More of you need to learn about these ☝️
Claire Keane
Cosmic Funnies

ellievsbear
tumblr dot com
Sade Olutola
Xuebing Du
i don't do bad sauce passes
Sweet Seals For You, Always
styofa doing anything
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
wallacepolsom
Mike Driver
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

roma★

titsay

oozey mess
NASA
Misplaced Lens Cap
Jules of Nature

seen from Germany
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seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
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seen from India

seen from United States

seen from Singapore
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@meridele473
More of you need to learn about these ☝️
happy pride to my favourite post on reddit
i’m on that weird shit. i’m jacking odd. disturbating. creeping my meat
*scared* what’s gonna happen on june tenth
Happy Pride Month to those two women dancing together in the foreground of the boat scene in Godzilla (1954).
I’m sorry your romantic foibles were overshadowed by a big ass atomic lizard thing.
out of the tags with you
thinking fondly of this meme I made for a coworker years and years ago
this is going around again and the tags are full of people talking about printing it out to put in their breakroom or cubicle or sending it to their coworkers, which fills me with great joy. vast diversity of professions represented also. zoos. labs. summer camps. restaurants. garden centers. libraries. schools. many reports from the brave warriors of assorted retail. a truth universally acknowledged: if there is a sign a customer will not read it <3 and they don't read emails either <3
Thinking about this again as someone breezes past the “how to find this” quick guide full of screenshots and my slack handle “email Librarian” to send a dm ask ‘does the library have this book?’
In theory, maybe I get the “we’re all just playing with barbies, they’re fictional characters, no interpretation is incorrect because it’s an interpretation” argument. But actually no, not all takes are equally valid. Framing something as an interpretation doesn’t mean it inherently has merit. Some takes are completely incorrect and betray a fundamental misunderstanding of the source material. They just aren’t a reason to harass people or send death threats
@hyunienohanashi
I’m glad that OP:
1) Figured this out.
2) Shared so others can learn from their mistake.
so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY–
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
“i received the tv bill today,” my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. “does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?”
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
silence.
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
silence.
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
“don’t expose my kid to that crap.”
DON’T
EXPOSE
MY KID
TO THAT CRAP
“if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room.”
I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
are you fucking kidding
i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
are you fucking kidding
this is the best thing i’ve ever done
*flies past*
omfg did you guys see that????
"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.
she cries if I dont hold her, so I have to use my exercise bike like this
Did I ever tell you guys the story about how my ex-boyfriend nearly became the first person to die in a duel in England in over 100 years whilst duelling my then-boyfriend??
Okay so. In the interest of their privacy I’ll be referring to them by the initials of their first names, so R and B respectively.
Now, I’m one of those people who has always somehow managed to remain pretty good friends with most of his exes, so after dating for close to two years, R and I break up, mutually, and remain close. I’m also pretty good at picking them, so when I get together with B a few months later, I’m pleased that neither of them are weird about me still being close friends with R.
Skip to like 7 months later. Me and B move in together, into a tiny, crappy house in probably the most toxic residential area in Europe. We had a view of a used car place from our bedroom window and a view of another used car place from the back bedroom window. There was also the soft, comforting glow of a chemical plant nearby, which I’m pretty sure gave the soil the same PH level as vinegar, but whatever. Rent was cheap, and they let us have our kitten, Renly.
So we throw this housewarming party. A bunch of friends are there, R included, and everyone is drinking and having a good time.
Now, some background on B; I dated him, which means obviously he had some weird interests. So he’s a history nerd, and part of being a history nerd means he has few really cool 19th century sabres and things. They’re mostly blunt, except for one, which he keeps sharp in case anyone ever breaks in. We were in a rough area, so it was a pretty good idea.
Unfortunately though, they’re all kept together.
So after a few more drinks R and B get talking, and they start to discuss the sabres - only to discover that they both have a background in fencing. They think this is fantastic.
That’s when they decide to duel. They both grab a sabre, very much convinced they’re blunt, and take to the garden for an impromptu fencing match.
So I’m standing there, the most sober person in the house, watching this happen and thinking maybe it isn’t a great idea. They give it a good go, they’re both pretty good, and everyone is cheering them on. It seems harmless enough, they’re joking about duelling over me.
Suddenly though, R stops abruptly, and says, with deadly calm; ‘Oh, I think you got me there.’
Before B can ask if he’s okay R has lifted up one arm and a huge gush of blood comes pouring out. Like, everywhere. This is like that scene from The Shining. Blood all over him, all over the ground, it’s a mess. B looks like he’s about to pass out, he’s already imagining how badly he’ll do in prison, and everyone else is too stunned to do anything. Turns out B didn’t pick up a blunt sabre afterall.
Then R faints. We get him into a chair and I’m fortunately quick thinking - I get a tea towel and wrap it around his arm to stop the blood as best as I can. I then call for an ambulance.
Obviously they have to send the police as well because ‘someone got stabbed with a sword’ doesn’t fly too well. So the ambulance crew arrives, and a police car arrives. When asked what happened I said ‘They were duelling and he got caught by accident’ the police’s response was a long pause, and then to just laugh and say ‘wear armour next time!’ (Can you tell we have white privilege???)
So I’m still in a state of shock whilst R is getting wheeled out on a stretcher. Apparently another police car overheard what happened on the radio and was so fascinated that they showed up ‘just to watch’ because it was a slow night. This is a cop car full of really young rookies, it looks like fucking Mumford and Sons just turned up at our house in uniforms.
During all of this our kitten, Renly, gets out because the doors are all open with people coming and going.
So it’s 2:00AM, and this is the current situation:
- B is crying because he doesn’t want to go to jail for manslaughter and also he’s worried he killed his friend.
- There’s a bunch of police officers in our kitchen drinking tea and eating our biscuits.
- Officers Mumford and Sons are in the used car place outside our house trying to lure our 14 week old kitten out from under a car.
- R is nearly unconscious in the back of an ambulance.
- The neighbours, who had previously been dicks to us, are now terrifyingly quiet because they think B is a dangerous man who goes about stabbing people with swords.
So I get into the ambulance to go to the hospital with R, who is full on delirious at this point from blood-loss and morphine. I was planning to have a fancy dress ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed birthday party that year, and the last thing R says to me before passing out completely is ‘It’s a shame he didn’t get my hand or I could’ve come to your party as Jaime Lannister’.
Anyway he gets to the trauma ward and he’s okay. He lost quite a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. He now has a big scar there.
He came over once he got out of hospital with pizza and we all laughed about it. We’re still friends.
He and B both tell that story to everyone who’ll listen, and I get to boast that I’m the pretty twink who had two men nearly fight to the death over me.
laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!
i trusted you
Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people
THE ORIGINAL?!?!?!?!?!
movie called technically blonde where she goes to trade school instead
No but you don't understand. Rocking up to Welding class with 100% barbie pink tools is such a POWER MOVE.
"Jeremy, I'd really like my orbital sander back ^_^"
"... didn't know it was yours..."
(Legit excited, no sarcasm) "Someone ELSE has the original Box 20-Volt Brushless Cordless Detail Sander with Dust Management?!?!?!?!"
"...no..."
Teacher walking up like "Miss Woods, is that a nail file"
(Elle, blasting compressed air to get rid of the nail file sand)
"Actually, its an emery board. But yes! :D It's a finer grit than what we have, and I've always found these easier to handle"
"...Ok, fair enough."
Elle making friends with the 6 year old daughter of one of her classmates. (Child care ain't cheap, I get it. Bring your kid to class)
Elle learning how to drive a forklift/motorcycle/semi-truck
Elle giving an impromptu lecture in the break room about what gifts to give their wives/girlfriends/mothers
Fucking laser cut "bless this mess" sign on her locker (I lied. It would totally be live, laugh, laser)
Elle's car breaks down and 20+ dudes coming out to show her how to fix it. (And realizing her mechanic is ripping her off)
Every single guy in the building filled with instant despair when she gets with one of the butch lesbians in the program.
Gimme plzzz
Proposal: She takes her car to a mechanic and it's beat for beat like the original movie scene at the dress shop, where the mechanic *tries* to rip her off and she nods along and then eviscerates her with precise technical details.
The rest of Elle's class now shun that mechanics' shop and tell everyone else to as well, so that place ends up going out of businesss, which allows someone else in the class to open up a sparkling pink and perfectly trustworthy shop of his own.