I’ve been trying to think of better ways to start this, but I guess there isn’t so let me begin with I’m sorry. This past month has brought nothing but worry, concern… but mostly disappointment. I’m not upset that you’re dating. I’ve known about this for a long time (didn’t your girl kinda made sure of that hehe) and have had little problem accepting it because you deserved to be with someone. But the way all of this came out… I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t understand your decisions, and I’ve stopped trying to. I especially don’t understand why you’d go against even your parents’, your company’s and your members’ supposed “objection” to the untimely marriage. The fact that you had to persuade them tells me something is faulty, but you refused to listen. I am not even surprised. I’ve always known this stubborn side of you existed. But these are people you’ve been with your whole life. People who only have your best interest at heart, no doubt. All for someone you haven’t known a year— but that’s another story altogether. Your pre-nuptial shoot happened in May. How long have you been together at the time? Four months, tops? Who plans on marrying that soon? I remember you saying earlier this year about finding someone and wanting to marry them quickly so that in that way people would think you’re matching. Well, the only thing people can think about it now is how absurd it is, Sungmin.
I’m not mad at you. (Upset, definitely.) Unlike some, I never felt like you betrayed me. Basically, I just… I feel like I don’t know you anymore. (Like you’re this brand new person. A stranger once more..) And you know what the saddest part is? Realizing through all of this that I probably never really did. And a part of me tells me that somehow, you made sure I didn’t. I know this could be my disappointment talking, but I feel so frustrated.. with everything. You have no idea how much I wanted to just be happy for you. I tried. I guess this is what happens when the one person you were sure won’t let you down does. It just kind of blows you away. I hope no one ever doubts the love and support I had for you all these years — it’s a lot of time I will never get back but won’t ever regret. I only ever wished for the best for you, Sungmin, honest. I only wanted the best for you. And I’m sorry if I don’t see that in all of this. Right now I feel nothing but the serious want to knock some sense back into your head, but that would be useless. So if this is what you really want, which we can all see it is, then fine. I don’t know when your happiness stopped being mine, but I’m not gonna pretend that I’m happy, because I’m not. Again, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not a better fan. I’m sorry I’ve stopped trying to be along the way. I’m sorry for everything.
For weeks now I’ve been telling myself to stop thinking about it, but what to do when Lee Sungmin has been all that’s been happening in my life for years? It’s been really tough this past month and I know it’s only going to get tougher still. But let’s face it, we’re old. I’m old. And like you who’s starting a new chapter in his life, so will I. Perhaps this time I’ll be a little selfish and finally pray for my own happiness, now that you’ve found yours.
So good-bye, Sungmin you beautiful person. We had a good run. I will forever be grateful and sorry.
