[stolentweets]

[whatsfreebaseandwhatsfreeabouti]

Omfg this is of that kid he looks exactly the same

[tom-nippleston]

The people in the apartment below me are playing “Never Have I Ever” and I’m smoking on my porch creeping on their game

[tom-nippleston]

Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn’t intentional! I didn’t know what they were doing!!! Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink

[tom-nippleston]

Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshirt contest

(Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo)

[tom-nippleston]

Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH! Katy: Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche Brandon: I’m being singled out I hate you all

[tom-nippleston]

Guy 2: Never have I ever had a threescore [Pause] Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?!?!?!?! Katy: Shut up Andrew it’s before we even knew each other this was years ago!!! [Pause] Andrew: And you won’t even watch porn with me…

(the family is disintegrating)

[tom-nippleston]

Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational game of Never Have I Ever….

[People saying ‘cheers’]

(stop fighting guys you’re tearing this family apart…..)

[tom-nippleston]

Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food. [Pause] Andrew: Dude Brandon: Dude Katy: Dude omg Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana! Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks. Ester: what the fuck though. Whatever.

(Don’t let them kink shame you Ester I still love you)

[tom-nippleston]

#TeamEster #BananaSplits

[tom-nippleston]

Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side #TeamEster #TeamKink

[tom-nippleston]

Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew

#TeamBananaFucking

[tom-nippleston]

Ester: Never have I ever had a crush on a family member Brandon: [random fumbling noises] Katy: brandon omg ew Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND I WAS 13 IT’S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED Ester: methinks thou dost protest too fucking much Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew

#TeamBananaFucking #TeamWhatTheFuckBrandon

[tom-nippleston]

Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana.

#BananaCreamPie #GamesOverKids #TeamEster

[hotmenandotherdistractions]

This is spectacular.

[oddfilmstills]

[blondeisawesome]

Putin “taking notes” during Obama’s speech.

[you-all-hate-me-deactivated2015]

If obama was speaking I’d do the same thing

[socialjust-ish]

While it’s very possible he’s doodling, let us not forget that Russian Cursive apparently looks like this:

So it is very possible he just has messy handwriting (look at how he’s holding the pen) and is in fact taking notes.

Or he could just be doodling.

[hominishostilis]

I’ve never seen Russian cursive and now I can’t stop laughing. 

[dontneedfeminism]

This kind of thing is why cursive is a horrible idea.

[snowstorm-thirteen]

Russian doctors notes written in cursive. Pretty sure Putin is actually taking notes.

[nikolasdraperivey]

My eyes….

[leonanson-deactivated20160729]

i guess their writing looks like they were rushin

[soylent-peen-deactivated2018121]

STOP

[futureblackwakandan-deactivated]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[inkskinned]

i actually… love people who double or triple or infinity text … what are you excited about because i’m excited too! message me seven times please i’m glad you have a lot to say and i am willing to listen!!

[tachikoma]

[ihavetofart-deactivated20150908]

[prideprejudce]

my cat has been fucking playing me for weeks, playing me like a fucking harp. I feed my cat twice a day with prescribed diet food because she’s really fat and doesn’t know when she’s full so she never stops eating. usually when I come home from class she is all over me like the whore of babylon all over me putting on a pity party and trying to get me to sin and give her more food but no matter what I only feed her the amount of food for her prescribed diet. but after awhile i started noticing that she wasn’t loosing weight at all and was actually just getting fatter. so I called the vet pissed and i’m just like the fuck she’s still getting fat. so I switched her to another diet food and that still didn’t work and I was so confused and frustrated like what is wrong with this cat? so a couple weeks go by and I start noticing that I go through bags of food really fast like a week fast and I remembered how I thought that was so weird like I God honest could not figure out why the food disappeared so fast (my former naive and innocent mind) well y'all ready here’s the fucking climax - the other day my class was canceled and I come downstairs at like noonish and do you know what I see when I get down? I see my fucking cat sitting in the food bin. with my own two eyes I see her sitting in the fucking food bin. my spoiled ass cat has been eating like a fucking queen and living it the fuck up while I’m in class and then pretends like she’s hungry when I get home. and you know what’s the real kicker? when she leaves the lid gets knocked shut which is why i never caught onto her scam. she’s fucking been working the system and playing the food game right under my fucking nose like i want to scream and now I have to call the vet and the morning and explain to him how I, a well educated adult in college, got one-upped in intelligence by my fucking cat

[let-the-phoenix-fly-deactivated]

Read the whole thing.

[keithsweatshop]

[heidiblairmontag]

[jackafz]

I hate her, as I seethe with jealousy

[executionerbarbie]

broke people can get that shit too u ain’t special bitch!!!!! hearts stars and horseshoes lookin ass bitch!!!  

[itscaroline1224]

im dead

[reassuringbuttpats]

IM LAUGHING SO HARD IM WATCHING THE SHOW MALL COPS AND IT REALLY DRAMATICALLY GOES “BUT NOT EVERYONE IS HERE TO SHOP” AND ZOOMS IN TO AKATSUKI COSPLAYERS IM PEEING

[reassuringbuttpats]

[bey]

i want to cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle and cuddle

[mermaidofthe7seas]

Me talking to my dog every night

[slavery]

spell icup

[bombing]

Martha cancel my appointments. i’ve been had

[unevaluated]

me: *about to cry*

friend: are u ok?

me: of course i am!!!! im 100% fine wow how about you?? if you need anyone to talk to, im here for you!!!

[glloryandg0re-deactivated201502]

[joshlerwiki-blog]

if someone asks you who tøp is show them this video

[freckledshins]

[mwnslw]

I want this on a shirt

[cruelbby]

i want to get this on a shirt then wear it to school