To Be a Victor - A Dazai x Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs) oneshot
Summary: Alone, desperate, and hunted by Career Tributes in the 50th Hunger Games. Nakajima Atsushi, a Tribute from District 12, has all odds against him. He's desperate to find Dazai Osamu, a fellow Tribute from District 12 and the boy he loves. There can only be one winner in the Hunger Games and Atsushi and Dazai both want the other to survive.
Words: 9,340
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70897691
Warnings: Death, ...it's the Hunger Games. Plot holes and typos I think.
Note:
Thank you so much for reading my one shot.
I read Sunrise on the Reaping at the same time I was rewatching Bungou Stray Dogs and voila, this one shot was born. Some of the details from the Hunger Games books are different from this one shot and I decided not to put too much pressure on myself for trying to get all the little details right. It's a alternate universe, so we'll just let it do its alternate universe thing.
Read below!
The cannon boom shook the Arena.
Atsushi didn't have to look up at the Arena's projected sky to know that Kyouka Izumi, his friend and fellow tribute from District 12, was dead. The girl in front of him was unrecognizable now. Still. Silent. Pale.
She had been killed by a District 3 trap set by Fitzgerald, a brilliant and wealthy Tribute. His trap activated when a Tribute stepped on the black disc hidden in the brush. A 2,700 volt of electricity would propel through the Tribute. Death was swift and Kyouka may not have even realized what was happening to her as she convulsed on the ground for a few short seconds then went still.
An eagerness for revenge didn't have a chance to gnaw at him. Fitzgerald was long dead. He was killed by a District 2 Tribute, Nathaniel Hawthorne, on the second day of the Hunger Games. After Nathaniel Hawthorne killed Fitzgerland, he stepped on one of Fitzgerald's traps and died. Atsushi and Kyouka found their bodies near each other. Both of them were so worried about leftover traps in the area that they decided not to loot Fitzgerald and Hawthorn's backpacks for food, water, and weapons. The only person Atsushi believed could successfully detect and maneuver around the traps would be his fellow District 12 Tribute, Dazai Osamu.
Kyouka's face was projected over the Arena as the Capitol's anthem blared. The picture of her was taken once they arrived in the Capitol and were forced to take a scalding hot shower with pesticide soap. Her black hair was damp, and curling along her temple. Her blue eyes stared at the camera, stern and defiant. Atushi had never seen Kyouka with a clean face ever, even on the day of the Reaping when they were expected to look their best. This was the same Kyouka that lived in the Seam and worked in the market, washing Peacekeeper's clothes and scrubbing their boots for a meager wage.
Atsushi has been in the arena for six days. The Quarter Quell started with forty-eight tributes, and now with Kyouka's death, the Games were down to four Tributes. He and Dazai from District 12, and Chuuya Nakahara and Akutagawa Ryunosuke, two Career Tributes from District 1. Atsushi almost wanted to laugh at the situation. He was from the poorest District and unequipped for what was coming next. His sponsors were minimal and the oddsmakers expected him to die the first day. What was he doing here at the end of the Games? If Kyouka hadn't been helping him the whole time, then he would've died. He owed his life to her, and he had no way of possibly repaying her now.
Atsushi slapped his cheeks. Every moment he dwelled on his regrets was another moment danger closed in. His District 12 mentors, Fukuzawa Yukichi and Ranpo Edogawa, told him that even when he was mentally weak he had to keep moving.
It was for that reason Atsushi didn't give Kyouka a proper burial like she deserved. He closed her eyes and covered her body with a blanket a very generous sponsor sent them three days ago.
“Goodbye, Kyouka-chan,” Atsushi whispered. He kissed her forehead. All the memories they had together in District 12 bubbled to the surface. He had done well not to cry at the Reaping, the nights he waited for the Games to begin, or during the six days he was in the Arena. Now, he couldn't contain it.
Maybe someone from the Capitol would send him some food, water, and another blanket if he cried for them. They wanted a show, right? Surely, some tears would be enough to pierce the harsh, cold hearts of the Capitol citizens. How sick had his mind become? Kyouka was killed and all he cared about was what he could get from the Capitol.
Atsushi's skin began to sting. His fingertips softly traced the red welts that appeared on his arm. A light rain began to fall over him and the slight stings turned into a painful burning sensation. His arms, face, and neck were peppered with red welts. It had to be acid rain. Dazai told him after one of their training sessions that he believed the Head Gamemaker, Saigiku Jouno, would implement acid rain when he wanted to spice things up towards the end of the Games.
Saigiku Jouno, appeared calm and level headed in interviews, but his sadistic nature was apparent on the first day when he unleashed hundreds of genetically modified white tigers into the arena. Twenty five tributes died that first day. Atsushi clenched his fist at the memory of that day–-He found a large tree with sturdy enough branches and plenty of foliage to camouflage them. Atsushi instructed Dazai and Kyouka to cover themselves in mud. Hiding in a tree was actually not the best way to avoid a tiger, but it was better than being in plain sight on the ground. Because of their vantage point in the tree, Dazai was able to point out that the tigers had a device on its ear that controlled the tigers movements and what it did.
With all that in mind, Jouno's next move would be to push the remaining four tributes towards each other and that's where the final fight would begin. The acid rain would force him to take shelter. The tigers would come later. As Atsushi ran towards the cover of a massive tree, two things ran through his mind.
Find Dazai.
Survive.
A hole in the tree's trunk revealed a hiding spot a previous tribute must've used. There was a blanket, a half eaten tin of cold beans, and the remains of a fire. Atsushi pushed himself into the hole and waited. Hunger dragged its claws through him as he watched ants crawl in and out of the tin of beans. He stuck his fingers in the tin and grabbed a few beans, popping them in his mouth and chewing slowly. The beans were sour and did nothing to satiate his hunger.
Atsushi finished off the beans and watched through lidded eyes the early morning sky give way to a bright sunny day despite the rain falling, dusk, then darkness. He scratched at his arms, neck, and legs all day. He needed to sleep, but his brain was wired to keep him awake and alert. Be aware of tigers. Be aware of Chuuya Nakahara. Be aware of Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. Find Dazai. Survive.
As Atsushi drifted off to sleep, he imagined Dazai's warm hand caressing him, bringing his bruised fingers up to his lips and planting a kiss on them.
—-
Atsushi turned the fire starter over in his hand. It was a birthday gift from Dazai last year. He always knew that if he was reaped for the Hunger Games that he needed to have it on him for his token. Last year, he was lucky to not need it then. He wore his fire starter as a necklace and on days and nights when he was lonely and sad, he touched it and remembered that despite how cruel the world was he had someone who cared about him.
This year the fire starter had saved him and Kyouka from frigid nights in the Arena. Now, he needed to use it for destruction.
His plan was the best one he had put together on minimal sleep. He had to let Dazai know where he was with a signal. Whatever signal he sent up would be seen by Chuuya and Akutagawa as well. Atsushi also wanted this signal to be destructive, to let the Gamemaker and Capitol know that it was impossible to control every aspect of the Games.
Years ago, Atsushi, Kyouka and the other orphans in District 12 watched as Peacemakers lit their orphanage on fire. When the orphanage director protested, the Peacemakers filled his body with bullets. A few stray bullets hit the kids who escaped the orphanage fire. Atsushi had watched helplessly, clutching Kyouka’s hand, as some of the kids run back into the burning building to save others.
When Dazai gave him the fire starter last year, Atsushi told Dazai it was a cruel gift and he threw the fire starter at him in anger. Dazai was aware his fear of fire and he didn't want to believe that this gift was meant to hurt him. Dazai insisted that Atsushi had more power and control than he thought. Dazai guided his hands as he showed Atsushi how to start a fire, control it, and put it out. After that day, Atsushi felt less scared of fire. He knew how to control it. Atsushi pulled the fire starter out in front of the great tree and began to work. The foliage surrounding it was still damp, but through an act of sheer luck the sparks began to spread, then black smoke filled the air, trailing higher and higher. The fire caught on the tree branches and leaves and soon, the entire tree was engulfed in flames. The embers landed in the woods nearby causing more trees to ignite. Atsushi hoped that Dazai could see the fire and smoke wherever he was.
“Well, look what we have here.”
Atsushi jumped at the sound of Chuuya's voice. He spun around and saw Chuuya and Akutagawa strutting towards him. They looked well rested, fed and hydrated. Both of them had high scores, and Atsushi had no doubt that their sponsors were generous. Akutagawa had a bow in his hand, and Chuuya had a machete. Atsushi remembered how ruthless they were during training. Dazai had been the only Tribute to challenge both of them in training at knife throwing. Dazai won, which earned Chuuya's ire and Akutagawa's admiration. Akutagawa asked Dazai to join their alliance, but he refused. This caused Akutagawa to blame Atsushi for Dazai's refusal to join him and he earned his ire as well.
Akutagawa reached into his quiver and pulled out an arrow. He was preparing to set it in the bow, when suddenly he began coughing. Akutagawa tried to hide it through his demonstration of strength and weapons prowess, but word got around that he had illness in his lungs. If he won the Hunger Games, he could get medicine and treatment from the Capitol.
Chuuya growled. “Get back!” He pushed Akutagawa away, and he ran towards Atsushi, his machete raised to strike him. The machete barely missed his arm. The smoke burned Atsushi's eyes and he began to cough. Even with the reduced visibility, Chuuya was making a good effort to strike him.
Chuuya punched him in the stomach, causing him to double over. Before he could get up, Chuuya kicked him in the side. Blood bubbled out the side of Atsushi's mouth and he wretched. Chuuya brought his machete down, and Atsushi rolled away. There was no visibility now, and Atsushi was rolling around helplessly and Chuuya swung his machete wildly about.
He had no idea where he was. He was pretty sure he was on fire or about to be on fire. Perhaps it wasn’t the best plan because he didn’t ensure his own survival. He almost laughed. How would Dazai feel knowing he won the Hunger Games because his friend, who has been afraid of fire since he was young, caused a massive fire and took himself and the other Tributes out? Atsushi tried to imagine the look on Dazai’s face when he realized he won, but he just couldn’t picture it. Tears sprang into Atsushi’s eyes. Not from the smoke, but from the fact that he would never see the boy he loved again.
Something sharp pierced Atsushi’s ears and he cried out. Someone began straddling him and he heard Akutagawa’s raspy voice, say, “I’m going to give you the most painful death the Capitol will have ever seen.” Atsushi didn’t have the strength to fight back or tell Akutagawa the cameras won't be able to see anything through the smoke. He laid back and his limbs went limp. This was it. Atsushi braced himself. He wondered if this is how Naomi Tanizaki, the second girl Tribute from District 12, felt when she chose to stay on the launch platform and get blown up instead of participating in the Games.
The ground began to shake. Akutagawa startled and Atsushi used that brief moment of distraction to push him off and crawl away. Atsushi made it to his feet and he scanned the surrounding area. Amidst the smoke, he saw something white coming towards them.
“What the fuck is that?” Chuuya yelled.
Atsushi couldn’t stay steady on his feet. White tigers were racing towards them from the forest where the fire was raging. Of course the fire would cause a stampede of the white tigers the Gamemaker controlled. Hundreds of them were barrelling towards them.
“Shit!” Chuuya yelled. “Akutagawa, run!”
Atsushi ran in the opposite direction of Chuuya and Akutagawa. When he came across a tree that hadn't succumbed to fire, he leapt and grabbed a tree branch. He watched the stampede below him. Some of the tigers were on fire and blood curdling howls escaped from them. Akutagawa's steps faltered and in a matter of seconds the tigers trampled him. Chuuya continued to run. Atsushi’s arms ached from holding onto the branch for so long. His hands were sweaty and the tree bark dug into his hands. Atsushi bit his lip and closed his eyes.
The sounds of the tiger's stampede faded into the distance. Atsushi opened his eyes and watched Akutagawa’s mangled body be feasted on by two tigers. The cannon went off. His pale and rage filled face was projected in the Arena, announcing his death.
While the tigers were preoccupied with Akutagawa, this could be his chance to get away. But he still had no idea where Dazai was and Chuuya would hunt him down quickly if the tiger stampede didn’t kill him.
Something cold and wet nudged Atsushi, causing him to lose his grip on the branch and hit the ground. A white tiger was staring at him thoughtfully. Atsushi froze and stared back at it. The tiger licked its paw then used its back paws to scratch its ear. The tiger's transmitter was busted. Well, not exactly busted. It looked different from the other transmitters the tigers had. Atsushi stood up and slowly approached the tiger. The tiger licked his hand, then began walking down a path. Then it stopped and kneeled, twisting its head to look at Atsushi. “Do you want me to get on?” He asked. The tiger mewled and Atsushi took that as a yes. Atsushi got on the back of the tiger, and it ran out of the forest.
The motions of riding on a tiger's back made Atsushi’s stomach churn. He dry heaved twice on the ride. He couldn't remember much of the journey, but he swore that the white tiger ran for hours. Atsushi closed his eyes and hoped it would be over soon.
The white tiger began to slow down and Atsushi opened his eyes to see they were in a savanna. Atsushi and Kyouka stayed on the forested side of the arena, per the advice of the District 12 mentors, Fukuzawa and Ranpo, who felt the forest would have more protection for them. The openmgrasslands of the savanna provided little protection for Tributes from the lack of trees and limited resources.
“White tiger, where are we going?” Atsushi murmured.
A tall, dark figure stood in the middle of an open field. Tension poured into Atsushi. Did the white tiger bring him to Chuuya? No. The figure was tall, lean, and—
“Dazai, it’s you,” Atsushi said. He fell off the back of the white tiger, then found his way to his feet. He couldn’t run. He was too exhausted, but he forced himself to take step after step towards Dazai. The white tiger ran away.
They were so close now. Atsushi could see that Dazai wasn’t unscathed, like he was imagining in his head. Dark circles laid under his eyes, his face was red and blotchy, and the bandages that he kept wrapped around his neck and arms were dirtied and torn. The skin on his hands were blistering and peeling. Atsushi swayed on his feet. He fell forward, leaning into Dazai's body.
Dazai held him up, his hands settling on his back and hip. Atsushi began to shake and tears streamed out of his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Dazai was here. Dazai was safe.
“Dazai, listen, I–”
“Atsushi,” Dazai whispered. His grip on him tightened. “It’s okay. Rest.”
“But–”
“I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Those gentle words coming from Dazai were enough. Atsushi was safe. He tried to talk again, but his head slumped and Atsushi passed out.
—----
When Atsushi finally gained consciousness, two days had passed. His eyes were heavy and his body felt like it was filled with lead. Two blankets covered him and his head laid on Dazai’s black jacket. A small fire burned in the corner of the cave. Dazai had a stick in his hand and he was drawing something on the dirt floor.
“Dazai?” Atsushi’s throat was dry and he coughed.
Dazai stood and brought his water canteen to Atsushi. He cradled Atsushi’s head in his hand and brought the canteen up to his lips. Cool water flowed into Atsushi’s mouth and he drank greedily. He whined when Dazai took it away from him.
“We have to save water,” Dazai said. “How are you feeling?”
“Very tired.”
Dazai gave a small smile. “But you’re alive.”
Atsushi nodded, a smile appearing on his lips. “I am alive.”
Dazai helped Atsushi stand up, and with his left arm around Dazai’s shoulders he limped as he was given a tour of Dazai’s cave. The corner of the cave served as a kitchen. Dazai used one of the boxes that came from his Sponsors as a table and he used the fire and a metal pot to heat food. Water also came to him from Sponsors, but Dazai preferred to collect water from a spring not far from the cave since it gave him a chance to scope out the area and figure out if there were Tributes around. Dazai handed Atsushi the metal pot. There were warmed apples and peaches covered in syrup. Atsushi used his fingers to stuff the sticky fruit in his mouth. It gave him the burst of energy he needed and he felt his mind clear.
With a clear mind came a flood of emotions. Dazai was living comfortably in this cave while he and Kyouka struggled in the forest, fighting to survive each day. Dazai stayed with him and Kyouka for two days before he left in the middle of the night. Atsushi had woken up fearful and Kyouka, who was on watch, said Dazai left without a word and she didn't stop him. When Atsushi demanded why she didn't stop him, Kyouka refused to answer.
“Dazai, where have you been? How did you get all this stuff from Sponsors? Why did you leave Kyouka and I all alone?” A few tears escaped from Atsushi’s eyes. “I don’t understand how you could keep all of this from us. I’m so angry at you right now.”
“You have every right to be mad.” Dazai sighed and scratched the back of his head. “I just–” He sat down on the ground, the expression on his face turning forlorn.
Atsushi moved closer to him. His hand brushed against Dazai's, whose eyes widened at the brief contact. “Please tell me everything,” Atsushi said. “I need to know.”
Dazai’s face reddened. His lips slightly parted and Atsushi wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Atsushi tried to chase the thought away, but it was hard with the way Dazai’s darkened eyes were staring at him. His lips parted. Excitement travelled up Atsushi's spine. Was Dazai leaning closer to or was Atsushi so tired that he was making up romantic scenarios in his head?
“Dazai…” Atsushi whispered.
The spell was broken. Dazai leaned back and scooted away from him.
“Do you remember what President Dostoevsky said the night of the opening ceremony?” Dazai began. When Atsushi shook his head, Dazai continued. “He said 'The Districts are flawed and they do not hide their imperfections. Anyone who thinks they can hide their flaws are wrong '. This got me thinking. The Capitol puts on this act of perfection towards the public and the Districts. This has led to the Capitols being viewed as perfect humans while the Tributes are looked at as beasts, no longer human and flawed in every way. But that's not true. The Capitol citizens are humans and they have flaws, which means their creations have flaws too. Ever since the opening ceremony, I've been trying to figure out what the Arena's flaw could be. I had some ideas, but I knew I needed to verify them once I was in the Arena." Dazai took a breath. "I'm sorry. I had to leave you and Kyouka. If I told you my plan and all of us looked together then we’d be caught by the Gamemakers.”
Exposing the Arena's flaw to the Capitol and the Districts would be the ultimate victory. The Games wouldn't be able to continue and everyone would know that the Capitol and the people that ran it were also prone to mistakes, and thus imperfect. That would be enough to incite another rebellion. The sting of Kyouka's death and Dazai's absence made Atsushi whisper, “What’s the arena’s flaw?”
"I’ll show you later, but first let me go over my plan.”
Atsushi waited as Dazai drew symbols in the dirt with a stick. There was a circle with 45 X’s on the right hand side. One line was on the right too and two lines were on the left in a smaller circle. Dazai explained that the X’s were the dead tributes, and the one line represented where he suspected Chuuya was. The two lines in the circle were both of them. From the look of the rough map, it seemed like Chuuya was still in the forested side of the Arena, but without knowing if the stampede injured him or not, he could be hunting for them at this very moment.
“Okay, Atsushi. I’m going to explain everything once then we can’t talk about it again. Okay?” Dazai said in a low voice. Atsushi nodded and he scooted closer to Dazai in anticipation.
“The night before the Games, Kyouka and I made a pact to save you–”
“YOU WHAT?” Atsushi yelled, his voice bouncing off the cave walls. Dazai clamped a hand over his mouth, but Atsushi pried it off. “Kyouka died. She died from one of Fitzgerald’s traps.”
Dazai winced, and Atsushi suspected he was remembering the same lecture they received from Fukuzawa about the deadly traps District 3 Tributes always created during the Games and ways to avoid them. Atsushi and Kyouka had even taken extra time out of their own training to watch the District 3 Tributes tinker with their devices in the training gym. And it was all for nothing. If Dazai had been there, then maybe, then maybe–
“Atsushi, I know you must be angry, but please. Please let me explain to you why I left. I didn't tell you the whole truth earlier.”
Atsushi bit his lip. Anger was still pulsing through him, but he sat still and listened with his fists balled into his lap.
“Kyouka and I both wanted to save you. We both believed if there was anyone who should win the games, it was you. We wanted to have you make it out, to make sure you live. To be the victor of the 50th Hunger Games.”
“Why?” Atsushi whispered.
Dazai shook his head. “The night before the Games, Kyouka decided she would protect you no matter what. She told me to find some way to take out Tributes or manipulate the Games in a way that guaranteed you were the winner. I knew that I couldn’t stay with both of you for the rest of the Games. I needed to figure out a way to save you. And I did. When I killed the Tributes from District 5, Peacekeepers came into the Arena and took the bodies away. I tailed them. That’s how I found the Arena's flaw.”
Dazai leaned in close, and whispered into Atsushi’s ear, “I found a way to escape the Arena.”
—-----
Night had fallen when Dazai and Atsushi left the cave again. Dazai had a flashlight, but he wrapped a cloth around it to dull the light being emitted. Atsushi knew the Gamemaker would still be able to track their movements, and he hoped that the slow way they walked made the Gamemakers believe they weren't looking for anything specific. Atsushi was capable of walking without assistance, but a selfish part of him wanted to hold onto Dazai a little longer. He linked his arm with Dazai's after they exited the cave, and they began walking through the tall grass. Dazai instructed him on how to step slowly and flatten the grass forward. This method caused snakes or other predators in the grass to scatter, and not bite them.
They walked for at least an hour until Dazai held up his hand to stop Atsushi from moving. Both of them kneeled in the tall grass.
“About twenty feet away is the force field of the Arena. It keeps this place up and running. Who knows what is past that. Hopefully the Wilds, but it could be in an area right outside the Capitol. A place that isn't part of the Capitol or the Districts.” Dazai whispered. "Rebels could be out there."
“So, this is the place where you saw the Peacekeepers transport the Tribute's bodies out of the Arena?” Atsushi asked.
“Yes. It's an electric force field. When the force field is weakened, it will be easy to disable. I plan on tying a piece of wire to an arrow and shooting it at the force field. The electric shock will electrocute and kill the Peacekeepers. While the force field is disabled, you can escape—”
“Escape with me,” Atsushi said. “I don’t want to be the only one to make it out.”
“It’ll be harder for both of us to–”
“No, it won’t. Stop making excuses. I did not ask you or Kyouka to put your life on the line and go behind my back to save me.” Atsushi grabbed Dazai’s face. “Look me in the eye and tell me why. Why did you and Kyouka truly make that pact?”
“Because…” Dazai hesitated. “I—I mean we— want you to live, Atsushi. Your parents died when you were a baby and you lived in that horrid orphanage where the director beat you. You struggle to make money with your job moving supplies in and out of the Seam. Despite all of that, Atsushi, you continued to be a good, honorable person and always helped others." Dazai sighed. “The tides are changing. One day a rebellion will come and there won’t be a Hunger Games anymore. Think of a world where children don't have to worry about a reaping day. Kyouka and I believe that if a revolution takes place, you will not only be behind it, but a key figure and someone people will follow to freedom.”
Atsushi swallowed. He had no idea Dazai held him in such high regard. Dazai was just the weird boy a couple years older than him that always slacked off and didn’t pay attention in class. He lived in some run down shack near the Meadows by himself and sang songs about suicide. The townspeople and residents of the Seam said Dazai was someone no one would miss if he died.
But he made Atsushi smile and laugh. He exasperated Atsushi. Atsushi felt himself truly come alive when Dazai came into his life. He didn’t see a future without him in it. Whether they were in District 12 working themselves to the bone in the Seam and living a frugal life, or in the Wilds heading towards the unknown or leading a rebellion against the Capitol, Atsushi knew Dazai had to be right by his side.
“I didn’t ask for this,” Atsushi finally said. “I can’t promise you I will become a rebel leader and take down the Capitol and stop the Hunger Games. But I want to live. I want to escape the Arena. You have to come with me.”
“Atsushi–”
“Promise me you’ll come with me. Escape with me. Lead the Rebellion with me. Live in a little cabin in the woods with me. Whatever life throws at me, you have to be by my side.”
Dazai chuckled. “Wow, that sounds like a marriage proposal.”
“And what if it is?” Atsushi leaned forward until his forehead was touching Dazai’s. “What are you going to do about it?”
“I wouldn't do anything about it except say you're dumb. Who would be foolish enough to fall for me?” Dazai's quick response startled Atsushi. Almost like it was rehearsed. Like if the day came where Atsushi did properly confess his love for Dazai, this was his only answer.
This was a one sided love after all, and they were the last Tributes in the 50th Hunger Games. Their plan could fail. Chuuya would be coming after them with a vengeance. Until the cannon went off to announce his death, Atsushi couldn’t relax or think of this one sided love anymore. Dazai was more than a friend to him. He was his anchor and the reason why he was able to continue on with his life. He had lost so much and he couldn’t lose Dazai’s friendship in what could possibly be the last hours they spend together.
It pained him terribly, but Atsushi pulled away. Pulling away meant finally pushing down the feelings he’s held for Dazai for three years.
“Atsushi, I didn’t mean–” Dazai brushed the back of Atsushi’s hand, which he pulled away.
“Let’s head back to the cave. I’m ready to sleep.”
When they made it back to the cave, Atsushi told Dazai to wake him when it was his turn to take watch, and then he covered himself with the blanket and turned his back to Dazai. He tried to think over Dazai’s plan again. He made it sound so simple. How would they kill Chuuya? He was strong and a favorite to win. Dazai must have a plan. He hated feeling so weak and relying on Dazai so much. There had to be something he could do too.
Atsushi sighed. He was not going to get any sleep at this rate. He might as well keep watch the rest of the night. Atsushi turned over and found that he was in the cave alone. “Dazai?” Atsushi said.
Before Atsushi left the cave, he grabbed one of the knives Dazai had stashed in the corner. He stepped out of the cave and looked around the grasslands. The only sound was the generated wind rustling the tall grass. Atsushi looked up in awe at the bright, full moon and sea of stars above him. There were plenty of nights like this in District 12, however the Peacemakers were strict about their nightly curfew, so he never had the chance to stargaze that much. This may be the last time he’ll be able to.
“Atsushi?”
Atsushi looked up and saw Dazai sitting hidden amongst the foliage on top of the cave. He could see him well in the moonlight. Dazai had a bow and quiver of arrows next to him.
“I woke up to take the next shift,” Atsushi said. “You deserve some rest too.”
“I won’t be able to sleep.” Dazai tapped the spot next to him. “Climb up here. We can watch out for that evil Chuuya Nakahara together.” Atsushi hesitated. He didn’t want to sit up there with him in close proximity right now. His feelings still needed to be sorted out. Atsushi was about to refuse until Dazai said, “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it.” Dazai gestured to the spot next to him. “Please. Sit next to me.”
—------
Receiving mixed signals from Dazai wasn’t out of the ordinary. One minute Dazai could be silly, causing everyone around him to be charmed or annoyed. The next minute Dazai could be serious, intimidating, and ruthless. One time Atsushi saw a large crowd gathered in the middle of the Seam. When he pushed his way through the crowd, he saw Dazai straddling one of the market sellers and punching him in the face over and over. When Dazai wrapped his hands around the man’s throat, the onlookers decided to step in and stop Dazai from committing murder. The Peacekeepers looked away because why would they care about District 12 citizens fighting and killing each other.
The dark, hateful rage in Dazai's eyes was still a fresh memory in Atsushi's mind. He had seen that look many times when he observed Dazai around town. He had it on his face when he bullied the other kids in the Seam or at the school, or when he blackmailed sellers to give him goods for a cheaper price. Atsushi always thought Dazai was looking for the right person to piss off so he could be killed.
Atsushi was scared the first time he met Dazai in the Meadows outside of town. He thought Dazai would pick on him, just like everyone else did. That didn’t happen. Dazai looked bored as he talked to Atsushi about school and the gossip he heard around town. Atsushi liked the conversation and he asked Dazai if they could meet again in the Meadows to talk again. To his surprise, Dazai agreed and the two met everyday in the Meadows to not only talk, but keep each other company. When Dazai came to school, he no longer sat by himself but next to Atsushi. He still didn’t pay attention in class, but his demeanor calmed. However, Atsushi knew that whatever tormented Dazai's soul wasn’t going to disappear overnight.
It was their school teacher, Kunikida Doppo, who told Atsushi, “Dazai has changed for the better since he’s begun talking to you.”
And that’s when Atsushi knew that he wanted to stay with Dazai forever. He was twelve then and Dazai was fourteen. Now at fifteen years old, Atsushi found that nothing had changed between them in three years.
Dazai moved closer to him, and he threw a blanket over both their shoulders. They watched the surrounding grasslands in silence. Dazai’s body heat comforted him and he allowed himself to relax. He would’ve been content to sit in silence, but Atsushi couldn’t wait for Dazai to say something.
“I’ve never heard you apologize,” Atsushi said.
Dazai bristled. “I’ve apologized plenty of times. Mr. Kunikida always accepted my apologies.”
“Mr. Kunikida never took your apologies seriously because you still disrupted class afterwards.”
“Well, he should’ve made class more interesting,” Dazai retorted. Then he sighed, “I wish I could’ve said goodbye to him.”
“We didn’t have a lot of people to say goodbye to,” Atsushi said. “What do you think you would’ve said to me if you had been the one reaped?”
“Nothing I want to say to you could be condensed in a thirty second farewell.” Dazai looked sad as he peered up at the moon. He was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Hey Atsushi, tomorrow is going to be the day the Games end. I can feel it. Chuuya is going to come to this side of the Arena. Are you ready to fight?”
“I’m ready,” Atsushi said. “And what about the other plan?”
Dazai shook his head. “I’m sorry, Atsushi. I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Wow, two apologies in one night. You’re on a roll,” Atsushi chuckled. “If I was the only one reaped into the Hunger Games, I would ask to call you by your first name.” Atsushi pulled his knees towards him, and his eyes were downcast, looking at the grass and dirt and leaves. “No one ever calls you by your first name. I only heard Mr. Kunikida use your first name once in class when he was really, really angry at you. The other kids kept saying that we shouldn’t use your first name no matter what. You were just Dazai. But you’re more than that now. So, that’s what I would ask. To call you by your first name for the first and last time.”
“Then you should do it while you still have the chance,” Dazai whispered. His hand touched Atsushi’s cheek and he turned his face towards him. Atsushi was surprised by the slight blush on Dazai’s face and the nervousness etched across his face. He couldn’t help but feel a bit smug too. How many people had the chance to see Dazai embarrassed? “Come on. What are you waiting for? By morning, we might be dead. You’ll miss your chance.” Dazai mimicked Atsushi’s previous move from before and leaned forward until his forehead was touching Atsushi’s. A dare and a request.
“Osa-” The last part of Dazai’s name never left Atsushi’s lips, as Dazai leaned forward and kissed him.
The kiss was a swift peck on the lips. Warm and inviting, and maybe if they had the time or their adult years ahead of them they could’ve had more than one kiss. But this was it for them. A single kiss under the moonlight in the deadly Arena of the 50th Hunger Games is all that the universe would grant them.
When Dazai pulled back, Atsushi whispered,“Osamu,”.
“Yes?”
There was no more to be said. Atsushi couldn’t bare his entire heart to Dazai when their future was uncertain. Instead, Atsushi embraced Dazai and hoped that this action would convey the words Atsushi didn’t want to say.
I love you.
—----
At some point Atsushi must have fallen asleep because Dazai was shaking him awake. A whirring noise caught his attention and he jumped. A drone appeared and dropped a small box at the mouth of the cave. Atsushi and Dazai climbed down from their hiding spot, and opened the box to find two water bottles. Even though the sun had just begun to rise, it was already hot. He missed the coolness of the forest and the protection of the trees.
“Atsushi, go back to the cave and get our weapons,” Dazai said. He wiped sweat from his forehead. When Atsushi gave him a questioning look, Dazai explained. “That drone came in the direction of the forest. All Chuuya would have to do is follow it to find us.”
Atsushi raced back to the cave. Dazai already had his bow and arrows with him, so Atsushi picked up two sheathed daggers and a machete. There were wires on the ground, and Atsushi pocketed them. Perhaps he could wrap wire around his weapons and throw them at the Arena's force field.
“Found you,” A voice said, causing a chill to run down Atsushi’s spine. He turned around and came face to face with Chuuya Nakahara. He was blocking the entrance to the cave and he carried a spear in his hand. Burns covered his face, neck, arms, and legs. His singed clothes smelled like smoke and it was clear he hadn’t healed from his wounds. Atsushi backed up and hit the wall of the cave.
“You must think you’re so smart,” Chuuya began. “Starting that fire. Causing that stampede. Killing Akutagawa.” He pointed his spear at Atsushi. “District 12 trash. I’m going to end you now then I’ll kill that bastard, Dazai.”
Atsushi unsheathed the machete and went into a defensive position. The cave wasn’t big enough for a full blown fight. He’d have to push Chuuya out then begin attacking him out in the open. Panic set in. Chuuya hadn't seen Dazai outside, so where did he go?
An awful thought took root in his head. Did Dazai leave him to be bait for Chuuya?
Chuuya charged towards him. The head of the spear pierced Atsushi’s machete and he stumbled backwards. He had no time to go on the offensive because Chuuya was attacking him with relentless strength and speed. Atsushi’s arms ached from the exertion of defending himself. Atsushi ducked as Chuuya swung the spear to hit the side of his head. Atsushi used the low opening to dodge the hit and sprint past Chuuya.
He almost made it to the cave exit before he heard the spear pierce the side of the cave, centimeters from Atsushi’s head. Atsushi turned around at the same time Chuuya roared. Chuuya unsheathed two daggers and ran at him. Instead of killing him, Chuuya kicked him in the stomach and sent him flying out of the cave. Atsushi landed in the dirt and he coughed.
Atsushi tried to stand up and catch his breath, but Chuuya kicked him again.
And again.
And again.
Blood filled Atsushi’s mouth. He tried again to stand up, to run, to fight, anything–but Chuuya commanded this match. He would not give him a swift death. He would make him suffer like Akutagawa suffered.
“Where’s that bastard, Dazai?” Chuuya said as he kicked Atsushi again. “Don’t tell me he abandoned you.” Chuuya began to laugh. “District. Twelve. Trash. Die!”
Atsushi opened his eyes to see Chuuya’s boot heading straight for his head. That kick will be enough to kill him. There was no time to avoid it. Atsushi braced himself.
When no impact came, Atsushi opened his eyes. Chuuya was looking down at the arrow protruding from his chest. Blood began to fill his white shirt. Two more arrows punctured Chuuya’s chest.
Dazai’s dark glare bore into Chuuya. Chuuya stumbled forward, still hell bent on coming for Dazai. Chuuya fell face forward into the ground. Atsushi stood up. The cannon boomed and Chuuya's sneering face appeared in the sky. The Capitol’s anthem blared.
Atsushi and Dazai were the last Tributes in the 50th Hunger Games.
Only one could leave the Arena alive.
The plan that Dazai came up with could still be executed, but it required them to be far away from each other so the Peacekeepers could deactivate the force field and take Chuuya’s body.
But what if the Peacekeepers didn’t come to remove Chuuya’s body? What if they left him there until the end of the Games? And it wasn’t like the Gamemaker would let them spend another week out in the savanna circling around each other.
Saigiku Jouno's voice came through an intercom. “Congratulations to the two male District 12 Tributes for making it this far,” The Head Gamemaker said. “It’s unprecedented that the final two Tributes would be from the same District and childhood friends, nonetheless.” The Gamemaker cleared his throat. “May the odds be ever in your favor.”
Atsushi and Dazai stared at each other. Dazai mouthed to Atsushi to run. That’s what he should’ve done. He should’ve run away from Dazai and waited for the plan to fall into place. But life was unexpected, just like the conditions in the Arena. He thought of Naomi, who decided to stay on the launch pad and get blown up instead of participating in the Hunger Games. He thought of Kyouka, who resigned herself to dying, but not without putting a plan in motion to defy the Capitol.
Atsushi didn't run away. No. He grabbed Dazai's hand, and they ran towards the force field. He didn't he care. He just had to get Dazai out. Get Dazai out. The thought was almost silly in his head. Dazai and Kyouka made a vow to get only Atsushi out of the Arena, and now he was the one desperate to bring Dazai with him.
This was crazy and stupid.
It will probably fail.
But he wanted to try anyway.
Dazai didn’t fight against him and he was tugged along by Atsushi. When they got to the force field was, Atsushi turned towards him. “Let’s break the force field and get out of here,” Atsushi whispered. “We can't wait for the Peacekeepers to come through." He pulled the wire out of his pocket and gave one to Dazai. Atsushi took his wire and wrapped it around his dagger. If he had to guess, the Capitol would be cutting the feed to the Arena so no one in the District or Capitol could see what was happening.
The force field was being weakened already. Peacekeepers entered the Arena, guns and batons raised. At the same time, Atsushi and Dazai threw their weapons lined with wire at the force field. A spray of bullets came towards them, and Dazai threw his body over Atsushi's, knocking both of them to the ground. The crackle of electricity, and the screams that followed meant the plan worked. The force field was down, the Peacekeepers were electrocuted, and beyond them was the Wilds.
They were free.
Dazai and Atsushi sprinted forward. Dazai was ahead of him and was the first one out of the Arena. He turned around to take Atsushi's hand, but he never had a chance to grab him. A nearby tree split apart, revealing an elevator platform. Three burly Gamemakers grabbed Atsushi and pushed him to the ground. Dazai screamed his name and he attempted to make his way back to him. The buzz of electricity filled the air, then the Arena's force field was back in place.
Dazai was gone.
Atsushi screamed and he kicked and spit at the Gamemakers holding him. Sobs wracked his body. A Gamemaker pulled out a needle filled with dark green fluid and injected it into Atsushi's neck. Convulsions wracked Atsushi's body, but he was conscious of what was happening to him. The Gamemakers looked at him, stone faced. Then Saigiku Jouno appeared. He leaned down and said to Atsushi in a mocking tone, "Look at what you've done."
—---
The weeks that followed were hell for Atsushi.
He was not immediately transported back to District 12. He spent time in prison for damaging the Arena and killing Peacekeepers. Atsushi hoped that they would execute him, but death never came. In his cell, they played the sound of buzzing electricity all day and night. A reminder that Dazai escaped and Atsushi broke the force field.
Dazai left the Arena with no food or supplies. Only his bow and arrows. Atsushi needed to know if they found Dazai. Did the Capitol citizens know he was missing? Were Peacekeepers hunting for him in the Wilds now? How many days have passed?
In the middle of the night, Atsushi was hauled out of the prison and he was placed on a train back to District 12. What accompanied him in his train car were the coffins of Kyouka Izumi and Naomi Tanizaki. A third coffin with Dazai's name was there, but Atsushi didn't believe he was in there. Dazai had no family in District 12 and no one would check the coffin for his body. Atsushi rested his head on Kyouka's coffin and sobbed, mumbling apologies and begging for forgiveness.
The return to District 12 blurred together. Fukuzawa and Rampo were nowhere to be seen. When he asked Naomi's brother about them at the funeral, he informed him that his mentors never returned. With no way of knowing what happened, Atsushi mourned for them at Kyouka, Naomi, and Dazai's funeral anyway. The Capitol must have believed they helped plot their escape. Fukuzawa and Rampo may have already been executed.
Atsushi was determined to let himself wither away and die. However, the Capitol wanted to make sure that didn't happen. As soon as he was moved into his new home in the Victor's Village, the Capitol doctors and Peacekeepers never left him alone. His injuries were septic. Atsushi had a feeling that the doctors were purposefully using less potent medication so his illness would be prolonged.
He thought one time he heard Mr. Kunikida’s voice outside his home, but Atsushi was pumped full of drugs and he wasn't sure what was fact or fiction. All he thought about was Dazai when his mind was clearer. The Capitol had to be hunting Dazai. He was living proof that the Hunger Games failed. If the Districts got word of it, then rebellions would ensue. Another war would start.
What was the reason for keeping Atsushi alive then? He could easily tell everyone that Dazai escaped. Why was he stopping himself from saying anything?
Fear.
It had to be fear. So what if he told everyone in District 12 that Dazai escaped? Did everyone have it in them to fight against the Peacekeepers with their numbers and advanced weapons? Another thought also came to mind. Dazai was not loved in District 12. Atsushi didn't think anyone would actually care he escaped the Arena except Mr. Kunikida. Telling Mr. Kunikida was risky. The Capitol could take him away too.
Atsushi couldn't lose anyone else. He had to lay low. He was the Victor of the 50th Hunger Games after all. The Victory Tour would be coming up soon. The Capitol wasn't done with him yet.
—---
One hot afternoon, a month after Atsushi returned from the Victory Tour, Atsushi encountered a guest in his kitchen.
Sitting at his table, drinking tea and eating shortbread cookies, was President Fyodor Dostoevsky. In person, the man was eerie and off putting. His pale skin and red eyes felt inhuman. The man responsible for everyone’s suffering and deaths in the Districts was comfortably eating in his home.
“Nice to see you up and about,” President Dostoevsky said. “I hope my doctors have been taking very good care of you.”
Atsushi couldn't stop his snark. "They're amazing. I love it when they jab my arm with a needle ten times looking for a vein."
President Dostoevsky smiled. “Well, they are very diligent and dedicated to their work."
He was not going to banter with the murderer. “Why haven’t you killed me?” Atsushi said. “You know what happened in the Arena."
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” President Dostoevsky said. “You won the Second Quarter Quell. You should be proud. I only came to personally congratulate you. Sorry, I didn't do so before. I was preoccupied with other matters in the Capitol.”
That could've meant anything. The hunt for Dazai, or Fukuzawa and Rampo's demise.
“You know what I mean. Dazai–”
“You killed Dazai,” President Dostoevsky shook his head. “It was so sad seeing two childhood friends fight each other.” He gestured to a Peacekeeper, who walked over and handed him a tablet. “Take a look at this.”
The screen flickered to life. Atsushi watched himself kick Dazai over and over again. Dazai did nothing except lay on the ground and accept the beating. Atsushi recognized this scene. It was what happened when Chuuya almost killed Atsushi in the savanna. The Capitol doctored this footage and released it to the Districts and Capitol. The footage of Atsushi and Dazai running away, destroying the force field and Dazai's escape was destroyed. The Capitol’s narrative was that he killed Dazai and won the Games. Did anyone in District 12 truly believe that's what happened?
“I had a feeling that Dazai would try something,” President Dostoevsky chuckled. “I instructed our television crews to add more commercials than usual and to cut the feed to different parts of the Arena. It was a nice try on both of your parts.” A dark smile crept onto President Dostoevsky’s face. “To reward you for your efforts, I came up with an exciting idea for the 51st Hunger Games. I was inspired by you and Dazai. Tell me what you think. Next year’s games will focus on the District 12 children. All of the ones eligible to participate of course. That makes about seventy-five or so children I believe. Districts 1 through 11 can rest easy over the fact that their children won't be reaped next year."
“What?” Atsushi yelled. “You can’t do that.”
“Fukuzawa and Ranpo defied the rules of the Games when they were District 12 Tributes in the past. You destroyed our Arena and attempted to escape. You helped someone escape. That is an offense punishable by death.” President Dostoevsky cleared his throat. “However, I have decided to let you live. To redeem yourself in the next Games.”
Atsushi bristled. “I’m a victor of the Hunger Games. I can’t participate in the Games again.”
President Dostoevsky stood up and shrugged his shoulders. “You are still a child, right? All eligible District 12 children will be reaped and participate in the 51st Hunger Games.” A Peacekeeper gave President Dostoevsky his white hat. “District 12 is always doing something naughty. In order to stop children from doing something bad, they must be punished so the other children don't follow suit. Don’t you think?”
Atsushi was shocked by President Dostoevsky's declaration. In his determination to save himself and Dazai, he not only got himself sent back to the Arena, but all the other kids in District 12. The kids from the Seam. The kids from the town. Mr. Kunikida wouldn't have a class to teach next year. His stomach churned. All of them were condemned because of him.
The doctors and Peacekeepers finally left. He was in a luxurious new house, all by himself and with the weight of District 12's young souls on his shoulders.
—----
Autumn arrived in District 12 shortly afterwards. Mr. Kunikida began visiting Atsushi everyday, bringing him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Mr. Kunikida implored him to return to school, but he refused. Atsushi didn’t want to sit amongst his peers knowing that in less than a year they would be reaped. A punishment for all of District 12 for producing troublemakers. He wished he could ask Fukuzawa and Rampo what they did during their games to claim the ire of the President Dostoevsky.
Atsushi spent his days wandering around town and looking to help anyone who needed it. He figured it was the least he could do for all the trouble he caused. Thankfully, no one treated him differently. Life seemed to go on as normal, but the aches he felt when he passed the Meadow or saw a young girl in the Seam washing miner's outfits never went away.
One day Atsushi found himself in the Meadows, staring up at the same tree Dazai used to sleep in. He imagined Dazai living off the land in the Wilds or finding civilization far, far away and living there. It was the only positive thought that kept him going day by day. Dazai had to be alive and safe.
“Atsushi,” Dazai said.
Atsushi looked around wildly, his heart pounding fiercely. He was disappointed to find that a mockingjay sat in Dazai’s tree. Atsushi scowled at it. Stupid bird. It was messing with him. Atsushi turned away from it, then he heard the mockingjay say in Dazai’s voice: “Atsushi, come here.”
The mockingjay flew off towards the woods. Citizens of District 12 were forbidden to go into the woods, but Atsushi had already broken so many rules. Atsushi followed the mockingjay as it kept mimicking Dazai’s voice.
Atsushi followed the mockingjay for a long time. Dusk had fallen and Atsushi was alarmed that he was out in uncharted territory with minimal lighting. A tall fence loomed before him. It was an electric fence, and Atsushi found himself recoiling from it. He would’ve run away if it wasn’t for the figure on the other side of the fence.
A boy who had dark, shaggy brown hair, brown eyes, and wrapped in bandages. He smiled at Atsushi as he held up a remote. He pressed the button and the fence’s electric current cut off. Atsushi watched in awe as the boy took a pair of wire cutters and cut a hole in the fence. He held out his hand out to him.
“Are you ready to start a rebellion?” Dazai said.
