Huge, long-ass pregnancy rant
And yes, I chose this, ultimately.
But I am miserable sometimes. Not just a bit tired, as is to be expected when one is cooking a human. But miserable.
Nobody tells you “this is what it’s like”. Nobody tells you anything other than how great it is to feel your child move the first time, to see that little person on the scan and to talk baby names.
Nobody mentions the leaky boobs, so bad some nights it marks the sheets and you wake up in a damp patch. Nobody mentions the mad-sensitive vagina and the sweating and the inability to get comfortable sometimes.
They don’t mention that sure, that first kick is magical. But then, after a while, those kicks or punches or twitches feel pretty darn strange - after all, that’s literally a human being moving around inside you and will actually sometimes be kind of painful. They do not tell you that heartburn will strike for no reason. They do not tell you that it is tiring carrying your bump around and they do not tell you that everyone will feel the absolute right to touch it, even when you don’t want them to.
They fail to mention how even people super-close to you will assume this right, and get annoyed when you say, I do not want you touching me right now. Because after all, it’s their neice/nephew/grandchild/cousin or whatever. They fail to mention to you how most of the symptoms for pre-eclampsia are stuff that’s going to happen anyway, so you will spend ages panicking you’re going to die.
They don’t mention to you that yes, your back and legs will hurt but so will your hips and your cervix. They do not mention that increased discharge is an occupational hazard - don’t throw out those pads, for God’s sake.
Sure, they tell you about hormones, warn you you might get a little emotional and a bit weepy. They don’t mention that you will also go through phases where you want to kill everyone who so much as breathes loud, and that you’ll have days when it is really darn hard to get up because you are so, so tired. They don’t tell you that everyone you meet - regardless of whether they have been pregnant or not - might well choose to share their opinions of pregnancy with you.
They don’t mention that people will say “I loved being pregnant!” and thus make you feel like a shitty person if you don’t love it, because you’re thinking there’s something wrong with you for not enjoying it. They tell you to keep active! It’s so good for the baby! when the reality is you can barely find the energy to walk to the toilet and back.
They do not tell you that just because a pregnancy went one way, does not mean yours will. They do not tell you to ignore the textbooks because the reality is there is no such bloody thing as a “typical” pregnancy. They do not tell you how annoying endless gender-speculation will get.
Nobody will mention to you that maternity clothes might not be your thing, or that you might not be able to afford to replace your entire wardrobe because you got to get the baby things before you. They don’t mention that a decent A-line frock might cover that base for you. They do not mention that what is important in a bra is that it is comfortable, instead they push maternity bras and nursing bras and god knows what else on you.
They definitely don’t tell you that people around you might make really excited plans for “when the baby comes” revolving around them seeing little one all the time, and having cuddles whenever they come over and making plans for taking the baby on walks that somehow, never seem to feature you and they definitely do not give you any information on how to tell those people to dream the hell on.
So yeah. Right now I’m not enjoying this too much. And I am far, far too tired to apologise.
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