i am here, my heart unwavering.

ashley - 25 - she/her - my gifs - my ao3 - tracking: #bellamyblakru - merlin and everything else - devoted to lee dokyeom

[bellamyblakru]

hi! im ashley! im 25 (she/her), and welcome to my blog🩷

sometimes on queue: #​queue do not yield

sometimes i rant: #ashley rambles

kpop - side blog is @dokyeominie

am a fan of svt (dk ult biased and ot13 biased🤩), skz (felix bias), and ateez (woosan<3), txt (yeonjun🥺), shinee, got7, monstax, day6, bigbang, and others close behind

my animes & c/k/t/jdramas

bbc merlin - write / gifs / all ships

admin on merthur week blog / admin on merwaine fest blog / admin on merlance fest blog

shows - merlin always / the 100 (kinda fell out but bellarke if i do) / got (kinda fell out but jon snow if i do) / a bunch of dramas

books - tog / tgcf / tcp / shatter me / etc…

currently writing: oc book(s) & probably smth merthur

requests welcomed but know i am currently in a creative drought

asks are always welcomed. i love talking to yall.

please tag me in all ur stuff!!! i always wanna throw love on everyone’s creations. tracking is #bellamyblakru

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

i’m tired and want something beautiful and big to happen to me

[bellamyblakru]

hmf

after a piece of my heart left, i found myself wondering what’s the point. we all die, don’t we? every day is a step closer to death. every step inches closer to failing to grasp the one thing we try so desperately to hold onto.

some days i can’t convince myself to move at all. some days i want to change everything about me. some days i fear my life will always be defined by my weight or anxiety. i don’t care about what others think, allegedly. why would i? nothing they think will change who i am or who i love—so why let it bother me at all. and some days, i’m better at believing it.

but then comes a point where i look at what i’m doing with my life, at what i gave up to get here, and find myself fumbling for a purpose all over again. i haven’t written…truly, truly written… in months. sitting down and actively working through my book ideas, parching through my self hatred and doubt, working up the courage to ask others for opinions. it was awful and merciless and frustrating. but it was incredible and hopeful and so painstakingly me.

something is missing now. i’m getting a degree i should be proud of. i should have prospects lined up waiting for me. i should make enough money to make ends meet. i should enjoy what i’m learning and sit with the knowledge until it reflects something deeper within me. it never does, though.

i haven’t written in months. i haven’t cried for a character i created from my heart. i haven’t considered myself a writer for a while now…for what good is a label that is empty…for i am no longer interacting in the world in a way that brings me hope.

[djklmnx]

[bellamyblakru]

okay ive missed yall. im bacc

what comes first on the returning agenda

ashley writes a returing to tumblr honored merthur fic first. then merwaine etc

mercelot week first. everything after

merwaine week first. everything after

start curating merthurweek earlier

everything a once😩

Voting ended onJun 9

[bellamyblakru]

omg YALLL SO CUTEEE!!! okay what should i write😌💖😌💖😌💖😌💖

[bellamyblakru]

okay ive missed yall. im bacc

what comes first on the returning agenda

ashley writes a returing to tumblr honored merthur fic first. then merwaine etc

mercelot week first. everything after

merwaine week first. everything after

start curating merthurweek earlier

everything a once😩

Voting ended onJun 9

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

when the television show makes you feel bad on purpose

[koffeinkaos]

I know there are a lot of different opinions on how Arthur would have reacted if he found out about Merlin's magic earlier and I know many people say that in most fics he's to understanding and soft and I agree to a certain degree if we think about it realistically.

However: While I do think that Arthur would get angry and fall into his old coping patterns I honestly believe if he would have approached Merlin and Merlin would have flinched because he is scared Arthur's anger would have transformed into shame so quick. Arthur would not be able to stand Merlin being afraid of him.

[bgm05]

Would it be considered “gay” to go for a walk in the evening?

[segamascott]

yes like obviously

[tvdaughter]

anyone else feel like a very maladjusted young alien girl child wearing the skin of a grown woman

[kaijuno]

[evilwizard]

[bellamyblakru]

i miss merthur

[fairycosmos]

not only is it not friday it’s not even thursday. or wednesday

[bellamyblakru]

i probably wont be reblogging for a bit. so hiatus warning. ill be back eventually.

my puppy. i’m sorry. i miss you. i love you.

i couldn’t breathe for a minute,

an hour, a day. the sounds that escaped..

they were barely me. i saw myself,

outside myself, hearing the noises.

is that me? why do my sobs sound so..

wrong? i had to take a step back,

i had to look at the truth and see myself

there. i had to sit. i had to watch

my mom sit as firm as a captain on

a battle field, ready to lead us through

the fire. my dad sat close by, watching,

planning, preparing for the worst to come

tomorrow. i had to see myself

so devastatingly helpless,

hoping for something i know will not happen.

no one talks about the powerlessness

of it all happening in your arms.

unable to fight against something

even when you would give your life for it.

i thought i would be calmer. i thought..

i thought i wouldn’t throw myself into

my mother’s open arms and sob.

i thought i wouldn’t apologize for

something i couldn’t stop.

i thought i wouldn’t think of the fear that

my girl must have felt trying to breathe,

trying to stay at my side.

she fought so hard against it.

and i couldn’t do a damn thing.

[parkchanwoohoo]

[isabellecantread]

i enjoy the miserable girl character.

[thinkermerwaine]