Ok so Troy Barret yes? Will he and Shane be friends? Hmmmmm....what if it went a little something like this:
..................................................................................
It had been months now, and things hadn't gotten any better. He could see the tension in Shane's back as he walked towards the parking lot ahead of him. Fuck. He jogged a little to catch up.
"Hollander, you don't have to forgive me. I know I was a nightmare for years and-"
Shane whipped around and exploded at him,
They were both breathing heavily. Shane dropped his duffel and threw his hands up into the air.
Troy shook his head, trying to disagree,
"You don't! I mean, I know Ilya and I have become friends but-"
Shane shut his eyes in a grimace and shook his head,
"We're on the same fucking team."
The way Shane was looking at him made his skin crawl. God this was excruciating, he could feel nausea curling in his gut. Shane didn't let up,
"I don't get to hold a grudge because it'll hurt us on the ice. I don't get to talk about how you acted because everyone here already loves you. You're dating the head of PR."
"There's no room! There's no room for me to be pissed at you, or not like you, or even just have some fucking time to get used to you..."
Shane shook his hands, gesturing vaguely to all of him,
"Being you! Acting...like this! You have a pride pin on your duffle bag!"
Troy couldn't help but let out a laugh at that, he covered his mouth with his hand. He really had changed, he hadn't even remembered he had that on his bag.
Shane was scrubbing his hands over his face. He started to laugh a little bit too, but there was no humor in it,
"This is so stupid, I feel like I'm trying to argue with somebody who doesn't exist anymore"
"Shane it's not stupid. I was like that for years."
There was a moment where the just held each other's gaze. Shane wasn't walking away or yelling at him... so Troy kept pressing,
"And you're right, we have to figure our shit out on the ice. If you push it down it'll just make it worse."
Shane shook his head again,
"I'm serious! Look, I know you just got here, and I'm sure you don't want to start anything-"
Something passed over Shane's face when he said that, fear?
"-but...I don't know man, I think I already started it. I started it years ago."
Shane was looking at him appraisingly, god he hoped this was coming across well. Shane knit his eyebrows together,
"So what then? What are you saying?"
Troy threw up his hands and dropped them, slapping them on his sides,
"I'm saying be mad! Say what you think, bring up old shit, I don't care!
Shane raised his eyebrows at him and said nothing. Troy let out a heavy sigh,
"...ok I do care, it's gonna be really uncomfortable but-"
He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath,
"-I don't...I don't run from this shit anymore. and...."
God this was so fucking embarrassing
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was like that, and I fucking get it. I was such a shit head but these guys-
He gestured back towards the centaur's locker room,
"-they never treat me that way. But I still feel so fucking guilty."
He could feel his eyes sting. No fucking way, not now. He grit his teeth,
"Shit that I did or said or let slip by will pop up in my head when we're all laughing in the locker room and I feel like such a fucking fraud."
Troy was surprising himself, he hadn't expected all this to come out. Hollander just kept staring at him with an unreadable expression,
"You saw me. Probably at my worst. And....."
Jesus christ just fucking kill me.
"You're like, the angel of hockey and-"
There was bitterness in his voice and Troy scowled without really meaning to. He knew what he was referring to. They'd both seen how the media turned on Shane since being outed and transferring to Ottawa. It had pissed him off. He shook his head,
That came out a little harsher than Troy had meant but he kept going,
"Yes you fuckin are. You started a charity for christssakes, you never take digs at other players in interviews. Yesterday I watched you catch a wasp in a cup and take it outside!"
Troy couldn't really read Shane's expression, but they were in too deep to back out now. He sighed and felt his shoulders drop a bit, god he felt pathetic,
"I think you need to be mad at me. I don't think we're ever gonna get past how things were if you don't get to be mad at me."
If the ground opened up and swallowed him right now he'd be ok with it. For a while Shane just stared at him,
Hollander had never really scared him before. Sure he was a terror on the ice, but that always just felt like athletic talent. This was the first time Troy had looked at Hollander and felt like he might be in danger. Still...he was no fucking coward, not anymore.
Hollander leaned down to pick up his bag,
"We're doing partner drills tomorrow, yeah?"
Troy nodded, confused. Shane gave him a smirk that for some reason felt like a warning,
Coach was always encouraging them to mix up their partner pairings. Shane and Troy had never been matched up before. Which Troy had definitely noticed given that he'd paired up with Ilya at least 10 times. Today though, as soon as they were on the ice Shane was standing right next to him.
Apparently the whole team had heard bits and pieces of them yelling at each other through the walls of the locker room. Harris had given him a concerned look, Ilya had backed off, and the rookies were acting like spooked deer.
"Alright, we're gonna start with 1v1 battle drills. Trade off on who's doing offense and who's doing defense every 3 rounds. Pick a patch of ice and get to work."
The rest of the team scattered away from him and Shane, leaving them to claim the section of the boards they were already standing by.
Hollander started circling him on the ice like a shark.
"You gonna be an asshole today Barret?"
"Nope. Not an asshole anymore"
Troy pushed off and started circling with him, he could feel his teammates eyes on his back, heard coach hollering at them to get to work. Shane pushed out air through his nose, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff,
"Yeah? You're not gonna pull the sides of your eyes at me again?"
Troy could hear Harris gasp from the bench. He ignored it,
"I never fucking did that"
"No. But Dallas did right in front of you and you didn't say shit"
"No I didn't. Cause I was a fucking coward back then."
Shane came to a sudden stop, perfectly on top of the starting dot for the drill. Fucker.
Troy held his gaze and shook his head,
Shane nodded, he felt like he'd passed some sort of test.
Shane dropped the puck between them and slapped his stick onto the ice,
.........................................
Ilya had never seen either of them like this. Shane was slamming Barrett into the boards like it was the championship game. He'd half expected Coach to intervene, but it looked like he'd come to the same conclusion as Ilya and was giving them space.
Hollander was relentless in every drill. He was pushing Barrett like he was trying to get him to drop gloves and square up on the ice. Every time Shane would slam him into the boards or shoulder check him Ilya would think, "He will snap soon", but he didn't. Troy kept pace with Hollander. Bit back at every jab tossed at him. Ilya kept catching bits and pieces of it,
"Well Troy, you've made it a whole 2 hours and 27 minutes on the ice without calling me a faggot. How does it feel?"
Jesus christ shane. What the fuck even was this? He looked at Troy, half expecting him to walk out, but instead he was fucking laughing?
"How does it feel to not be a hypocritical little bitch anymore? It feels great Hollander thanks for asking."
Ilya saw the corner of Shane's mouth twitch. He was going to keep giving them a wide berth, but whatever the hell it was that they were doing, it seemed like it might actually be working.
When they were finally done on the ice the team broke out for free gym. Everyone had their own metric they were working on, but most of the team would head up to the gym on the second floor.
When Ilya walked in, Hazy was doing some bizarre depth perception drill involving a tiny trampoline and a bunch of brightly colored balls on a string. Goalies are so weird.
Ilya liked getting on the treadmills that looked out over the track behind the building. Partially because he liked treadmills, but mostly because Hollander always started his free gym on the track. On nice days Ilya would run with him. But Hollander was the only one crazy enough to run outside in Ottawa's winter months. After he'd signed, they'd started keeping the track cleared of snow just for Shane. Ilya had teased him relentlessly about it. "You just got here and you are already treated like a princess". "Shut up". "No, is ok, you would be beautiful Russian princess". ".....didn't they all die?". "Ok you would be beautiful Russian hooker". "Shut UP Ilya".
Ilya liked to watch Shane do his little laps in his little shorts, sue him. He deserved a little treat during his workout. Right now, he was the only one on the treadmills. When their cardio days matched up, Troy would come run next to him. But today, Troy was out on the track with Shane.
Ilya hadn't heard Shane tell Troy he was coming with him, and Troy hadn't asked. Apparently they'd developed some sort of nonverbal language already because when Shane walked out to the track, Troy went with him without a word.
Ilya gave up on trying to focus on his cardio and hopped off the treadmill. He stood in front of the giant wall of windows, watching them on the track with his arms crossed. Someone walked up and stood beside him.
"How do you think it's going?"
Harris didn't look over at him, he was too busy watching Troy through the window.
Ilya considered it for a moment. During partner drills he'd noticed that the way they were talking to each other didn't really change. If anything it had gotten worse as practice had gone on. But there was a slight lessening of tension. A quarter turn of a screw. He felt, maybe stupidly, a little hopeful. But he didn't want to commit Hollander to anything,
"I have no idea. I've never seen them like this."
"Me neither, and you've known Shane a lot longer than I've known Troy."
Harris was right. Ilya considered the fact that Shane had also known Troy longer than Harris had. He wondered if Harris felt like he was learning things about his boyfriend, and whether he liked all of them.
He looked at him sideways, Harris's eyes were still fixed out the window. When Ilya looked back out the window he couldn't help but laugh.
Troy was by no means out of shape, but Hollander was Hollander. He'd kept pace with him valiantly for the first couple miles, but he'd clearly run out of juice. Troy was running in that sloppy, loose way that people do when they have nothing left in the tank. Hollander had noticed, and was running backwards in front of him. Ilya couldn't hear what he was saying, but he assumed he was giving him grief. Ilya mused if Hollander would be a coach some day. Then Troy stumbled and sank to his knees.
Hollander stopped and went to him, saying something and smirking. But then Troy put his face in his hands and the smile fell off his face....Holy shit was Troy crying?
Harris gasped and turned to leave like he was going to sprint to the track. Ilya grabbed his arm, holding him where he was,
Hollander had knelt next to Troy and had a hand on his shoulder. God Ilya wished he knew what they were saying to each other. It looked like Hollander said something else, Troy shook his head. He got up and started to run again. For a second Hollander just stepped back and watched him go. Some of the other players had noticed what was happening on the track.
They did another lap. Hollander right behind him now, like he was running support. They finished the lap. Then another, then two more. When Troy tried to go for a fifth Hollander got in front of him. He put his hand on his chest. Troy shook his head again. He tried to get around him and keep running, but Hollander's hand jerked out and grabbed his shirt. Now Ilya and Harris both gasped. Oh shit.
But Shane wasn't trying to fight, he pulled Troy in for a hug. Were they both crying? What the fuck was going on?
Troy pulled back but left his hands on Hollander's shoulders. He was clearly giving some sort of speech. Hollander was nodding his head, tears streaming down his face. After a while Troy said something and they both laughed. They hugged again.
Ilya and Harris glanced at each other, in shock. When they looked back Troy and Shane were gathering their gear, heading back into the training facility. Harris nodded,
"Ok here they come, act natural."
"You are saying that to me or to you?"
Harris laughed, and then immediately stopped himself to school his expression back into a neutral expression. Wow he might actually be a worse liar than Shane.
Troy and Shane burst through the gym doors. Both of them were soaked with sweat, with chests heaving, and huge smiles on their faces. The whole team was pretending not to pay attention. Shane took a long draw from his water bottle and then broke the silence,
"Same time next week shithead?"
Troy laughed and shook his head, still out of breath,
"You are such a jackass, that whole golden boy thing is a fuckin act."
Hollander threw back his head and laughed. Ilya looked over and Harris caught his eye looking perplexed. He, very unsubtly, tilted his head towards them as if to say "What the hell?" Ilya just shrugged. They were still insulting each other, but they weren't really fighting. If anything it seemed like they were having fun.
Shane walked over to the treadmill next to him and started doing his cool down. Ilya raised his eyebrows,
Shane laughed and nodded. He seemed way more at ease than he had been this morning. Honestly, more at ease than he had been in the last week. Ilya was already planning the debrief in the car ride home. Shane just smiled at him,
Woah. That was the first time he'd said that in the team gym. Ilya could feel his face split open in a grin,
He glanced up and caught sight of Troy leaning to kiss Harris in the reflection on the glass. Apparently all was well. Ilya lost himself in the treadmill again, curious to see what it would mean for them on the ice.
Basically the dynamic I am imagining for them is that they are each other's No Bullshit friend. They don't have to be perfect, they don't have to feel guilty for not being perfect, they can snip and jab at eachother and push each other back and forth like little boys.
I also think them both being only children plays into it as well. As if they are both figuring out what it would be like to have a sibling at the same time 🩷