bellatrix black who is so incredibly smart. she looks at complex diagrams and ritual circles and patches and weaves and creates with a disarming ease.
bellatrix black who is decades younger than her lord’s companions and a woman to boot, but she claws her way up the ranks. she is the dark lords right hand and woe be the moron who underestimates her.
bellatrix black who was the first born. for eight years she was raised to be the heir of the house of black. for eight years she was the revered jewel. and then she fell into the shadows. why? for this ugly sack of flesh? for this penis that he had and she didn’t?
bellatrix black who laughed and played with her family, who had a horrible mean streak, but it was funny! why are you crying? she doesn’t understand and she doesn’t like not understanding things.
bellatrix black who burned so bright. her anger a force that nothing could stop. her heart a twisted thing yes, a horrible thing of course, but a thing that coveted her precious darling sisters. a thing that broke the day her darling andie ran away.
bellatrix black who never bowed. who never broke. who stood against the storm and threw her long curls back and laughed.
bellatrix black who perhaps, in the quiet hours, wonders if she was born… wrong. with a gap in her soul where love reigned. she obsessed and collected, but love? it was a weakness. a liability. andie taught her that much.
bellatrix black who took such great care of her hair. down to her hips and glossy and perfect. who carefully applied deep red lipstick and silvery ash eyeshadow. who spent time on her appearance, her clothes. yes she was tough and mean and strong but she also was a daughter. she had expectations. chains don’t feel so heavy when they glitter.
bellatrix black who after a decade and a half in the worst place on earth, in a prison designed to rip apart your mind and body, still stood tall at her lords side. her wand still quick, though her hand trembled sometimes. in the cold. in the dark. her brilliant brilliant mind a tattered replica. but she doesn’t miss it. she doesn’t even know what she lost.
bellatrix black who doesn’t understand why cissa cries when she sees her (matted locks, crazed eyes, and blackened teeth) and she doesn’t like not understanding.
On the topic of Bellatrix and Sirius: Sirius says to Harry he hadn’t seen Bellatrix since he “was your age, unless you count a glimpse of her coming into Azkaban.” How does that work if he was meeting her during the first war?
(I really like your idea and can see it but would like to know how this would work in-canon, given what Sirius said to Harry).
Thanks for the ask! So, that line is actually one of the main reasons why I think it’s likely that they were secretly meeting. From what I’ve seen, it is a pretty common reading of that line to interpret it as Sirius lying through his teeth, at least amongst those who give the Sirius & Bellatrix relationship more nuance.
“Lestrange...” Harry said aloud. The name had stirred something in his memory […]
“They’re in Azkaban,” said Sirius shortly.
Harry looked at him curiously.
“Bellatrix and her husband Rodolphus came in with Barty Crouch, Junior,” said Sirius in the same brusque voice. “Rodolphus’s brother, Rabastan, was with them too.”
[...] “You never said she was your —”
“Does it matter if she’s my cousin?” snapped Sirius. “As far as I’m concerned, they’re not my family. She’s certainly not my family. I haven’t seen her since I was your age, unless you count a glimpse of her coming in to Azkaban. D’you think I’m proud of having relatives like her?”
“Sorry,” said Harry quickly, “I didn’t mean — I was just surprised, that’s all —”
“It doesn’t matter, don’t apologize,” Sirius mumbled at once. He turned away from the tapestry, his hands deep in his pockets. “I don’t like being back here,” he said, staring across the drawing room. “I never thought I’d be stuck in this house again.”
The way he talks about Bellatrix is so different from everyone else. Like, look at the way he talks about his mother in comparison. He calls her a horrible old hag (which is the same insult he later uses for Umbridge), says she has no heart, that she kept herself alive out of pure spite. There are an endless number of insults he could've hurled at Bellatrix. Instead, he says that she's not his family. He hasn't seen her since he was Harry's age. He's not proud of having family like her. What he says is incredibly personal and it’s incredibly defensive. It reads as like, He Doth Protest Too Much, and the focus is on to trying to minimizing his connection to her.
And yes I get that Bellatrix is more evil than those other family members, but if it was just about her war crimes, it doesn't make sense that he speaks openly about his parents and brother and then this:
“I haven’t looked at this for years. There’s Phineas Nigellus... my great-great-grandfather, see? Least popular headmaster Hogwarts ever had... and Araminta Meliflua... cousin of my mother’s... tried to force through a Ministry Bill to make Muggle-hunting legal... and dear Aunt Elladora... she started the family tradition of beheading house-elves when they got too old to carry tea trays...”
Like… Sirius absolutely did not need to tell Harry All That, yet he voluntarily goes on and on about it. For Sirius to casually mention family members who murdered house elves AND muggles AND his parents who definitely murdered both AND his Death Eater brother without having the kind of reaction that he has to Bellatrix makes it seem like it’s about more than just her war crimes.
Sirius also knows Regulus was a Death Eater and that he was (supposedly) killed by Voldemort/on Voldemort’s orders (and Remus says Regulus only lasted a few days after defecting- again pretty specific information, when Walburga only knows he disappeared) - he had to get this information somehow and I think it makes most sense if he got it from Bellatrix.
It's also interesting that he says that line about being back at Grimmauld Place right after speaking about Bella - like he deeply associates her with the house, which goes with the evidence that she was at 12GP a lot (Kreacher knowing her well, a photo of her being in the dining room, etc.).
This is how the dynamic goes in my head:
Sirius tells himself a number of excuses. He’s only meeting her to get updates on Regulus, and likewise, she’s only meeting him to get updates on Andy (ironically both of whom rejected Sirius and Bellatrix’s efforts at contacting them) - of course neither of them care about seeing each other. This time, he’ll convince Bella to leave the Death Eaters. This time, he’ll kill her. He’s only trying to save lives - it’s not about her.
Either convincing Bellatrix Lestrange to leave or killing her is a much bigger deal than doing so with any old Death Eater (like his brother). She’s Voldemort's first lieutenant and the brains of the operation. She's responsible for half of Voldemort's successes. He justifies it by claiming that not only would he be saving the people Bella would personally torture and kill, it would also be a strategic move because he could cripple Voldemort’s whole operation and significantly weaken it and allow them to win the war.
(While Remus is trusted enough to be a werewolf spy, Dumbledore gives Sirius no such mission, because, well, he doesn’t trust Sirius, and he especially doesn’t trust Sirius around his own family.)
Sirius’s savior complex also plays a big role. Growing up, he saw himself in her, in many ways but particularly the way she protected her sisters as a mirrror to how he protected Regulus. He wanted to save her from their family, and now he wants to save her from Voldemort. He very much sees Bellatrix as a victim and is afraid of Voldemort killing her. (Somehow, in his head, him wanting to save her from Voldemort’s violence and his plans to kill her don’t contradict each other, lol… probably because deep down he knows he won’t be able to kill her.)
Sirius has seen her very visible injuries from Voldemort’s abuse and while Bellamort is certainly dubcon, I think Sirius minimizes Bellatrix’s agency quite a bit and just sees the relationship as entirely nonconsensual and Bellatrix as brainwashed. The fact that (in my HC) he’s a CSA survivor and either suspects or knows she is too heavily his POV on this too.
Okay getting spicy and saying that, Sirius massively fucks up at one point. At one point during their meetings, Sirius somehow gives away a piece of very top secret information related to an Order mission - and Bellatrix acquiring that information results in civilian and at least one Order member’s deaths. Imagining a scenario where he doesn’t come off super incompetent or overly careless though, other than the part where he’s meeting Bellatrix, Bellatrix is just exceptionally cunning and skilled at acquiring the information in whatever way she does. It’s possible he let it slip somehow, or that she manipulated it out of him, or she managed to sneak into his possessions and find written proof or a letter amongst them or something, or else acquired it via Legilimency. I assume he’s a relatively skilled Occlumens (all Order members would’ve had training IMO, as do all DEs; we know for example that Remus had to be a skilled Occlumens to spy within the werewolves as he did) so he’s generally confident that his thoughts will be safe when they meet, but maybe Bella manages to break in at a particularly vulnerable time.
ETA: And Sirius is obviously killing himself with guilt about that incident, and it’s part of why he reacts so defensively when Harry brings her up.
I think by the time the prophecy came around and James and Lily were special targets, Sirius would've broken it off with Bellatrix due to that anyways, but the above happens before or right around that time.
It's definite moral ambiguity on Sirius’s part. Lily staying friends with Snape for so long was a major flaw - as is this for Sirius.
Lily feels especially betrayed - she gave up Severus and she thought Sirius did the same with his family. It’s why she admired him so much. Ultimately Sirius can hang onto his relationships with his family in a way that Lily doesn’t have the privilege to do with Severus, because Severus hates her and people like her, and Lily is starkly aware of that difference. (When they’re fighting about it, Sirius tries to bring up the Snape thing as a gotcha while he’s defending himself, and Lily nearly punches him.)
But even through all that, IMO Lily never once suspects Sirius is the spy. She never stops trusting him. It's possible that discovering Sirius's secret meetings with Bellatrix is in part why Remus suspected Sirius was the spy though.
Okay I'm rambling so I'll stop here, but hopefully this makes sense!
During their 6th year, things gradually improve between Evans and Potter. James hoped they were friends enough that he could give her a birthday present. She was surprised at first (but deep down she was very very happy).
It's baffling how so many people fail to distinguish Hinny/Jily fan art and their overall concept as a couple.
James has hazel eyes, an unmarred forehead, and more of a marauder vibe. His body language is open, and in most fan art he is always the boy who will make anyone smile! Lily has her iconic green eyes and dark red hair. Her portrayal in fan art usually has her with a preppy, elegant look. They are the couple who share the tiniest umbrella in a rainstorm, with James getting his shoulder wet. The kind that cuddles near the fireplace with 70s/80s music playing in the background. They bickered, argued, got hot and bothered, tried to understand each other, and fell in love in the entire process. Most importantly, they always got to face their battles and tragedies with each other.
Harry has Lily's eyes, the freshly pickled toad eyes. And he's got the lightning bolt scar. He is the textbook dark and brooding guy, with the kindest heart. Dark unless you see him with the people he loves. Ginny has bright brown eyes and fire-like hair. She is confident, natural with people, and has always been described as bright or glowy. Harry and Ginny are the couple that dances like kids in the rain. They are the couple who will have snowball fights or ice-skate on a starry night. They pined, even when they always noticed each other. They had to fight their own battles apart from each other so that they could win the war together. The ultimatum: they came back to life because of each other.
The difference might seem minor, but it's in the most glaringly obvious things. There are physical and spiritual differences! Even yet, if you can't distinguish, look for the tags ;)
“do you think we can take him trick or treating next year?”
“don’t be silly James, children don’t grow THAT fast.”
Lily & James Potter died on Halloween day protecting Harry. It ended the First Wizarding War. That was harry’s second and last halloween with his family.
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