And Maybe Our Love Will Catch Like Fire

23. Hawaii. CKF.

[midori-808]

Steph Thoughts 09.13.2020

It’s been almost 2 years since my last post, and literally everything is different. I don’t even know where to start with this since there are so many thoughts swirling around in my head about a million different things.

I hear journaling is a good way to calm the crazy inside my mind, and I realized I used to do a lot of that when I was active here. I’d like to say I’m less crazy than I was 2 years ago, but sadly I don’t think that’s true.

I’ve been missing my old life, mostly the freedom and independence I used to have. Do I regret moving home? To be honest, sometimes I do. There are tons of things that I definitely would have missed out on if I hadn’t come home, but I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed in California. And it’s been happening a lot more lately. 

I don’t know how to stop it, and I wish I could, but I can’t. 

[midori-808]

Steph Thoughts 10.25.18

Closure. Such a short word, but such huge implications. And also a large problem in my life, to be honest. So many people walk in and out of lives every day, some without a trace, and those are the ones that linger, somehow.

There are so many people in my life that I haven’t gotten closure with, and with most of them, I doubt I will ever get any form of closure. Who knows, maybe I don’t even need it, and maybe that need will fade over time (hopefully).

I’ve never been one for confrontation with people or problems. But lately, I’ve tried to focus at least some of my energy on finding closure whenever possible. I know it’s impossible to get full closure on anything, which is why I’ve started taking advantage whenever the opportunity arises.

I recently met up with and had a long-overdue conversation with an old friend I haven’t seen in almost 4 years. It’s ancient history now, but all those years ago, one day, we were close; the next, we weren’t speaking. I never knew what happened or what I had done, but I always assumed it was something I did that pushed him away. We finally had a chance to see each other again and talk about it today, and everything came to the surface. Everything I had cried about, wondered about, and wanted closure about for 4 years finally came up, and I got what I wanted: closure. He told me he had spent a lot of time thinking me, much like I had been thinking about him. Eventually, I started thinking about him less and less, and he became an after thought to me. I always wondered what happened, though. He told me that what happened had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with himself. He told me that all these years, he always felt like he owed me a huge apology. He was so genuine and told me he thought a lot about what I must have been feeling, too.

My heart is a little bit lighter after today. I now have closure from one more person from my past. A person, I might add, I never thought I would ever get closure from or even ever see again. I’m so blessed to have seen him and spent time with him again, and even more blessed to have gotten my closure. I can only hope that he feels lighter, too. 

All I can say right now is Thank God for Snapchat!

[cwote]

I know this can seem the simplest cure, but it often causes more harm than good. there was a reason you left, there was a reason they left. you will become stronger, I promise. 

[midori-808]

Note to self:

Don’t read through Drafts unless you want to be ripped apart from the inside out.

[midori-808]

Steph Thoughts 10.17.18 Late Night Edition

Sometimes there are no words to make things all better.

Maybe some things are better left unsaid.

Maybe some feelings are better suppressed.

And maybe sometimes it’s better to cry your eyes out in the middle of the night than it is to say how you really feel.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to give up.

[photochoco]

Jackpot

[photochoco]

This is getting kind of ridiculous.

There are two five leaves in there somewhere 

[photochoco]

I lost count

[humunanunga]

This is the lucky clover bouquet. Reblog for seven days of good luck!

[buttnekkidblackgirl]

Y’all laugh but I actually end up doing pretty well once I go to work

[a-little-squirrely-sunshine]

fuck it, lets luck this shit up.

[luminatress]

Diary Entries of the Moon Signs

Aries: No matter what I do, I can’t control the way I feel and I can’t stop myself from expressing it. I act like I don’t care what comes out of my mouth, but I do deep down. And that’s why I get so angry, that’s why I blow things out of proportion and jump to conclusions. I feel too much and I feel nothing all at once.  Taurus: I just want to feel safe and comfortable. That’s all. I don’t want to change my habits! I refuse to.  Why can’t people understand that? Why do they have to make fun of my ‘weird’ habits and indulgent activities? I just want to be able to enjoy myself. Gemini: My mind is constant chaos, never shutting down. It doesn’t matter if I’m dreaming or awake. It doesn’t matter if I’m content or anxious. Away it races and I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could allow myself to really feel for more than a moment. But the moment I start feeling, it’s so overwhelming that I can’t help but breakdown. I feel like two different people sometimes.. Cancer: I can’t bring myself to be stable in my feelings. There’s so much beauty yet so much pain in having such intense emotions. I can love deeply and I can hate even deeper. My feelings are nothing to mess with because I’m not afraid to lash out but at the same time, I wish I wasn’t so vulnerable. Some people don’t deserve my sympathy, yet I keep giving. Leo: For some reason, I just don’t feel complete unless I’m given praise and attention. Sometimes, I don’t even care if it’s bad attention, so long as all eyes are on me. If I don’t get my way, I just lose all control and get so dramatic that it’s almost like I’m in a play. I just want people to listen to me, to watch me, to like me.. Virgo: Hmm, where do I begin? People say that I’m analytical and clever, but I just can’t figure myself out and I can’t bare for anyone else to do it for me. I guard my emotions so well, I don’t express them. You’ll never catch me in tears and if for some reason you do, you can bet you’ll be crying, too. Libra: I just don’t feel complete unless I’m with someone. Is this why I end up with all the wrong people? I want so badly to be with someone who can make me feel beautiful, someone I can depend on to keep the peace and have in depth conversations with me but I guess I’m too obsessed with romance to wait around for the right one. It leaves me feeling so empty and so lost. But I don’t really know.. I just feel like such a burden. Scorpio: I understand others more than I understand myself.. In fact, I don’t understand myself at all. My emotions are too intense for me to focus on my mind. I have to maintain my feelings to function or I will completely lose it. I’ve definitely never felt normal and judging by the reactions others give me, I’ve definitely never been normal. Sagittarius: I’m constantly running from my feelings but I embrace my thoughts and express them with an open mind. I mean, I definitely do feel but they come on so passionately that the more negative emotions can make me become destructive and careless. When I’m at my worst, I’m fearless. I won’t be afraid to hurt myself as well as others. And that scares me. Capricorn: It’s just all too much but I don’t want to explain how I feel. I don’t want anyone to look at me as weak or a burden. I know I can be snappy, ruthless, and overbearing but I can’t help it. I have to be able to control everything in my life to feel content. If I’m having a bad day, everyone around me has to have one too.. Aquarius: I just want to be free. Let me feel as I please even if it’s just a little. Let me think all I want, even if I think too much. I will never be the person everyone wants me to be and that’s what I love most about myself but it’s also what I hate most about myself. I know I can be unpredictable but that’s what makes me unique. I just want to be myself. Pisces: My fantasy world is where I find solace, though I know deep down it’s my downfall. When I’m sad, I’m depressed. When I’m angry, I’m furious. When I’m happy, I’m ecstatic. I’m so in touch with my feelings, that I think I feel more than others do. Some people think I’m too nice and too sensitive. I know this to be true. I know I give too much of myself and my time to the wrong people sometimes.. I can’t help that I see what I want to see. It’s how I feel comfortable in a world of chaos. *full birth chart readings for $5 / message me if interested / paypal payments only*

[midori-808]

Steph Thoughts 10.02.18

Self-respect is when you know what you deserve and aren’t afraid to walk away from situations and/or people who don’t make you happy. Such a simple concept, but so rare in today’s society. Everyone is so concerned about how they look on social media that they get “Likes” confused with happiness.

I will admit that I didn’t have self-respect until recently, either, but once I learned, I’ve been so much happier. 

I also understand that there are extenuating circumstances that don’t allow some people to walk away, so don’t jump down my throat.

[zodiacmind]

[zodiacmind]

More fun Zodiac facts here

[gayhaircut]

My advice to everyone is to develop a thick skin but not to lose ur softness. Like moisturise spiritually

[zodiacspot]

Read more about your Zodiac sign here

[midori-808]

Steph Thoughts 7/31/18

A letter to a friend in need.

I know how awful it is to feel sad and alone. I know all too well. I also know how easy it is to spiral out of control when feeling like that. It’s so easy to push away everyone who cares and shut yourself down from everyone around you and retract into your own downward spiral. And it’s easy to become desperate. I know how awful you feel. I’ve been there, too.

I keep thinking that maybe if I had stayed, you wouldn’t be in this situation and feeling the way you do. That’s probably just wishful thinking, and I’m stupid for thinking that I could have had such a large impact on you and your life, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes.

I can speculate all I want, but honestly, you have to be the one to pick yourself back up. Figure out what you want to do, what kind of person you want to be. Stand back and take a good look at yourself and your life and decide if you’re happy with who you are and what you do. If the answers are no’s, then make a change. Go back to school, take some classes, find a new job, call an old friend or make a new one, find a new hobby. There are so many things you can do for yourself.

I wish I could help you more, but you know I am always here for you in the limited capacity that I can be. I just wish I could physically be there for you. I miss you. I truly hope you find your peace.

[ruinedchildhood]

[blazedbbyy]

my favorite scene in the whole tv history

[lamboocalrissian-deactivated202]

the only sad thing about this scene being in picture form is that you can’t hear the way Garcia says “Quantico”. Kwan-tee-co.

[mhalachai]

the best 90 seconds of television ever filmed

[awwheartno-deactivated20170228]

This is seriously amazing.

[autumngracy]

Hello yes 911 I just witnessed a fucking murder

[1amgirl]

[dynastylnoire]

why you bake me

[handsoffmydinosaur]

Fame

[victorious]

Reblog this and money will be entering your life this week