PS: my main blog is @mediocre-m , so if you see that url like your posts or comment, it’s me. i wish i could make this my main blog but i don’t think that’s possible. (if it his let me know please)
Heated Rivalry Open Relationship AU chapters (updated 19 July)
If you want updates when there is a new chapter, click on the three dots in the upper right and select “Follow this post”!
A few weeks ago @perlukafarinn posted "I love an AU where Ilya seduces Shane away from an asshole boyfriend and I really want one where the boyfriend suggests opening the relationship and that's how Shane and Ilya first start fucking." And lo, the #OpenRelationshipAU was born, and lots of people have been getting very excited about the chapters @perlukafarinn has been posting.
This finding document covers JUST the story. (There are now more than 40 posts in the tag and a lot of it is discussion.) I'm putting in a logline and a quote from each post.
The Idea/Outline Post
Snippet:
Boyfriend is out and Shane is not (for obvious reasons) and while this doesn’t necessarily make for an unhealthy relationship Boyfriend is, as established, an asshole. He’s not shy about reminding Shane of how lucky he is that he puts up with the secrecy and how impossible it would be for Shane to find someone else in his situation.
They’ve also been together since they were teenagers so Boyfriend is the only guy Shane has ever been with and the only one who knows Shane is gay, which also means that Shane has no one to talk to about any misgivings he might have about the relationship.
The story is the same as in canon from Ilya’s perspective until the CCM commercial when he hits on Shane in the shower and Shane, visibly into Ilya and fighting with himself internally, tells him he can’t because he has a boyfriend. Then he panics about what he just told Ilya but Ilya promises not to tell anyone - they have the same secret, after all. Sure he’s disappointed but he can always find other people to fuck (that hollow feeling in his chest feels like a lot more than just disappointment but Ilya ignores that).
After the cut: chapter by chapter, both in posting order and in timeline order. I'll update this as the story continues.
Posting Order
All-Stars 2011
It’s Ilya’s turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. “So you are still with…?”
He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilya’s memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.
2007: Shane meets Brian at a party
Shane’s never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shane’s not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.
The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.
2012: Ilya takes Shane back to his place for a chat after a Boston/Montreal game
“Cheer the fuck up,” Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. “You should be used to losing to me by now.”
“Which one of us won the Calder, again?” Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.
Ilya’s grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.
2012: Ilya tells Sveta about "Jane" and "her" shitty boyfriend
It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Sveta’s good judgment.
Maybe Ilya could use her advice.
2013: Shane visits Ilya's place again after a game that Svetlana attended
It gets to a point where they’re texting almost daily. It’s almost like they’re friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.
Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and it’s fun, even though it’s not what Ilya’s been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollander’s boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.
2014: Brian tells Shane he wants to open up the relationship
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brian’s favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. He’s not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that he’s trying.
MLH Awards 2014 part 1
Ilya spent the past week trying not to read into it but right now, he can’t remember why. Obviously, Hollander came to his senses and dumped his loser boyfriend, and he’s finally going to take Ilya up on his offer to fuck. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Maybe Ilya is a little bit blinded by his winner’s high. But he’s also right, he knows it. Tonight is for getting everything he’s ever wanted, a feast to keep him sated through the lean summer weeks in Russia.
MLH Awards 2014 part 2
He’s never even admitted it to himself, how badly he’s wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didn’t know he could want men who weren’t his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame that’s always accompanied that want a distant memory.
2007/2009/2012: Shane's first overnight with Brian, as well as Shane POV on how he is hiding it from his parents
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. It’s because he’s never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesn’t. Obviously. He doesn’t actually want to be caught in a lie.
2014: Ilya POV: Shane and Ilya hook up after games
“Oh.” Hollander’s expression twists, lips tugging in a frown. “No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t tell me about other people, either. I don’t wanna know.”
“Sound healthy,” Ilya says dryly.
“Fuck you. Don’t you need to have been in a relationship to know what a healthy one looks like?”
Ilya resists the urge to tell Hollander that his relationship is so dysfunctional, a blind dog could see it. He doesn’t feel like being thrown out of bed just yet.
2014: Shane freaks out the morning after MLH awards; Shane and Brian several months after Brian opens the relationship
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but he’s not sure what the rules are. Brian hasn’t told him about anyone he’s fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesn’t want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesn’t know about Rozanov, he can’t tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane can’t pretend that’s not a little bit of a factor.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All-Stars (Ilya POV)
It makes Ilya want to claw his skin off a little bit, thinking about how long it's been since he last saw Shane Hollander naked. Knowing that in his absence, Hollander's boyfriend has been fucking him regularly, erasing the memory of Ilya's touch and replacing it with his own.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All-Stars (Shane POV)
It's difficult enough to turn Rozanov down for anything before they're in bed. Once they're actually naked, Shane has discovered there's pretty much nothing he doesn't want Rozanov to do to him.
2015: Hanging with Hayden
Hayden doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push. It's one of the things that make him so easy to be friends with. He'll ask after Shane, try to set him up on dates, but he never pushes after the first no.
Sometimes Shane wishes he would, a little bit. It's not like he could tell Hayden anything, but if Hayden pushed, if he made Shane talk, it would at least release some of the pressure. It wouldn't be worth the fallout but it would at least be some kind of relief.
2015: Seeing Ilya After All-Stars
Shane doesn't think he's alone in feeling that something has changed. Rozanov doesn't mouth off during the face off like usual but he smiles when Shane meets his eyes, small and private. Shane finds himself smiling back, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. It's impossible not to, with the way Rozanov is looking at him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Ilya POV
His eyes flicker over Brian, curious and disdainful. He's handsome, Ilya supposes, or he would be to a person who knew less about his ugly personality. Tall and fit, his dark hair carefully styled and his face clean shaven. He's wearing a tailored suit, tie loosened around his neck. The way he's standing, it's clear he's using every bit of the tiny height advantage he has to tower over Shane.
Ilya hates him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Shane POV
"I told you to find a guy to hook up with, not a second boyfriend!" Brian snaps, finally looking up. "Since last June, Shane? Why the fuck did you think that was okay?"
Shane flushes, stomach clenching tightly. He feels guilty and angry in equal measures, and above all confused about what he should be feeling. Brian has something of a point - if Shane really wasn't doing anything wrong, why would he be feeling like he just got caught?
2015: Ilya goes to NYC specifically to hook up with Shane
In hindsight, bragging to Shane's boyfriend about how he planned to steal him away right as Ilya was about to go three months without seeing him off the ice was maybe not the smartest move.
2015: Playoffs
This is probably why he feels so annoyed when he comes home and Brian is already there, sitting on the couch and waiting for Shane. For the second time this week.
They've never spent time together during playoffs before and Brian has never pushed for it. He may not like hockey but he understands Shane's dedication to it.
Shane knows things are different between them this year - especially after the confrontation with Rozanov - but he still thought Brian got it. Their relationship exists in a world apart from hockey and during playoffs, Shane needs to stay in the world where he's Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros. Any distractions, even nice ones, are not acceptable.
2015 playoffs: final game
Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.
The night before the last game, Brian calls.
2008-2014: Brian POV
Not that the first time is all that great but, you know. It's the first time. It's gonna get better. And it's already intoxicating, the way Shane gets afterwards, loose and pliant in his arms and looking at Brian with so much adoration in his eyes. No one has ever looked at Brian that way before, like he's someone who's easy to love.
MLH Awards 2015 Part 1: Ilya POV
A whole year they've been doing this, and what has changed? Shane is still with his useless boyfriend. Cracks have started to form in the foundation of their relationship but Ilya isn't sure what more he could be doing to encourage their growth. A part of him still can't believe it didn't end the moment Brian caught them together.
If Ilya only had more opportunities to see Shane - but such thinking is especially useless now, when he's about to head to Russia in just a couple of days.
He'll have to make today count.
MHL Awards Ceremony 2015: Shane POV
Brian is here. Not in this room but in this city, possibly even this hotel. Shane doesn't know. He didn't actually call him back after Rozanov hung up on him and he hasn't replied to any of his texts or calls since. He just... he needs to get this ceremony over with before the inevitable fight.
Because Brian is probably mad and Shane. Shane is furious.
MLH Awards 2015 part 3: Ilya POV
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
MHL Awards 2015 part 4: Ilya POV
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
Montreal, June 2015
Ilya couldn't really want him. Certainly not enough to sound as devastated as he did when Shane asked him to leave. That couldn't possibly be how it happened.
Except it is, and now Shane has to decide what to do about it.
If he hasn't already fucked everything up.
Montreal, (Later in) June 2015
Shane is so anxious he feels numb as he reaches for the handle. He's practiced what to say but he has no idea what to expect from Brian, no way to really mentally prepare.
He's knocked off course immediately as he sees Brian.
Montreal, July 2015
Shane is really trying to do this second chance thing right.
Brian has been over to his place nearly every day, whenever Shane doesn't have other obligations. They've been doing all the usual dating activities they can at home - cooking and eating dinner together, watching movies, having sex - and Brian has been so sweet, so attentive throughout and it's all just. Fine.
It’s fine.
Moscow, July 2015
Under normal circumstances, returning to Russia feels like treading water.
Ilya keeps himself busy. He trains, he cares for his father, and on the weekends he drinks and parties and fucks his way through Moscow's best nightclubs. It's all just enough to keep him afloat.
But these aren't normal circumstances. Right now, Ilya feels like he's drowning.
The Cottage and Montreal, July 2015
It's maybe cowardly but just this once, Shane thinks he's fine being a coward. The thought of seeing Brian right now makes him feel uneasy, like being on the ice without any padding. The version of himself who thought he could love Brian again seems like a stranger to him now. Shane doesn't want to become him again but he can't trust his own judgment, so. Safer to stay away.
In-Universe Timeline Order
2007: Shane meets Brian at a party
Shane’s never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shane’s not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.
The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.
2007/2009/2012: Shane's first overnight with Brian, as well as Shane POV on how he is hiding it from his parents
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. It’s because he’s never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesn’t. Obviously. He doesn’t actually want to be caught in a lie.
2008-2014: Brian POV
Not that the first time is all that great but, you know. It's the first time. It's gonna get better. And it's already intoxicating, the way Shane gets afterwards, loose and pliant in his arms and looking at Brian with so much adoration in his eyes. No one has ever looked at Brian that way before, like he's someone who's easy to love.
All-Stars 2011
It’s Ilya’s turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. “So you are still with…?”
He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilya’s memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.
2012: Ilya takes Shane back to his place for a chat after a Boston/Montreal game
“Cheer the fuck up,” Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. “You should be used to losing to me by now.”
“Which one of us won the Calder, again?” Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.
Ilya’s grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.
2012: Ilya tells Sveta about "Jane" and "her" shitty boyfriend
It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Sveta’s good judgment.
Maybe Ilya could use her advice.
2013: Shane visits Ilya's place again after a game that Svetlana attended
It gets to a point where they’re texting almost daily. It’s almost like they’re friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.
Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and it’s fun, even though it’s not what Ilya’s been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollander’s boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.
2014: Brian tells Shane he wants to open up the relationship
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brian’s favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. He’s not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that he’s trying.
MLH Awards 2014 part 1
Ilya spent the past week trying not to read into it but right now, he can’t remember why. Obviously, Hollander came to his senses and dumped his loser boyfriend, and he’s finally going to take Ilya up on his offer to fuck. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Maybe Ilya is a little bit blinded by his winner’s high. But he’s also right, he knows it. Tonight is for getting everything he’s ever wanted, a feast to keep him sated through the lean summer weeks in Russia.
MLH Awards 2014 part 2
He’s never even admitted it to himself, how badly he’s wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didn’t know he could want men who weren’t his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame that’s always accompanied that want a distant memory.
2014: Ilya POV: Shane and Ilya hook up after games
“Oh.” Hollander’s expression twists, lips tugging in a frown. “No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t tell me about other people, either. I don’t wanna know.”
“Sound healthy,” Ilya says dryly.
“Fuck you. Don’t you need to have been in a relationship to know what a healthy one looks like?”
Ilya resists the urge to tell Hollander that his relationship is so dysfunctional, a blind dog could see it. He doesn’t feel like being thrown out of bed just yet.
2014: Shane freaks out the morning after MLH awards; Shane and Brian several months after Brian opens the relationship
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but he’s not sure what the rules are. Brian hasn’t told him about anyone he’s fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesn’t want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesn’t know about Rozanov, he can’t tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane can’t pretend that’s not a little bit of a factor.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All Stars (Ilya POV)
It makes Ilya want to claw his skin off a little bit, thinking about how long it's been since he last saw Shane Hollander naked. Knowing that in his absence, Hollander's boyfriend has been fucking him regularly, erasing the memory of Ilya's touch and replacing it with his own.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All Stars (Shane POV)
It’s difficult enough to turn Rozanov down for anything before they're in bed. Once they're actually naked, Shane has discovered there's pretty much nothing he doesn't want Rozanov to do to him.
2015: Hanging with Hayden
Hayden doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push. It's one of the things that make him so easy to be friends with. He'll ask after Shane, try to set him up on dates, but he never pushes after the first no.
Sometimes Shane wishes he would, a little bit. It's not like he could tell Hayden anything, but if Hayden pushed, if he made Shane talk, it would at least release some of the pressure. It wouldn't be worth the fallout but it would at least be some kind of relief.
2015: Seeing Ilya After All-Stars
Shane doesn't think he's alone in feeling that something has changed. Rozanov doesn't mouth off during the face off like usual but he smiles when Shane meets his eyes, small and private. Shane finds himself smiling back, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. It's impossible not to, with the way Rozanov is looking at him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Ilya POV
His eyes flicker over Brian, curious and disdainful. He's handsome, Ilya supposes, or he would be to a person who knew less about his ugly personality. Tall and fit, his dark hair carefully styled and his face clean shaven. He's wearing a tailored suit, tie loosened around his neck. The way he's standing, it's clear he's using every bit of the tiny height advantage he has to tower over Shane.
Ilya hates him.
2015: Continuation of previous scene, Shane POV
"I told you to find a guy to hook up with, not a second boyfriend!" Brian snaps, finally looking up. "Since last June, Shane? Why the fuck did you think that was okay?"
Shane flushes, stomach clenching tightly. He feels guilty and angry in equal measures, and above all confused about what he should be feeling. Brian has something of a point - if Shane really wasn't doing anything wrong, why would he be feeling like he just got caught?
2015: Ilya goes to NYC specifically to hook up with Shane
In hindsight, bragging to Shane's boyfriend about how he planned to steal him away right as Ilya was about to go three months without seeing him off the ice was maybe not the smartest move.
2015: Playoffs
This is probably why he feels so annoyed when he comes home and Brian is already there, sitting on the couch and waiting for Shane. For the second time this week.
They've never spent time together during playoffs before and Brian has never pushed for it. He may not like hockey but he understands Shane's dedication to it.
Shane knows things are different between them this year - especially after the confrontation with Rozanov - but he still thought Brian got it. Their relationship exists in a world apart from hockey and during playoffs, Shane needs to stay in the world where he's Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros. Any distractions, even nice ones, are not acceptable.
2015 playoffs: final game
Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.
The night before the last game, Brian calls.
MLH Awards 2015 Part 1 (Ilya POV)
A whole year they've been doing this, and what has changed? Shane is still with his useless boyfriend. Cracks have started to form in the foundation of their relationship but Ilya isn't sure what more he could be doing to encourage their growth. A part of him still can't believe it didn't end the moment Brian caught them together.
If Ilya only had more opportunities to see Shane - but such thinking is especially useless now, when he's about to head to Russia in just a couple of days.
He'll have to make today count.
MHL Awards Ceremony 2015: Shane POV
Brian is here. Not in this room but in this city, possibly even this hotel. Shane doesn't know. He didn't actually call him back after Rozanov hung up on him and he hasn't replied to any of his texts or calls since. He just... he needs to get this ceremony over with before the inevitable fight.
Because Brian is probably mad and Shane. Shane is furious.
MLH Awards 2015 part 3: Ilya POV
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
MHL Awards 2015 part 4: Ilya POV
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
Montreal, June 2015
Ilya couldn't really want him. Certainly not enough to sound as devastated as he did when Shane asked him to leave. That couldn't possibly be how it happened.
Except it is, and now Shane has to decide what to do about it.
If he hasn't already fucked everything up.
Montreal, (Later in) June 2015
Shane is so anxious he feels numb as he reaches for the handle. He's practiced what to say but he has no idea what to expect from Brian, no way to really mentally prepare.
He's knocked off course immediately as he sees Brian.
Montreal, July 2015
Shane is really trying to do this second chance thing right.
Brian has been over to his place nearly every day, whenever Shane doesn't have other obligations. They've been doing all the usual dating activities they can at home - cooking and eating dinner together, watching movies, having sex - and Brian has been so sweet, so attentive throughout and it's all just. Fine.
It’s fine.
Moscow, July 2015
Under normal circumstances, returning to Russia feels like treading water.
Ilya keeps himself busy. He trains, he cares for his father, and on the weekends he drinks and parties and fucks his way through Moscow's best nightclubs. It's all just enough to keep him afloat.
But these aren't normal circumstances. Right now, Ilya feels like he's drowning.
The Cottage and Montreal, July 2015
It's maybe cowardly but just this once, Shane thinks he's fine being a coward. The thought of seeing Brian right now makes him feel uneasy, like being on the ice without any padding. The version of himself who thought he could love Brian again seems like a stranger to him now. Shane doesn't want to become him again but he can't trust his own judgment, so. Safer to stay away.
Ilya never gets dementia. He worries about it, with his genetic predisposition and his frequent head injuries. But he never gets it.
His brother does.
His brother calls him, forgetting that Ilya went no-contact with him. Ilya's silent on the phone, listening to Alexei's wife softly explain it to him and take the phone.
He texts Ilya, asking when where he is. Asking who he's playing next game.
Ilya's been retired for over 20 years.
He knows Shane wants to say something, but he never does. He's just quietly supportive.
One day, it's Alexei's wife that calls him. She apologizes for calling. She tells him Alexei doesn't remember her anymore. Or their daughter. He only asks about Ilya and their parents. She offers to delete Ilya's number from his phone.
Ilya declines.
After that, he starts answering the phone. And talking.
Alexei asks where he is. Ilya tells him he's coming home soon. That seems to make Alexei happy.
Alexei asks who Ilya is playing. Ilya says Montreal. Alexei tells him to win or papa will be angry.
Alexei tells him mama made him soup. Ilya tells him that was his daughter. Alexei laughs, he doesn't have a daughter.
He doesn't remember how cruel he was to Ilya. He doesn't remember how much he loved drugs and drinking.
He was so much like Ilya's Alexei, before he started taking after their father. Before he let his anger at their mother consume him. Before he caught Ilya and Sasha and allowed his fear for his little brother to turn into anger and disgust.
One day Ilya offers his wife, Natalia, to have them visit. Their daughter has visited more than once, even stayed with them for a summer after high school. His and Shane's kids tried to teach her hockey.
Natalia regretfully tells him Alexei is not well enough to travel.
Ilya can't travel to them, not while he's married to Shane.
But their phone calls are enough.
About once a week, he gets to speak to a version of his brother than he had dearly missed. He gets to talk about his mama like she's still live, not dead for over 50 years. He gets to talk about the rink he and Alexei used to play hockey at. To talk about the stray cat he and Alexei once hid in their bedroom for a week.
He finds himself looking forward to the phone calls.
being too warm during the day: well, this sucks, but this temperature makes sense because the sun is up, and the sun is making me warm. i am unhappy but logically i can deal with it for now.
being too warm at night: what if i kill everybody.
Every time Ilya could find out about Shallergies is fascinating to me, so I'd like to add for science:
The CCM photoshoot. After Shane gets added, CCM inform Ilya that he cannot eat peanuts for at least 24 hours prior to the shoot (since they'll be in each other's faces and they don't want to risk killing the #2 overall pick).
Maybe the stylists gossip or smth, but it all amounts to Ilya knowing about the allergy from the jump and being one of the very few who don't treat him like he's fragile or deserves pity.
oh MAN okay okay: so i feel like they wouldn't be telling someone else's medical information, BUT i 100% feel like yuna puts things like an allergy-free set in shane's rider from the very start, and yeah she has to bring down the hammer sometimes especially when shane is new in his career so people are a little eyeroll about new kid on the scene being picky (it's one of the reasons she's ALWAYS on these sets with shane), but it's just a default of, "hey, craft services cannot have X, X, or X, and approved styling products are X, X, and X. all substitutions must be cleared by his management at least 48 hours in advance."
so ilya gets told as part of this shoot, "hey, we don't allow blah, blah, blah on set for allergy reasons" without saying there's actively a person who is being considered here. and ilya is new! he doesn't really know how all of this works yet no matter how confident he has to act about it, so as far as he knows, this is just how ad sets work. i also cannot remember of it was an ask or a question i got, but i THINK someone also told me that stuff like peanut allergy warnings are not super common in russia but relatively VERY more present in north america, so i also 100% buy ilya being like, "cultural thing, maybe? normal for over here?"
and he and shane are making smalltalk at the side of the rink, and ilya brings up that he organized the shoot, and he's still looking for more stuff to say to keep them talking (because tbh? just a lil nervous about talking to his crush especially after admitting he arranged this and still not sure if shane is vibing back or not and also still working on getting fully comfortable with english), so he brings up, "crazy we cannot even have peanut butter here, yes?" because again: DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS A SPECIFIC REQUEST. STILL THINKING THIS IS PROBABLY JUST A LIABILITY THING FOR AD SETS IN GENERAL OR SOMETHING.
and shane immediately is wondering if he's being made fun of or something?? did someone tell??? is rozanov being shitty about this?? is this a dig? but no. he said "we". he's not assuming it's shane's fault (wouldn't be his fault anyway, but it's how shane thinks about it). and he doesn't know rozanov yet, so he's not going to bust out his medical history when he doesn't have to, especially if he thinks rozanov MIGHT be shitty about it if he's going to bring up the set rules. so he just "yeah, they're pretty strict about it." so now ilya is just internally like 'yeah, so okay. this is how things go. his mom is his manager so she probably knows all the rules and told him. noted.' which tbh? kind of a relief. now he knows something important for this career (ooooh ilya).
so they agree to meet up, but ilya has now been thinking about the forbidden allergies purely the way you will when someone brings something up to you and tells you not to eat it (not even spitefully against the rules, just "man, someone mentioned peanut butter and said not to eat it, and now i REALLY want some peanut butter"), so he does something like get thai food with peanut sauce for dinner, and then obvi he has a mint right before meeting up with shane, but he's trying to act SO cool guy and going through the whole bother of brushing his teeth and using mouthwash would feel like Doing Too Much (jesus christ, teenaged boy with a crush). so his breath doesn't SMELL like peanuts, but he hasn't scrubbed any potential traces clear.
and the hookup with them happens pretty quick from first kiss to finishing, so shane at the end is catching his breath...and catching his breath...a-and catching...his breath. and then realizes that his throat and chest going so tight is a reaction and not just being fresh out of orgasm (and really FUCK his life. he gets the first sexual experience he has ever wanted and now THIS? FUCK his fucking EVERYTHING).
and ilya hasn't seen someone have a reaction before, so he doesn't actually know what's happening at first. is this? a freakout? "hollander, are you ok-" but then shane is scrambling up and tearing through his bag and ilya is just ?? what??? is goign on right now?? and then shane finds his epipen and doesn't want to sit on hotel floor because Gross but manages to wobble back to the bed and use it, and ilya STILL doesn't know?? what the fuck is happening?? but hollander couldn't really breathe right and now he stabbed?? himself?? with something?? and ilya can read context clues enough to understand that this is a medical thing, which is alarming, but also shane in the aftermath of using the epipen is shaking violently because that's just a side effect of it, and he's still catching his breath, but ilya bunches up the comforter to put around him because he thinks maybe he's just shivering??
and shane manages to get his breath back enough to say, "hey, ca-can you ca-call an ambulance?" and ilya is ?! yes but ?! and then shane realizes he's still naked so need to fix THAT first (fuck his FUCKING life), so he starts to get up and ilya (who is tbh a little freaked out right now because still doesn't know what's happening but shane looks Not Okay) just gently pushes him back down and grabs his (ever so helpfully neatly folded) clothes for him and puts them beside him on the bed and also puts his own clothes back on SO fast because obviously that needs to happen Now, and when he gets done, shane still hasn't gotten his shoes on or something because shaking still and also still has fucky blood pressure so getting a head rush leaning over, so ilya ends up helping.
and then ilya calls for him and also just. doesn't feel okay leaving him. their rivalry hasn't set in yet and this is the first time they've done anything so what even is there to hide (nothing obvious is on the bed, and beside a crumpled tissue in the bin, there's no other evidence), and also people already saw them talking during the shoot today so not beyond the realm of possibility that they'd just be doing more of that since they're already in the same hotel. and yuna was leaving the hotel earlier to get a drink with a friend or something who happens to be in town, so shane doesn't want to ruin that for her over a stupid reaction (and also wants to feel like an adult and not have to have his mom come running when she already stayed with him all day because of his allergies when he KNOWS it's noteworthy for someone's mom to be doing this), so when the paramedics ask about if anyone needs to be contacted or if anyone's coming along, he very honestly is like, "no, my mom's busy."
and ilya fully on impulse tells shane, "i can come. if you want." because like. he's already here. he still doesn't FULLY understand what happened here. but shane looks really sick rn and he knows from meeting her in the elevator that yuna was leaving the hotel, and he doesn't know why shane wouldn't just call (maybe she doesn't take her phone when she goes out?), but HE wouldn't want to take an ambulance ride by himself if he felt as bad as hollander looks right now (he almost certainly would end up doing it because who else would there be to come with him, but he wouldn't WANT to). and shane is a little thrown, but yeah, he doesn't know him well but it's not like he has a secret to keep from him at this point and maybe not a bad idea to have someone who can call his mom on his phone if he needs them to because of a secondary response or something.
so ilya ends up going to the hospital with him, and they end up talking because what else is there to do in this four hour observation window. and shane confesses to his allergies and being the reason the set couldn't have allergens on it. and ilya can read people. he can see that shane is bracing himself here. but ilya doesn't actually care. he'll chirp hollander and have fun with him, but he's not actually going to make fun of someone's medical condition, especially when they've ended up in the hospital because of it.
(and because. of him then eating something. that triggered that medical condition. oops.)
and they actually end up getting along during this time they've got 1:1, and of COURSE yuna finds out shane's not in his room because she went by to say goodnight and also hand over a new sponsorship deal someone sent over while she was out and got printed in the business center at the hotel to let shane look at it (prefers papers he can touch instead of reading on a phone), but shane?? didn't answer?? honey, you feeling okay?
and now yuna does end up at the hospital and is surprised at finding rozanov there, but as shane is scrambling, rozanov hops in with an excuse of saying he went up to see if shane wanted to work out together (a wink wink that only shane will understand lmao), but then shane started having a reaction. so now what yuna knows about ilya rozanov is that he was actively trying to hang out with her son and be friendly AND he then helped her child during an allergic reaction and even went with him to the hospital after.
and through the power of yuna, ilya and shane end up exchanging numbers because yuna won't say it but she's always excited when shane ends up making a new friend, so she drops a, "why don't you boys trade numbers? then you can hang out the next time you're in the same place for something."
so now they've started texting WAY earlier than in canon, and to shane's mom at least it's understood they're not really enemies right from the start (with the context of ilya is actually nice to shane in person, she understands that the rivalry is just an nhl narrative, and she understands marketing and spin), so she encourages shane in texting him, and even when they're in the same place (like at all stars), she encourages them meeting up and getting dinner together.
and for shane's part, ilya teases him about it later, but it's not mean or exclusionary. they plan on getting dinner with shane's parents for the first time or something and rozanov hits him with a, "i should order peanuts again and try to kill you, do you think? or is twice just bad manners?" and it's such a relief to have someone who thinks it's something that can just be joked about. rozanov doesn't treat him differently now except for asking shane now and then about stuff just because he's not wanting to kill shane the next time they meet up lol.
so even if it's not public, shane and ilya end up being friends (lol) WAY earlier and also have the space at least in private to be like, "i like you and you like me and there's an understanding between us that lets us hang out together and have it be not a big deal."
GOD this also meaning that rozanov is ilya to yuna and david at a much younger age. and yeah he acts cocky and chirps on the ice, but he's also just a teenager, AND he's a teenager set up to be rivals with their son, but they know from the start in this that that's not actually true. they've had dinner with him before. they check in and ask and get told yeah, shane spoke to him just last week and said yeah he's talked to ilya recently. he was over here...playing video games (lmao).
and they've seen things like them at the edge of an event being dumb teenagers but in a way that's really sweet with ilya trying something and going, "mmm no, they are liars, i think. tastes like poison for hollanders." so they also?? just assume?? that ilya's family also knows they're friends?? and yuna atp has answered questions for ilya before on contracts or brand deals because he doesn't always get translations of things but won't ask because doesn't want to get condescended to, so at a certain point she noticed him frowning at something and looking back and forth between a dictionary on his phone and the paper he was looking at and just pulled a "need some help?" and ilya resisted at first because Pride...but also yes, please.
but then they go up to ilya and his father at this event??? and the vibes are Off??? they know ilya by now so they know he's funny and sociable?? but he is now SILENT?? and glances at his father before he speaks? and uuuuuh that sure is some clues to follow.
and on TOTAL impulse one day, david at dinner or something just so casually observes that the flight back and forth to russia for holidays must be hard. and ilya (who was making fun of shane for not wearing his glasses but also helping him look at the tiny ass allergy warnings on this menu) looks up and SO neutrally goes, "yes, is very long. i don't usually go back. just for summer." because zero chance he's getting into the guilt of feeling relief at having an excuse he knows he shouldn't be using.
but then david AGAIN SO CASUAL is just, "well, if you want a shorter plane ride, you're always welcome to come stay with us."
which is how ilya starts spending holidays with the hollanders and also how ilya and shane face the sexual frustration of being under the same roof for multiple days at a time but also having to be SO sneaky getting in and out of each other's rooms during it lmao.
MAN the idea of ilya ending up getting to go to like. hollander family christmas dinner because they invited him for the holiday break and absolutely weren't going to just leave him at home, and it's so?? nice??? everyone is a little surprised to see him there but shane is a pro now so?? guess he brought someone with him?? yeah i guess that makes sense since his family is all in another country?? and ilya gets to sit down and eat at a family dinner and even if he knows it's not HIS family, it's still nice?? everyone is so nice to him??
and I'm fucking WEEPING imagining the end of the night when everyone is starting to pack up and go home and he hears david say, "okay, wait, where are mine?" because everyone's in a shuffle collecting jackets and leftovers and kids, and then yuna comes up behind ilya and puts a hand on his shoulder in a "gotcha, stay put" mom gesture and calls back, "I've got one of them. where did shane go?"
and it's totally just in passing and kind of a joke, but also?? he is included here?? he gets to be part of this little unit?? 🥺
(read more because JESUS this post is getting long)
the idea of ilya settling into this over time and getting so close to a version of what he really, REALLY wants (dating shane, getting to own it, having their love live somewhere beyond hotel rooms and doors with locks and shane's bedroom at his parents' house because the guest room bedframe is ABSURDLY squeaky as they've learned the hard way), and he never thought he'd even get this much, so the idea of wanting more just feels recklessly greedy in the way gambling when you're already up $10,000 feels recklessly greedy. he already has SO MUCH and yeah, in the privacy of his own mind and his stupid daydreams and quiet, late night thinking while shane is sleeping on his shoulder, yeah he wants more. he wants shane to be his friend but also his boyfriend.
but if shane doesn't want that, too, and if things go ugly, then ilya loses the first family he's ever felt like he could belong in, and the longer time goes on, the scarier that gets. it's thrilling and fun to play at sneaking around under plausible deniability of bros being bros at 18/19/20/21/22/23, but every passing year is another layer of this thing that could be taken from him. he's so scared of losing what he has that maybe being close enough IS enough.
meanwhile for shane...he's still afraid of the world at large and what they would think, but he's gotten to settle into this little bubble that's felt more comfortable with time. he's still not out to his parents, but if he was...and if ilya was interested the way shane sometimes is stupid enough to think he is, even a little...it could be this and even better.
and this sets the stage for a DELICIOUS reverse of the tuna meltdown. like ilya is setting the stage of what feels like boyfriends, and it's not SUPER different from what they already do because they've been friends so long, but something about the energy of the day gives shane a push to ask if maybe they do this more often. and maybe they get dinner sometimes and it's not just as friends.
and ilya who WAS treating this like pretend boyfriends even though he would NEVER admit that to himself immediately hears breaks squealing in his head. because it's one thing to ACT LIKE IT but you're not supposed to SAY IT. this is supposed to be pretend and it's fun and it's nice and we get to play pretend because we're not saying we're playing pretend. we're both supposed to be operating under the idea that this means nothing. just bros being bros.
and ilya is still SO aware of everything that's on the line, so he wants to be gentle about it and try to get back to what they're supposed to be doing, so he hits shane with a joking, "what? dinner like best friends? so forward, hollander. pike will get jealous."
and it's a rejection. shane can pick up on that. and even if it's not, shane isn't bold enough to go for a round 2 and yeah it hurts his feelings. of fucking course it hurts his feelings. he could taste what he wanted right in front of him and maybe MAYBE it could happen. and then ilya just. shut it all down. gently, yes, but pretty finally.
and now shane doesn't want to spend the night anymore, for the first time in YEARS. it's just assumed at this point they'll be staying over with each other, but now shane just picks himself up and says he doesn't feel good. he must have eaten something bad or something. he's going to go. and ilya who is now used to accomodating shane's allergies and has for YEARS knows damn well there's nothing in this house that's dangerous to shane. he wouldn't let there be.
so shane leaves and ilya has to sit in the weight of maybe he just lost everything ANYWAY. he tried so hard and it didn't fucking matter. it's all gone now.
except. it's not.
shane gets a girlfriend. and it's all over the news. and shane said no to coming over to ilya's house the last time they played against each other with what ilya knows is a bullshit excuse. and ilya can't turn fucking ANY direction about hearing about shane and his great new girlfriend. and because they're understood as rivals but also friends, fucking EVERYONE is nudge nudging him and asking what she's like and how hollander pulled her because of COURSE ilya would know. they have an ongoing tradition of The Christmas Air Hockey Stanley Cup with the old air hockey table at shane's grandma's house when they have a best of five tournament, and clips of them trash talking each other during it gets posted on their instagrams each year along with who won the prize of a tiny cheap plastic cup that the winner keeps for the year. like of all people, of COURSE ilya is the one who would know all the details of shane hollander's lovelife. they're rivals and play hard on the ice, but it's also accepted that they also hang out enough for there to BE something like annual traditions for them both.
and to cap it all the fuck off: dinner with the hollanders invitation because david and yuna are coming to the next game, so of course they'll get dinner with ilya there, too.
and ilya is feeling a little reckless. shane and him still text, but it's stilted now, and there's so many broken things in it. but maybe? if he goes? if he can remind shane that this is easy and good and ilya can fit here? and it can be good again?
and then he gets there to see rose fucking landry at the table, too.
and now he has a front row seat to watching yuna and david be happy for shane and shane being so clearly happy (and if he doesn't look. REALLY happy. that just has to be in ilya's head, right? just wishful thinking?). and he also has to watch things like rose asking if shane wants to split something, and ilya knows shane can't because he's allergic. ilya knows that. he doesn't have to be told that. he's been here for years and he knows shane's allergies like he knows the fucking ABCs and rose landry gets shane and everything ilya has ever wanted and she still asks if he wants to split some fries without even thinking to ask if they were fried in peanut oil (they were. ilya checked. he always checks.)
and of course she's apologetic after and says "oh, i'm so sorry, i didn't even think" and yeah. she didn't. but ilya would. you get what he wants and you don't even care about keeping it safe? (in reality: totally normal for rose to still be learning this. genuinely no malice or lack of care. at her birthday, she even made sure there was an allergy-friendly cake so shane could have some. but ilya is looking at this through You Have What I Want And It Hurts So Bad I Don't Know What To Do About It glasses).
and it's fucking. WEEKS of this. and ilya skips a couple of dinners and yuna AND david check in on him to make sure he's okay. so he starts going back. and yay! yippee!! still has this. still has a place at the table.
but now shane's girlfriend has a place there, too.
so ilya hasn't lost anything but he's also lost fucking EVERYTHING.
and shane has his talk with rose and ends up accepting that he's gay, and part of this is also that he what he really wants just beyond A Man is ilya. and rose atp has been at like two dinners in which shane and ilya would glance at each other and then look like they wanted to walk into traffic so she has Suspicions. so she encourages shane to try again because he admits he already tried. and he doesn't know if he's actually up to doing that all a second time, but he'll think about it.
and then he gets to all stars, and ilya looks miserable and shane has been SO carefully not thinking about the why of that. why ilya has started looking so down whenever he sees him. why his jaw goes tight at dinner when shane or his parents laugh at something rose says. so he SO casually just drops, "no, rose offered to keep people from talking, but we figured we'd go ahead and just let the breakup get out."
and ilya feels like he might have just gotten zapped with electricity as the very dangerous thought of, "what if i just go for it this time?" dawns on him.
because it turns out that all of it doesn't matter if he doesn't have shane at the center of it.
back around to hilarious: them telling shane's parents about them and having to find out how to navigate the "both of you have seen other people within this time frame what's up with that"
they say they're dating now, and yuna and david are a little surprised but encouraging but also ask how long and mmmm. hm. okay. so...
so they manage to convey the "since the very start, yeah" of it all, but like. yuna and david KNOW about ilya's reputation. they love him dearly but they also know boy was rockstar-style sleeping his way across the nation by all accounts. and also they now know shane was dating rose like. VERY recently.
which means we have, "but, ilya, honey, you were cheating? there were so many-wait, shane? were YOU cheating, too? you even brought rose to dinner!"
which means no matter WHAT other changes there were in this universe, we still get
GOD the idea of ilya in his Mildy A Demon Because Hurting era doing the STUPIDEST revenge of all time and buying and eating peanut butter inside his house for the first time in years on a night shane is in town for a game but doesn't text to come over because FINE. fine. hollander doesn't want to be here anymore, fine. no reason to keep it allergy-free. hollander doesn't come over anymore, and he has a brand new girlfriend who can make her apartment perfectly safe for him. not that she will. it's like she doesn't care at all, but maybe shane likes that. (like TRULY so hurt-rage brain about this.)
and feeling ABSURDLY powerful in a way that feels good finally after weeks of feeling so shitty, ilya buys the stupid peanut butter, takes it home, cracks it open, and eats it with a spoon sitting on his couch because who cares. he can cross-contaminate everything he wants now. it's not like he has to think about it anymore. he's been doing this since he was a teenager but it's fine. over now. no problem.
and he sits on his couch in this dark house knowing that shane is in the same city as him but doesn't want to see him. and he can only eat this at all because it doesn't matter anymore if he and his home are safe for shane.
because shane doesn't want him anymore.
he manages three spoonfuls before he goes back to the kitchen, screws the lid shut, tosses it in the trash, and then takes the trash outside for good measure. getting it completely out of his house. he goes up to his bathroom and brushes his teeth even though he's not going to bed yet. he doesn't think about why he's doing this even when there's no one to kiss tonight who would need him to do this.
OH MY GOD AND THEY STILL HAVE AN AD CAMPAIGN TOGETHER
they've done more of their own separate work as they've gotten older and cultivated their own brands and publicly pushed the rival element of their friendship, but they still do work together sometimes, mainly for work for BIG companies that can afford to have them both
and this one is for like. tom ford or something. they're wearing suits and looking very Serious Face. and in the past, they would have been catching each other's eyes and making each other laugh, ilya more than shane because shane has perfected the art of getting ilya with a single look over the years because it's funny to make him lose the not laughing competition. they've literally been doing this since 18. they're good at it. and it's fun and easy and there's bts footage of stuff like them arguing over snacks (there's more snacks. they just both wanted this one because it's fun to playfight about it), and for shane especially, it's always felt better having ilya on the same set as him. it makes it way more fun for both of them. ilya has even trusted his mom's necklace around shane's neck during shots where his neck needs to be bare for the picture. there's so much fun and trust between them on these days.
but not on this one.
it's stilted, and they stumble around things the way they haven't since they were 18 fucking years old and brand new to this and to each other. shane doesn't make ilya crack up and break because ilya doesn't even look at him. there are too many things in between them now for it to keep flowing when something so massive has buckled and broken and twisted. it isn't fun. it isn't easy. they eat on either side of the set. they're not playing words with friends on their phones in between set-ups and then playfully verbally abusing each other about their scores. they don't speak. they don't look at each other. they don't split a pack of chips because shane will protest about the macros but also end up taking all of the ones ilya hands him.
for one shot, ilya has to take his necklace off, and shane halfway perks up, ready to at least have this little gesture of trust, this little sign that he and ilya still have an understanding between them, that-
GOD the idea of ilya in this verse having had practice at making Shane Specific Food since literally the very start, and so ilya's house is a double indulgence of time with ilya and food he wouldn't bother making for himself because why have flavor when he can just make do with function. like ilya's house is fully conceptualized as Designated Place I Have Fun And Enjoy Myself.
and after the tuna meltdown, he doesn't have it anymore.
the idea of being in boston and going back to either bringing meals along or having something prepped by the team nutrition team and trying to hide it or having to go through the hassle of going to a restaurant and having to take the risk and just hope they listen or just buying things at the grocery store and having Ingredient Meal, which is fine sometimes but a bummer when you know what you COULD be having
and GOD the idea of shane craving something specific that ilya is really good at making. but is he even allowed to ask for the recipe? or a reminder of what exactly goes into it? he types and backspaces and types and backspaces and types and backspaces and then gives up and just tries to guess.
it doesn't taste right, and somehow it's one of the worst blows yet.
“Shane fuck Shane help we fucked up, we lost Ilya, I swear he was here one second ago and now-“
“Haas, where are you right now?”
“The club by the hotel.”
“And he’s not in the bathroom?”
“No.”
“Not on the roof?”
“No.”
“Not trying to access any of the dancers poles?”
“What? Why would- Oh, Troy says no.”
“Is he hanging out with drunk girls in the women’s bathroom?”
“Umm, one sec. Harris, can you ask her if Ilya is in there? … Harris says no.”
“Ok. What were you talking about before he disappeared?”
“We were trying to figure out where to eat.”
“Did anyone bring up sushi?”
“He didn’t say he wanted-“
“Just answer the question.”
“Uh yeah, someone suggested it, but he said he wanted-“
“He’s at the pier.”
“What?”
“He got bored, sushi put fish on his brain, which made him think about water, and he likes going to piers, and the hotel is walking distance from a boardwalk by the water. He’s there, most likely trying to look at fish going under the dock.”
“… How do you know that?”
“Do you have any ideas how many times I have gotten this exact phone call? He’s easier to catch if you bait him with mozzarella sticks but make sure he knows he only gets them if he comes quietly. If you let him negotiate he will take the sticks and run. Cliff always fell for that.”
i block ppl all the time so my blocklist ranges from "actual fucking asshole fascist" n "post that mildly annoyed me because im petty" and if i went thru my blocklist rn i probably would have no idea why i blocked each of them but whatever
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