Melancholy Lover

The writings of a dejected girl who was blinded by false love.

[melancholy-lover]

I hope one day you realize how fucked up what you did to me was.

I don’t think I can ever forgive you.

[melancholy-lover]

If I am honest, I don’t percisely know what is worse: the crushing weight of being truly known or the comfortless void of remaining unknown.

Melancholy Lover

[melancholy-lover]

-and baby, I'm so scared of being alone. Yet, that's all I've ever known. So you're free to walk out the door, but I pray to god that you love me more. I know it's hard to be there for me, and I'm sure as hell not any help. But I've been searching for somebody who truly knows me, and you're the closest thing I've ever felt.

Please don’t leave me here alone. 

[melancholy-lover]

Solitude has built a home in my heart, and she refuses to have any neighbors.

Nobody would want to move in anyway. 

[melancholy-lover]

These days, dimly lit parking lots and run down smoke spots feel more like home than my family household.

Melancholy Lover

[melancholy-lover]

It’s as if there is something missing inside of me. I’m empty, vacant, depleted. My organs threaten to collapse into the void every other hour. I scream and I cry and I beg to the ones up above, but nothing ever changes. I am completely and utterly hollow.

What’s the point anymore?

[melancholy-lover]

At the end of the day, it was my fault for falling without two warm arms to catch me.

They were already holding someone else. 

[melancholy-lover]

You threw your feelings for me out the window, so I picked them up and decided I would love myself instead.

Above everything else, I am mine.

[melancholy-lover]

You made me feel safe–and then you broke me.

—How am I suppose to trust again?

[melancholy-lover]

I am somewhere in between life and death. I have one foot in each, and at this point...I don’t know which one to leap into.

—What am I suppose to do now?

[melancholy-lover]

Nobody ever stays, and to be completely fucking honest– I don’t blame them.

—Why would anyone stay with a ticking time bomb like me?

[melancholy-lover]

I wish I could say I want to be alive. I hope every single night I’ll wake up and miraculously be happy. I pray to whatever is out there that it won’t always be like this. But nothing ever changes, and nobody ever answers. I’m stuck in a body with a brain that hates itself. There is no satisfaction in my life. And honestly- I just want to die.

[melancholy-lover]

What scares me most, is the loneliness that creeps up behind me when I’m thinking about all the fake “I love you’s” that were thrown from your mouth.

All of mine were real.

[melancholy-lover]

“You sound like heaven, smell like home, and taste like a bittersweet remedy.”

-How could I not fall for you?

[melancholy-lover]

You’re with her on a Saturday night, while I’m drunk and crying by the candlelight.

-I never thought this is how I’d spend my youth.

[melancholy-lover]

“Your love was as sweet as a red velvet cake- and all too soon, my teeth began to rot.”

Then, I had to give you to someone else.

[melancholy-lover]

If love makes you do crazy things, I can’t begin to imagine what this broken devotion will do to me.

- I would already do anything for you.