Sometimes I feel like I’m being ratatouilled by my 15 y/o self. Not necessarily in a bad way, he mostly just wants to talk about taxidermy and Francis bacon paintings
If you experience any changes in body control (switching, possession, etc.), then establish some form of consistent, asynchronous external communication with your system. External communication has a major benefit: you can still talk to each other across switches (asynchronously) even if the inside of your mind is a mess.
You might set up a journal, whiteboard, calendar, a "single user, multi-account" app like Mytter or Antar, sticky notes, etc. Anything goes as long as your system knows to check it occasionally (or at the least, in an emergency).
We recommend choosing an analog method for your fallback communication method if possible, as a power outage could take out a lot of digital methods. A spur-of-the-moment piece of paper left on a table is better than nothing, but it's less likely to work than a pocket notebook or bulletin board that every system member knows to use for communication if needed. You can always add an app or program once everyone knows where to go for your analog fallback.
Discuss how you want to treat each other. Keep it loose and informal for now- don't make any absolute Laws just yet. Think of it more like the quick agreements that roommates make with each other for practical reasons: "I'll do the dishes if you do the laundry".
A few classics: "try not to die, don't kill anyone else, don't get any tattoos as an impulse decision, and don't throw out things that don't belong to you."
Don't force agreements on anyone. If someone disagrees, then stop and discuss their concerns to find a better agreement. See: Consensus Decision Making.
Map your system, if it feels right. This can help you learn about each other, but it can also be soothing to feel like you have some understanding of who's in your head when you're being flooded with new system members.
Again, keep it simple. What do you actually need to know? What would help you in a practical sense? Start there, then branch out if you'd like to get to know each other better.
Consider making a simple guide to your life. If someone had to handle a day in your life with little to no prior knowledge of it, then what would they need to know?
Where should they check to see if you have any appointments? Are they responsible for feeding any pets? Where can they find money if they need it, and how do they know how much to spend? Do you have a job, and do they need to work it? Etc.
Hopefully you never need this guide, but it's a lifesaver for any unexpectedly amnesiac system members.
Focus on building bridges and trust. Get to know the folks in your head. Find ways to talk and just get to know them. Listen as much as you talk, if not more.
Learn to lean on each other for support, if you can. Trust is one of the most valuable things that you can have in a system. Trust gets you through a lot of tough situations. Give your system members every reason to trust you, and try to learn to trust them in turn.
If someone is hostile, then ask what's driving the hostility. Do they feel under-represented in your life? Does peace make them feel unsafe because they don't know where the threats are? Are they bored, scared, frustrated, or routinely unhappy?
What can you do to support them? What do they need to feel comfortable?
Don't worry about knowing everything. You're just figuring this out- give yourselves some grace for not knowing as much as everyone else seems to. (Besides, they know less than you think. I've yet to meet a system without a single mystery left in it, including folks who've known for decades, and many systems are forever figuring things out in one way or another.)
Ask for information when you need it and let your system explain itself over time; let your system set the pace. You'll get better information that way, and your system will learn that they can trust you to respect them when they say "no, don't touch that yet."
Screw plural community labels for now. Seriously. Screw figuring out origins or consciousness or whatever the linguistic dividing line of the month is. Don't worry about it. These words come and go. Get to know yourselves first.
Why am I suggesting this? Community labels will still be there when you've figured out how to work with each other in a practical sense, and your stronger understanding of each other will make it much easier to find whatever words you wind up needing. Hunting for words now is likely to get you stuck trying to cram a bunch of shifting unknowns into someone else's categorization system, and it might cloud your situation more than it clears it.
Given that you're still settling into the idea of sharing a head at all, getting into the nitty-gritty of labels is probably going to be less helpful than figuring out how to handle doubt and denial issues (or getting communication going, or learning to manage switching, or...), hence the recommendation not to worry about it.
That said: do use labels if you need them. Just remember that labels are tools. Don't let the tools use you.
Also, screw the discourse. If you listen to any one item on this list, make it this one.
Plural community discourse tends to be a little bit rancid in the "debating whether your experiences exist meaningfully in our spaces" way, and it will fuck you up as a new system. Get past the worst of your denial or doubt issues first to avoid worsening the "oh my god, am I faking without knowing it" hell brainworms. Please. I am actually begging you. Avoid the discourse until you've dealt with your own existential doubts.
None of these things are obligations, nor is there any rush to do them. It's just a cluster of things that I tend to suggest to newly discovered systems, and I realized that I don't think we've actually rattled these off on this blog yet.
nonhuman plural culture is pre-syscovery being a therian and fictionkin but only identifying with your theriotypes (that were also paired with specific fictionkins) sometimes
this is nonhuman plural culture! with all the signs considering the kins it's surprising we didn't actually find out about this sooner. shrodinger's theriotype (<- that was someone else's add-on. thanks whoever that was) ~🍨
maybe plurality is keeping different wallpapers ready so different folks can feel more at home in this life. Maybe plurality is gently taking someone’s hand in yours, even though both hands belong to the same body. Maybe plurality is calling out goodnight to the person that’s taking over for you as you slowly slip out of the conscious for the night. Maybe plurality is putting on the perfume your headmate likes because she’s definitely going to be helping you get through the day.
maybe plurality is kindness. A kindness of the brain extended to a tiredness of the soul.
maybe it’s casual. Maybe it’s gentle. Maybe we’re all still learning how to live with each other. Maybe we don’t have to be anything complicated and explainable. Maybe plurality just… is.
a desirdae term for those that desire/yearn/want amputation in some way; to be amputated or be an amputee.
Reasons might include :
Medically needing/"preferring" an amputation but being denied it
Being an amputee in-sys
BIID
Atypical dysphoria
you can change the term to "desiramputee" or "desiramputated" if you prefer certain wording / want to be more specific ! (ex. someone might desire amputation w/o the desire to be an amputee, and vice versa)
this term is strictly anti-rq and does not support harmful transition
Shout out to systems that don't care about their origin or intricate labels
The plural community puts too much strain on how we began. But, not enough emphasis on how we are now. There's an expectancy, within this world, of sharing intimate details of one's life. And if you don't share enough, You're fake. And, if you share too much, you are also fake.
Whether you're a system as a result of trauma, and only wish to discuss it with trusted persons, or you simply just exist this way, or you have multiple origins and don't want to favor one origin over the other, tulpa/willomancers that dont want their headmates to be seen as lesser, or you're unsure of your origin or can't remember how it started, or you simply just don't care no matter what the cause is. You are valid. And I admire you for not giving into the pressure to label yourself.
