Bay Fight)

Retake the Normandy Masterpost

Shepard and their squad exit the elevator, guns hoisted looking for the clone. The clone emerges from behind some crates.

(if Shepard is more Paragon)

Shepard: Well that's creepy.

(if Shepard is more Renegade)

Shepard: Unacceptable.

The clone fires at Shepard, while their squad and them find cover.

Clone: You want to stop shooting up my ship?

Shepard: It's not your ship.

Clone: It will be! I've taken your name, your Spectre rank, even your fingerprints!

Shepard leaves their cover, searching for their clone in the sea of crates in the shuttle bay.

Shepard: And then you left me to die... only I didn't. Do you think fake fingerprints are going to fool the Council? Or Hackett?

Shepard's clone leaves their cover to perform a melee attack behind Shepard's back.

Shepard: How's that big plan looking now?

{Renegade Interrupt} + 5

Shepard parries the clone with a melee attack of their own, making both of them stumble.

Shepard: Hah!

{Interrupt ignored}

Shepard rolls away from the clones attack, then heads to the nearest cover.

Brooks: Hatchet Squad to the shuttle bay!

Shepard and their clone duke it out in the shuttle bay, until Cortez and Joker are able to pull in front of the Normandy.

Cortez: Moving in, Commander!

The shuttle bay shakes, leaving everyone stumbling. Joker and Cortez stall the Normandy from reaching FLT by maneuvering a skycar in front of the Normandy.

Clone: What the hell's going on up there? Get us out of the nebula and jump to FTL!

Merc Pilot: We can't! A skycar keeps blocking our path!

Clone: Then shoot it!

The mercenary pilot starts to shoot at the skycar, but Cortez skillfully dodges the shots.

Joker: You need to stay within 30 degrees of the nose to block course plotting!

Cortez: That makes us a perfect target!

Joker: No, that makes us the bait! Do you want me to drive?

Cortez: No!

The pilot is still unable to hit the skycar.

Clone: Damn it! Launch the shuttle and blow that thing out of the sky!

The shuttle bay's door opens, and the Kodiak flies out to stop the skycar. The shuttle bay door stays open as Shepard and their clone continue their duel.

At the end of the fight, Shepard knocks the clone's weapon about of their hands, and they retaliate with the same move. Shepard tackles their clone to the ground, rolling to the shuttle bay ramp. Shepard punches the clone in the face, until the ship's rumbling knock both Shepard and their clone to the edge of the ramp, clinging to not fall.

Clone: Look at you. What makes you so damned special? Why you and not me?

Shepard's squadmates rush over to help, while Brooks leaves the clone to hang.

Note: I was unable to find the file to see what each squadmate says when rescuing Shepard. I tried to sort them in priority order. Here's what I could piece together:

Squadmate 1:

Wrex: Hang on! Garrus: Hang on! Javik: Hang on! James: Hang on! Kaidan: Shepard! Ashley: Shepard! EDI: Hang on! Tali: Shepard!

Squadmate 2:

Liara: We've got you! Tali: We've got you! EDI: We have you! Ashley: Gotcha! Kaidan: We've got you! James: Gotcha! Javik: We have you! Garrus: We've got you!

Shepard: Thanks.

Squadmate:

Wrex: What about this pyjak? EDI: And the clone? Javik: Now to deal with the other you. James: What about this pendejo? Garrus: What about him/her? Ashley: What about him/her? Kaidan: And him/her? Liara: And what about him/her? Tali: What about him/her?

Dialogue choices:

[Save the clone] + 15 [to 1]

[Kill the clone] + 15 [to 2]

[1]

Shepard reaches a hand out to the clone, offering to help them up.

Shepard: Here, take my hand.

Clone: And then?

Shepard: And then you live!

Clone: For what?

The clone lets go of the ramp, falling of the Normandy to their death.

[2]

Shepard: You. Get off my ship.

Shepard stands in front of the clone, only to stomp on their hands, causing them to fall to their death.

Previous: Retake the Normandy (CIC)

Next: Retake the Normandy (Conclusion)

Related: Retake the Normandy (Shuttle Bay Fight Banter)

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Retake the Normandy (CIC)

Retake the Normandy Masterpost

Shepard's clone is standing at the galaxy map with Brooks, as one of their merc lackeys approaches them.

Merc Lieutenant: Sir/Ma'am! Just before takeoff, Normandy registered a perimeter access alert. One of the security hatches.

Clone: Him/Her. Where?

Merc Lieutenant: Unknown. When we shut down the AI, we disabled a lot of security systems. Shepard could be anywhere on the ship.

Clone: Shepard is standing right in front of you. Are we clear?

Brooks: It's better this way. Wouldn't you rather take him/her down yourself?

Clone: Armory. Find him/her! Slow him/her down.

Shepard's clone and Brooks step into the elevator, headed towards the shuttle bay.

Shepard and their squad arrive at the shafts under the CIC, crawling until they reach the end.

Shepard: Pretty sure we broke Traynor's toothbrush getting the hatch open. Remind me to reimburse her for that.

Squadmate:

EDI: Shepard? [to 1] Tali: Hey, Shepard? Reimburse Traynor for her toothbrush. [to 1] Liara: All right. Shepard? [to 1] Kaidan: I'll try to remember that. Garrus: I'll make a note of it. Ashley: It's my highest priority, Commander. James: Really? That's what you're worried about right now? Javik: In my cycle, we flensed food from our teeth with our own biotic abilities. [to 2]

[1]

Shepard: Later. Remind me later.

[2]

Wrex (if apart of the squad): Man, your cycle sounds like crap.

Squadmate:

Wrex: Little cramped in here. [to 3] James: This is a bit tight. [to 3] Garrus: What do they size this place for, keepers? [to 3] Javik: Close quarters. [to 3] Kaidan: Little tight in here. [to 3] Ashley: Let's hope we don't end up in a firefight down here. This place is a murder hole. [to 3] Liara: I'm not really fond of tight spaces. [to 4] Tali: This is like being back on the flotilla. [to 5]

[3]

Shepard: Quiet. Can't risk them hearing us up top.

Squadmate:

Wrex: Yeah, yeah, get off my tail. James: My bad. Garrus: Sorry. Javik: Fine. Kaidan: Yeah, that would be awkward. Ashley: Right. Sorry.

[4]

Shepard: Didn't you spend decades at dig sites?

Liara: And then I got trapped in a Prothean bubble. I don't recommend it.

[5]

Shepard: Your flotilla is cramped, Tali!

Tali: A little, yes!

Merc Lieutenant: All right, get a patrol going. Find Shepard. The real one.

Merc: Hey what'd he/she mean by "slow him/her down". We're allowed to kill Shepard if we have to, right?

Merc Lieutenant: He/She said "slow him/her down" because he/she thinks we're cannon fodder!

Merc: Oh. Well... shit.

Shepard opens the hatch, ready to kill the mercenaries in the CIC.

Merc Lieutenant: Watch out! They're here in the CIC!

if Shepard makes noise while in the hatch (i.e. firing their gun):

Merc Lieutenant: They're belowdecks in the CIC! Concentrate fire! Nobody gets out of that hatch alive!

While fighting:

Wrex: Hahaha, I've always wanted to do this! Shepard: You always wanted to have a firefight on the CIC of my ship? Wrex: And it isn't even my birthday!

James: Always wondered what these posts were for! Shepard: I'm sure this is what the designers had in mind!

Garrus: One of my favorite places to fight! Shepard: The CIC of a warship? Garrus: Right there above the gardens and below the electronics shops! (if Shepard did Mordin's loyalty mission in ME2) Shepard: And antique shops as I recall! Garrus: But only if they're classy!

Javik: A difficult battlefield! Shepard: I'm not in love with it myself!

Kaidan/Ashley: Not the best place for a firefight! Shepard: I promise not to charge you for the repairs!

Liara: I hope we don't hit anything important! Shepard: Shoot now! Worry later!

Tali: Be careful, Shepard! Some things in here don't react well to bullets! Shepard: Like me! I don't react well to bullets!

After killing the mercs:

[if EDI is in the squad]

EDI: It is strange moving through the Normandy without sensory access or control. I feel... blind.

Tali: We won't rest until you're back in control of the Normandy! And this is coming from me! Liara: We'll have you connected again soon, EDI. Kaidan: Don't worry. We'll have you back in no time. Garrus: If you're blind, then an eye for an eye is completely fair. Ashley: Don't worry. We'll have you hooked up again soon. James: Don't worry, EDI. We'll get you back. Javik: Watch out for the airlock. Wrex: That must be strange. Good luck with that.

EDI: Thank you.

Shepard: Let's get to the cargo bay.

[otherwise]

Shepard: EDI, this is the real Shepard. I need you to lock down the Normandy. Can you help us out? EDI, do you copy?

Tali: She's offline. They must have disabled her. Liara: They must have taken her offline. Kaidan: They must've shut her down. Garrus: Guess she's got problems of her own. Ashley: They must have shut her down. James: Hope she's okay. Javik: They have deactivated the machine. Prudent. Wrex: Must've taken her offline.

Shepard: Let's get to the cargo bay.

When interacting with the cart full of Shepard's personal belongings by the elevator:

[if Shepard has a space hamster]

Shepard: "Please send this to an animal shelter for proper disposal as a warship is not an appropriate..." Oh, that is not okay!

Shepard: He/She messed with my hamster guys, now it's personal. Guys? Were you gonna say something, or... No, no, I get it. Hard to even find the words.

(if Shepard also has alive fish)

Shepard: Should we check on fish? 'Cause if he's/she's getting rid of all the pets...

(otherwise)

Shepard: Should we check on the rest of my stuff? 'Cause if he's/she's messing up my cabin...

Shepard: We should probably deal with him/her first, huh?

Shepard: All right. Sit tight, little guy. Anybody gives you trouble... go for the eyes.

[if Shepard has no space hamster]

Shepard: This is from my cabin. He's/She's moving stuff from my cabin! Oh, now it's personal.

Shepard: Messing with my cabin.

Shepard and their squad enter the elevator and pursue the clone.

Previous: Retake the Normandy (Break In)

Next: Retake the Normandy (Shuttle Bay Fight)

[medialogue]

ME3 Citadel: Retake the Normandy (Break In)

Retake the Normandy Masterpost

Shepard and their squad rush to make it to the Normandy before takes off, where they encounter Traynor outside the ship's airlock.

Traynor: And I don't even... Wait, what?

Traynor (if romanced): You! How can you even look me in the eye? After all that we... I thought we... and then you fire me for fraternization! You kicked me off the ship with barely enough time to grab my toothbrush!

Traynor (otherwise): You were just on the Normandy! You... you fired me! Dishonorable discharge for conduct unbecoming! You kicked me off the ship with barely enough time to grab my toothbrush!

{Paragon interrupt} + 5 (if Traynor is Shepard's love interest)

Shepard grabs and kisses Traynor, who reciprocates in surprise.

Traynor: Huh?

Shepard: Wasn't me. Evil clone.

Traynor: But, but...

Squadmate:

Tali: Um, we'll just be over here whenever you're ready. James: Hey, far be it from me to interrupt, but... Wrex: Whenever you ladies are finished... Javik: There will be time for fraternization later. Garrus: Just let us know when you're ready to save the ship. Ashley: Hey, Shepard? Time's kind of a factor here. Kaidan: Ah, not to intrude, but we should hurry. Liara: We should... probably hurry.

[to 6]

if the interrupt is ignored or Traynor is not Shepard's love interest:

Dialogue choices:

I know you, Traynor. + 5 [to 1] (if Shepard knows about Traynor's toothbrush)

I know you, Traynor. + 2 [to 2]

That wasn't me. + 2 [to 3]

[1]

Shepard: That's a Cision Pro Mark 4. It uses mass effect fields to break up plaque and massage the gums.

Traynor: Yes, I told you that.

Shepard: And I remember, because I'm the real Shepard. [to 5]

[2]

Shepard: Traynor, I wouldn't do that to you. What's with the toothbrush? [to 4]

[3]

Shepard: I can't fire you without a disciplinary hearing, Traynor. And really, the first thing you grab is your toothbrush? [to 4]

[4]

Traynor: It's a Cision Pro Mark 4! It uses mass effect fields to break up plaque. [to 5]

[5]

Traynor: And someone just threw me off the ship. If it wasn't you...

Squadmate:

Tali: A clone. Honestly, when you serve on the Normandy long enough, you get used to things like this. James: Cerberus cloned Shepard. It's, uh... Yeah, that's all I got. Wrex: Shepard's got a clone. Makes sense when you think about it. Javik: Don't be stupid, human. It was clearly a clone. Garrus: It was a clone. Sort of a long story. Ashley: Cerberus made a clone of Shepard. Kaidan: A Cerberus clone is trying to take over Shepard's life. Liara: Cerberus cloned Shepard.

[to 6]

[6]

Shepard: I can explain more later. For now...

Shepard attempts to get through the airlock, but the door doesn't open.

Shepard: It's sealed!

Squadmate:

EDI: Engines are online. They are preparing to take off. Liara: The Normandy's about to take off! Kaidan: They're getting ready to take off! Ashley: They're about to take off! Garrus: The engines are online. They're about to take off! Javik: We are out of time. They are going to take off! Wrex: No time to cut through. They're about to leave. James: No time to blow the door. They're taking off!

Shepard: Is there anyone still aboard who can help us?

Traynor: No. I was only there because I helped with the Normandy retrofits back on Earth. Everyone else is on shore leave.

Dialogue choices:

Traynor, you can help me. + 2 [to 7]

I'm not giving up now. + 2 [to 8]

[7]

Shepard: Okay, you know this ship inside and out. Can you get me inside? [to 9]

[8]

Shepard: I need another way onto the ship, and I need it fast. [to 9]

[9]

Traynor: There's an emergency exit hatch for evacuations. It should be right... here!

Traynor opens up a floor panel, revealing the hatch.

Shepard: Manual lock, and it's only meant to be opened from the other side. Any ideas?

Squadmate:

EDI: Triggering it would require extremely precise mass effect field manipulation. Liara: I could try a biotic field, but I don't think I have the fine control required to trigger it. Kaidan: I could trigger it with a biotic field, but I don't think I have the fine control we'd need. Ashley: We can't hack it. We'd need a very precise mass effect field to get it from out here. Garrus: From this side? A very precise mass effect field, maybe. Javik: A very precise mass effect field. I could try, but I doubt I have the fine control necessary. Wrex: Hell if I know. If you could do fine-tuning with biotics, maybe you could trip it with a mass effect field. James: Hell if I know. Maybe some kind of tiny biotic thing? Tali: We need something with fine-control mass effect field manipulation to open it from here.

Traynor holds up her toothbrush, ready to use it to break open the hatch. With the hatch open, Shepard and their squad crawl through the Normandy to stop the clone.

Shepard: If you'd told me this morning that a toothbrush was going to save the Normandy, I'd have been very skeptical.

The Normandy takes off, leaving it's dock.

Previous: Retake the Normandy (Docks)

Next: Retake the Normandy (CIC)