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@mentallystrongphysicallyfit
Spring is actually coming! I came home around 7 tonight and the sun was still out and I can see patches of (dead) grass! Iāve been so used to it being dark by 5. Minnesota winters always seem to get me down after a while so the warmer temps and extra sunlight have definitely been lifting my mood. āļø
We went for our first walk of the year tonight after dinner! Love that itās still light out after 6 pm!
Advocating for Youself...
So, I havenāt always been good at advocating for myself and my health. Through watching my dadās cancer experience with the health care system, my mother-in-law being a retired doctor, and my own experiences in the past 16 months with mental and bariatric health care, I have realized that my health is up to me! I NEED to advocate for my own health and what I need to make this journey work for me.
One of the things Iāve realized that I need to do is check my weight more frequently to be aware with how Iām doing with making progress toward my goals. Now, at my current weight, there is no good or easy way to do this. Most scales, even ones designed for heavier people, do not have the capability of weighing me currently. There are only a few places that have scales that I can use. One of them is at the bariatric weight-loss surgery place, but that is extremely out-of-the-way and cost money to park. Another is at my primary care clinic, but that is really out-of-my-way as well.
But, Iāve been regularly going to the YMCA once a week, and this month two or three times a week! I contacted the YMCA, but was not surprised to find out that their scale wouldnāt work for me. I do know that the YMCA is practically next-door to a hospital.
I decided today to find out if there was any way for me to check my weight on a scale somewhere in the hospital occasionally (once a week at most). When I called, I was transferred half a dozen times and nobody seemed to have an answer to my question. I eventually left a voicemail with the patient care representative and she called me back. Through the tone of her voice she made it known that this was a HUGE inconvenience for her to find out this information for me. Instead of giving up, I made it clear to her that I need to have access, if possible, to a scale. She said she could check and would call me back. I hope she does call me back, even if it is to say that there isnāt a option for me to use a scale there.
I need to keep advocating for myself, if I want to meet my goals. This isnāt easy with all the shame and embarrassment that comes from just existing at this high of weight. Instead of hiding and pretending I donāt exist, I need to keep asking and demanding that I get the help I deserve to achieve the health goals I have. Iāll try to remember to update with the results of this story. My plan āBā is to check with my therapist to see if the new scale they got at my mental health treatment center will work for me. I go there every Monday for group, so weighing in there could be an option as well.
If you read all that, thanks for your support! Know you arenāt alone! :)
I didnāt get around to posting this yesterday, but hereās my selfie from last night! I was tagged by @aywaitforitla to share a selfie, so here is the first picture I took with my new (to me) cell phone! Iām so happy to have a new cell phone because I was getting so tired of never having any storage space on my phone. I take ALL of my photos with my phone, so having a better quality camera on my phone helps too! I am just getting my first cup of coffee for today and trying to get work done ASAP. This week is busy with appointments and meetings. Iāll be glad when itās the weekend again!
Okay so Iāve had kale before, but this is my first time buying it fresh.
Suggestions on easy things to do with it please!
Or how to prep!
šššš
@mystoryfortheaudienceoftheworld
Hope these recipes and ideas help you out! We had so much Kale this summer in our weekly produce box, I have figured out what we like. Our favorite way to eat it is cooked.
The first way I ever ate kale was in this soup! Itās so simple, but really, really delicious! Itās also really low points if you use turkey meatballs!
You can use spinach or escarole in this soup as well.
Next, Iāve used kale instead of spinach in egg scrambles or breakfast burritos. I know you make eggs regularly for breakfast. Just cook the kale a little before adding it to your eggs.
Last, I have also have made these corn muffins to have with chili or a salad or sandwich.
Anyone else catch tonightās beautiful sunset? #nofilter #sunset https://www.instagram.com/p/BtW-DPmDzbw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h30q52clxg9n
Itās so pretty!!!
Best wedding present we received! Itās so satisfying to refill it and see all the deliciousness!!!
Hi friends šš»
Iāve been extra quiet because I spent the entire past week being sick. My students were rockstars though and we had a good week. Itās sadly easier for me to tough it out at school than to try and get a sub (probably wouldnāt have gotten one) and spent several hours writing sub plans. Donāt worry, we Cloroxed daily and I stayed away from high fives and hugs.
Recent happenings though.
A got called into his managers office and they told him heās getting a 2% raise and a random $1200 bonus! So he took me out to our new favorite Indian place for dinner one night. I tried something new and got coconut chicken. Gahhh, so delicious.
Then a few nights later when I was really in the middle of not feeling good, we got pho. Eating out twice in one week isnāt our norm, but both were so comforting and worth the little splurge.
Meals we cooked though included instant pot pepperchini chicken, a breakfast scramble, and roasted deliciousness. This is definitely one of my favorites because itās so easy. Itās just chicken sausage, red potatoes, and whatever veggies you want with some olive oil and spices. Then we baked ours at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes.
In non-food related news, I got another nail in one of my tires so I had to take it in one night this week. Of course I was working on teacher things while I waited. We are doing a math project where student are learning about area, perimeter, and measurement by creating gingerbread houses so I was drafting plans for it.
Iām feeling better, but it involved lots of meds and tea and even a few nights sleeping in the second bedroom. I went to bed by 9pm every night.
BUT GUESS WHAT. Iām horrible and never posted it because I got sick right after.
WE FINALLY HAVE HOT SHOWERS. It took four months and two days and thereās still a few things to fix, but itās been glorious and so rewarding.
Okay, thereās a week of posts in one. Thanks for reading if you made it this far and happy Saturday!
Yay!!!!! So glad the Shower Saga of 2018 is finally over! Lol. Also, glad you are feeling better! Being sick sucks, especially when still teaching. Happy weekend!!!
š YUM! Homemade Chicken Broccoli Fettuccine Alfredo for lunch! https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq5UY0YHeAG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1wod4in2jrdgb
I got tagged by @tubadougblog for a SDS. Iām not smiling because I have never felt this amount of pain in my neck. I have no clue if I pulled a muscle or if I have a pinched nerve, but yesterday and today Iāve been in so much pain. Ibuprofen and a heating pad have helped, but if Iām not significantly better by tomorrow, Iām gonna have to go into the doctor. So, my weekend has been severely hampered by this unfortunate injury. How has your weekend been? What are you up to? I tag @aywaitforitla @rachaelfightsback and @mystoryfortheaudienceoftheworld Letās see your (hopefully smiling) faces!
Hi! Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing your journey through this eating disorder. It is so, so inspiring and encouraging to see the ups and downs and know Iām not alone in this fight.
Hey! Youāre welcome! I used to feel like there was something wrong with me... That I was a failure and would never free my mind of the obsessive thoughts about food. But now I know that these thoughts and feelings are because of a medical issue that I didnāt know I had. I donāt wanna only show the good stuff, because itās not always easy, and I donāt always feel great. But Iām working at it and I know Iām much better than I used to be. When I slip up, I can recover quicker and use skills I learned in therapy to move on. I know Iām very lucky to have an amazing therapist who I connect with and who always just āknowsā what I need. Another reason I post is because the world treats people with diagnosed mental conditions like we are ācrazyā or even worse, they say we are pretending to try to get attention. What most people donāt understand is that I didnāt ask to have Binge Eating Disorder just like no one asks for diabetes or cancer. So, I hope with this little blog that I can help bring awareness and knowledge to mental health issues, and let others know you are not alone! Thank you @graciefromspacie for your kind words!
Advice for a Friend
Woah! Two posts from me in one week! Itās like a record or something! Lol. Okay, so a friend was struggling and I sent a long message to her, but thought Iād share this advice here too. Iām not a medical professional or an expert, but if this helps even one person, I will be glad.
I canāt even begin to imagine how this struggle feels, but in my personal struggle with my weight, the surgery, my eating disorder and mental health journey, here a few things Iāve learned that really help me:
1) My feeling are my feelings - if Iām sad or depressed about something super silly or trivial and other people would say āthatās stupid to think or feel that wayā, I still need to honor that this is how I feel. Itās not āwrongā to have these emotions. By trying to not feel the way I feel, I tend to slip up and go to food to comfort me when food really wonāt make anything better. Instead, I use the tools that I know work for me to get through the emotional times and move on. Some days this is easy and other days it feels impossible.
2) This leads me to the thing that works best for me when Iām struggling. That is to reach out and talk to someone. My husband, my mom, a friend, or even making a post on tumblr or another social media platform. Focusing my mind on the task of writing or talking can be the first step to changing how I feel.
3) If no one is around, or I donāt want to publicly admit how Iām feeling, writing it down can help. In a journal, on a post-it note, or in an unsent email to myself, writing out what Iām thinking and feeling can help. Itās also nice to have this as a reference when Iām getting ready for my therapy sessions. Since I only meet with my therapist twice a month, it can be a long time before I can process what happened and my emotions I was feeling at the time, so having a documented place to remember exactly what happened and what I was feeling is a good place to start working through it with my therapist.
4) Finally, I often hear things my therapist has told me in the past that have stuck with me. Repeating this things my therapist has said over the past 10 months can help. The first step is identifying, which you can do! So now itās just figuring out what types of things you can say to yourself in these situations that will help.
Itās been a while since Iāve posted... Honestly, Iām more a lurker than a blogger anyway. But Iām rarely feeling this good about myself, so I thought Iād post a couple selfies. I am rocking my medical diet and down 3% of my excess body weight. Iām 20% to the goal the surgeon set for me to have my weight loss surgery. Itās nice and sunny š our today and Iāve been EXTREMELY productive! Off to tutor, then home for dinner with my hubby. Hope everyone who sees this is having a happy hump day!
The Urge...
So, yesterday I gave in and went for fast food when I didnāt need it and with the sole purpose of feeding my urge to binge. Iād had a breakdown in the morning and instead of working through the emotions in a rational way, I just said F-it and went for fast food. I let it lead to a skipped meal (supper) and late night binge after that. I havenāt given in to this urge in so long, it was like visiting an old friend, so familiar and it drowned out my sadness and the feelings I was experiencing that I didnāt want to feel at the time.
āāāāāāāāāāā
Cut to today... Now the guilt and shame of giving in to my urges yesterday is hitting and Iām doing my best to break the cycle and not let yesterday lead into another day of binges. So far, Iām holding on strong, but I feel my reserve slipping.
I went to have toast and coffee for breakfast, but the bread was moldy :( But my husband washed my favorite coffee mug and I had some fresh peaches on the counter that were perfectly ripe and juicy. But that was 6 hours ago and I havenāt eaten anything else since then. Chalk it up to poor planning, but the leftovers I should eat in the fridge are just not appealing to me at the moment and there isnāt anything I can cook or eat quick (usually when Iām hangry and need to eat I make a sandwich and just make do, but since the bread was moldy I canāt make a sandwich...). I put delivery pizza in my cart twice, but talked myself out of ordering that to binge on. I tried calling my mom or chatting my husband, but no one was available, so my next list of things to do to distract myself from a binge is to post about it... So here I am, resisting the urge to binge. I know Iām hungry and need to eat, but I have to come up with a reasonable meal. When I just typed my go-to quick and easy meal is a sandwich, it reminded me I can get a quick delivery sandwich from Jimmy Johns and get a single sandwich with veggies and supplement the meal with veggie sides I have here. So thatās what Iām going to do.
Whew... Today, the urge was defeated. Thanks tumblr!
The only thing that makes me get my homework done early on a Holiday Monday morning is using my favorite highlighters! Later this week Iāll be glad I spent so much time reading and working on homework, but right now Iām not having much fun! lol https://www.instagram.com/p/BnRY-HmnT6N/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19rmyh5c87e4t
What goes up - - - must come down...
So, the past couple of weeks have been some of the best/most productive for me in a LONG time. I was riding a natural SUPER high of feeling great about myself (well, not great, but not hating myself as much as usual, which honestly felt so great!!!). Then tonight, it was like an avalanche of crap, followed by the undoing of a lot of my good feelings. Iām trying so hard to not let this put me in a bad head space - Iām using my skills and trying not to catastrophize, but honestly I just am out of ways to solve this problem that I was so sure was fixed and fixed for good today. Literally TODAY I get like, āgreat, this problem is solved and now I can not worry about it anymoreā but of course in the middle of the night it all came undone. Why, oh why? But the only thing I have control over is my reaction to this situation and Iām going to do my best to handle it today (even though I will have gotten less than two hours of sleep). Thanks for reading and sorry this is so vague.
A Change...
So, over these last 8 months, Iāve had 22 therapy sessions, 9 dietitian appointments (Eating disorder dietitian specifically), 2 PT meetings, 4 OT meetings, and 27 BED group meetings (they are really more like a class) with 7 weeks left of the relapse prevention group. All these appointments have made a HUGE change in my life.
I think about food completely differently now, and itās been such a positive change! Itās been hard work and Iāve felt like it was never gonna get any easier, but this week I realized that using my tools has become easier the more and more I practice.
The change has been so gradual over time, that I couldnāt see it happening and know that it was taking place until I stepped back and looked at the whole picture. I really have made so many changes these last 8 months. Iām different. Iām in a better place. And I like it!
You Are Not Alone!
- if you are unhappy with your body
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you feel like you canāt be happy unless you lose weight
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you canāt do things you want to do because of your size or weight or physical ability
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you feel like you are always āfailingā and āstarting overā
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you have 10, 25, 100, 200, or more pounds you want to lose
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you feel like youāll never reach your goals
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you feel like living a āhealthyā lifestyle is the hardest thing youāll ever do
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- if you feel like you are going through this struggle alone
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
I hope that anyone who reads this can tell, I feel these things every day, but on here I knowā¦ I am not alone!
