Mellonballer @mellonballer - Tumblr Blog

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compyuter

🪤

such an awesome emoji

solardrake

🧍 oh shit is that's a cheese 🚶

crushy-wushy-mushy

when men roll up their sleeves and show their slutty little forearms i wither away like a Victorian man seeing ankles for the first time

enbycrip

nooby-banana

ofdinosanddais1

Guys, they're selling autism at walmart now

knowledgetosorrow

konoko

maculategiraffe

okay so while we were moving into the new house we left the door propped open and a fat, peaceable raccoon moseyed in, looked around, climbed the water heater, curled up on the laundry room shelf and fell asleep. what do I do now

maculategiraffe

-he is asleep. he literally sat down and washed his tummy like a kitty cat and then tucked his nose into his tail and fell asleep. he is sleeping like a little angel on my laundry shelf

-the room he is in has a door to the outside but there's no way to close the room off from the rest of the house

-animal control opens 8am monday. for out of hours emergencies it says to call the cops. I'm not calling the cops on a sleepy raccoon

-I am also very sleepy

maculategiraffe

Okay I made a little trail of pieces of bread leading along the shelf and onto the water heater and onto a chair next to the water heater and across the floor and out the door and turned off the lights and made myself a nice cup of cocoa and waited and waited and waited and waited and FINALLY he peaceably ate his way out the door. sadly in my excitement I knocked over my nice cup of cocoa all over the floor but at least now there's no raccoon in my house so 🎉

mclennonyaoi

cardinal sin….? no…. they wouldn’t…. would they?

bunjywunjy

Do you have any blessed facts laying around? Today was :( need a :)

unlike rabbits, a baby hare can run, fight, or flee almost immediately after birth.

faboo978

Fresh out of the womb, ready to fuck shit up.

lavendarjevil

look at his gotdamn attack pose in the 2nd, this man will NOT hesitate

kingscrown666

S T A N C E D

sumrot

aranock

This is good advice, but also why this picture?

biglawbear

It’s hard for two horses to be intimate when there’s an erupting volcano nearby. What’s not clicking

shroombies

So pissed I can't say punctuation out loud. Nothing I can verbalize holds the same impact as just going

quietstorm-thundathighs

facts

unaenanasinamor

ahhh honey, people lie about being sick

quietstorm-thundathighs

Oh illiterate honey that isn’t the topic of discussion

antique-scarecrow

always be suspicious when someone tries to derail a conversation by talking about people taking ‘advantage’ of a social safety net. brings this to mind:

vaporwavelich-gotta-move

You know what, no, I’m adding to this:

@unaenanasinamor

“People lie about being sick” is practically verbatim what the management at my old factory job told me when I expressed concern back at the start of the COVID pandemic, that their staunch refusal to change or allow leniency to their attendance policy was going to result in a lot of people getting sick because it would make people still come into work while symptomatic and then start passing the virus around like a damn football. And these were concerned expressed right after we had made it through a flu season where that very thing fucking happened.

So I quit that job because I wasn’t going to get sick off of their refusal to grant any wiggle room for employees that started showing symptoms, and you know what happened?

A month later, they shut down, because they were overrun with positive cases, and one of their employees fucking died.

So. Your comment may be 4 years old and predate COVID by 2 years but uhhhh. Shut the fuck up, actually. Even prior to COVID I suffered every time I had to spend nearly an entire check just to get the proof I needed to not be fired. I never earned that money back. I missed a week of work due to a massive STAPH infection and came back to a boss desperate to push me out of the job because it was her shitty working conditions that made me sick in the first place.

People should be able to go to the doctor without it bleeding them dry and people should be able to take time to rest without fear of reprisals. Asshole.

civilizedthings

I always wonder if people’s minds would change if they know how differently higher status/paid jobs handle this?

I’m sick and the entire process to taking a week off was canceling a bunch of meetings and chatting my boss, “I’m sick, I’ll be out.” His entire response? “Rest up! :)”

I took two weeks off this spring and applied for family medical leave, and he told me if it didn’t come through, to just take the time and not worry about it. I really do not say this to brag, I say it to highlight how deeply unjust it is that the people with the best healthcare and wages are also assumed to be trustworthy. Are you really angrier about somebody in retail cheating Marshall’s than about that?

communismlives

Welfare Trolley Problem: You could pull the lever to save all six people from being killed by the train, but it’s possible that one of them might be faking it.

weaselle

also … doctors will lie too. Because they fucking hate writing sick notes.

My father is a retired doctor of internal medicine, and he hates that shit so much. For one thing, it means some shitty manager has turned my dad into his student hall monitor, handing out passes instead of helping heal people. It’s a waste of time and resources, and it’s insulting.

But the main thing is, a policy like that endangers people.

Say you have the flu. Fever, cough, sore throat. First of all, he can’t help you. The doctor is just going to tell you to drink a lot of fluids and sleep and stay home. Many many illnesses are like that, all you can really do is stay hydrated and let your body do its thing. But you knew to do that already.

Since you’re there already, he’s going to recommend some over the counter medicine, and if you are a loud enough asshole and your doctor works for a shitty enough hospital, he’ll cave and prescribe you antibiotics that won’t work because the flu is a virus not a bacteria, but that’s a whole other post.

The thing is, he has other patients. And some of them are immuno-compromised, and some of them have conditions that make lung illnesses or fevers particularly risky for them, and you just brought your extra-contagious self into the same waiting room they sit in. Touched a bunch of doorknobs, rode the elevator with a couple nurses, leaned in to hear what the receptionist was saying… all so that he can tell you the best thing you can do is not leave your house for any reason, which you knew already but your fucking job made you do it.

my father was so angry about it he used to offer any amount of time for any reason. Like, you’d come in and say, like, my shoulder is too sore to lift things at my lifting job, note for two days please, and my dad would literally just say “how long do you actually want off work?” as in, if you had the money to take six months off and wanted to, he’d write the note for six months. As far as he was concerned, the more it screwed over the business making both of you do this bullshit, the better.

So. It’s not like forcing people to get a doctor’s note prevents lying about it, if that was your main reason for thinking it’s a good policy.

etherea1ity

thelibrawrian-deactivated201912

i was thinking about the weirdest phone calls i got when i still worked at the public library and i remembered this one phone call. it was probably less than 20 seconds long, but it still makes me laugh.

anyways, this woman called and without even saying hello after i said the usual “public library, how can i help you?” spiel, she said, “i have a very important question: when you shelve books, do you push them all to the front of the shelf or all the way back?”

it took me a second to process the question and then i answered that, at the library, we always shelve them so that they are even with the front edge so they’re easier to grab and see. she was obviously delighted by this answer and then, as if an afterthought, she asked, “okay, what about you? what do you do at home with your books?” i said i did the same thing. she hummed in obvious agreement and then just like that she said “thank you!” and hung up.

i never heard from her again. i hope she won whatever argument she was having.

tehzii

for about a year, i worked at a call center for sprint. i have a similar kind of story. a woman called, and said she had a question about the call history on her bill. “sure, let me just pull up your account-” and she cut me off going, “no, no, it’s not anything specific, it’s just. so, if you change the time on your phone, does that change the time on the bill?” “uh… no? the time on the phone doesn’t matter, the call history is recorded by the towers.” “ohhhh” she said in the saltiest voice i have ever heard “so even if you changed the timezone it wouldn’t change the time on the bill? to, say, the middle of the night?” i stg yall i looked into the camera like i was on the office. “um… no? it would still be the local time of the tower. is there anything else i can help you with?” to me, overly chipper: “nope! thank you! have a great day!” turning on someone as she hung up: “she says yoU’RE A LYING SACK OF-” i still mean-snicker every time i think about it.

ladyzolstice

i used to work in a call center for a roadside assistance company, from late 2015 to early 2016. it was easily the most miserable job i’ve ever had, and the turnover rate was very high. people stuck on the side of the road tend to be quick to anger - understandably so - and it wears on you after awhile.

so i had been having a string of very time-consuming, draining calls. my line rings again, i steel myself for another angry caller, and i pick up. “[redacted] roadside assistance, how can i help you?” i chirp, in my Customer Service Voice.

“yeah, hi,” a gentleman with a thick southern accent responds. “my motorcycle won’t start.”

i brace immediately for another long call. motorcycles were notoriously difficult to work with - a lot of insurance companies wouldn’t insure them, and a lot of tow companies refused to pick them up because they require a specific sort of trailer.

“i’m sorry to hear that, sir. what’s your current location?”

“oh, i’m just at my house. i was wondering if it would be okay for me to just load it into my trailer and take it to my buddy’s shop. would that interfere with my insurance?”

i click through his account and am Relieved to discover he’s in the clear. “No sir, it looks like you’re good to go. Can I help you with anything else?”

A pause. “Have you heard the good news?”

My Anxiety, which had been receding, suddenly spikes into the fucking stratosphere. I live in the rural south. The “good news” usually means “Jesus” and i was in no mood to be proselytized to for god knows how long.

i steel myself for the Religious Talk. “What news, sir?”

“McDonald’s is now serving breakfast all day!”

I laughed so hard I almost cried. I hope that guy ate as many hashbrowns as he could.