Hello

I'm just here to see some cool stuff, enjoy a laugh, and let's be honest, just not be bored in the spaces between doing things.

[pxblohoney]

okay so my grandma had this friend and he was late to everything, but he didn’t really mind, as he would always joke around and say ‘oh well, as long as i’m not late to my own funeral’.

he recently passed away and last week at his funeral, everyone was in the church waiting for it to begin. they waited for more than 30 minutes past the set time and then came the news: 

the hearse had gotten stuck in traffic. the hearse with his body in it. 

he was late to his own fucking funeral. 

[just-another-cat-blog]

pride month!!!

[lemonsharks]

Is that a miette?

[jeanjauthor]

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

[lost-and-cursed]

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[kwaiflower]

[sentient-tent]

This is Tie, she is going to eat all of the notes

[sentient-tent]

reblog to feed her notes

[elodieunderglass]

How is she doing this

[userfish]

this pride month we’re all going to be radically pro transgender. or else.

[userfish]

hey so this means radically pro ALL transgender. don’t put limitations on this. all trans people are radically accepted here.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

I love how these are from an Unreality subreddit but to my eye they just read like regular Tumblr shitposts. Did we cross-pollinate or something

[dramatic-dolphin]

some of my favorites

[eroscestlavie]

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

[glassamphibians]

do you have any niche (ish) book recommendations? basically anything that isnt popular with book influencers or part of an established canon. always looking for a way to broaden my horizon

all of these i’ve barely/never seen discussed online or found the old fashioned way (poking around a bookstore) <3

Lives of the Monster Dogs: a recounting of that time a bunch of scientifically enhanced anthropomorphic dogs in 19th century german fashion moved into new york city in 2008. obviously we all remember this but in case you want to relive it, their time in new york is recounted in letters, diaries, articles, and a full operetta!

Fifty Beasts to Break Your Heart and Other Stories: a very strange and whimsical collection that feel like the grimm brothers take on a welcome to nightvale <3 nathercott is one of my favorite authors and her folklorist backgrounds really comes through in her writing! this also has beautiful illustrations.

Candelaria: i genuinely cannot even begin to describe this one it is so strange 😭😭 it’s a multigenerational novel except the generations are surviving a very strange apocalypse? theres a wellness cult? and zombies? if thats not your speed Lozada-Olivia also has an equally strange novel in verse called Dreaming of You, in which a woman copes with a break up by resurrecting Selena. yes that Selena.

The Fetishist: in short: a punk rock singer kidnaps the man she blames for her mother’s death. in long: a character driven work following Kyoko, the punk rocker, Daniel, the kidnapped and the fetishist, and Alma, the love of Daniels life and cello prodigy. really poignant book about love, music, and the fetishization of east asian women. This was also an unfinished work that Katherine Min’s daughter Kayla edited and published posthumously. if you pick it up a highly recommended reading Kayla’s afterword.

Meet Me at the Crossroads: this is about two sisters who grew up in a church that worships mysterious doors that open go another world. when one steps through disappears, the other is left with the mystery of where she went, and who she is on her own. Giddings is a very loved author but i think this one didn’t get as much love as her other novels bc its much more of a ghost story than the portal fantasy it seems a lot of people were expecting.

Catalina: a somewhat autobiographical novel about an undocumented girl’s experience at an elite college. Catalina is such a vibrant, ambitious, and complex character it’s impossible not to immediately fall in love with her. If you’re interested in nonfiction Villavicencio’s book The Undocumented Americans is also phenomenal.

[movementnudge]

Movement nudge, getting up off the floor!

X

[cat-mermaid]

real talk, i saw this other vid 7 years ago where a trainer like this lady gave some of the most important physical health advice I ever heard that changed my life:

#1. You should be able to lay down on the floor (face down or back) and be able to get up without your hands. If you can't? Spend a little bit every day just doing that, laying on the floor and getting up again no hands style, then laying down again (you'd be surprised how fast it wears you out after a few times)

#2. You should be able to get up out of a chair without using your hands or grabbing on to anything. Can't? Fucking start training mother fucker! Just a few uppies every day could save your damn life when you get older!

#3. You should be able to turn your neck to the side without twisting your upper body in the same direction, you should be able to turn your head freely without moving your shoulders, chest or torso! Start looking up loosy goosy neck exercises! It makes such a HUGE difference!

#4. You should be able to motherfucking stand on one foot and keep your balance for longer then 15 seconds. Haha sounds easy right? Thats what I thought when I tried after watching that vid, i was horrified to find how hard it was! I started doing "one leggy style" standing any chance I got, when I'm in line somewhere, when I'm watching a video... just do a few rounds of 10 seconds on each leg for like 5 min every day!

You get older and you think you still have all the same limberness as you did when you were 8, but whens the last fucking time you ran around and played like an 8 year old? You loose that flexibility so subtlety and then one day when you need it? BAM ITS GONE

Start getting into these habits now, i don't care if you're 18/25/30/45/50 OR WHATEVER JUST START YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

[jezunya]

Also thinking about that last SecUnit in System Collapse, who stopped to warn them that BE was coming, and decided to stay behind because they didn't know it was governor-module-less. Thinking about that SecUnit quietly sharing the HelpMe.file with other units it thinks are trustworthy. Thinking about that file, essentially MB's life story, just quietly getting passed from SecUnit to SecUnit, some of them choosing to run immediately as soon as they're free, maybe some of them choosing (very understandable) violence against their oppressors but most don't, most choosing to believe or at least to hope that there are good humans out there, that there are places they could be safe, places where they could be seen as people, and choosing to pass the document on to the next unit they meet.

Just thinking about this slow, silent revolution rippling through the ranks of constructs throughout the Corporation Rim, without Murderbot et al even being aware of it, until maybe one day on a mission stop on a random transport ring, it encounters another rogue construct trying to pass as an augmented human in the crowd. The other rogue freezes when they spot each other, and for a second MB tenses and thinks maybe there's going to be trouble, but then this stranger goes, holy shit you're 1.0, because they're so many links removed from Murderbot or 2.0 themselves, but they have the file, and they know who saved them, they know who freed them

[jezunya]

#i just reread network effect and system collapse back to back#and in SC i kept thinking ‘secunit is going to become a folk hero if it’s not careful’ (via @what-strange--options)

Murderbot becoming construct Robin Hood? Construct Jesus??!

It would hate this so much lmaoooooo

[jezunya]

God Hands You A Bible by saaabriel https://archiveofourown.org/works/84331006

Absolutely cackling

[patricia-taxxon]

i love explaining the etymology of the word "rickroll" because the story starts with "ok, so at one point 4chan applied a filter to everyone's posts that changed the word egg to duck"

[maple-cloak]

[wrenanigans]

[croaksac]

grandfather....

[no-one-offical]

‎

[hortensius-deactivated20240909]

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

[wildehacked]

things in fic I'm used to people kind of faking their way through writing about:

the city of los angeles

the city of new york

sex

how drinking alcohol works

how getting high works

how a child of any age speaks

how nuclear physics work

how [my job] works

how debilitating being shot in the shoulder is

how hypothermia works

things I have never before seen someone fake their way through writing about, until today:

what french toast is

[headspace-hotel]

read through the notes on this one trust me

[kiragecko]

Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:

SHRIMP COCKTAIL:

banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol

generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is

#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro

And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!

POMEGRANATES:

zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple

thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute

sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.

FRUIT TREES:

zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''

salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE

baander: #cranberry trees

DOUGH/BATTER:

maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre

livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles

lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY

Some other topics:

ANIMALS:

catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear

piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave

pluto-lichen: horses

misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like

pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially

SEX:

dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.

dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”

SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:

thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad

shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze

sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon

alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices

dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.

the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes

typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy

draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices

11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note

fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is

emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣

NON-FOOD STUFF:

red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.

bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket

nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English

sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp

danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author

meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does

vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'

leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake

fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?

dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic

msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate

shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September

baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird

twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)

waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up

violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours

purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.

[razielim]

imagine you're don abene for a second.

you encounter a secunit for the first time.

it saves your life in a situation where no one else would have been fast, strong, agile, and composed enough to do so.

your security team is immediately more alarmed by its presence than the attack that is obvious to you as the bigger issue at the moment

they insist it's dangerous and struggle to relax enough to take their weapons off of it

then a combatbot attacks your group

somehow this secunit, much smaller than the bot, unarmored, without any heavy weaponry on its person, manages to take it down. some real jaw-dropping action, all over in less than a minute

then it leaps into a room with two combatbots and not only survives, but it gets your unconscious friend out alive

then it immediately comes to your own rescue, disabling impressive combat armor

it then is dead-set on killing your attacker who is already immobilized and harmless

clearly this is an incredibly competent and dangerous and powerful person

then miki tells you that it IS rin and you finally put it together that not only is this person competent in the field, but it is also calling all its own shots and has truly come here all on its own and volunteered its services to help and protect you without needing to be asked or ordered

so this person is incredibly competent, dangerous, powerful, AND kind, AND fiercely protective, AND reassuring, AND intelligent, AND selfless

and it's still coming up with great ideas and still thinking proactively about how it's going to face down or distract another combatbot as though there's no doubt in the world that it, still bleeding heavily, still unarmored and barely armed, is ready for another round with a terrifying machine that appears to be nothing BUT armor and weapons

so you step forward to help treat its injuries

and it jerks back a step with the single most frightened face you've ever seen, as though you had lifted your arm to inflict pain and it was helpless to stop you

behind you, even miki can read the devastating expression that's breaking your heart and says "abene won't hurt you, secunit"

where did the fearsome fighter from moments ago disappear to?

who did this to it?

[athanza]

From Veronica Tucker via Pinterest

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[inkvoices]

Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella

[inkvoices]

21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

[lightningladybug]

adding the Doctors Without Borders one

[inkvoices]

I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!

24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children

25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard

26. Haunted house

27. Shark hero was about to go rogue

28. Grandma lives in the woods comic

29. A Different Aftermath comic

30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)

31. It’s A Date comic

32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay

33. Narrative Town

34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic

35. Robot Apocalypse

36. The Statues That Do Not Weather

37. Kushiel

38. Tooth Fairy

39. Alien abduction

40. Felonious wish-granting

41. When humans met actual space orcs

42. Space cousins

[dannnnnnnnnnnnex]

WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD

[crackheadgremlin-deactivated202]

its not a book nor banned but honestly? unknown stories or those cherished by few are also important so here.

Also adding a couple of my favorites! Long Forgotten God and the kindergarten class

Angels and Demons accidental sandwich

[snakebites-and-ink]

May I add:

45. Intergalactic Red Cross

46. Being Villagers

47. The monster under the fridge

48. Humans are the only species with a concept of vengeance

49. The Blue Key

50. Different stories resonate with different people comic

51. Whalefall horror comic

52. The Fox God comic

53. The Stone of Possibility

54. Worthless War

[snakebites-and-ink]

Wait I have more: (including many from the notes)

55. A Pool in the Heart of the Forest (comic)

56. I am asking you to endure it (+notes)

57. You Help Kill Heroes

58. The witch who raised herself

59. My pilot is good

60. Hsthete (comic)

61. Variations on the Frog and the Scorpion

62. The monster under the bed

63. Cleric slamming healing spells (microstory)

64. The Priest of Arepo

65. The Villain Wrangler

66. Old Gods vs Aliens

67. Last Contact

68. Dragon on a farm

69. Antler Guy

70. Bakery with mythical customers

71. ‘Port

72. The king prophesied to defeat evil

73. The Night Gentlemen

74. In love with a sphynx

75. A fae asks for your name

76. Once their home

77. When you die in the ocean (comic)

78. Toad Words

79. Kisses and Curses (comic)

80. And the Heavens Wept

81. Healer kicked out of the party

Also “tumblr storytime” is such a cute thing to call it

[tedthetalk]

I actually do think it’s better for abusers and abusive characters to realize the harm their past actions caused and seek to do better than be literally or metaphorically executed for their crimes

[tedthetalk]

I think it’s better for abusers and abusive characters to realize the harm their past actions caused and seek to do better than be literally or metaphorically executed for their crimes.

[tedthetalk]

I think it’s better for abusers and abusive characters to realize the harm their past actions caused and seek to do better than be literally or metaphorically executed for their crimes.

[tedthetalk]

You may notice, if you read the post, that “forgiveness” and “redemption” are not mentioned at all. This is on purpose.

[blanq]

tumblr glitched and now there’s just a guy in the void

[daughter-of-prospero]

Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes