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@mediocre--writing
Hi!!! Welcome to my little crap blog I hope you like it here!
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PS: my main blog is @mediocre-m , so if you see that url like your posts or comment, it’s me. i wish i could make this my main blog but i don’t think that’s possible. (if it his let me know please)
It's warm on a white night
thursday..... and i bet you wish you were her
how many times do you think new to america 19 year old ilya got drunk and called his brother and immediately hung up?
MAKE NAZIS AFRAID AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
MAKE RACISTS AFRAID AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things
Ok so Troy Barret yes? Will he and Shane be friends? Hmmmmm....what if it went a little something like this:
..................................................................................
It had been months now, and things hadn't gotten any better. He could see the tension in Shane's back as he walked towards the parking lot ahead of him. Fuck. He jogged a little to catch up.
"Hollander!"
He didn't slow down.
"Hollander, you don't have to forgive me. I know I was a nightmare for years and-"
Shane whipped around and exploded at him,
"Yes I do!"
They were both breathing heavily. Shane dropped his duffel and threw his hands up into the air.
"Yes I fucking do Troy!"
Troy shook his head, trying to disagree,
"You don't! I mean, I know Ilya and I have become friends but-"
Shane shut his eyes in a grimace and shook his head,
"We're on the same fucking team."
The way Shane was looking at him made his skin crawl. God this was excruciating, he could feel nausea curling in his gut. Shane didn't let up,
"I don't get to hold a grudge because it'll hurt us on the ice. I don't get to talk about how you acted because everyone here already loves you. You're dating the head of PR."
"Harris would never-"
Shane wasn't done,
"There's no room! There's no room for me to be pissed at you, or not like you, or even just have some fucking time to get used to you..."
Shane shook his hands, gesturing vaguely to all of him,
"Used to me what?"
"Being you! Acting...like this! You have a pride pin on your duffle bag!"
Troy couldn't help but let out a laugh at that, he covered his mouth with his hand. He really had changed, he hadn't even remembered he had that on his bag.
Shane was scrubbing his hands over his face. He started to laugh a little bit too, but there was no humor in it,
"This is so stupid, I feel like I'm trying to argue with somebody who doesn't exist anymore"
Troy shook his head
"Shane it's not stupid. I was like that for years."
There was a moment where the just held each other's gaze. Shane wasn't walking away or yelling at him... so Troy kept pressing,
"And you're right, we have to figure our shit out on the ice. If you push it down it'll just make it worse."
Shane shook his head again,
"Troy-"
"I'm serious! Look, I know you just got here, and I'm sure you don't want to start anything-"
Something passed over Shane's face when he said that, fear?
"-but...I don't know man, I think I already started it. I started it years ago."
Shane was looking at him appraisingly, god he hoped this was coming across well. Shane knit his eyebrows together,
"So what then? What are you saying?"
Troy threw up his hands and dropped them, slapping them on his sides,
"I'm saying be mad! Say what you think, bring up old shit, I don't care!
Shane raised his eyebrows at him and said nothing. Troy let out a heavy sigh,
"...ok I do care, it's gonna be really uncomfortable but-"
He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath,
"-I don't...I don't run from this shit anymore. and...."
God this was so fucking embarrassing
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was like that, and I fucking get it. I was such a shit head but these guys-
He gestured back towards the centaur's locker room,
"-they never treat me that way. But I still feel so fucking guilty."
He could feel his eyes sting. No fucking way, not now. He grit his teeth,
"Shit that I did or said or let slip by will pop up in my head when we're all laughing in the locker room and I feel like such a fucking fraud."
Troy was surprising himself, he hadn't expected all this to come out. Hollander just kept staring at him with an unreadable expression,
"You saw me. Probably at my worst. And....."
Jesus christ just fucking kill me.
"You're like, the angel of hockey and-"
Shane scoffed,
"Not anymore"
There was bitterness in his voice and Troy scowled without really meaning to. He knew what he was referring to. They'd both seen how the media turned on Shane since being outed and transferring to Ottawa. It had pissed him off. He shook his head,
"Don't fucking do that."
That came out a little harsher than Troy had meant but he kept going,
"Yes you fuckin are. You started a charity for christssakes, you never take digs at other players in interviews. Yesterday I watched you catch a wasp in a cup and take it outside!"
Troy couldn't really read Shane's expression, but they were in too deep to back out now. He sighed and felt his shoulders drop a bit, god he felt pathetic,
"I think you need to be mad at me. I don't think we're ever gonna get past how things were if you don't get to be mad at me."
If the ground opened up and swallowed him right now he'd be ok with it. For a while Shane just stared at him,
"You sure about that?"
Hollander had never really scared him before. Sure he was a terror on the ice, but that always just felt like athletic talent. This was the first time Troy had looked at Hollander and felt like he might be in danger. Still...he was no fucking coward, not anymore.
"I'm sure."
Hollander leaned down to pick up his bag,
"We're doing partner drills tomorrow, yeah?"
Troy nodded, confused. Shane gave him a smirk that for some reason felt like a warning,
"See you on the ice."
......
Coach was always encouraging them to mix up their partner pairings. Shane and Troy had never been matched up before. Which Troy had definitely noticed given that he'd paired up with Ilya at least 10 times. Today though, as soon as they were on the ice Shane was standing right next to him.
Apparently the whole team had heard bits and pieces of them yelling at each other through the walls of the locker room. Harris had given him a concerned look, Ilya had backed off, and the rookies were acting like spooked deer.
Coach called out,
"Alright, we're gonna start with 1v1 battle drills. Trade off on who's doing offense and who's doing defense every 3 rounds. Pick a patch of ice and get to work."
The rest of the team scattered away from him and Shane, leaving them to claim the section of the boards they were already standing by.
Hollander started circling him on the ice like a shark.
"You gonna be an asshole today Barret?"
"Nope. Not an asshole anymore"
Troy pushed off and started circling with him, he could feel his teammates eyes on his back, heard coach hollering at them to get to work. Shane pushed out air through his nose, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff,
"Yeah? You're not gonna pull the sides of your eyes at me again?"
Troy could hear Harris gasp from the bench. He ignored it,
"I never fucking did that"
"No. But Dallas did right in front of you and you didn't say shit"
Troy clenched his jaw,
"No I didn't. Cause I was a fucking coward back then."
Shane came to a sudden stop, perfectly on top of the starting dot for the drill. Fucker.
"And you're not now?"
Troy held his gaze and shook his head,
"Not anymore"
Shane nodded, he felt like he'd passed some sort of test.
"Alright."
Shane dropped the puck between them and slapped his stick onto the ice,
"Prove it."
.........................................
Ilya had never seen either of them like this. Shane was slamming Barrett into the boards like it was the championship game. He'd half expected Coach to intervene, but it looked like he'd come to the same conclusion as Ilya and was giving them space.
Hollander was relentless in every drill. He was pushing Barrett like he was trying to get him to drop gloves and square up on the ice. Every time Shane would slam him into the boards or shoulder check him Ilya would think, "He will snap soon", but he didn't. Troy kept pace with Hollander. Bit back at every jab tossed at him. Ilya kept catching bits and pieces of it,
"Well Troy, you've made it a whole 2 hours and 27 minutes on the ice without calling me a faggot. How does it feel?"
Jesus christ shane. What the fuck even was this? He looked at Troy, half expecting him to walk out, but instead he was fucking laughing?
"How does it feel to not be a hypocritical little bitch anymore? It feels great Hollander thanks for asking."
Ilya saw the corner of Shane's mouth twitch. He was going to keep giving them a wide berth, but whatever the hell it was that they were doing, it seemed like it might actually be working.
When they were finally done on the ice the team broke out for free gym. Everyone had their own metric they were working on, but most of the team would head up to the gym on the second floor.
When Ilya walked in, Hazy was doing some bizarre depth perception drill involving a tiny trampoline and a bunch of brightly colored balls on a string. Goalies are so weird.
Ilya liked getting on the treadmills that looked out over the track behind the building. Partially because he liked treadmills, but mostly because Hollander always started his free gym on the track. On nice days Ilya would run with him. But Hollander was the only one crazy enough to run outside in Ottawa's winter months. After he'd signed, they'd started keeping the track cleared of snow just for Shane. Ilya had teased him relentlessly about it. "You just got here and you are already treated like a princess". "Shut up". "No, is ok, you would be beautiful Russian princess". ".....didn't they all die?". "Ok you would be beautiful Russian hooker". "Shut UP Ilya".
Ilya liked to watch Shane do his little laps in his little shorts, sue him. He deserved a little treat during his workout. Right now, he was the only one on the treadmills. When their cardio days matched up, Troy would come run next to him. But today, Troy was out on the track with Shane.
Ilya hadn't heard Shane tell Troy he was coming with him, and Troy hadn't asked. Apparently they'd developed some sort of nonverbal language already because when Shane walked out to the track, Troy went with him without a word.
Ilya gave up on trying to focus on his cardio and hopped off the treadmill. He stood in front of the giant wall of windows, watching them on the track with his arms crossed. Someone walked up and stood beside him.
"How do you think it's going?"
Harris didn't look over at him, he was too busy watching Troy through the window.
Ilya considered it for a moment. During partner drills he'd noticed that the way they were talking to each other didn't really change. If anything it had gotten worse as practice had gone on. But there was a slight lessening of tension. A quarter turn of a screw. He felt, maybe stupidly, a little hopeful. But he didn't want to commit Hollander to anything,
"I have no idea. I've never seen them like this."
"Me neither, and you've known Shane a lot longer than I've known Troy."
Harris was right. Ilya considered the fact that Shane had also known Troy longer than Harris had. He wondered if Harris felt like he was learning things about his boyfriend, and whether he liked all of them.
He looked at him sideways, Harris's eyes were still fixed out the window. When Ilya looked back out the window he couldn't help but laugh.
Troy was by no means out of shape, but Hollander was Hollander. He'd kept pace with him valiantly for the first couple miles, but he'd clearly run out of juice. Troy was running in that sloppy, loose way that people do when they have nothing left in the tank. Hollander had noticed, and was running backwards in front of him. Ilya couldn't hear what he was saying, but he assumed he was giving him grief. Ilya mused if Hollander would be a coach some day. Then Troy stumbled and sank to his knees.
Hollander stopped and went to him, saying something and smirking. But then Troy put his face in his hands and the smile fell off his face....Holy shit was Troy crying?
Harris gasped and turned to leave like he was going to sprint to the track. Ilya grabbed his arm, holding him where he was,
"Give them a second,"
"But-"
"Look"
Hollander had knelt next to Troy and had a hand on his shoulder. God Ilya wished he knew what they were saying to each other. It looked like Hollander said something else, Troy shook his head. He got up and started to run again. For a second Hollander just stepped back and watched him go. Some of the other players had noticed what was happening on the track.
They did another lap. Hollander right behind him now, like he was running support. They finished the lap. Then another, then two more. When Troy tried to go for a fifth Hollander got in front of him. He put his hand on his chest. Troy shook his head again. He tried to get around him and keep running, but Hollander's hand jerked out and grabbed his shirt. Now Ilya and Harris both gasped. Oh shit.
But Shane wasn't trying to fight, he pulled Troy in for a hug. Were they both crying? What the fuck was going on?
Troy pulled back but left his hands on Hollander's shoulders. He was clearly giving some sort of speech. Hollander was nodding his head, tears streaming down his face. After a while Troy said something and they both laughed. They hugged again.
Ilya and Harris glanced at each other, in shock. When they looked back Troy and Shane were gathering their gear, heading back into the training facility. Harris nodded,
"Ok here they come, act natural."
"You are saying that to me or to you?"
Harris laughed, and then immediately stopped himself to school his expression back into a neutral expression. Wow he might actually be a worse liar than Shane.
Troy and Shane burst through the gym doors. Both of them were soaked with sweat, with chests heaving, and huge smiles on their faces. The whole team was pretending not to pay attention. Shane took a long draw from his water bottle and then broke the silence,
"Same time next week shithead?"
Troy laughed and shook his head, still out of breath,
"You are such a jackass, that whole golden boy thing is a fuckin act."
Hollander threw back his head and laughed. Ilya looked over and Harris caught his eye looking perplexed. He, very unsubtly, tilted his head towards them as if to say "What the hell?" Ilya just shrugged. They were still insulting each other, but they weren't really fighting. If anything it seemed like they were having fun.
Shane walked over to the treadmill next to him and started doing his cool down. Ilya raised his eyebrows,
"Did you kids have fun?"
Shane laughed and nodded. He seemed way more at ease than he had been this morning. Honestly, more at ease than he had been in the last week. Ilya was already planning the debrief in the car ride home. Shane just smiled at him,
"I love you"
Woah. That was the first time he'd said that in the team gym. Ilya could feel his face split open in a grin,
"I love you too."
He glanced up and caught sight of Troy leaning to kiss Harris in the reflection on the glass. Apparently all was well. Ilya lost himself in the treadmill again, curious to see what it would mean for them on the ice.
.........
That's the vision 💋✨️
Basically the dynamic I am imagining for them is that they are each other's No Bullshit friend. They don't have to be perfect, they don't have to feel guilty for not being perfect, they can snip and jab at eachother and push each other back and forth like little boys.
I also think them both being only children plays into it as well. As if they are both figuring out what it would be like to have a sibling at the same time 🩷
i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic
rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich
post cottage pre ottawa hollanov have a notorious like six week streak where no matter what they do or how hard they try they keep tying. goals? tied. assists? tied. points in their respective games on the same night? you guessed it! tied.
they’ve never been so aggravated with each other but also they’ve never been more turned on by the universe being all “yeah match made in heaven you made the right choice”
A company Shane recently did an ad campaign for post some bts footage of the photo-shoot, and fans notice faint black lines on the back of his thigh, peaking out from the bottom of his shorts, that are edited out in the final photos. After a few days of internet spiralling about Shane Hollander, hockey golden boy, having a secret tattoo (why would Yuna let Shane mar the merchandise??), he decides to come clean and posts photos.
After the outing and the wedding, Ilya finally convinced Shane to get matching tattoos - each other's signatures. Ilya's signature sits on the back of Shane's left thigh, and Shane's signature above Ilya's right knee.
Fans goes crazy about how adorably possessive it is for them to have signed each other, but that's not the only detail that gets attention... because Shane's tattoo is upside down.
People joke about them getting a bad artist, or that maybe Shane like to read it the correct way when he looks at it over his shoulder, until one fan points out: its technically the correct way if you were to pull your knees up to your chest to look at it......
irina and ilyusha 🤍
yuna and baby shane 🐞
don’t!!! fake!!!! your!!!! interests!!!! to!!!! make!!!! someone!!!! like!!!!! you!!!!
don’t!!! bury!!!! your!!!! interests!!! to!!!!! make!!!! someone!!!! like!!!!! you!!!!
don’t!!! go!!! wasting!!! your!!! emotion!!! lay!!! all!!! your!!! love!!! on!!! me!!!
EXTREMELY funny universe possibility in which ilya in tuna melt was just a liiiittle further along in being ready to consciously think of shane as more than a hook-up (not ready to admit to it being love yet, but he can admit to himself "yes, it's different and more fun and better with you, more than anyone else, and i would like to have more of that"), and then tuna melt doesn't happen because ilya is just a little too overwhelmed to say anything, which means that it ends with shane staying all night and ilya getting to experience sleeping next to him and waking up the next morning next to him. and it's. yeah. he wants this always. he will NOT say that.
but.
he does throw out what HE thinks is a statement about them maybe being more than hookups and would shane want to do that. but he couches it in SO much protective language so he can "haha got you" if shane reacts badly that shane doesn't. actually. catch what he meant.
so what ilya was saying was, "hey, what if we tried out being just a little bit more than casual? i like being with you, and last night was really fun. maybe we see if we can have that more often?" with an overture of like. maybe friends with benefits. because he's not ready to admit to himself or shane that he wants to be dating-dating, but he and svetlana are best friends who fuck. he and shane could also be friends who fuck. and it's definitely FRIENDSHIP he feels for shane. just friendship. and if it's friendship that's maybe dating a little bit, well...do you wanna?
but what SHANE got out of this is, "it was fun to stay over, and the morning sex was really great. do you want to start staying over with each other when we can so we can do it again?" and the First Name Fiasco didn't happen, and shane's had a little time to settle into this new level in a way that's made it pretty comfortable, and he LOVES clear plans. how nice. :) we can make this agreement now and not have to discuss it each time in the future. :) now he'll know exactly what to expect each time. :) his very casual fuckbuddy will just stay over, and he'll stay over at his place, and now they've made this plan very clear. :)
(jesus christ, shane)
and emboldened by shane being so amiable in his agreement, ilya hits him with a, "see you in the rink, shane," as he's leaving, and shane *surprise blink* as he processes, but before he can freak out, ilya finds his expression so cute that he HAS to tease him, so hits him with a, "sorry you're about to lose, but at least you had a good night before, yes?" and oh you MOTHERFUCKER >:). okay. first name is just part of the teasing. alright. "in your fucking dreams, ilya." and what shane means is "you wanna play mind games, i'll play mind games, pal" but what ilya got was "yeah, i'm moving with you here and first names are good now."
so moving forward, ilya bit by bit settles into them dating (and yes, with time, it is accurate to call it that). and HE thinks shane is operating under the same, "let's see if we can be something more together" exploration, so he assumes that shane going along with it. and from shane's pov, ilya is suddenly texting a lot and using his first name, and it's really nice, but kind of confusing, but also he had that upsetting call about his dad?? so maybe stuff is just hard at home and he just needs a friend?? and he doesn't know if they're friends, per se, but maybe shane is just a safe place to have other secrets live, too?? what's "hey, i'm having a hard time with my family and just need someone to send dumb memes back and forth with" between two ultra-secret fuckbuddies, after all?
and rose does enter the picture at some point, but things with ilya are good, and he does like rose and part of him wonders if he should try out dating her, but even if he and ilya aren't A Thing...it's really nice with him right now. and shane knows that dating someone else would mean giving it up because he wouldn't feel right fucking around and cheating. so he and rose do end up becoming friends (and because they text regularly, shane even sends ilya a text that night of, "I think I'm friends with a celebrity now?? do I get cool points for that??" and gets a "no, you get cool points for nothing ever. you are too uncool. you are uncool black hole where cool points go to die." "okay, fuck you. i was going to ask if you wanted anyone's autograph, but just for that, fuck you, asshole. 🖕" "what if i want yours?" "why do you want mine?" "you are my favorite celebrity. ❤️" "i thought i was boring." "yes, you are famous for how boring you are. is really quite impressive." *devolution into sexting and then video calling for sex*), but that's it.
until rose increasingly sees shane smiling at his phone when they're hanging out and manages to teasingly coax it out of him by dropping hints and comments and finally just going, "you don't have to tell me, but if it's because she's actually a he, that's okay, shane." so shane has his realization of yes he's gay, and also yes, he's in love with ilya. and obviously he and ilya have never really had a conversation about it (jesus christ, shane), but maybe?? he would be interested?? they get along really well and shane likes being with him, and they know by now that they're really good sharing space and being together. and you know what? fuck it. he's going to be brave and do it. he's going to ask ilya if he wants to try dating each other.
...to which ilya, after being asked this, just, "...??!! what did YOU think we've been doing this whole fucking time????"
Oh my god OP your tags are too cute
my GOD when they meet shane's parents together as a couple in this verse it's on purpose and not a surprise, and they get the "how long have you two been together?" question and ilya just *heavy sigh and cheers'ing his glass of vodka before taking a sip* "we will need calculator and scratch paper for-" *sounds of ilya getting beat over the head with a couch pillow because this is NOT the time to run this bit again*
fuck ai you fucking fuck wad scraps of shit who could form a spark by just bashing a rock into ur head
and don’t get me started on the writing. you don’t know what a homophone is? what an antonym is? you wouldn’t know grammar if it was taught to you. OH WAIT it was taught to you
fuck ai you fucking fuck wad scraps of shit who could form a spark by just bashing a rock into ur head
