(MIDNIGHT) GELATO THIEF

original character by che

[midnightgelatothief]

✱ LOCK YOUR DOORS AND LOOK OUT FOR . . .

#midnightgelatothief. a fandomless original character. fandom verses available — STRANGER THINGS, MARVEL, etc. viewer discretion advised: 18+ recommended; adult content & triggering topics may appear. written by che, age 28, she/they.

a study in second chances, the hidden costs of living the dream, unconventional family structures, how to maintain sanity in a mad world, and the legacy one leaves behind. subtopics include time travel, bibliophilia, and crumbs in the bed.

— THE WORD OF THE DAY IS TENACITY.

L I N K S : carrd. memes. coloring.

[midnightgelatothief]

Very Important Question: Would anyone mind if I converted this into a multi for Naux & her associates?

I would be adding:

A mild-mannered professor / back-alley doctor

A scream queen with a tendency to disappear

A nerdy yet fashionable extraterrestrial

The greatest mage of the modern age

Their mascot / pet boy

[theshitmangone-deactivated20220]

❛    don’t touch my truck.   ❜   /  @midnightgelatothief​

[midnightgelatothief]

    “...And if I touch it? What happens then?”

[ardentsolis-deactivated20220903]

@midnightgelatothief​ asked :  “ what would you do? if you and me were all alone, nobody to interrupt, nobody to see… or hear… the things we’d do together? ”  naux speaks in only a hair above a whisper, ensuring her words are for steven’s ears only. she doesn’t expect much of a response—his type seldom takes the lead. she doesn’t mind giving him a little push in the right direction.  " here’s my key. room 206. oh, and please… don’t be long. “  the key is slipped surreptitiously in his hand. the choice is his.

steven’s taken a moment to process what just happened.   he stared down at the key in his hand,   his words circling his head.   she   actually   wanted him to come to her hotel room.   there wasn’t a sign of her joking,   or at least none that he could detect.  he coughed awkwardly and made the decision to follow her up to her hotel room.   steven shortly followed,  his heart racing as he made his way to her room.   a soft knock rapped on her door,   steven swallowing hard and deciding to commit to this decision.  

[midnightgelatothief]

    Despite the knowledge that she’d given him the key, the knock on the door still caused Naux to jump. Most of her business meetings were conducted in more public locations—she seldom invited people in wherever she saw fit to stay while on said business trip. This, however, was purely for pleasure. She took her time in coming to the door. Part of her wondered how long he’d wait. If she didn’t answer instantly, would his courage vanish and him along with it? If he hid himself away, it would put a damper on her evening as well. Perhaps it was better not to dally too long.

    “You know, I gave you a key for a reason. Something of a gentleman, are you?” she teased as the door was finally opened. “I thought it appropriate to slip into something with more visual interest, but you arrived earlier than expected.” More teasing. While she had, in fact, planned on a nice robe and some lingerie that desperately needed wearing, Naux never had the chance to change out of her simple skirt and button-up. “Well, here you are then. I figured lads like you preferred to take a girl to dinner first.”

[midnightgelatothief]

ardentsolis​:

his eyes lit up in response,   catching onto what she was planning.  and so steven showed her  his   favorite little trinket in the gift shop.   he practically ran to the display case where it resided,  pulling it out carefully.  it was a replica of one of the pyramids in egypt.  

❛   this example features the tomb owner and his wife offering prayers to the god ssiris and have placed three stylized lotus flowers as offerings in front of them.the other image shown features the god osiris represented as a dyed pillar flanked by two standing baboons with arms raised in adoration. the dyed pillar a symbol of strength and stability could also be used to represent the actual god osiris.  the baboons represent the presence of thoth, one of the moon gods and well known as the god of writing and keeper of records. thoth could also be depicted as an ibis.  above this register can be seen the boat of ra the sun god which has passed through the twelve gates / hours of night to be greeted by the howling baboons at the dawn of a new day.    the scene in total is a resurrection spell which would be the hope of the tomb owner. the piece is made of a limestone and quartzite composition stone and has an aged ochre coloration with a spot of red for the sun disc.   all of the details of the original fragment are present here including the eroded portion near the base on one side.   ❜    steven practically said that in one breath.     ❛     neat,  yeah   ?  ❜

    “Marvelous,” she purred. “I’m no Egyptologist by any means, but even I can respect all the craftsmanship that went into maintaining the accuracy of this. More of a collector’s piece than a mere trinket, isn’t it?” His presentation of the replica was half the fun, at least for her. She knew her children wouldn’t have such a keen interest, but it would hold their attention for a little while, at least. She could even make some sort of tie-in game, a little lesson on hieroglyphs. Perhaps that would make their faces light up as his did. 

    “You know, you’re quite knowledgable. I’m impressed...I can’t recall the last time a shop worker gave me such a display without getting a commission for upselling. Do you have all that detail memorized for every item here?” She chuckled as she drew out her wallet. “Don’t you worry, I won’t ask to hear it. I’ll take the pyramid.” Her tongue clicked as she rifled through her cash. “Hm. Let’s make it two. If I come home with one, I know they’ll end up bickering, perhaps bludgeon each other with it.” Despite the crisp coolness to her tone, it was, in fact, a joke.

[ardentsolis-deactivated20220903]

❛     hullo,   can i help you find anything  ?   ❜    steven says in his best   customer service   voice,   making sure his boss could hear him.    he peeks back behind him,   making sure she heard him.   /   @midnightgelatothief​    (  sc  )

[midnightgelatothief]

    Naux peered around the shop, examining the trinkets on display. “What would you say is the coolest thing here?” She tapped the counter for emphasis. “You see, I’d be very happy to wander the museum without ever stepping foot in the gift shop, but my children, they’re not as deeply invested in history. They’ve informed me that if I can bring home something worthy of their interest, they may consider coming along with me next time...and I don’t like to back down from a challenge.” Her steely gaze formed an odd couple with her warm smile, particularly when she glanced in the direction of the woman she presumed to be his boss. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Think fast, yeah? I’m trying to make you look good.”

[shitstheysaid]

[malymango-deactivated20181207]

hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry

[cipheramnesia]

sleeping naked because I need the monsters under the bed to appreciate my incredible ass

[midnightgelatothief]

it’s a low bar, but they jumped it. 

She'd been listening in now and then, though she wasn't sure she was meant to. The shop was slow this time of day, but it wasn't barren. He could have been talking to someone else. At his last remark, her curiosity was piqued. She leaned in from the next aisle over and stared. It would have looked suspicious if she were anyone but the owner, though even that could only alleviate so much culpability.

"If they cleared the bar that easily, I'd think you'd sound happier about it. Unless you were awaiting their failure—in which case, you really ought to learn to set higher standards at the beginning. I, for one, have elected to set mine so high that no one can meet them. It means I'm never disappointed, because I always know exactly what will happen." If her words sounded almost comically cynical, she hadn't noticed. "I suppose there's nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve if you're into that sort of thing. I'd sooner go sleeveless." Her lecture finished, she disappeared back into the books...

...And then appeared at the other end of the aisle. "Would a muffin heal you? I haven't the heart to tell Hollick I actually detest banana nut."

[midnightgelatothief]

hey, while you’re here, you can click the heart and win a brand new starter for FREE

[midnightgelatothief]

"i'm like, sixty-three percent sure that leonardo di caprio did not paint starry night."

"Be glad you haven't got money riding on this, because you'd be one hundred percent wrong. What you see before you is the genuine article: Starry Night, an exercise in gouache by Leonardo DiCaprio." She gestures to an overwhelmingly mediocre art piece. "Think bigger, love. Just because it's not what you expected doesn't mean it isn't true. I met a man on facebook with that precise name and this is, in fact, his original work. Do you think I'd lie to you?"

[midnightgelatothief]

"google, can you lock pop and drop it? or do i have to pick one?"

"Listen, mate, I'm no omniscient little computer man, but even I know the answer to this one." Naux pauses, tilts her head, and ensures he's ready to listen before she graces him with the arcane knowledge. "You pick one at a time, but they must be performed in rapid succession—with fluidity—or it'll look like you're fighting valiantly to avoid soiling yourself as you wait for the toilet." The words glide off her tongue with such confidence, but when she begins to demonstrate the movements, she becomes a marionette manipulated by a child.

[justmorerpmemes]

Potential Panic Starters

“First off, nothing is on fire. Yet.”

“Put it back, put it back, PUT IT BACK!”

“Nope! Nope nope nope.”

“This is not as bad as it looks, but it’s as horrible as it sounds.”

“Get me down! Please!”

“In the time it will take to explain this, the situation will get twice as bad.”

“Did you forget the… oh no. Oh no…”

“How are you so calm?!”

“No! You lead off with everything is fine, and then tell me the bad news!”

“Don’t. Panic.”

“Just don’t move, and don’t scream, but there’s a… thing on you.”

“I followed the sounds of increasingly loud screaming, what’s happening?”

“Don’t. Just don’t. I know what you’re gonna say!”

“Help. Help, help help help.“

“The problem is right THERE. Can we get along for five minutes please!?”

“Are you help? Please tell me you’re help.”

“How did I let this get so bad? I’m so dead!”

“There is no calm! Don’t tell me to be calm!”

“Everything is fine, it’s fine- nope I retract that statement.”

“I left for exactly two minutes and this escalated how!?”

“Help first, shame lecture later.”

“There was a gross misunderstanding when I said “I got this”, just so you’re aware.”

“Are you the void? Because I need to scream.”

“OW! No, stop, don’t do that!”

“Will you stop? You’re going to make it worse!”

[promptsnmemes]

shit said in the discord server as memes / part 2 

     change pronouns if u wish. 

making mouth like you’re intending to marry her. 

where are your teeth, ____ ? 

google, can you lock pop and drop it? or do i have to pick one? 

he’s got, like, a basset hound face. 

did you bottom in my bed? 

everyone laugh at ____. 

i am an omen of death. i’m also sad sometimes. 

you were a cucumber when i got you. i soaked you in the brine of my love.

something about hanging up on your corpse just feels wrong. 

mm, that feels gaslighty and wrong. 

i live in constant fear of farting while you’re on the phone. 

i activated capuchin monkey mode. 

no one out chickens the milk. 

are you a pet store being robbed? because you are fish taken. 

i’m surrounded by gators. 

leonardo di caprio did not paint starry night. 

i feel like you can marry into the ____. 

it’s a fuck shed, ____. 

i meant to minimize. i maximized. 

oh no. i made a mistake and you’re gone from me. 

no penis has ever been more flaccid than when i’m with you. 

i know what pillbugs are. 

it’s a low bar, but they jumped it. 

sit down, this isn’t downton abbey. 

no, i don’t want to know the logistics, i want to know what’s wrong with you. 

your mom’s so white the milkman delivers her every morning. 

[zoeyrph]

a really long, but categorized, ask meme

[askboxmemethings]

ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

“You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?”

“I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel.”

“Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes.”

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

“Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

"If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.”

“Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

"I’m sorry, have we met before?”

“I don’t know you, but thanks.”

“You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?”

“We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again.”

“Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?”

“It’s none of your business. We just met.”

“Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

"I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.”

“Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry.”

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

“Did you get that email I sent you last night?”

“No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

"I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!”

“I know what you’ve got in that top drawer.”

“I can’t believe you’re drunk at work.”

“You know, most people watch porn at home.”

“Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.”

“Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!”

“If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too.”

“You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?”

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

“Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

"We lost the playoffs.”

“The girls team beat the boys!”

“I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office.”

“Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.”

“I heard they were fucking in the bathroom.”

“She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!”

“She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.”

“I can’t believe we’re graduating this year.”

“Being a freshman sucks.”

“I slept with a sophomore last weekend.”

“She/he told me they were a junior!”

“Why are those freshmen staring at you?”

“Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?”

“How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?”

“Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

"I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”

“I definitely failed that test.”

“I got an A on my essay!”

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

“Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out.”

“I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.”

“Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

"I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give.”

“What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.”

“Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“At this point you might as well ask for my autograph.”

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

“You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

"Shut up. Just shut up!”

“I don’t need to listen to this.”

“You’re lying.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.”

“I can’t look at you.”

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“If you say one more word, I swear…”

“Pipe down, you’re making a scene.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Now I know why people think you’re neurotic.”

“You must be crazy.”

“I’m not backing down.”

"You can’t hide the truth forever, you know.”

“What’s your issue?”

"You make me so angry.”

"This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

"And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.”

“I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?”

“I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

"You’re the one that I want.”

“I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

"Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind.”

“I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.”

“I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

"I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now.”

“Please, don’t leave me.”

“I need you more than you will ever know.”

“I love you more than I could ever express in words.”

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

“I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!”

“I brought vodka and ice cream.”

“You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads.”

“I can’t believe you went without me!”

“I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?”

“I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!”

“I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up.”

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

[TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!

[midnightgelatothief]

Supplementary Material:

THE ANATOMY OF A TRAVELER — WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO MASTER TIME AND SPACE?

   Time can be seen as a circuit, but it’s actually far more linear.

   Everything that has happened, is happening, and will ever happen has happened already. What you yourself are able to perceive in your life depends on your birth. It’s a tight timeline, not exactly pre-determined, but prepared for every situation with a set of branches for each decision you will ever make.

   Each individual exists as a point on this timeline. When one dies or is otherwise removed from their point in history, they come back as a different point on the timeline. It may be as an astrophysicist in the future, or it may be as a flower in ancient Greece. Time doesn’t play favorites. It isn’t bound to a single species or era. This is the energy that each life contains.

   Effectively, everyone is running a very long race. At some point, each runner is going to be picked up and given a boost toward the finish line or made to begin again closer to the starting point. People who have traveled through time have just gotten tangled up in the strings of the universe before they were supposed to.

   Though time travel is rare, it happens most often when one is on the brink of death. Rather than beginning life anew as another point on the timeline, they fall into a crevice in time and are taken to a new area. Because they have not actually died, they do not reincarnate. They are stranded wherever the universe has seen fit to place them, their body and the majority of their memories still intact. All they earn is an enormous amount of confusion.

   Naux is able to travel through time and space by jumping: whenever she is in midair, she loses her grip on the fabric of the universe itself and is able to easily slip from this plane. Because she still hasn’t mastered her powers, the length of her leap is directly proportional to the amount of time traveled—a tiny hop might be a few seconds, while falling from the top of a building might be a several decades. In this way, she is able to achieve a crude form of teleportation by transporting herself (and anyone she’s holding) milliseconds into the past or future.