Small guide on human interaction
You know some of the main questions that go around when neurodivergent folks speak up about their struggles on human interaction? I am not yet diagnosed nor do I dare appropriate of a diagnosis before undergoing accurate tests, but I've struggled with some of the following social situations and came out with answers of my own. These come from a purely personal space and are based on simple empirical observation (aka, how I lived the situation and the way I've learned to face it best). Take everything with a grain of salt.
I hope this may at least give some insights on how to deal with the following social situations :)
How to I comfort someone who's complaining about something that happened to them? I try to offer empathy by recounting a similar experience that happened to myself, but I've been told I come off as "trying to make it about me". What do I do?
This may sound quite obvious because most of the time, you try to see things under a purely logical lens. Sharing experiences builds community and empathy, right? Well, not in this situation. When someone is telling you about something that happened to them and wants to be comforted about it, it's purely their experience you need to focus on. Dissect the situation, and most importantly, focus on FEELINGS. You might feel the need to recount a similar situation to make the other person feel less alone, but by doing this you're cutting out the most important part of the conversation, which is, emphasis on feelings. What you should do is, remember that moment, remember how you felt, and generalize it. Instead of saying "I understand you, last time I didn't pass the x exam either because the questions were too hard" (which shifts the conversation to you and makes it appear like you're expecting sympathy from the other person), say "Well I see, it's one of those moments when you feel like you've given your all and the system has cheated you. It freakin' sucks." This way, you not only make the other person see that you understand what they mean, but you also allow them to verbalize a feeling that they otherwise wouldn't be able to express to its fullest. Create empathy not by storytelling, but by expression of feelings. In that moment, that person wants to feel safe, heard. You may proceed with telling them about a story of your own only after you've made them feel heard first. You may also ask if they want advice about it, but don't give unprompted advice. Most of the time, people just want to vent.
2. This person has said something blatantly incorrect and they got upset when I pointed it out. What should I do?
Happens to the best of us, especially if you function in a way that can't handle factual incorrectness. Short answer is: keep quiet, you sound like you wanna argue. Long answer is: people feel like they've been scolded when you're giving them a counterpoint. It feels embarrassing, and when they're not completely confident (and trust me, A LOT of people feign confidence. The more they boast, the less confident they are) a correction seems like you're threatening their intellect and security. They're not open to dialogue, not all people. Not unless they know you well.
That's what you have to do: treat the correction like it's a sex joke or an otherwise semi-offensive joke. Imagine someone has said "Oh, Jupiter's mass is 3 times Earth's!" now, you'd want to say "Actually, Jupiter's mass is 318 times Earth's", right? Imagine as if instead of saying that, you're saying "you know what has a mass 3 times Earth? YOUR MOM". If the latter is inappropriate in that situation, so is the former. If you're with a friend who knows you, and whom you know to be able to take a joke, chances are they'll also be able to take a correction. If you're unsure if this person would take a sex joke well, you must think they'd also be unlikely to take a correction. Not if it's your boss, coworker, random guy on the internet. They don't care to learn in most cases, no matter how nicely you put it. Just mind your business unless called on, and in that case you're justified to offer your insight.
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