Inhuman Tendencies

This blog is about everything, me bitching, me saying stupid things and well probably saying more stupid things Interpret this blog as what you want

[mist-in-fog]

You havent cried!!!

I used to cry when I had to eat meals where I didn't know the caloric count or it was an unfamilar meal. Lately I've been eating various meals not counting closely and a few days, I didn't even count calories for the day!!! I dunno, but being physically sick for so many weeks has taught me that there's so much more than counting calories to life and it requires so much extra energy from yourself. Shit, I noticed I was getting sick at first because I stopped counting calories.... Maybe for you thats netflix binging or playing video games...

[mist-in-fog]

So I haven't engaged in bulimia in 4 months but I feel so sad that I haven't. I don't miss it but I reallly miss it.... I dunno, it's a really weird feeling lately. It's like i've lost a best friend who's always been there for me.... Sure they weren't there always but they were there and now the thought of them even being there disgusts me but at the same time it's comforting... I just can't bring myself to bulimia but it's so close but so far away but so close.....

[mist-in-fog]

Hello to everyone who's been reblogging my shit from months ago

feel free to message me.....

[mist-in-fog]

Tomorrow is recovery day!

Me: I'm gonna eat a pizza, drink a big gulp, eat a big mac and 6 bananas for potassium and gain 6lbs before I know it!

Ed: Oh so cute but, no!

Me: NO! But I did it today!

Ed: That's cute but tomorrow and the next 3 days say otherwise that this will make a difference... You give up to easy!

[mist-in-fog]

Bulimia makes you feel like shit

Ugh, anorexia and starving was enough to deal with it but I've never felt more terrible until I started engaging in bulimia here and there.

I never had headaches, felt more like fainting for prolonged periods of time and had extreme muscle fatigue until I began to get involved with bulimia.

Before bulimia, I felt like shit but didn't feel as many pains and aches or lightheaded. It's just bad, especially at a low body weight, don't do it....

Other than that, I am seeing a professional to help me and I've learned alot

[mist-in-fog]

Here to help....

Yeah that doesn't mean shit to me... you don't remember shit about me after knowing me after 5 years.....

[mist-in-fog]

I don't consider most of these people true friends and I never tell them anything about myself /struggles even though they tell me everything about themselves...

[mist-in-fog]

FUCK!

The last two times I've wnated to binge and purge when I've gotten home, someone is fucken awake!!!!!!!! Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!

Ugh last time my dad and now my mom....  fuckk fuck fuck... I just want to eat some food!!!!! Fuck fuck fuck

Argggggg fuck I hate this shit!!!!

[mist-in-fog]

I want to eat lots TW

And throw it all up... :(

[mist-in-fog]

They asked me

I thought my friend forgot about this but they asked me, "hey, how's your eating doing these days?"

Ugh, I just shrugged it and said I dunno... what am I suppose to say? My eating disorder kills me physically and mentally all the time? I wish I could eat normal without thinking about measuring food quantities and portions and just the amount

[mist-in-fog]

I feel bad

I feel bad that I told some of my friends that I have my mental exam soon.... They won't understand and only stigmatize me for anything that is found....

[mist-in-fog]

I feel awesome today

.... ED wise

Even though I do, I still can't eat properly.... like I feel like my eating disorder doesn't exist today, but it does and I wind up eating too little... or I "casually" count my calories and discover its too little for the day.....

Ugh why can't I just eat normal....

[kissesfromenglandxx]

I try to persuade myself that i’m going to have a normal day. Just i dont. There is always some point in the day where my eating disorder swoops in and ruins fucking everything

[mist-in-fog]

It swoops in like kittens to gifs

[mist-in-fog]

Can't wait for my mental health assessment... I hope they find something, but also fear them being assholes who say I'm an attention seeker... ugh fuck...  hope I just get better

[mist-in-fog]

Mood swingin'...

Ugh today i've been happy then angry, then "normal" then felt dead inside then really happy... ugh wtf am I right now?

I guess "happy"?

[mist-in-fog]

I had a dream where my mom got pissed at me for wearing a hoodie around the house. I wore it because it hid my weight loss. She was mad at me and in my dream I knew she knew but wouldn't confront me about it....

These days it seems whenever my mom says she has to ask me anything, the first thing that pops into my mind is something about my weight loss... but it never is... usually something about the dog or just something random.

[mist-in-fog]

Fuck what did I eat?

Thank god I threw it up though....

Ate as much as possible, but I think I may've eaten some dog treats by accident... I thought they were some cinnamon twist things bought from the bulk section of a store...

Hmm, maybe they were but they tasted weird and stale... Really bland and just crunchy. I hope my sense of taste sucks and it wasn't dog treats, but may I'll scheme up a way to ask my mom tomorrow what these things in the bag are....

Ugh did I eat dog treats?