M-B

{I don’t know what I owe and I have no clue what to do} 16

[melancholicbunnie]

Sleep. My most pure state, most vulnerable. I try to escape from my reality. To be free of the prison that is my mind, and no longer needing to live within the confinements of my physical temple. I am capable of living any life I want when I dream, yet, it is ruined. He infiltrates my mind, and acts in my dreams, I cannot escape.

I wake up and he is there. Starting my day with the man who I regret meeting. The man who has ruined me, the man who took me and ripped me to pieces, only to spit and curse my name. No matter how hard, I cannot look at his face, and share no love.

But there is moment, which is only a few seconds, between an unconscious and conscious mind, where I am numb. In that moment I feel nothing, no hate, no love, and no memory of him. In that moment I am, was, and will be nothing. In that moment, I never existed.

[pupisized]

[melancholicbunnie]

The big three🧘🏻‍♀️

[awkwardbrunettegirl]

This is how I feel everyday btw

[just4g1rlyth1ngs777]

[girltalk]

my soul is made of love

my soul is made of love

my soul is made of love

my soul is made of love

my soul is made of love

my soul is made of love

my soul is made of love

[just4g1rlyth1ngs777]

for a girl who loves sleep so much you think i’d go to bed earlier

[melancholicbunnie]

Today I saw two bird tussling. I couldn’t quite figure out if they were fighting or playing, but it was very amusing. They had beautiful brown and white feathers, with black features. One bird would jump to the left, soon after the other one moving in sync. Then, the original bird would jump to the right, and the other would repeat. It wasn’t long until I saw their wings spread open and they jump forward, latching onto each other’s chests mid air.

To the right, there was a group of black birds crowding the ditch. It has been pouring rain everyday for the past week, so the ditch was mildly full. One of the black birds would dunk it’s head under the water a few times, while the others jumped from one end to the other, and the rest drowning their claws in the puddles.

It made me realize, how much I love life. The silly dispute between the smaller birds, and the “water day” with the black birds, it was so fun. I watched from my car, and truly enjoyed the moment, the quietness of the world and movement from the birds.

Oh, how lucky and privileged am I, to be able to see those birds and share my yard with them. How fortunate I am, to have the ability to witness it with my own two eyes. How truly grateful I am, for those birds, to give me the chance to view life in slow motion, in tranquility, and not in my usual moody, rushed, sad teenage girl mind. How wonderful life can be.

[manicuredrot]

i’ve lived more in my head than i have in real life.

[melancholicbunnie]

Beautiful baby girl. Born into a world that wouldn’t see her for her works, yet for her looks. A world that would shrink her down into her littlest, most vulnerable form. A world that would never forgive her for the littlest mistakes, but could excuse a man who committed the worst of the worst, a man who simply decided he could do whatever he wanted, and got praise for his rebellion. Beautiful baby girl, when you grow up you’ll have all the boys at your fingertips. Boys that only want one thing, and every girl knows what. Boys that are supposed to bring you your value, your worth, because we all know women cannot simply be born with these things like a man can. Beautiful baby girl, when you grow up, you’ll be told life is not fair, and boys will be boys. That is something you are taught to accept. Do not let those words mean something to you, don’t let those words control your mind, but abide by what they stand for, and don’t speak out against them. Beautiful baby girl, your life is based on your profession. Your worth is scaled on how your beauty captivated people or how smart you could have been. Beautiful baby girl, you were your father’s first girl, how in the world could he have possibly knew how to raise you, since he was a man. He didn’t know you would sprout, he didn’t know you were going to change and progress faster and differently than he did. Do not blame him, it’s because you were born female. Beautiful baby girl, you didn’t choose to be a woman, but now for the rest of your days you will wish you weren’t, and you’ll curse at the skies for constantly reminding you, that through and through, no matter how much you wish you weren’t, you are a woman. Beautiful baby girl, we are sorry for your womanly body.

[cccomplecatedgirlxx]

Literally!!

Reupload bcs I can't get into my old account ://

[foreveraheartbrokengirl]

[melancholicbunnie]

Sometimes I think about writing, but as soon as I pick up the pencil, it feels as if I am incapable of communicating anything coherent. As if each word I start, ends abruptly. I think that maybe if I sketch my thoughts, then I will finally understand why I am the way I am, but the words make no sense, what I feel is only a feeling, not something to be made sense of. I can give you the paper I write on, give you an idea, but you won’t feel the feeling, like how it consumes me.

However, I don’t understand the things I write, it seems like I put together unreadable sentences, like everything has no meaning, but it weirdly feels liberating to express the feelings I don’t understand socially. I don’t even know if any of this makes sense, but when have any of us ever made sense?

[lillyyyysworld]

[letmebethecure]

I long to be held delicately,

as if I am as breakable

as I feel

[melancholicbunnie]

And I will stay steady, I will not forfeit when I dread the match. I keep going, with no help. I need no one, I know myself. I am there when its hard, I am there when its easy, night or day time, I am the only one to wake myself up and put myself to sleep. It is me who takes care of it all. And I weigh no burden on anyone, do not worry for me, I have myself. I wonder am I independent , am I really all I need? I worry for the reaction to my actions, I worry for the outcome, so I leave it to myself. I keep going, running, I run from something I am not sure of, the only problem, is I don’t stop. Not even for a breath. Therefore, I suffocate in my own mind.

[skinnyangels-stuff]