b. table of contents tokyorev - haikyuu - naruto - obey me - knb - othr.events - journal entries
posting a few journal entries i like to get me hyped to write :))) i feel like nobody really reads fanfic anymore 🙁 i love it here guys ok this is basically my home so stay here 👿👿
the kids tease you by calling enjin and you mom & dad.
The first time it happened you almost hurled your jinki across the, now empty, battlefield.
Riyo stood in front of you and Enjin with her arms behind her back. Girl was covered in dirt and fresh scrapes after nearly getting herself crushed during a cleanup mission. You were pissed. And concerned.
“You can’t just rush ahead because you think you saw movement,” you snapped. “What if that thing had gotten you?”
“And if you get hurt,” Enjin added with a sharp glare, “You slow the entire team down.”
Riyo nodded dramatically the entire time, eyes wide with fake sincerity. You wanted to shake her, because you’d be heartbroken if something serious happened to her. Until she opened her mouth tho.
“Yeah, yeah,” she sighed once the lecture ended. “I get it. I’ll keep it in mind, mom and dad.”
You both stared at her. Then stared at each other - a silent dialogue followed. Like you had the gesture conversations with the others, Enjin and you communicated differently.
‘did she really just said that?’ his eyes said.
‘yes. Oh my god.’
‘huh. Odd. But kinda funny.’
‘Enjin!’
‘okay, okay. Not funny.’
All while Riyo grinned watching the two of you. Enjin then turned away to let out a traitorous chuckle and you groaned.
Should’ve been the end of it, right? A funny one time joke. Unfortunately team akuta and their supporters was full of the worst people alive.
Because two days later you walked into the headquarters, carrying supplies as you hear Follo yell from across the hallway.
“Mom said we’re meeting at six, dumbass.”
You stopped dead in the tracks. “Excuse me?”
Zanka immediately pointed at Follo accusingly. “I told him not to call you that.”
“You kind of encouraged him,” Semiu said flatly as she walked by.
Riyo was wheezing in the corner while your eye twitched dangerously. “None of you are funny.”
“Mom’s scary today,” Rudo whispered.
Enjin walked in at the perfect moment (later you’re convinced he waited around the corner, because no one walked in at a more perfect time). “Dad’s here. Everyone behave.”
The entire room burst into laughter. You wanted to die. You wanted to beat up Enjin who looked way too amused for someone who apparently didn’t find it funny.
“You’re enjoying this,” you accused.
“No idea what you mean,” he said, failing miserably to hide his grin.
Is anyone surprised that things only got worse, because Enjin started participating? No? Yeah. Exactly.
One afternoon Semiu sat behind her desk and lazily looked through a magazine while Enjin shuffled by. Then again. He huffed and puffed, all cow-eyed and pouting.
“Are you looking for your wife?” Semiu asked without looking up.
“My wife,” Enjin said loudly. “Took the day off.”
His voice sounded a tiny bit betrayed. How dare you to take the day off when it wasn’t his day off?
“Good for her,” Semiu replied.
“Yeah. My wife deserves that,” Enjin nodded.
Later Semiu told you about this conversation and you almost chuckled. Almost.
However. Bro Santa surprisingly suffered the most from it - mostly because he kept accidentally feeding into the joke.
But for starters. You were helping team child with some equipment. Also because you wanted to hang out with Dear Santa since you became similar to a motherly figure in his life.
It was a fun afternoon… until Enjin walked in. Took in the scene. Decided to open his loud mouth.
“Wow,” he sighed dramatically. “Couldn’t you at least wait until the divorce?”
Bro choked. “Divorce?!”
Team child looked between the two of you in horror.
“What’s wrong with you?” you asked in disbelief.
“You left me for the kids,” he said solemnly and then gestured towards bro. “And… Bro.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“And yet you stay.”
Bro looked genuinely stressed now. “Enjin, I never touched your wife, I swear. She’s just a good friend.”
“Hello?!”
“I know,” Enjin said all serious at the same time.
You kicked him in the shin and swore you still heard him cackle when you were back in your room. And, now all alone, you let out the tiniest amused snort. But it wasn’t funny, okay?
And if we already spill the truth a little here then we need to be completely honest. The dynamic actually fit.
You handled planning, schedules, injuries, and stopping everyone from killing themselves. Enjin handled morale, chaos control, and intimidation.
And together somehow you functioned exactly like exhausted parents managing a group of violent disaster children. And the team knew it.
“Mom, Rudo stole my chocolate bar.”
“Dad, Riyo threatened to shave off my eyebrows… again.”
“Can Mom stop glaring at me like that?”
“Dad said no, so I’m asking Mo.”
“… I never ask Mom anything again.”
Until then it wasn’t that bad. Or at least you thought it couldn’t get worse until you went on a mission together. Because if Enjin could do one thing then it was getting real loud when he was impressed.
A trash beasts twice your size charged towards your team. The force was enough to crack concrete and have the ground shaking. Before anyone else could React you slid underneath. Your jinki activated you drove it straight upward and took it down in one hit. The entire battlefield went silent for half a second.
“That’s my wife!”
Your horrified scream echoed immediately after. “Stop calling me that!”
Riyo nearly fell off her scissor laughing. Enjin shuffled closer, grinning proudly as he helped you up.
Meanwhile Gris looked emotional. “They’re so in love.”
“We are not—”
Enjin showed you off proudly. “Did you see that move?”
“Oh my god.”
He looked genuinely delighted which honestly made it worse. While the whole nickname saga was a joke - at least you thought so - Enjin’s pride about your growth and strength was honest.
And then it happened. You weren’t ready. It was the cherry on top. Corvus, the big boss, decided to join in.
That was the moment you realized there was no escape.
You sat in headquarters one evening with your head resting against the table, exhausted after a fourteen hour mission. Corvus approached you as calmly as ever.
“Have you seen Enjin?” he asked.
Hope blossomed in your chest as you looked up. When was the last time you’ve heard Enjin’s name? And not dad or husband?
Then he casually added, “Your better half, I mean.”
Slowly you closed your eyes. A migraine threatened to grow and take you out right here, right now.
“Please,” you whispered. “Not you too.”
Corvus actually smiled. And because Enjin had the perfect timing injected in his veins he had just walked by, listened and now laughed loudly.
Your head snapped around and yeah, Enjin was smug as hell. But beyond it he genuinely looked happy and proud.
Sighing you hid a smile behind your hand. “Come over. After the mission we deserve a drink… husband.”
Enjin stopped dead in the tracks. Also Corvus looked surprised before he gave you two some space.
“You did just—fuck,” he chuckled and sat down beside you.
Ha! Finally it was you taking the upper hand. At least until he reached into his pocket and pulled something shiny out that left you speechless.
somewhere only we know | (🌧⛄️) eita semi disabled!reader, leg condition is like josee's from josee, the tiger and the fish
A light orange hue spreads throughout the sky, a reminder, like the previous days and with the next, that the day was near its end. It was still bright out though. There still remained another hour before the sun finally sets.
At the back of the house, the patio, where you sat on your wheelchair, you used this final hour to admire and appreciate your garden filled with marvelous flowers.
Due to the condition of your legs, you were limited to almost everything. Spaces were too tight and sometimes packed in trains, in malls, in schools, even. It was hard to live in the city, which is why you chose to move to the countryside where your mother resided.
The scenery was colourful in your eyes, you had all kinds of flowers in your yard. While they are utterly beautiful, majority of the flowers you have grown have some dark or rather sad meanings.
Although a bit biased, the scenery was breathtaking. The various flowers spread across the garden and you're just there, taking it all with your eyes as you rest right in front of it all. At least you could afford this luxury of leisure. It would've been nice to be able to run around or bask in the middle of it all, feeling the leaves and the dirt beneath your skin but you lost all control and feeling below the waist.
Nothing compared to seeing, though.
"[Name], my teammates are visiting. They're inside, you might enjoy their company." Wakatoshi suggested. He knew your handicap became an obstacle in your social life when you were sent away from the city and back to the provincial life.
You lost meaningful contact with your small circle of friends, and you couldn't socialize here now when the act of leaving outside the door was difficult. Of course, it was depressing.
You hesitated for a bit. Nobody really cared anymore about handicaps or whatever uncommon traits people had, but being treated like a fragile thing was as bad as they can get despite good intentions, and the possibility of that happening when you enter back inside the house is...
At least for once, you wanted someone to look at you and not your handicap.
"Um..."
"Don't worry, they're not the kind of people you think they are. I can at least vouch for them."
You nod.
Even the architecture of the house was an obstacle to you, for now, at least. There were steep drops along the edges of the open patio, well, steep because you're in a wheelchair and sitting. It would've been nothing if you could walk. For now, you had to prop yourself up along the edge and have Wakatoshi lift the wheelchair, before helping you back on it.
"I can wheel myself there."
An awkward chuckle, you didn't want to seem sickly in front of people you'll probably never see again. You could at least make the most out of this first impression, if there even were any to spare for you.
"It's a typical traditional Japanese house. I knew the Ushijima household would be like this but I didn't expect it to seriously be traditional as heck!"
What a loud boy.
"Tendou, keep it down a bit."
"Sorry, my bad, Reon. Hey, Tsutomu!–"
"Tendou-san, you're–"
Whatever volume they'd been conversing at quieted down when the shoji doors slid open. Wakatoshi walked in the room first, followed by you in a wheelchair.
You met eyes with everyone in the room for a second or two. They had their bags strewn in a disorganized manner yet respectful enough for space to exist.
But there's that look. That look you get on the first second someone lays their eyes on you for the first time. It gave rise to a bad feeling in your gut, nearly leaving you spiraling right at that second—
"Oh! You must be Wakatoshi's sibling! I'm Tendou!"
A very bright redhead, literally, introduces himself first. You were unsure of how to act with a lively personality around, and you nod, "[Name]."
He laughs heartily, noting that you and Wakatoshi truly are siblings because that's definitely how your brother first reacted to Tendou when greeted for the first time.
It was nearly time for supper. Wakatoshi and a few other guys who you'd learnt the names—Reon and Tsutomu, had begun helping setting up dinner. Eita and Kenjiro stayed with you around the table, and Taichi was still asleep in the next room to recuperate from the trip here.
Turns out, because of Semi Eita's influence, the volleyball team also had another persona outside the court—they formed a band. A mishmash of talents, if you'd call it talents, but they sounded coherent... sometimes.
Eita sampled a few songs for you to enjoy while Kenjiro sang a few, the rest he left for Eita to sing.
-
hello! this is part of my partial works series in which i publish my drafts from years ago as is. these are drafts written when i was much younger and i just wanted to honor these by posting them, despite not having finished or not being able to finish these stories. nonetheless, thank you for reading. this series is open for continuation if there are any interested, just ask for permission. ❤️
this was written back in 2021–2022 i think, sometime around june.
fortnight | hyuuga neji spoilers: the fourth shinobi war
au where you're married to neji and he dies a few years after the war, takes place during the boruto timeline —
Neji and Shikamaru, the Hokage's right hand men, always there for Naruto in and out of the office. Now, you took Neji's place as an honorary.
With time, you learned to love working at the Hokage's office, doing mundane works, advising Naruto, sometimes handling heavier duties as well. There came many conflicts but you loved the simplicity of the work's principle. Maybe you'd adapted this from Shikamaru, as you work side by side with him under the Hokage.
With that, you can't help but address them in the same manner you always did when you were younger. There was never a sense of formality with you towards your generation of shinobi or even towards all of your sensei, there was still a hint of childlike playfulness that stuck and never ceased.
It's what the people around you love about you, the total opposite of your partner for life, Neji. Well, he definitely isn't alive anymore for you to call it "for life" but it still stands because you are. You're way too young to be widowed but life has its reasons, and you know it yourself you wouldn't let anyone else take Neji's place in your heart. It was never possible anyway.
You rarely returned home during the night, it was far too painful. Many years have passed since then, your niece and nephew have grown big, but you're still behind. Still stuck at the exit door to leave behind the past and move forward from the grief, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it.
As time passed since then, everyone's visits to Neji have gradually become weekly, to monthly, and now yearly. While you, you visit him as much as you can in a week. Even if the strong feelings and commitment you held have faded as the time passed, there were still some lingering and still strong enough to keep you from really moving forward.
Strong enough to keep grieving and visiting, still in denial about the fact and hoping you'd one day see him sitting by the tombstone and laugh at you, wondering where you've been heading off to almost everyday every week, visiting a tombstone neither of you knew whose because he was just right here.
However, you're not delusional enough to seriously believe in that, there are just tinges of hope.
Due to how late you'd stay at the Hokage's office, Naruto had built you a spacious room on the floor below. It was where you stayed, cooped yourself up, and buried in paperwork and other matters concerning the Hokage and everything else in the village that you had to handle in the background.
Neji and you built yourselves a home but that's why it hurts, because you two built that home but there was no Neji to come home to. After all these years, there still lingered a staggering pain in your chest when you enter the house.
Neji never once let you forget about him. There was always a whiff of him somewhere in the place that you catch and it's always at times you've been let in on some peace from the grief. You'd sometimes hear his voice in your head, a vivid perception of his voice but it's not present in the house. There was nothing scary about it, rather, you found it oddly comforting but waves of melancholy would wash over you in just a matter of minutes.
I miss him. I miss him so, so bad.
-
hello! i've written many stories over the tears but many have remained in the drafts because i didn't or couldn't finish them. i decided to publish them one by one with some revisions ofc to release them from the dark (???) and honor younger me who wanted to be known even for just a small fraction of a population for having written something 🫰🏻 these partial works are open for continuation if there are any who are interested, but do ask for permission beforehand. thank you!
I think nostalgia might become the death of me. I open these apps—Tumblr, Wattpad, AO3, sometimes fanfiction.net—just to feel the life I once had. It was so easy then, I admit. I wish I didn't take it for granted. I just simply wanted to grow up faster, get out sooner, and do everything I've always wanted to do (whatever I thought it was I wanted to do at that time), not realizing that what I had was the 'everything' I've always wanted.
Some may not return the sentiment but stories have always been the center of my universe. It's the reason I live because who am I when the pen drops and I stop typing? Who am I outside of the life I built for myself, enclosed in books, in words carefully structured to form the world I've always longed for?
What a weird thing it is to grow up. Despite how much I went through, I find myself reminiscing about the trivial and mundane days that I found little joys in. I wish I could go back. I'd do it all over again. I'd do anything to write for the first time, to publish on Wattpad for the first time, to read fanfiction for the first time, to pick up and read again the first book that got me into reading and writing... everything used to be so simple and childlike.
Now, responsibilities weigh heavier. I thought I had much to do back then, I didn't think it'd become more serious now that I've surpassed the ages I've lied about being on the internet. I thought these years were so magical because I always saw them to be, but I was just a child.
I want to stay innocent forever. Not knowing a single thing, not burdened by anything, just carefree, brave and eager to step foot on the real world. I wish I hadn't been so eager to, because now I miss it all so much. I wish I could just go back.
I miss watching anime like time didn't exist, experiencing online classes and having peaceful and quiet days. When I used to have 101% motivation, not thinking about college too much yet because it was only still a dream, still too far off to do anything substantial about. That time I wrote stories like it was my 9-5, like I was getting paid with how frequently and timely I used to write. I researched and brainstormed as though stopping now would make them all disappear if I did even for a second.
And yes, I still watch anime, I still read my manga and manhwa, my fanfiction, fiction and nonfiction books, and my textbooks (unfortunately). But nothing really comes close to the joys of being a young teenager, full of dreams that didn't need to be logical or practical. Just simply wild and colorful dreams.
Rangiku, Nanao and Rukia seen kissing by their captains
Kneeling down you pulled her hand towards you and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. Rangiku gasped, putting the back of her other hand on her forehead and throwing her head back as if she was going to faint.
“Oh my goodness!” she yelled. “However am I meant to resist such romantic advances?”
“Do you really have to do this in my office?” Toshiro asked as politely as he could.
“Oh come on captain. You don’t have to take your jealousy out on us.”
“WHAT!?”
“I’m sure there are plenty of girls that’d be interested in you despite your shortcomings.”
“Rangiku…” Toshiro tried to contain his anger.
“You just need to stop giving them the cold shoulder y’know?”
“Reign over the frosted heavens…”
Rangiku grabbed you and left the room as quickly as she could to save you from the icy punishment of her captain.
It was a beautiful spring day. The wind blew the petals of the cherry blossoms around the garden. You and Nanao were sharing a deep kiss she initiated. Just as it seemed you were both going to run out of breath a voice scared you two apart.
“It’s nice to see love bloom with the flowers.”
Nanao frantically looked around until her eyes landed on the source of the noise. A man camouflaged by his pink kimono was sitting in the branches. It was Shunsui Kyoraku. Her captain.
“You really are disgusting, getting off to watching couples in secret.”
“Oh how cruel you can be Nanao. If anything I am saddened that I do not have a woman such as yourself to share moments like this with.” Shunsui said after jumping down from the tree.
“Maybe you’d have more luck if you were bothering someone else.” she bickered.
“I was only here to watch over you. If things had gotten too steamy your glasses could’ve fogged up and-”
WHACK
Nanao hit her captain over the head with the thick book she always carries around crumpling his straw hat.
Shunsui sighed “You know you’re really burning a hole in my pocket with all the hats you make me replace.”
“Maybe I should try feeding you one then to see if it teaches you a lesson.” Nanao threatened while adjusting her glasses.
“Oh I’m sorry. It seems I’ve gotten lost.” Jushiro said apologetically.
Whatever he was looking for had somehow led him to accidentally opening the door to your office where he found you kissing one of his squad members, Rukia Kuchiki.
“Captain?! I-I was just…” she stammered trying to think of an excuse.
“Don’t worry. You should enjoy yourself.” he calmed her down. “This actually reminds me.”
He reached into his sleeve and pulled out a box of pocky.
“Here. I seem to recall there is some game that can be played with these but I can’t quite remember how it goes.”
Rukia, knowing the game he was referring to, accepted the box with a blush.
“T-thank you captain, you really shouldn’t have.”
“Nonsense, here I have some more.”
Jushiro was giving Rukia various snacks and candies which all seemed to be heart shaped and/or meant to be shared by two people.
“I really should get going now.” Ukitake said after burying Rukia in gifts.
Rukia and you now had to try and bring all of this to the Shinigami Women’s Association to have the members (but mostly Yachiru) help you eat all this stuff.
Is it a lost passion or just covered in dust, waiting to be swept and acknowledged again?
I don't understand myself. I love karate so much, but I don't want to go back. At every call from my instructor to go back and train, I end up with an excuse not to go—I'm too busy, I have exams coming up, I have schoolwork to tend to.
Or maybe it's shame.
I'm ashamed of myself. I built myself in this club and this community, half of my personality is thanks to karate. Majority of my development is thanks to karate. My values and discipline is a reflection of karate.
At some point in time, I started losing myself then I became ashamed of myself and my losses to even go back and train. It was a fight of honoring where I stood and what karate, my belt, and my wins meant to me, and how I appeared to my peers. It no longer became a place of training to become better, but training to keep up appearances and my pride intact.
I no longer became an active member. I was like a gust of wind, coming back strong for a while only to disappear later. I became discouraged when I was shown an ounce of disrespect. Maybe they didn't mean to outright disrespect me, just a little banter, but I couldn't take it given my state of mind during that time. It made me overthink, was I not worthy of respect, given my belt? Or was I not respected because of how I received my belt?
Even my days of training became unsure yet I still steadily moved up ranks like the rest. I, of course, demonstrated my skills, especially kata. I do well in kata. That's how I got a purple belt. We were tasked to perform a lower belt's kata blindfolded and my form was apparently good and I had good direction until I turned back and slowly started going diagonal. It was still good, as told by my instructors and seniors.
Fast forward months later, more juniors came to join the club and I seldom saw them and yet when I did, I couldn't even receive a bow. I was the one to bow with full respect, yet I would only receive an "ossu" or a glance. Not even a turn around to bow, and just because they'd already turned their backs, they'd forever turn them on me too. I guess that's what discouraged me.
Or maybe it's because what once became mine to hold were held by someone else. She's far better, she deserves it. She trains constantly, her determination and passion unwavering and she's moving up and up. She became the one to lead the oath last NOrSAA, and my pride took a blow. I remember I once looked up at a senior, who is now an international player, he was the one to lead those every start of the tournament and I strived to become the next athlete in his place, but I longer have that. I can't catch up anymore because the realities of life are catching up to me.
I once held that dream, a dream that's now somebody else's reality. I'll forever be stuck here, dreaming, while she lives out my dream—my dream becoming her reality. I'm becoming redundant. I admit, I'm jealous. I'm so jealous, but I can't bring myself to bear ill feelings because I know where I lack, and I know my own shortcomings. I should've trained consistently, I shouldn't have been with the people who messed up my life because if things had gone a different direction, maybe I wouldn't be saying any of these things.
I don't feel worthy of holding onto this passion—this passion I failed to nurture. A wall of shame now builds itself, partitioning myself and my love for this art, but what tools do I have to break through it? Does it stand firm between us or am I turning my eye from what I actually have to break through it and hold it—this passion—once more?
But I'm not ready to face what's beyond this wall. I know what awaits me, but I also don't. There's too much uncertainty but this uncertainty comes from my own insecurities on what people perceive me to be. 'A fallen talent,' I bet. There's someone better out there, they don't need me. I'm no longer the one they look at. Best in kata? That's no longer something I hold, because when they hear that, someone else reaches their thoughts and that's not me. I feel so much shame, wearing a high rank belt yet I don't show up when I'm supposed to. I wear a high rank belt when someone else deserves an acceleration. I wear a high rank belt yet I don't prove myself worthy, I've fallen from my podium and I don't deserve to wear this with pride.
'I deserve this,' I remind myself, 'It was approved by the sensei,' I reason with myself yet even with that proof, I can't accept it in my heart. I don't deserve it. Before rank acceleration, I always strive to become someone worthy of the next belt whether that's mastering my form or building my character, that's why I could always wear my belt with pride, even at orange. But purple? I'm ashamed. I've lagged behind. I shouldn't compare my progress beside others' but I can't help it, I'm not deserving of it.
Ever since I started karate, I always hung up my medals on the wall by my bed. They look down at me from my right side to remind me of what I work hard for and what I love so much, my whole being is encompassed by it. Yet one night, I took them down. I hid them away in my drawer and they never saw light again. I brought them back up but it no longer feels the same.
I stood outside of the house I briefly grew up in and spoke with my aunt, who was more of a sister because of our one year age gap and shared routines. I was 7 years old, she was 8. We were talking about high school and what plans we had made for the future. I was sure I would stay there with her.
We spoke about going to [school name], and I saw no other high school fit for me. I envisioned myself wearing the green skirt with the necktie, completely forgetting the red plaid skirt I once wore. I had nothing to lose, so it was easy to let go and embrace this change without hesitation, until the one day we traveled back here that it was going to be for forever.
There's nothing else but family for me back there, but I feel some type of longing that I can't quite place. Something like knowing I'll make a decision, or maybe a decision I didn't make, that would influence where else I end up instead of the one I'd previously planned and envisioned.
Thinking about the future is not something I do intentionally, it hits me like an existential crisis. I start to worry endlessly because I always realize I don't know what I want to be, while everyone else around me has it all figured out. I was once sure—steadfast and didn't consider being anything else. My dreams were solid and vivid, but now it's all a blur.
To be kept still and unchanging inside the cold walls of my heart. Not the cold that leaves you shivering and numb, but one that stops you from melting, drifting. Life melts things; people change and moments slip, while my heart continues to capture and cling to the fleeting.
Like the cold air under the rainy sky inside the warmth of home, kept still inside and wrapped in silence while the world continues to spin in a blur. To protect and preserve what matters most to me before the embers of reality erodes them—my love, memories, and people.
It's cold tonight, but I found my warmth with the people I'll only ever need. Happy 17th on the 17th.
Albeit we are separated physically; we do not walk on the same concrete roads, or surround ourselves with relevantly similar people, it is not inapt that we live under the same sky.
We may presently reside in far-flung countries, though I still remain beside you. I am filled to the brim with the desire to be with you, to stand there beside you, to walk on the same lands and stand under the same patch of clouds with you, but it is simply impossible.
I cannot reach you, nor can you reach me because of our circumstances, but I shall find my way to you, someday.
these are original, so please refrain from stealing them. i want to post these to vent but i guess i also want to inspire in some way. have fun!
— content
someday :: an unsent letter to my soulmate. i don't have romantic feelings for her but i guess you could say it's something more and something better.
birthday woes :: the first thing to greet me on this day each year are my tears. if anything, you could no longer say it was out of sadness but a ritual.
childhood :: my childhood is a foggy memory, but i'll never forget this day. it's a decision that changed my life forever and i'm grateful but who could i have been if my strengths were better nurtured?
shame :: shame is a feeling i can never easily reconcile with, and yet i have to live with it.
— letters written too late to someone who never stopped reading
Team 7,
I am writing to you all because- well, this might very well be my first and last letter to you. I am on a journey to find my brother, Itachi. Please don't go looking for me. I will be well, don't worry about me.
Yours,
Sasuke
A signed letter addressed to us. Sasuke spared nothing but a few words, hardly enough to console us with his impending absence. A short sized paper was hardly enough for complete assurance, yet I would much rather a full short size to a few pages, but we were given simple sentences that barely took up any space. With this letter, he promises it will be his first and last and… I'll never hear from him again.
However, there was another letter after Sasuke's—addressed to me.
Naruto,
I know you, you will traverse whatever depths in this world to find me. Maybe even in the next. Worry not, as I have said, I will be well. Please, spare your worries to other occupations. You want to be Hokage? That's one less rival for you without me around. You see, I have a different calling, Naruto. It's not something you'll understand. I cannot deny the Uchiha crest, I must find Itachi. I need to know the truth, Naruto. It's something my heart dwells on and I can't rest until I speak to him myself. Nobody has the gall to say it aloud but I know. I know the way the people look at me despite my performance in and out the academy— the last Uchiha , the last from that bloodline.
You'll understand me, we're alike in a way.
So please, Naruto, I beg you. Leave me alone. I will walk an ardous path but I want to walk this path alone, I don't want you hurt. Please understand.
Yours,
Sasuke
Since then, Sasuke never made a return home to Konoha. Not another letter, another signal. He hadn't shown up–
–and years have passed since I last saw you, Sasuke. You might have become a completely different person now, maybe less angry, less agitated, content with the life you have for yourself, yet the Sasuke you left me with was the one enveloped by his frustrations and agony. I forever wish you well, wherever you may be. If that is the path you wish to walk on, then so be it. I will no longer chase but if even for a moment you feel like coming back home, then come back and we'll open our arms wide for you. Come back home, Sasuke, come back to me.
Yours,
Naruto
This letter forever remains unreceived by you, with your whereabouts unknown, even I can't reach you. I've been waiting for so long, Sasuke. I've lived my entire life and am about to wilt away, can't I even catch a glimpse of you before my dying breath?
That was my last, soft call into the void I call you .
Dear Sasuke,
I know not who you are in this life. Maybe you were someone very special to me in our previous lives, but I can't stop my hands from writing to you. I can't stop. I have never loved anyone as deeply as this before, in fact, I've never loved anyone else but you. You, whose face I do not know, yet I feel so deeply for.
Every night, I have the same recurring dream. Some other nights, I don't remember my dreams or have none at all, but my life is occupied with only you. A fragment of you I can't see in full, only in silhouettes. Sometimes, I think of saying "I love you " to you but it feels wrong, not because it is wrong but because it does not feel enough to just say I love you . This otherworldly love I feel for you can't be encompassed by mere words of today, and so I write letters to you each day. The days pass and I'm further distanced from the previous life I had, I'm farther and farther away from you and yet my heart loves you as tenderly and deeply as I once did from the start.
Who are you, Sasuke? I've forgotten your last name, I can't remember at all, but I know you are Sasuke. I can't bring myself to say leave me alone because those three words pierce my heart in a way I've not known before. The ache and its sharpness twists at one area and connects to my whole body and suddenly I'm screaming don't leave me . I can't leave you, I can't forget you, I can't bring myself to love anyone else but you. How deep, this love I have for you, it's astounding.
Yours,
Naruto
"Naruto, it's almost 9!" Kushina barged into the room just as I finished the letter. I swore I felt my heart drop, I thought she would find out about the letters I've been writing, or even my morning routine of writing these letters! Immediately, I ran to push the door close, "I'll be out in a minute, mom! Don't barge in like that!"
Every night, I have vivid yet blurred dreams. I see them like I've lived them and one person in particular always appeared. Every time I saw him, I knew this was the Sasuke I write about, the Sasuke I long for yet when I run to catch up to him, he suddenly disappears from my sight. I look down at a piece of paper in my hands, writing I can't read yet in my heart I knew of its agony. Suddenly, I'm with two people, an older man and a girl of my age, a bit taller. Then, it ends there with a haunting ache that lingers even when I awake.
I wake up, grieving a life I know I once lived. It's unreachable now while I long for the people I see in my dreams and most especially, Sasuke.
"Naruto?"
I awoke from my daze.
"Oh, yes?"
"You're always like this every morning, Kushina and I are worried about you."
"It's nothing to worry about, mom, dad. Just the same dreams." I didn't tell them what my dreams actually were, just that I'd been having the same one each night and that I tend to… reflect deeply on it.
"Seems more than just the same dreams to me." A light, nervous chuckle came from Minato.
Everyone in this world knows of past lives, a lot of people have fragments they remember though some mundane, some their happiest memory, or their saddest one, while some don't and that just means this life in this timeline serves as their first. It's all normal and an everyday topic too, but sometimes people tend to get out of hand, feeling deeply for their past lovers and firm in their resolve to find them in this timeline. The catch is that not everyone is born in the same year. Some come earlier, some later.
"Goodluck, Naruto. Call if you need anything." Both my parents bid me a goodbye as I walked out, ready to start my senior year…
…yeah, to hell am I ready.
"Naruto! I thought we agreed to-" Sakura started rambling on: about how I was late, I didn't keep my end of some promise we made (did we?), and whatever else she went on about.
"Hey, are you even listening?" She heaved a deep sigh but I just couldn't focus on her, my eyes were set by the door.
"Seems like a new student." Ino chimed in, getting in between the space of Sakura and I. I didn't even bother to care. The two noticed and set their eyes by the door too, Kakashi was by the door talking to what seems to be two guys, the one looking older and taller. The one next to him had similar features, just a little shorter and less smile-y.
"Woah, he looks good. He's mine, Sakura!"
"What?! You don't even know him! And hey, no!"
The two almost went at each other's throats when the wind chimes sounded from atop the door frame and the two, our teacher and the new guy, came in.
Right before I let out a breath, it was like the world stopped. I stopped breathing, my eyes fixed on the guy Kakashi nudged for an introduction, and suddenly my mind went to–
"– Sasuke ."
MM/DD/YYYY
I'm not sure why I'm writing this but I have to get this out of my chest.
I remember fragments of my past life, I've done stuff that caused my peers harm, I've dealt some type of destruction and damage. I can't remember what or why, but I remember its weight. Like some kind of yurei stuck to my back, it haunts me endlessly. Then, I think of someone, I know his face. Well, I don't but I remember his features so vividly but his face is the only thing I can't piece together.
I feel a brooding dread slowly cover me whenever I think of him—his confident stature, yellow and lively, his blond hair, and I remember… his laugh.
This is so stupid, why am I even writing this?
Yours,
Sasuke
"–with Naruto."
Huh? Me? With what?
Kakashi looks over at me, unamused and unsurprised at my daze. Everyone else does too.
My hands start trembling and my heart is pounding, I don't understand this nervousness. I suddenly started to feel embarrassed, my head going numb in a moment, this is embarrassing.
I don't know what to say, I didn't hear anything. Man, I wish I didn't lose focus . I suddenly dropped the pen I was spinning and I awkwardly bent down while the room fell silent waiting for my response.
Sakura sensed this and reached out for my pen before me and handed it, "Are you okay?" She whispered.
Kakashi, don't torture me with this silence.
I pleaded in my head, tears almost welling in my eyes from this torturous silence that's lasting for way too long. Finally, Kakashi started to speak.
"Naruto, please raise your hand."
My heart dropped.
"So that Sasuke knows who to sit next to."
Oh, thank heavens.
I rejoiced. May your pillows be forever cold every night, Kakashi, for the context he gave me.
Wait.
Huh?
I see a hint of envy in Sakura and Ino's eyes. The two sit in front of me. Suddenly, as if it just registered in my head, Sasuke starts making his way towards me.
This is like those movies or something.
We're making eye contact. Surely it was only for a few seconds, just a mere 5, but it felt way too long. As if the universe went against my every wish and slowed down at its convenience to agonize me once more with another cruel time trick. Only then will time slow down when it's to torture me, huh?
I couldn't keep eye contact anymore, I looked away, looked at the ceiling, whistled, coughed, sneezed—whatever, just to avoid his gaze.
He silently took a seat beside me and that was the end of it.
"–then she said some freaky stuff was happening at the damn convenience store. Great heavens, can't people–"
"Hey, Naruto, you okay?" Sakura cut off Ino who was gossiping just now. The two are walking in front of me.
"...Sasuke."
The two shared a glance, "Huh?"
"Maybe he has a crush on the Uchiha too."
Uchiha.
"No way, that'll make three of us now!"
"I can hear you, you know." I said flatly.
The two giggled and started to pick up the pace to tease me.
I sighed, trying to stay present from now on and maybe less about the possibility of… Sasuke.
— Sasuke
"–so that Sasuke knows who to sit next to."
I'm not sure what his deal was. It's like his life flashed before his very eyes the moment Kakashi asked him to raise his hand and have me sit next to him.
So that's Naruto.
Now, he's fidgeting and accidentally dropping his stuff like I'm holding a knife to his neck for ransom.
Did I do something? Surely not, I just arrived. What the hell?
What I couldn't figure out, besides his deal, was the brooding dread I started to feel. The more I secretly studied his features, the more he started to look like the guy I wrote stupid things in my stupid journal for.
The air was tight and awkward as we sat at one desk. All desks are only for two seats yet I was so conscious of his existence, just sitting beside me doing nothing.
I didn't say anything to him for the rest of the period.
I saw a guy who looks like you, that's crazy. I've only met him, yet my heart flinched at the sight of him and the brooding dread clouded over me like a pillow, or something?
I can't do this poetry thing.
Whatever. Anyways, his name is Naruto. Naruto who? Naruto I don't know who. Just that he's Naruto. His name doesn't strike any familiarity but I swear, I've seen him before. Something about him just pulls me in, though I admit I wouldn't actually say any of that out loud. It's just… What if he's the guy from my past life?
Yours,
Sasuke.
Sasuke,
That was you, was it? I didn't entertain my thoughts this morning because I was so afraid. I was afraid of disappointment. I really want it to be you, Sasuke. I long for you, I want to see you, I want to be by you but I don't understand why I'm feeling this way towards you.
Were we lovers, perhaps? It's embarrassing to think about, but I need to know. I want to speak to you, maybe a word or two of exchange will allow me clarity—will allow the previous-life-me some clarity.
I've loved you in all my years, I have not forgotten. Even in a new life, a new timeline, a new body, my soul remembered you before my mind could. I need to know if it really is you, Sasuke. I just want you back. I want you to come home. The doors to my heart are always open for you, so please, come back to me.
Yours,
Naruto
"There are upcoming events next week, some are required but make sure to attend anyway." Kakashi bid the class goodbye and headed out before we could even begin to pack up.
Ino and Sakura were talking to me about after school plans but–
"Oh, hey!"
I called out to Sasuke. He was starting to leave earlier before I.
"Sasuke, right?"
"Yes, and you're Naruto."
"Hehe, obviously."
We just stood there, awkwardly.
"So?" He dragged,
"Um…"
"Just cut to the chase, Naruto."
I quickly turned to Sakura who took a swift glance at the both of us, intrigued at our sudden interaction. She and Ino started to pack and leave, seemingly in a hurry when I recall their plans required no haste.
"I know this is weird," I scratched my head, "But I've met you before in my past life. I know you, Sasuke. I know now you're Uchiha Sasuke, and I've been waiting for you. I know this is surprising, I hope you give it some thought, maybe?"
Sasuke made no expression, but deep down he was bewildered at what I suddenly professed.
An awkward silence sat between us in the room and we just stared at each other.
"I don't believe in fate."
"Hah?! I'm talking about past lives, moron!"
"You sound like you read too much romance–"
"I'm serious!"
"...Okay, you're actually serious about this."
Another awkward silence.
"How about we… walk together?" Sasuke suggested.
Oooookay, that threw me off.
"Sure!"
As we walked, I started to remember my dreams and as it did, little pieces started falling into place and now I can finally recall my dreams and the person I was sure to be Sasuke. It really was him.
In my dreams, the moment I started to run to catch up to him, he would disappear—untouchable, unreachable but now, I walk alongside him.
Years of longing for him, to meet him again and speak to him were finally at my grasp. I no longer had to imagine or dream, and no longer did I have to drown in the agony of yearning for the person I love whose face I could not recall.
A walk together is just a walk but maybe, it's the start all over again. The same love refreshed in another life and timeline.
|| NARUTO x SASUKE :: all rights reserved. i cross-posted this from ao3! i hope you enjoyed it ❤️ theres sm things wrong w this oneshot but uhh, js ignore it guys haha
