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Kiana Khansmith
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Cosmic Funnies
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
noise dept.
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Today's Document
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
almost home
if i look back, i am lost
YOU ARE THE REASON
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Love Begins
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
we're not kids anymore.
One Nice Bug Per Day
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
KIROKAZE
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@missingsummertime
no no, i get it. i can see why you're confused- I want the CANON to be completely platonic, fucked-up exploration of intimacy that transcends human sexuality but never includes human sexuality.
I want to be the pervert that makes them fuck.
“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma
and it’s a zeugma where one of the words is literal and one is metaphorical which is the BEST KIND
I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody:
zeug·ma ˈzo͞oɡmə/
noun
a figure of speech in which a word applies to two others in different senses (e.g.,John and his license expired last week ) or to two others of which it semantically suits only one (e.g., with weeping eyes and hearts ).
ISN’T THAT AWESOME??
#in english class in high school my teacher had us write our own zeugmas in class#and one guy came up with ‘he fell from her favor… and the window’#i am forever looking for opportunities to use that one
She dropped her dress and inhibitions at the door.
What’s this? My favorite rhetorical device showing up on my dashboard?
IT HAS A NAMEEEE!! OH MY GOD!!!
I LOVE THIIIIIS!!!
One I’ve loved was “on their weekend trip they caught three fish and a cold”
I love these they’re like a pun and a metaphor wrapped up into one neat phrase
Fun fact about me is that I'm stupid.
When I was a child (maybe six years old?) I asked my parents what thoughts were, and they told me "they're the pictures in your head". I agreed like this explained things, but unknown to all of us, I have aphantasia, and since I never had pictures in my head I secretly concluded that I was incapable of thought. The way people talked about thinking made it sound really important, so I went for literal years carefully guarding this secret and when people told me to think about what I was doing etc. I'd stay quiet and pretend I was capable of thinking. I didn't want anyone to find out I couldn't think.
When I was about eight, my mother's horse ate sand and got colic and she was up all night with him. The next day, I was told that he went to live on a nice farm.
I was in my thirties before I thought back to the situation and realised that Zamada had died.
I was literally too stupid to punish as a child. I have a lot of very clear memories of being sent to sit in a corner or told to stay in a class at recess and my opinion of the situation was 'I guess this is my role in whatever the current school activity is'. It wasn't until I was in high school that I realised that I'd spent so much time in reception and year 1 in time out or detention. Did not even register that that was happening at the time.
I used to have a very strong fear of snakes and when I was a little kid I was, for some reason, under the impression that the snakes had some kind of secret conspiracy where they wanted to kill me. We had frequent power outages (I'm unsure if it was the area's infrastructure or if my parents just couldn't keep up with the electricity bills) and every time the power went out at night I'd jump up on a chair or table or something and refuse to come down until I had light, because I believed that snakes had bitten through the power cables and were swarming across the floor in the dark ready to bite me while I couldn't see them.
I thought that Jesus was just a guy who obtained magical powers by being born on Christmas Day and decided to use his powers to help people. Like a superhero. I didn't know anything about superheroes at the time so when I later learned about Superman and Batman and stuff I was like "oh, like Jesus Christ!"
My great grandmother was also born on Christmas day and I could never understand why she either didn't have magic powers, or did but kept lying to me about it.
#baby derin sounds like such a fun kid oh my god
I hope you like math because Baby Derin would spend all of their time asking hypothetical questions about it and intuiting the relationship between multiplication and division and power relationships, which was frustrating for everyone involved because we hadn't learned the words for any of those things in school yet so I would take forever explaining something like 4^4 as a series of additions. Addition and subtraction were the only things we'd learned how to do, so describing a multiplication table (which I was inventing on the fly) to my mother, who was just trying to get the laundry done, was a long, long ordeal of serial addition and she would have no idea what I was trying to say.
For the people asking in the notes. Yes I have autism.
#Hey you also got to clarify that owning a horse is a normal thing here and not signs you’re decedant from a long line of ceos or something#bc apparently in the usa and europe that’s what they think of you have a horse
Zamada lived in our backyard in our falling-apart house where we struggled to pay rent and utilities. He was useful because we couldn't always pay to keep the family car working so Mum could ride him to her job at the racecourse, where (if my memory serves) her boss let her exercise him for free off the clock. Her job was exercising the race horses.
I think. I was very young and my memory isn't great; I might be conflating a few different things. But we did have a sad failed racehorse that Mum got for super cheap because the other option was glue factory, and we were poor as shit. After Zamada died we got a goat to keep the grass down (I don't think we had a lawn mower), but we had to give him away when we couldn't afford to rent a house any more because you can't keep a goat in a car.
Honestly our brains weren't too different, I genuinely believed I was incapable of love as a child and had to hide it or people would be really upset because I didn't feel love in the simplistic way you explain it to a child.
I also very genuinely believed my childhood roosters had been sent to "Big Gay Al's Bug Gay Rooster Farm" when they started attacking my baby brother until I was about 25 and I mentioned the farms name to mum and she thought I was insane. That was the name she told me so I believed her, turns out the lady we bought the chooks off would take back the roosters to eat.
We moved abroad when i was a kid and didn't take our cats with us: the calmer one went to live with an old lady and the more energetic one went to live on a farm. A couple of years ago and a bunch of moves later my parents have ended up back where they were before that move, and recently when I was visiting them we were driving through the countryside when mum pointed out the window and went "that's the farm Grace went to live on when we left".
My sister and I were gobsmacked. We thought Grace "went to live on a farm". Turns out she actually genuinely did go to live on a farm! And we just spent 2 decades mistakenly assuming it was a euphemism.
yes yes, very wise
you need to get it out of your mind that psychosomatic illness is just “making up symptoms” when it’s actually much more like your body is being actively poisoned by chemicals released from your brain
if you’re so stressed that you’re puking your guts up every morning, are unable to eat or keep anything down, you can’t look at light without feeling infinitely worse and feel exhausted and in pain all the time (or whatever your particular stress induced symptom set is) you’re not just feeling like that because you’ve willed it into being. your body is begging for relief from the constant barrage of stress hormones and it requires the fundamental source of stress to go away, not just distracting yourself from the symptoms
just because the root is psychological doesn’t mean the result isn’t an entirely physical process.
This and also "your body is desperately trying to alert you to the fact that stress is killing you"
Doctor, looking at my neck x-ray: “The muscles of your neck are in such spasm right now that your spine has lost its curve. No wonder you’re in such pain. What the heck did you do to yourself?”
Me: “I work on a computer all day.”
Doctor: “Ah. That will do it. Right, so here’s a script for anti-inflammatories and a muscle relaxer. Also try hot and cold on it, 15 minutes each, and then gentle movements between each round. You’ll feel better in about a week.”
Me: “In a week I’m still going to need to work on the computer.”
Doctor: “And here’s also a script for 6 months of Physical Therapy.”
Me: “In 6 months I’m still going to need to work at a computer.”
Doctor: “And take breaks and do stretches between meetings?”
Me: “They book me in back to back meetings where I work. I eat lunch at my computer. I have to excuse myself to go pee.”
Doctor: “…”
Me: “…”
Doctor: “Um… it sounds like this job is actually, literally, killing you? Can you possibly work someplace else?” *
———
*note: It wasn’t said as flippant advice, and the doctor was 100%. right. After I got a different job — which took a WHILE — it was in a different corporate culture, one that didn’t believe in filling the day with meetings. I was able to do the stretches I was supposed to do, and also walk at lunch, and my neck is much better now. Not everyone has this choice. But maybe, if your job is killing you too, start thinking about an escape plan. Your body will eventually turn you into a pretzel otherwise. Nothing psychosomatic about that.
random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"
