Fears
You know that horrible feeling when you wake up really late and scramble to dress for work... then realize it is Saturday?Â
Yes, 7 AM is very late for some people.
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@melancholypierate
Fears
You know that horrible feeling when you wake up really late and scramble to dress for work... then realize it is Saturday?Â
Yes, 7 AM is very late for some people.
Loud Rain
I am posting a lot less than I used to. Mainly because I am basically letting work take me over for a year to see what happens. So I really only have a couple of hours before I sleep and an hour before I go to work to write this.Â
But tonight had some really loud rain at 2AM. And I figured since I wasn’t going to get any sleep, I might as well write.Â
Taxes. I think it means you have reached adulthood when you start to feel the fear when you here about filing taxes. You reach maturity when that fear disappears. Sadly, I have not reached that phase yet, so I am constantly worrying and procrastinating any actions related to taxes.
Which is bad.
I mean, I spent my entire Sunday at my cousin’s house gardening instead of doing my taxes. Bugs crawled all over me and I hurt my back. I didn’t even get paid because I am a terrible gardener and nothing was really accomplished.Â
This weekend? I am probably going to procrastinate under the banner of “learning to cook”. Or “spending time with family over Spring Break”. It is amazing how far I am willing to sabotage myself when I know what I need to actually do.
Every time I sit down and think about doing it, I realize I don’t know what I am doing. I really have never done this before. People write articles and I am sure everyone has to do it eventually. Is it okay to pay someone for help? How will I know I am doing it right? I am sure the penalty for making a mistake is massive. I have heard stories about just how wrong things can go. I also realize distracting myself is not the way to do this, but damn. It is not easy to get over someone your taxes done.
Is it going to rain all night?
Sincerely,
Guy who only has two major problems right now.... and taxes are coming.
3-22-17
P.S. Well, I woke up again... and it is still raining. Guess it will be an interesting drive to work at least.
Happy Pi Day
It is also apparently also another holiday, but the thought of you giving steak to someone else really upsets me.Â
Sleep is peels backwards.
Dreams are harsh. I think scary ones are not as bad because they end relatively quickly since you get frightened awake. Epic dreams aren’t too bad because it is so outlandish that you just go with the adventure and logic doesn’t need to apply. But those realistic* ones where you have everything you want...those are very savage. And it is a bit of a downer once you wake up and face reality. Â
It is an especially downer when I think that I specifically went to sleep earlier than usual because I have not been getting a good amount of sleep these past few days. On a typical day, I will wake up 5:30 and leave for work at 6:30 AM to attempt to at least avoid the majority of traffic. Then I don’t get back from work until maybe 8. And if I want 8 hours of sleep, I have less than 2 hours to do other stuff before I go to bed. And my parents get home ver later than me. I don’t really understand their work ethic, I do not understand how they manage to have such energy.Â
Well, I feel better having written this. I never realized that sleep backwards was a word. I probably could stretch this into a more coherent post, but the dream is already fading. But hey, there is always tomorrow. Another opportunity to have another horrific dream where all your desires come true.
Guy who wants sleep but finds sleep is like a passive aggressive asshole who likes to prey on the weak questionably strong and tired and now the guy feels kind of bad.
3-3-17
*I mean we can argue about how realistic the dream that inspire this post was. There were no dragons attacking the city, it was raining outside, and you were sitting on my lap. Two of those things are at least remotely possible. Though let’s be honest, if the entire world was my lap, you would just never sit down again.
But seriously, it was a pleasant dream. I felt very happy up until my brother gave me a mission that involved unloading his car while I was semi naked. The reasoning I think was a bit ridiculous, the acid rain would ruin my clothes, so it would be better if I took them off first. (Okay, maybe I let those problems in logic slip past. I am not the most observant guy in hindsight.)Â
Eventually, I hit the point where I realized it was a dream and couldn’t decide whether to try to stay in the dream as long as possible and try to enjoy it even though I knew the moment was fleeting and none of it was real...(I think I might do this in real life), or just try to end it. (This is very dark way to say wake up, nothing more)  I can’t really remember my choice, but damn if this dream was the most vivid one in a while. I guess that is what happens when I get 6 hours of sleep against the usual 4.5 hours. (I blame Internet addiction)Â
Blackouts
I always wondered what caused blackouts. I mean, is the process understood on how it works? Does something just switch off and all of a sudden, the “lights” go out? Do they just occur naturally or does it have something to do with the abnormal flood of dirty liquids?Â
Personally, in nearly every blackout experience I have, it always ends up with me falling asleep. And when I wake up, things are usually back to normal. That kind of makes me wonder whether blackouts can only be solved after a long period of time or do I just like sleeping that much.Â
I suppose some people are almost functional during blackout which is amazing to me. How can you think to play board games or try to read a book? Can you even think or concentrate in that state? I think I would even struggle using the restroom. A common problem it seems because aiming becomes a lot harder when you are impaired. It can even get pretty hard to walk when you aren’t sure where the ground is.Â
Have you ever thought if it safer to be with more people during a blackout? I think more people could be an issue because you would never know what they could do. But then, can you really trust what would happen with only a few people? I don’t think I have seen a large group of people experience a blackout. I expect that there would be a lot of screaming going on. I think it is human nature that at some people would take advantage of the situation. And sometimes it is hard to prove what they did.Â
That aside, I wonder what you do during blackouts. Would you read a book or play on your computer? Or did you follow my strategy and just go to bed? Do you even have blackouts? I hear some people are lucky and it never happens to them. But maybe they don’t remember anything because all they do is sleep when it happens. Still, I think I would like to experience what you would do during a blackout.Â
Now, was I talking about being extremely drunk or the power going off. You probably took it as the former, you fucking alcohol obsessed monster. Just kidding, you would definitely think I was talking about the power going off. Probably because you read the bolded part first(Damn our education system) and therefore I ruined the entire post.
Regards,
Guy who thought this was clever but realizes maybe calling someone a monster might be kind of messed up to emotional people*
02-21-17
P.S. This was supposed to be humorous. You probably aren’t an alcoholic compared to the rest of the world. Probably...
*To be fair, I think you would claim you have no emotions because you are a zombbbbbiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Driving in the City
I had a very different topic in mind when I thought about writing this post. My classmate from school was visiting and wanted to see the city. We planned to spend Saturday doing it, leaving bright and early to see the local landmarks and enjoy food. I thought I would write a story about the interesting people we saw, things we bought, and a couple restaurants that we ate at. What ended up happening was very .... different.
First of all, he rented a car and had been in town for a few days already. He had been staying at his relative’s house for the most part, but stayed at my house the night before so we could catch up. I hadn’t seen him for about half a year. I think things went well despite the fact we did not have that much to talk about and I fell asleep about 9. First of all, we never got to leave bright and early because there was an issue with the travel ticket for his departure back. And he chose Expedia as his platform of choice so he was on hold for about two hours before that got resolved. It was intended we would arrive in the city for lunch at 12. We didn’t even leave my house until 12:15.
That annoyed me a bit, but hey, he had to solve the problem then because his flight was tomorrow. It was way more important and I understand that. We get into his car and he immediately declares that he needs to refill the gas. One thing I have to say about my friend is that he isn’t very organized. (Not that I am much better, but he isn’t the type that I would rely on to be on time for meetings.) At this point, I am pretty hungry because the plan was still to eat lunch in the city and I had skipped breakfast. He had an issue with paying for gas
After that, it became apparent that my classmate is what I would consider, an Asshole Driver. I’ll give you my reasoning...
1. He is one of those people who treats driving as a race. Instead of chugging along in a couple lanes, he will basically cross five lanes of traffic to pass a couple cars. And in the end, it doesn’t even really matter. Because traffic always slows down at jam points, so what time was really even saved? And the way he does it is where more cautious drivers will definitely hit their brakes. And you know how when the front person brakes, people behind them also brake? He probably causes more traffic overall.Â
2.Turn signals are unnecessary. To be fair, he did use turn signals when making turns in the city. What I mean by this is that when he was changing lanes, he just did it suddenly. I can see why he didn’t use turn signals, I mean, you usually need to give a couple seconds for the signal to register to the cars around you, and he basically just went during that interval.Â
3.Stop at every intersection. Granted, this is better than not stopping at any intersection, but stopping when you have right of way against people who have stop signs is a bit dangerous. What are people supposed to do when you stop instead of taking the right of way? Go? If he hit them, it would be hard to argue whose fault it was. Wait? Well, there he goes creating more delays. He did this more than once and he excused it as “seeing the sights”.Â
4.Driving while constantly looking at his phone. I suppose this was the biggest one for me. He would not put down his phone while driving. I suppose he did not trust me as navigation, and he did get annoyed with me when I tried to take his phone away. At every stoplight, he would be texting or playing Pokemon Go. During the drive on the highway, he would look at the GPS every couple minutes. (At least I hope he wasn’t playing more Pokemon Go. At this point I was kind of closing my eyes and hoping to live.)
So you might think that the entire day went terrible. And while parts were bad, we did have a nice afternoon as soon as he got out of the car. Lunch was fine at a nice sushi place. It was a bit late and we didn’t really eat till mid afternoon, so it might have been the hunger that made everything taste delicious. I played a bit of Pokemon Go and watched his Pokeball throwing technique. It is rather swirly.Â
Then we walked around and did some window shopping. Everything we wanted could be found cheaper on Amazon, so we didn’t really buy anything.(The local economy is doomed!!!) We saw a huge line for ice cream and took a few souvenir photos. Then it was back into the car and off to see more sights.Â
It was at this point that things got heated and it really became awkward. As I was complaining to him about holding a phone and driving, he told me to shut up. And I kind of did. Because he was the driver and there isn’t really much I would be able to do trapped in the city. (Okay, uber is always an option. But I thought I maybe the situation was salvageable.)Â
I am going to make the situation analogous where parents are fighting while on a family trip. The dad is driving and smiling, but secretly still upset. The mother is just silently brooding. My god, was I brooding? Yes. We spent about an hour in the car not talking to each other except when he would point out landmarks that I really didn’t give a shit about. “here is a hill... it is a big hill” Great. The trip back from the city was also done in complete silence. Double Great.
Then we had dinner at a Mexican restaurant near his relative’s house. It was relatively nice. Their nachos were a bit bean heavy and salty. Their food was presented nicely, but the prices were also rather high.($20 enchiladas?) He had paid for lunch, so I was paying for dinner. It ended up being about close to the same price. (A bit crazy to me, since I equate sushi with expensive and mexican as less so... but maybe that is my prejudice.) Suffice to say, things went silent until he dropped me off at my house. Â
In the end, I survived. And we promised to meet the next time he visited. I also offered to drive because I hate being in his car. I think our friendship is rather damaged as he never replied to my “Have a safe trip” text.Â
But hey, on the bright side, I think I found something that would make me hate you. If you turn out to be an asshole driver, I think I might just hate you. So please drive kindly.Â
Regards,
Another Bothered Car Driver Exaggerating Facetiously Grand Harpings
02-20-17 (Happy President’s Day. Have fun not being productive at all!)
P.S. That cake never gave me more nightmares. Maybe since it was old, it lost its powers of psychosis. Or maybe it was the twenty chicken wings I had also eaten with the cake that had actually caused the issue.Â
P.S.S. I bought more shirts for my cousin. TeeTurtle had their birthday and everything was 40% off. I thought about getting you something, but I always felt you were more of a LookCuter kind of person anyway.
P.S.S.S. My manager is leaving next month. We had a happy hour to celebrate. I have rediscovered that I still am terrible with alcohol. One day, I am sure I will learn my lesson. If I don’t throw up on any coworkers along the way, I will take that as a win.
The Cake
Ok, so I never did end up offering you any cake. This makes me feel rather hypocritical since I just had a post saying how annoyed I was at people making offers and then not following through. But well, I am sure you will understand after I explain my reservations.
First off, I did say that I would never offer you anything again without you asking. It is hard enough every time I take brownies to work to not label them with your name. So that is my first excuse. Plus the cake cost nearly $100 and offering the cake to you would be a bit difficult to justify to my family. It would just seem very random.
That said, the cake was pretty fantastic. Many layers of cream and the whole thing was very soft. My cousins must have taken twenty pictures before we finally got to eat it. Layer upon layer of Tiramisu really made it seem too decadent to eat. Unfortunately, I feel there are two problems with the cake.
Did you know tiramisu tastes a lot like rum? I know how you feel about alcohol... Well, the rum flavor was really really strong in this cake. I don’t think anyone in my family expected that it would be that intense. So the cake wasn’t as smooth as I expected. (Though I suppose alcohol does calm some people)
Secondly, I suspect the cake also causes intense nightmares. Like the dream I had the night I ate the cake was really really bad. In the first few minutes of the dream, I had lost three of my teeth and was in emergency surgery. I am pretty sure that parts of me were also melting. It was one of those dreams where you wake up at 3 AM and stay up because you don’t want to sleep for the rest of the night.Â
I didn’t eat any of the cake yesterday and my dreams were definitely very much more normal. But the cake was getting old, so I just ate the rest of it. I’ll tell you how it goes tonight. Hopefully the dreams won’t be too crazy. It is the middle of the work week.Â
-Guy who wonders if the cake he bought was so expensive because it was laced with psychedelics
2-14-17
P.S. I guess the one good thing is that instead of waking up from my dreams sad that I wasn’t talking with you, I woke up from my dreams happy that I still had all my teeth and my arm wasn’t melting.
P.S.S. I bought the humble bundle freedom bundle. I so want to give it to you, but I know that in truth, it is not good to give unwanted gifts.
Brownies
This was a much longer post, but the gist is that I dislike Valentine’s Day. And you aren’t getting any brownies from me.
-Guy keeping rants to himself
2-14-17
The Day After
I have to admit, yesterday went better than expected. That ear infection thing was probably an overreaction on my part because it disappeared after I took a shower.Â
A bunch of people said happy birthday to me at work and on social media. And my coworkers even got me a cake!. Admittedly it was a tiny one, but at least I didn’t pay for it. It was chocolate and from the local supermarket, but truly it is the thought that counts. (Wow, never thought I would say something so old. But I guess I am old now too...)
Weekday birthdays are a bit unreasonable though. Some people still expect you to party even if you have work the next day. I mean I am typing this up at 6 AM right before another 13 hour work session. I don’t hate future me so much that I want him to go to work tired and hungover.Â
In another news, my brother seems to have injured himself. So those crutches we bought for him and he never used are now being used. Those things are extremely complicated though. I couldn’t figure out how to lower or raise the bar level. If I, a college graduate, can’t do it, I think it must be too complicated.Â
Or sometimes I can be dumb.Â
Let’s go with the former,
Guy who is trying to figure out how I can offer you cake without sounding weird
2-10-17
P.S. This is probably the only time I actually use Facebook. It is a bit daunting to see I have over a hundred notifications. But I hear social media consumption makes me sadder in life. And the odds of seeing pictures of you are way too high for me to risk it as well.Â
P.S.S. And I am not being a hypocrite by posting here. This is content creation!!! Though I will be honest that the pictures of cake and food on my Tumblr Feed do make me feel hungry sometimes. Which I guess kind of makes me sad at my own baking efforts? Okay this is getting too weird so I am stopping now.Â
P.S.S.S. If you ever want to win my heart, just learn how to cook Beef Stroganoff. And realize I will probably become a 400 pound monster...
Another Day
Well, I don’t think this day is going to so great. An ear infection and terrible weather don’t exactly make for a great combination.
Among other things... I don’t understand why my family can be so resistant. I thought we were making a group effort to celebrate my day this weekend... but it turns out that I have to pay for my own cake? And I would most likely need to pick it up? Why do I have to fight tooth and nail for them to even show up and bring food... And the person who said they would bring the most food just flaked and said he might not bring any food...
That last point especially irritates me. I mean it is one thing to say that you can’t contribute. It is another thing to promise the world and then say “its too hard, never mind.” I guess I am a hypocrite. I did make a lot of promises I knew I could never keep when I was younger. I don’t think I thought about how that made other people feel though.
Anyway, I suppose it is better they said it now instead of the day of the celebration, but that was also only when I confronted on them about exactly how much food and when they would provide it. I thought I could trust them by their words, but well, now I know to be a bit more vigilant about their promises.
I am sure I will be less annoyed when this is behind me. Though on the other hand, as you know, some things just refuse to fade away in my mind. Â And there I go thinking about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again. (You probably never even heard of it).
Well, time to smile for the day and act celebratory. I suppose I should keep lowering my expectations. Saves the disappointment.
Listening from only one terrifyingly noisy ear,
Guy whose age now matches a day of this defective month of February.
2-9-17
P.S. This ear infection is pretty bad. I can hear, but the ringing might just drive me insane. (Well, insaner)
P.S.S. I’ll get my cousin to offer you cake. God knows if I paid so much for the cake, I can choose who I want to eat it. (Crepe cakes are not cheap apparently.)
P.S.S.S. And I guess in my mind, it is somewhat sad to buy your own birthday cake. Maybe I am just anxious that way. But to say,Â
“Hi I am Jim, I am here to pick up the cake. Oh, can you please write “Happy Birthday Jim” on it? Thanks a lot. Yes, I am going to eat this cake alone.”
is a bit...well... depressing? But I guess it is a way to avoid ever eating another black forest cake.
Hmm
Just have to keep telling myself things will pass. That conveyor belt sushi won’t stay in my stomach forever and I’ll stop rushing to the restroom every 2 hours.Â
Well that lasted about as long as I expected.
Made no post yesterday. Almost didn’t write one today. But two weeks is not too bad. If Tumblr had a word count feature, I think I would have been more motivated to type longer in my posts. That way I would know how many words I would need to write to reach my goal.Â
I get why there isn’t one though. i don’t think the platform is really for training your writing and no one would use the feature. (And I do know a lot about working on unused features). And let’s face it, if I really wanted a word count, I would copy paste into a word document or something. Two extra steps isn’t exactly hard. I guess I am just entitled that way.Â
It is hard to write 1000 words a day about your day when you don’t do much except sleep and eat. So I suppose there are two ways to deal with that. Either stop writing 1000 words or to actually do some something in your days. Jury is out on deciding which path I am going to take this year.Â
The year is going by pretty fast too. Already halfway through the first month. Is this what it is like to get old? Time just blazes past you and you remember less and less? Maybe things are not quite that bleak, but it is a fear of mine. And fears do tend to magnify if you keep thinking about them. And there is a tendency to focus on bad things when thinking of things. (Or at least for me...)Â
Well, lets see if I can last another week. (Writing this I mean. Nothing more sinister)
Cheers,
Guy who is rush typing this before midnight...again
Car Accident?
I really did not have much to write about again tonight. Work days are very dull affairs. Saying business activities is a good way to get fired. But something did happen on my commute back home.
The commute gets pretty busy in the afternoon, so I usually head home in the evening. More late hours, but I’m not married, so what the hell. This also lets me zoom down the highway home instead of sitting in traffic. The HOV lane opens to everyone, so it is basically a 3 lane highway.Â
Anyway, one car in the HOV lane was being held back by a slower one. The highway was about to go into an onramp where the HOV has a separate single lane. So to pass, it crossed a couple double white lines at the last second and attempted to go on the normal onramp. Unfortunately, this meant it directly side-smacked into the car in front of me. They kind of rebounded off each other. I think the car in front of me really wanted to stop, but the impatient car rushed back into the HOV lane never to be seen again. I believe that the car in front of me might have tried to hunt the car down though because he sped up and started off into the left lane.Â
I was not sure what to do at that point. These are the moments where it would be good to have a dash cam. It wasn’t like I was focusing on license plates or anything. So I would not be much of a witness. I also wonder what I would have done if I had been the slow car that had blocked the car in the HOV lane. After he hit the car, would I have stopped to block him in? Would I have even noticed what happened behind me? In that sense, I don’t think I can blame the driver in the HOV lane. (The slow one, not the accident causing then running one.)
So yeah, nothing ever exciting really happens to me. I guess I could have followed the car that was hit, but I was selfishly grateful that neither of them stopped. An accident on an onramp can cause really long delays. This is kind of why I think we need better ways for cars to talk to each other.Â
I think I will try to explore that idea another day. Probably a work day because nothing ever happens to me.
Sincerely,
Guy who screwed up and fell asleep before finishing this post.Â
Doo Doo Doo
So the dearth of posts continue. Like dargging yourself to the gym when you are super sore.
SincerelyÂ
Guy who thinks dargging sounds way worse than dragging.
Hump Day
I assume it is normal to not be motivated to write every day. I can honestly say I have a lot of things to write about, but my eyes don’t really want to open. I wonder if those speech to text things would be useful in this situation.Â
Probably not. I always go back and edit the stuff I write anyway. (Plus, I don’t think I would ever say what I write out loud. Well, maybe a few of the things I wrote in the past. Probably.)
Somehow it seems all my Chinese friends got married over the recent years. Maybe that is a thing. Finish up your degree, get married. I don’t know. What bothers me is that I never was invited to any of the weddings. Granted, I would unlikely fit in due to not being able to speak mandarin, nor would I likely attend because international flights cost money. And yeah, I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to invite them to my wedding (if that ever happens), but still. They should have invited me.
Sincerely,
Guy who complains about things while keeping his eyes closed
P.S 15 Followers. I figure I should keep a count. Assuming I didn’t lose one. That usually happens when spam accounts get deleted.
Trying TRX
I am really too sore to write much today. Maybe I will write more tomorrow. All I know is I should stop fucking trying out bootcamp classes when I know I am out of shape.Â
The instructor goes talking about tempo while my arms are screaming that they want to die. Do them slower? I can feel every bit of agony as I do the exercise motion. Do a faster speed? Great. I can use up all my energy that much faster.Â
Then repeat that for half an hour.
Fuck Bootcamps,
Guy who will never willingly join the army because of bootcamps (and I guess killing people)
Getting put on a list
I had an entire post written up, but I deleted it because it felt creepy. (Okay, I saved it for later. If I ever get drunk and decide to post it, that would probably be the day before I shut down this Tumblr)
It would have been an interesting read, don’t get me wrong. It is just that there are some thoughts that require a sensitivity that I don’t think my writing skills can show. (Now was that me being humble or excusing my failure?)Â
Basically, I just spent the entire night researching about the escort industry. I will keep my opinions to myself, but some of the websites I saw had really good site design and interesting blog posts. I suppose the good website design was paid for by the thousands of dollars they make a week.Â
Now I bet you would be curious as to what I could have written that would make me hide a post but let me write that previous paragraph. Well, I am not nearly drunk enough to post it. (Though if my thoughts keep heading towards you, it’ll be only a matter of time.)
Christ, never thought I would spend my Monday night doing this.Â
Guy who goes to escort websites for “research” and to read blog posts.
1-9-17
P.S. I never realized there were so many escorts on twitter.
P.S.S. I got really depressed when they make more in a day than what I make in a month. (Okay, not so depressed. My life is pretty good after all)Â