The adventures of Mellehs Mind.

Melanie. (Mel) 30. Colorado I work at a Movie Theater. I'm all over the place. Don't Trip, Just Fall.-me

[mellehface]

So UPDATE! We are actually in MICHIGAN! Mum had her pre surgery exam today. The Doc is positive and certain he can help her out! I’m praying to the entire universe for this! I need her to come out of this stronger and more alive than ever. I need more random dance parties in stores and the car with my mum. 47 is too young an age to go. I’m loving seeing all the fall colors here with her. We went on a walk. Well she walked I hopped as she calls me hop along. Since I’m still not recovered from my foot. Mum seems hopeful and so full of life. I hope she comes out of this tomorrow. I hope after this we can raise awareness together. I just want us to be around. To be a family, to create together and eventually see concerts together again. I feel like my life has been crazy the last ten years. So many ups but soooo many downs. If I have ever lost contact with anyone. It’s because I’m in my head I’m trying not to be someone else’s burden with what has been going on in my life the last 10 years. I’ve always felt that I didn’t need help from others, because I could help them and that made me happy seeing others happy. But I often forget about myself. As I still currently don’t care about my own situation just about my mum. Thank you to everyone who has donated and continues to support me n my mum through this very trying time here in 2020. Mum here’s to when we can go to concerts again! Hopefully we’ll see Taylor again too. I would like to personally thank Taylor Swift for bringing me and my mum closer together over the years through her music. But I’d also like to thank an old friend for whom she is the reason I had become so into Taylor and why my mum became so obsessed too! Aileen if you’re reading this thank you! We may not talk anymore but you have impacted my life in a positive way forever. So thank you and thank you to @taylorswift. With out you I would not have some of my best memories with my mum. For that I am forever grateful. Wishing you and mama Swift well! P.s. Betty and Exile are my faves from folklore.

[swiftlyfindingmyplaceinthisworld]

When you are young they assume you know nothing❣️

[mellehface]

So UPDATE! We are actually in MICHIGAN! Mum had her pre surgery exam today. The Doc is positive and certain he can help her out! I’m praying to the entire universe for this! I need her to come out of this stronger and more alive than ever. I need more random dance parties in stores and the car with my mum. 47 is too young an age to go. I’m loving seeing all the fall colors here with her. We went on a walk. Well she walked I hopped as she calls me hop along. Since I’m still not recovered from my foot. Mum seems hopeful and so full of life. I hope she comes out of this tomorrow. I hope after this we can raise awareness together. I just want us to be around. To be a family, to create together and eventually see concerts together again. I feel like my life has been crazy the last ten years. So many ups but soooo many downs. If I have ever lost contact with anyone. It’s because I’m in my head I’m trying not to be someone else’s burden with what has been going on in my life the last 10 years. I’ve always felt that I didn’t need help from others, because I could help them and that made me happy seeing others happy. But I often forget about myself. As I still currently don’t care about my own situation just about my mum. Thank you to everyone who has donated and continues to support me n my mum through this very trying time here in 2020. Mum here’s to when we can go to concerts again! Hopefully we’ll see Taylor again too. I would like to personally thank Taylor Swift for bringing me and my mum closer together over the years through her music. But I’d also like to thank an old friend for whom she is the reason I had become so into Taylor and why my mum became so obsessed too! Aileen if you’re reading this thank you! We may not talk anymore but you have impacted my life in a positive way forever. So thank you and thank you to @taylorswift. With out you I would not have some of my best memories with my mum. For that I am forever grateful. Wishing you and mama Swift well! P.s. Betty and Exile are my faves from folklore.

[mellehface]

Here I am sitting in my basement watching my nephews play. Two are playing video games, the other two are playing with barbies and fake money. Their imaginations are so wild and care free. I miss that. I miss not having a care in the world. I miss being able to escape reality for a while.

With the world we live in now, life seems so hard. Honestly my life at times has seemed hard in my noggin. But I was able to over cine things , or so I thought. This year was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be everyone’s year of possibilities. I honestly don’t feel like I have possibilities. I was extremely optimistic in May. Then I broke my foot. It has honestly impacted me a lot. I never thought breaking a bone would matter to me that much. Now I know that is false. Especially since I broke my right foot. During this time (in a pandemic of course) I have tried to stay positive about my future. Everyday that seems farther from my reach. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. All the problems. How can I over come this? All I want to do is go back to normal. Everytime I think I’m making progress, it’s like I’m taking 5 steps back. On top of all this I am dealing with watching my mum waste away in front of my eyes. I have been for years, now it’s closer.. more real. Life threatening... I always thought that I was a pretty nice person. I’ve always welcomed those whom I thought were friends into my home. I have tried to be a friend the best way I know how, all while having a life. Being attached to my phone or laptop 24/7 has never been an option for me. Just because I suck at keeping in touch does not in the least mean I don’t care. I’ve always tried to “react” likes, hearts, laughs, whatever Facebook or instagram lets you do. I’m a lurker, a background character if you will. I never thought I was tho. Now that I’m older I see that now. People didn’t care about me. They cared about what I had and that they could do whatever and ruin the things I had. Things they would never do at home. So I’m currently feeling extremely jaded by not only people who’ve met in person and known for years, even a lifetime. I’m also hurt that in today’s day and age people just refuse to share something as small as a daughters go fund me or campaign so her mother can live. That really just puts the dagger in the heart. Humans will share a terrible meme instead. Or they will share and get enough money for someone who has passed away. I understand it’s hard and upsetting, no one should have to loose anyone. It’s a terrible thing. I’ve lost many in my life as well. I understand we all need money. It just hurts knowing that trying to save your mothers life ,only about 1% of people will actually share. I mean I guess I expect too much of those whom I consider friends, and the world. But also my feelings are valid. If we as a human race can raise funds for a funeral or protests or dog vet bills etc. Why can’t we make this happen to save a persons life? This really boggles my mind. Does the human race only care after someone is truly gone to show any type of sympathy? Am I cursed?! Did I do something so horrible to someone to not have life treat me better? I’ve tried changing my life. (Then I broke my foot. So depression yay!) changing my outlook on life. Ive tried being positive , looking for the silver lining to every situation. But nothing seems to work. I feel like I’m at a loss no matter what I do. I’ve never felt like I’ve had the support of a family. Ones that have aunts, uncles, great aunts & uncles , cousins. Growing up my mum moved away. Now I know why do to terrible pedo great uncles and more. But that’s a whole other story. Point being. I’ve always felt like I tried to be there for people. Everyone. I’m not ungreatful, I’m just sad ,depressed, uncertain, scared. Like Chester said “ why’s everything so heavy?!” That hits. It hits hard. When will we catch a break? When will I catch a break? Oof this turned into a while depressing thing. 😞 signing off for now!

I remember spending all the money I didn’t have just so we could go together. Even after papa passed and I used everything I had to burry him. Because we didn’t get much then either. But to those who have and did and might. I am forever thankfully and great full .

I just have a lot of feelings. I don’t believe my feelings are wrong or right . It’s just how I feel in the state of things. I feel let down by everything. They say be thankful for life but sometimes that’s hard.

[mellehface]

This is from Christmas! I had gotten really busy around this time and earlier this year. But I gave my mum the best Christmas gift she could have asked for! I had to keep it a secret and act sad since November haha. Love you mum! We can’t wait to see @taylorswift @taylornation we will be attending Pasadena night 2 may 19th my birthday Section 17-H Row 35 seats 114-115!

[mellehface]

I feel like even then I knew you were eventually going to leave me. This was before we got news that her father my papa has passed. I wanted to create a lasting memory. We did. We went we had the time of our lives. I wished this would last forever.

[mellehface]

You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been so in my mind and been trying to stay off my phone but also keep up on my mums surgery donations. I’m so very thankful to those that have donated and shared. I wish my brain worked better in what to do to come up with more money to make sure she gets the surgery. But I’ve been trying to spend time with her. As Sunday approaches my chest feels heavy. Thinking about Monday coming, makes me dread just to think it’s surgery payment day. I gotta pay in full and I have no idea where ima come up with this. I dont have a credit card. I’m behind on a few things myself. But I don’t even care. I dont want to tell my mum she can’t get her surgery and risks her to have a massive heart attack or go into seizures. We have been watching the kids here and there more often lately. You know so they don’t notice. Last weekend my nephew Tristan never watched big hero 6. We sat and watched it all as a family. After the movie was over he was in tears. I mean full on ugly tears. Crying “ Baymax died! They left him alone!” I feel that he was so upset because he remembers meeting his great Papa( mums dad) and some time later his next memory of his Papa was that of me having to tell him Papa went to heaven. Soon after papas dog Max has also went to heaven. That also really hurt him as he had lived in papas house with max. He can’t even hear the name max without tears. I didn’t even think he would be so destroyed over baymax “dying “because they didn’t leave the movie that way. My heart hurt seeing him cry not understanding and hating death already at such a young age. He’s only 7. I can’t come to terms with that Mel Mel might have to tell him that his most favorite person in the world his Yaya, might pass or has passed. I shouldn’t have to do that until he’s like 25 at least. But here we are. Trying to prepare my brain for these things hurts. It rips my heart out. Because there is no greater joy than seeing all those boys come running screaming her name and hugging her. If I could take this year and shove it in a dumpster and light it on fire I would. I would in a heart beat just to protect that lil boy from knowing this heartache. Let alone how am I supposed to tell my baby niece honey when she’s older that, yaya loves yer so much that she wanted to see you but couldn’t because everyone was sick and dying when she was a baby. That her grandma was sick and we couldn’t get anything done in time. Because 2020 sucked so and it took everything from us. This is only a taste of what my mind is spiraling into. I’m scared , afraid and just flippen sad as hell. Ima go tell my cat he looks funny now. Thanks for reading if you did.

[losangeleslovesyou]

TAYLOR SWIFT : BETTY (LIVE AT THE 2020 ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS)

[mellehface]

The only time everyone in our house is silent! When this talented woman performs. Truly beautiful!

[rainbowdress]

Taylor’s smirk every time she sings “straight to hell” knowing full well she actually wants to sing “go fuck myself” is magical

[mellehface]

Truly magical!

[dutch-swifties]

Petition for @taylorswift to do the same performance on tv in the Netherlands so she can sing “Would you tell me to go fuck myself”

[mellehface]

Yes please!!! I totally forgot and was waiting for it when watching! Haha love seeing you be you! Your curls are so cute and elegant!

[annavonsyfert]

no nerds

[annavonsyfert]

i slightly edited these and put my name on them (finally…….) please reblog this post and not the repost that i see from time to time. it has like a bazilion notes!! makes me sad

[mellehface]

This is from Christmas! I had gotten really busy around this time and earlier this year. But I gave my mum the best Christmas gift she could have asked for! I had to keep it a secret and act sad since November haha. Love you mum! We can’t wait to see @taylorswift @taylornation we will be attending Pasadena night 2 may 19th my birthday Section 17-H Row 35 seats 114-115!

[mellehface]

I feel like even then I knew you were eventually going to leave me. This was before we got news that her father my papa has passed. I wanted to create a lasting memory. We did. We went we had the time of our lives. I wished this would last forever.

[mellehface]

Here I am sitting in my basement watching my nephews play. Two are playing video games, the other two are playing with barbies and fake money. Their imaginations are so wild and care free. I miss that. I miss not having a care in the world. I miss being able to escape reality for a while.

With the world we live in now, life seems so hard. Honestly my life at times has seemed hard in my noggin. But I was able to over cine things , or so I thought. This year was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be everyone’s year of possibilities. I honestly don’t feel like I have possibilities. I was extremely optimistic in May. Then I broke my foot. It has honestly impacted me a lot. I never thought breaking a bone would matter to me that much. Now I know that is false. Especially since I broke my right foot. During this time (in a pandemic of course) I have tried to stay positive about my future. Everyday that seems farther from my reach. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. All the problems. How can I over come this? All I want to do is go back to normal. Everytime I think I’m making progress, it’s like I’m taking 5 steps back. On top of all this I am dealing with watching my mum waste away in front of my eyes. I have been for years, now it’s closer.. more real. Life threatening... I always thought that I was a pretty nice person. I’ve always welcomed those whom I thought were friends into my home. I have tried to be a friend the best way I know how, all while having a life. Being attached to my phone or laptop 24/7 has never been an option for me. Just because I suck at keeping in touch does not in the least mean I don’t care. I’ve always tried to “react” likes, hearts, laughs, whatever Facebook or instagram lets you do. I’m a lurker, a background character if you will. I never thought I was tho. Now that I’m older I see that now. People didn’t care about me. They cared about what I had and that they could do whatever and ruin the things I had. Things they would never do at home. So I’m currently feeling extremely jaded by not only people who’ve met in person and known for years, even a lifetime. I’m also hurt that in today’s day and age people just refuse to share something as small as a daughters go fund me or campaign so her mother can live. That really just puts the dagger in the heart. Humans will share a terrible meme instead. Or they will share and get enough money for someone who has passed away. I understand it’s hard and upsetting, no one should have to loose anyone. It’s a terrible thing. I’ve lost many in my life as well. I understand we all need money. It just hurts knowing that trying to save your mothers life ,only about 1% of people will actually share. I mean I guess I expect too much of those whom I consider friends, and the world. But also my feelings are valid. If we as a human race can raise funds for a funeral or protests or dog vet bills etc. Why can’t we make this happen to save a persons life? This really boggles my mind. Does the human race only care after someone is truly gone to show any type of sympathy? Am I cursed?! Did I do something so horrible to someone to not have life treat me better? I’ve tried changing my life. (Then I broke my foot. So depression yay!) changing my outlook on life. Ive tried being positive , looking for the silver lining to every situation. But nothing seems to work. I feel like I’m at a loss no matter what I do. I’ve never felt like I’ve had the support of a family. Ones that have aunts, uncles, great aunts & uncles , cousins. Growing up my mum moved away. Now I know why do to terrible pedo great uncles and more. But that’s a whole other story. Point being. I’ve always felt like I tried to be there for people. Everyone. I’m not ungreatful, I’m just sad ,depressed, uncertain, scared. Like Chester said “ why’s everything so heavy?!” That hits. It hits hard. When will we catch a break? When will I catch a break? Oof this turned into a while depressing thing. 😞 signing off for now!

I remember spending all the money I didn’t have just so we could go together. Even after papa passed and I used everything I had to burry him. Because we didn’t get much then either. But to those who have and did and might. I am forever thankfully and great full .

I just have a lot of feelings. I don’t believe my feelings are wrong or right . It’s just how I feel in the state of things. I feel let down by everything. They say be thankful for life but sometimes that’s hard.

[mellehface]

It’s been well over 3 years since I’ve used you tumblr. I am so very sorry. I thought I could survive with out you but I was wrong. I’ve missed it here. Also I have so much to say personally! I’ll be turning this into my personal blog now! If ya dont like it that’s cool! Because I like it and I like meeee! Okay bye update later tonight! I need my brain to work right!!

[onnewyearsday]

“In life, you accumulate scars, you accumulate hurt, you accumulate moments of learning and disappointment and struggle and all that. And if someone’s gonna take your head, they better take your hand, scars and all.”

—Taylor Swift at NPR Tiny Desk Concert

[shittycryptids]

A unicorn but with an eye where its horn should be and horns where its eyes should be.

[mobgrazing]

[marionettejones]

They sure look strange. Might look cool if it’s drawn some other way

[irjm-blog]

[taylorswift]

💕