Hello, I’ve noticed that you often bring up interesting arguments and responses within the Harry Potter community, and I have a few questions that I hope to hear your perspective on.
My question is about the marriage between Remus Lupin and Tonks. What has always made me wonder is that, from my point of view, maintaining a long-term marriage and providing a stable home for children usually requires a stable financial foundation.
However, Lupin did not have a stable job—in fact, he was essentially unemployed. On top of that, he was a werewolf. Since their relationship developed during wartime, it seems that both of them were less concerned about financial matters and more focused on survival and fighting for their lives.
So I’m curious: if both of them had survived and their marriage had continued, do you think their relationship would have remained strong and sustainable? I’d love to hear your perspective on this.
Additionally, I’m also curious about the marriage between James Potter and Lily Potter. They got married at a very young age—arguably too young, as they had just stepped out of school and likely hadn’t fully understood the responsibilities of adulthood. The time from their marriage to their deaths was also very short, only about two years.
At the same time, some side materials suggest that Lily and James didn’t always see eye to eye. For example, in the extra content about meeting the Dursley family, there were signs of differences in their perspectives.
I hope you can share your thoughts on these questions.
Honestly, I don't think money has anything to do with it. Tonks was an Auror, after all. There's nothing wrong with the woman being the breadwinner while he stays home and takes care of the house. What's the issue?
If they were going to have problems, I think they'd stem from Remus's insecurities. He's a guy who, at thirty-eight, still hasn't grown a backbone, basically. The age gap would probably play a role too. Tonks becomes a mother very young, and realistically she and Remus hadn't even been together that long when she got pregnant. In the real world, a lot of women who make that kind of impulsive decision in their early twenties —especially with a man who's much older— end up regretting it by the time they're in their thirties.
Could that not happen? Sure, because the Harry Potter universe is ridiculously socially conservative. But in the real world… come on.
Besides, Remus is kind of a terrible partner. He has no backbone, he's incapable of forming firm opinions of his own even in his mid-thirties, and he can't even bring himself to genuinely criticize his own friends. The man has absolutely no fire in him. Maybe that's Tonks's type, who knows. But I think most women would eventually get sick of it, because God help you if you try to build a family with someone who's that much of a pushover.
As for Lily and James, I think their relationship benefited both of them socially.
For Lily, James represented a clean break from her Muggle identity. He also offered a significant boost in social status and the promise of never having to worry about financial security. Her sister essentially did the same thing by marrying Vernon, so it seems pretty clear that the Evans sisters were raised with fairly traditional expectations about marrying providers, it was completely normal for that generation.
For James, Lily reinforced the political identity he wanted to project. He enjoyed being the rebellious pure-blood who wasn't like the other pure-bloods, and marrying a muggle-born publicly reinforced that image. It positioned him as someone who rejected blood supremacy while still benefiting from all the privilege that came with being a wealthy, well-connected pure-blood.
I don't really see them getting divorced.
That said, what a miserable life, only ever sleeping with one person. I wouldn't wish getting married as a teenager and having children before twenty on my worst enemy. To me, that sounds like the absolute definition of a living death.