Your Mindset Determines Your Mood
TL;DR: My struggle with management not giving me my due raise had made the quality of my work suffer, but I remembered that I shouldn’t let money or outside influences affect my work because I work with children, and it’s the best work I’ll ever do.
I came to a realization yesterday that I lost passion for the job I’m working currently. To sand out the fine details, I’m an ESL teacher at primary school. The first two years, I really enjoyed it. The cons didn’t kick in until I entered my third year of teaching. I started to proportion my effort to how much I earned per hour, and when you start to think that way, things start to get very stressful really fast.
I thought that I could level out my classes’ quality by the amount of money I earn teaching (being given the same rate of pay for 3 years can make you start thinking things you probably didn’t start out thinking before). To give you an idea, I’ve been doing the same thing for over 2 years at a rate of $15USD per hour. “But Writer, surely you’ve asked for a raise?” Why, by golly, yes, you’re right! I did, I made many requests.
All that either fell on deaf ears or were responded with an excuse to blow it off.
Before I knew it, I started to fall into a ditch. It was dark, damp, and the gravity pulled me down even further into its depths. However, while most panicked and thrashed about, looking for a way out; I was calm, almost comfortable.
And that’s the dangerous part: Being content at the bottom of the barrel. Being so at ease about your life spiraling out of your control. Accepting defeat and staying down when others know you still have so much fight left.
And then you realize it. You realize that you’re walking around with a chip on your shoulder. You let it affect your work. You let it alter the experience of those around you; their memory of you. Once I had tapped into that epiphany, accepted that I’ve fallen from grace (physically as well, I used to be only 80kg/178lbs. Now I’m at a hefty 103kgs/228lbs), I walked into my 3rd grade class this morning with a challenge: Be fun. Don’t get angry. Be the you that the kids like.
And so, I did. I had fun, I didn’t yell, and I made sure that the kids laughed and enjoyed the lesson.
And then I repeated the same thing for the next class, 2nd graders. Bear in mind that each class, no matter the grade, seats nearly 50 students. I had to match my voice to that of almost 50 toddlers. Sometimes, I got a bit frustrated, but I only made subtle attempts at managing the class: I changed my tone, I gave everyone a stern look, and they all realized that they were being unruly. I missed that trick. I’ve always strained my voice and it would cause me to get sick. I didn’t realize how miserable I’ve become until yesterday.
That’s why I’ve started to remind myself that your mindset is determined by your mood. I remember how I would always hype myself up before classes and enjoy the time with the kids without looking at the clock so much. Just making sure to have fun overall. Now, I hope to return to that mindset and make sure nothing in life, no matter how unfair it gets, stands in the way of great time with learning. I have to remember to leave all the baggage at the front gate; I have to be at the top of my game.
If you’ve read this far, I hope that you find your motivation again much like I did today and that everything else from this point on works out in your favor. Remember, if you feel like you’re losing control, you have to realize that the only thing left you can control is your mindset.
Thanks, and good night.
