Caffeine & Nicotine

[meanplastic]

[spottiedottie2]

[iamhannalashay]

Appreciate your girl’s lingerie before taking it off.

[pomeranian2]

[sw-or-gtfo-deactivated20211219]

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

[lizawithazed]

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug

[thecommonchick]

most ppl would ignore these tweets but then there’s Ryan Reynolds who encourages it 😂

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via northernbloke)

[animal-factbook]

[metaphorical-existence]

the momfriend: (is very gentle and comforting, carefully and calmly helps you work out the root of the issue, gives you lots of space and the affection you need)

the sisterfriend: (pushes you over) alright nerd what do i need to beat up for you? a boy? your feelings? do you need me to punch your feelings?

the dadfriend: (tries to be comforting, generally awkward, likes to make you laugh when you are feeling down, puns)

[mypsychology]

Here to help y'all gorgeous children

[u-fake-blog]

It costs $0.00 to not be a shitty person.

[micdotcom]

[newshoes]

[c1504]

Whenever I need motivation I just google Gordon Ramsey 

[shakugan-archive]

me too

[idiod]

[afrikangyal-deactivated20190204]

[brimalandro]