Captain Depressed

Hello there. Don't get to comfy. This is my personal blog. This is the blog where I'll post EVERYTHING. My last blog was going smooth until my girlfriend broke up with me. I couldn't post what I wanted without her breathing down my neck or crying because she made me feel shitty and she felt horrible about it. Holy fuck. I'm not telling anyone about this one. As far as you're concerned, I'm from Japan and I live in a car. Not really, but don't ask me about it. Send me all the hate mail you want. I'm dome caring.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

Alright. I can do that. Less than 15 seconds of consciousness. Then I’ll start to deteriorate. No problem.

[schadenfreezers]

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

Heh. Pretty much. I know all about this.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

I feel bad for the person whose last conversations with me were about how they can't spend half an hour with me to watch a dumb YouTube cartoon with me, and then giving me a bandaid for a scar that wouldn't even have time to heal. I just wish we could have spent that short amount of time together. Oh well. It's too late now.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

I'm scared to get close. I hate being alone. I long for that feeling To not feel at all.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

I don't know how or what to tell her.

She doesn’t realize that she’s the only person I could consider to be a friend. Moving school as often as I did and being in foster care made me resent other people. I don’t think of people as friends and I avoid conversations with anyone because I do t see myself talking to them a year from the present. But Gilly is different. I put a lot of trust into her and I don’t want to lose the only person I try to talk to. If she leaves and tells me to fuck off, then that’s it. That’s the end. I will relapse and start to bottle up everything again, until it gets too overbearing and I destroy myself. I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t know how to ask her to help me. I don’t even know if I want to be helped.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

Cuts

My cuts are scarring over. I wish it would hurry the fuck up. I’m going to be home this weekend and don’t want anyone to notice the self harm. If my social worker sees them, she’ll look for a psychiatrist nearby and make me go for monthly or even weekly visits. I’ve had enough of talking to “medical practitioners”.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

Death.

I really need to stop cutting. I am going to be around a bunch of kids this weekend, and I don't want anyone to notice the irritated red lines. It already hurts a when I use my hand.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

This is my first post.

I’m also attempting to post by email. Let’s hope this goes through.

[megacaptaindepression-blog]

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Fuck you, tumblrbot. No one even likes you. You just ask one fucking question, then disappear forever. Who the hell does that?