This is a post about the value of ugliness. (Art Credit at the end of this writing).
I feel like this past year might have aged me about 20 years. I feel somewhat mature, somewhat organized and yet completely lost.
I feel that my responsibilities have grown tenfold. This growth of responsibilities has helped me feel a weird sort of self worth. As if my “To Do List” is some badge of honor. Something to show off to others that I am valued in society.
Yet, I still experience myself struggling with my same problems. Strifes such as daily anxiety, negative self talk and strange avoiding strategies. I feel that I am barely keeping my head above water with all my new obligations and I am constantly letting people down. I also feel like my “humanness” is a weakness. As if being “tired,” “annoyed,” or “angry” are attributes of weakness rather than reminders that I am human.
I must ask, is this too much honesty? I cant be the only one plagued with these thoughts. Are we bonding yet?
I think there is beauty in this type honesty. Finding beauty in life is paradoxically too easy and too difficult. This world is consumed findig with beauty. Pretty pictures, pretty art, pretty blogs. We all must be pretty. We all seek out pretty. We want pretty things. We want to eat pretty food (aka good food). We want to be applauded for appreciating pretty things. Hence the amount of beauty blogs, life style blogs and feigned Instagram lifestyle posts. Seems to me that pretty equals value. This is NOTHING new. But there seems to be a new sense of gravity to this in regards to the amount of social media/communication that is available. If you post those pretty pictures, you will get that many “likes”. No one seems to like to admit it, but getting “likes” feels fucking good. Am I right? Am I the only one that fakes a picture of a happy life in order to convince those around me and myself that I am indeed very happy?
So if we constantly produce pretty things, where does all the ugliness fit in this world? Are we pushing it aside? If we are pushing ugly out, is it silly to ask where does all the ugly go?
Isn’t our day to day life filled with ugliness?. So if we lack to acknowledge our day-to-day doldrums, are we discarding the majority of what this life is about? Are there consequences to this? Does this fuel a sort of self-loathing?
The ultimate question is, are we blinding ourselves to an entire category of life? And if we are, what are the implications? Which brings me to another area of our society. Journalism.
I dont have cable and therefore a lot of the time I have to seek out my news. I try to read it, but often find my mind and body to too tired to keep on top of/sort through the surplus of information being pushed out. When I do, I am overwhelmed by how many negative stories are chosen. Car Crashes, shootings, business corruption. Murder. Rape. Cheating. Lying. Journalism often chooses to write about about humanity’s worst attributes. And I wont lie, the news plants an odd, confusing fear in me.
While I have a wild, unconditional love and trust for those around me, I also have a non-rational fear and skepticism about them as well. I’m scared of my fellow human beings. I’m scared of what they are capable of.
Anyways, there seems to be two polarized obsessions in our society. One for beauty in social media and one for ugliness in journalism.
I wonder what it means for us as “consumers of information.” What does it mean for our minds to be drowned in constant beauty and ugliness, yet very little in-between?
Also, what is better? Honesty, Beauty or Ugliness? We all say “honesty,” but then why aren’t sharing more of it? Is journalism supposed to show the ugly, is that what is honest? And is social media supposed to share what is pretty? To help us cope with the truth ugliness?
The mind reels. As always.
PS In other news... I love the simplicity and loveliness of this painting above. Check her stuff out :) Reminds me that simple things make my mind feel calm. I would love to frame this and have it on a wall. Wouldn’t you?
I’m starting to really enjoy the colours I get from gouache. Prints and things available on society6.
tangentwithtanner
areudirty
annaxmalina
