Just another someone trying to figure things out, out loud

[millennialandlost]

Not all who wander are lost.

Not all who wander are lost. What happens to the ones who wander and are actually lost or to the ones who are not wandering but are simply lost? Are there any out there?

But some of us are, though.I’m struggling with understanding which of the two categories I belong to. Until now, I didn’t even think I was actually wandering. I used to, but in the last few years, I thought I was on a path – had a goal, had a direction, had a long-term plan..in short, I thought I was dealt with. Clearly, I was wrong. Fast forward to today, I’m right where I started from – living…

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[millennialandlost]

I know the world is on fire but there's beauty in the flames too.

I know the world is on fire but there’s beauty in the flames too.

I was listening to Global Citizen Vax Live some time ago and one of the performers’ songs had this verse in it. And I heard and I thought “Wow, that’s such a great way of describing it all”. So I wrote it down and thought “That’s something I can relate and comply to”. Days went by, the note got lost in the pile of paper on my desk until I found it again, read the verse, and thought “What the fuck…

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[millennialandlost]

On faith

What do you believe in? I got asked this question the other day and I realized that was the first time someone has ever asked me that. Wasn’t the first time I had thought about it, faith has been something I had thought quite a lot, and even more in the past 12 months of the pandemic, but never had I had to voice it out to someone. Such a personal topic to talk about, not in the sense that it…

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[millennialandlost]

Was it your first time?

Was it your first time?

Why do you care? Why is it so important whether it was HER first time or not? Why does her first time need to mean anything to anybody other than her? Why does it need to be public and known of and spoken of? Why should it be a specific date on your calendar, with a specific person in a precise moment? Why does she need to tell you all about it? I wonder why girls’ first time has to be so public…

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[millennialandlost]

Last year drained me.

Last year drained me. And yes, I know I'm not the only one: but sharing the pain doesn't make it more bearable. It never fucking did.

And that’s why it’s been a while. I spent the remaining months of last year looking for the energy to even just breathe and get through the day, finding my days suddenly becoming made of 30 hours rather than 24. Every second felt longer, heavier, harder. And from what I’ve seen of this year so far, it looks like it’s not over yet. The heaviness, the struggle to get at the end of the day, the…

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[millennialandlost]

You deserve the space.

You deserve the space. And I'd love to have you in my space and visit yours, some time.

You earned it the moment you were born, and probably even before that. It’s your right. You can take it. Please, do take the space you need. The space you need to feel what you want to feel. The space you need to be who you want to be. The space you need to dream what you want to dream. The space you need to get upset for what upsets you. The space you need to be the person you want to be. The space…

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[millennialandlost]

How I see myself vs. Who I really am

How I see myself vs. Who I really am. How come can't I look me in the mirror and see myself for who I am rather for who I'm afraid I am?

Two very different people turns out, and I wonder how come? How come can’t I be objective with myself? How come can’t I see myself as the person I could but I am not yet rather than create this false image of me? How come can’t I see and accept my flaws, acknowledge them, and talk about them to get over them quicker? How come can’t I look me in the mirror and see myself for who I am rather for…

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[millennialandlost]

Home is where your heart and worries are.

Home is where your heart and worries are. Home is always a bitter-sweet symphony.

That smell you know so well. Those sounds you’ve heard so many times. The colors you know and love. The light that is as no other light. The sunset. The view you could describe in detail even with your eyes closed. The sound of those voices that makes you smile no matter what. That warmth in your heart. The feeling of knowing, where you are, and who you are.

That sharp pain in your chest that hits…

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[millennialandlost]

You are loved.

You are loved. In many different ways, several times a day. Whether you see it or not - cause love is selfless and comes without a price, when's real.

In ways you don’t see nor understand. From people you never thought could even see you. On so many different levels of you. Every part of you, the ones you like and the ones you hide, there’s someone loving every and each of them.

There has been someone loving you since the day you were born and others joined along the way. Someone loves for who you were, and others love you for who you have…

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[millennialandlost]

Till death do us part

Till death do us part I just think true love has nothing to do with limits, with possession, nor with eternity.

What a scary though it is to only have death between the two of you. To commit to another human being from here to eternity – your eternity, of course.

Human beings can’t comprehend eternity. It’s a thought we can’t visualize as we are finite beings and therefore can’t really understand, grasp, see what “Forever” means. And the thought of choosing someone and make that choice over and over…

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[millennialandlost]

Australia taught me how to do solitude

Australia taught me how to do solitude

Australia taught me how to accept, survive, and appreciate solitude. It taught me what kind of person I was when there was only me, what were my weaknesses, and how to face them without being overwhelmed. It taught me solitude and with all the social distancing and locking down and isolation we had so far this year, I couldn’t be more grateful for it.

When I was 19 I had no clue what I wanted…

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[millennialandlost]

Don't mock my irrational fear.

Don't mock my irrational fear. And you shouldn't laugh at what you don't understand or comprehend - something isn't irrelevant just because you can't see it or feel it too.

I can’t control it. I can’t decide whether to feel it or not. I can’t act on it, understand it nor face it. It’s irrational and it gets me whenever I least expect it and when it happens I’m powerless. All I can do is go with it, let it destroy me, and wait for it to go back to that forgotten corner of me, waiting for the next team I’ll be weak enough to let it through again.

And you shouldn’t…

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[millennialandlost]

Overwhelmed.

It's just that, sometimes, I wish things were easier. To do, to live, to be.

You say our generation needs to step up and fix the unjust system we are all living in. You say our generation needs to step up and fix the environment before it’s too late. You say our generation needs to step up and fix the educational system because it is outdated and doesn’t work anymore. You say our generation needs to step up and eradicate poverty. You say our generation needs to step up and…

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[millennialandlost]

Crisis mode is all I have ever known.

Crisis mode is all I have ever known.

I don’t really recall a time where there hasn’t been some sort of crisis going on in the world. There probably was, when I was too young to care, when nobody was expecting an actual answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. But ever since that question turned into “What are your plans for the future?”, there hasn’t been a time in which I felt like there was an easy and…

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[millennialandlost]

Will we remember affection when all of this is over?

I don’t do hugs. Physical touch makes uncomfortable. I don’t appreciate handshakes, hugs, any kind of touching really. I can count on one hand the number of people who I enjoy receiving hugs from. With time, I learned not to show it too much. If you don’t know me, and you hug me, you won’t even see I am not enjoying it. I’ve learned to endure it, to focus on something else and wait for it to be…

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[millennialandlost]

My privilege gets heavier every day.

I am an expat, I live and work in a country where I wasn’t born. When this whole epidemic started, I decided to go back home: home has a better healthcare system, home has a better support system, home was reacting better to the situation, and home was home. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I took it.

My only request to go back home was to have a place where to self-isolate for the 14 days…

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[millennialandlost]

Switzerland reminded me tat there's beauty in every situation.

The world is going into a full lock down. One after the other, countries are shutting down to fight an invisible enemy. Someone pointed out how weird it is to be alive in a moment of history where we are the most connected, where you can reach literally every single corner of the world just through any mean of transportation, and yet being in an a global lock down. I see the irony of it all,…

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