what I want is a merthur fic that reckons with the very real and right feelings Arthur should have for being lied to by his closest friend, and I don't want Merlin forgiven for the choice either, but to live with the fact that his lies hurt Arthur in ways that cannot be repaired.
I think about the sword in the stone episode, where Arthur is at another of his lowest points, and possibly the lowest yet in the series, and is so devastatingly lost to himself, until he pulls Excalibur from the stone and accepts himself at last--and how it wasn't Arthur at all, but Merlin, because it was Merlin's magic that dislodged the sword that Merlin's magic also put into that stone.
I'm not saying that it's not a very satisfying and powerful scene. I'm saying that we as a fandom needs to reckon with the fact that Arthur is routinely betrayed by his best friend and partner, and that's not something I can imagine him being okay with, however much he loves Merlin and however much Merlin does what does because he loves Arthur, too.
I just think about how much that story of the sword in the stone meant to Arthur, and how it must have felt to see his faith in himself be something he himself granted to himself and how powerful this is to experience when you don't know who you are, to be returned to yourself like this, only to discover later (and he never does, I guess, in the show) that it wasn't true in the way he believed it was, even if it was true in other ways.
I'm rambling, but basically, I just want to be honest about Arthur's agency in this show, and how much sympathy I have for him, and that I don't think he's a dumb dumb who was willingly obtuse to Merlin's true role in his life, and that he didn't deserve being lied to like he was, and he was right to be so angry and hurt at the end, however painful it was to watch that scene.
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
