Ooc;
I've been writing this out all day in bits and pieces because it's been too painful to write in one go. I've poured a lot of heart and soul into my portrayal of Brodie for over five years now, first as Luke Harper and then as Mr. Brodie Lee, the Exalted One. I've done my best to respect and honor the exquisitely crafted character work that he's given to us over the years.
I could never, ever have expected anything like this. I only started watching wrestling in 2010. I held steady for a bit, and then my interest faded. There are three wrestlers responsible for sparking back my love of wrestling- Hunico in his cholo gimmick, Joey Mercury returning to television, and Luke Harper.
I think I can safely say that if Luke Harper hadn't fascinated me so much, I wouldn't be watching wrestling still. I definitely wouldn't be in this RP. I wouldn't have met two of my best friends in RP, my fellow Wyatt RPers. In his wrestling, Brodie gave me so fucking much. So many joyful moments and entertainment, so much laughter at his weird antics and sense of humor. One of my best memories is finally getting the privilege of seeing him wrestle live as part of the Bludgeon Brothers. I'll always treasure that now. I was supposed to see him again at AEW this past August. I was so looking forward to seeing him whenever that show was rescheduled. Now that will never happen.
Watching WWE squander him for so long was painful as a fan. He made it clear that he knew he might be towards the end of his career and he just wanted to do what he loved- wrestle. He got so much time at home with his family in all that, though, which I'm happy for. Getting to watch him having so much fun in AEW, gaining clear confidence in his promo skills, crafting a character, and getting to really fucking GO in the ring... I finally got to feel what it's like to be a fan of a wrestler who's respected by the company he's apart of, and who was clearly so happy about it. That match where he destroyed Cody and won the TNT belt, the episode after where he and the Dark Order stood tall- I can't even describe what that felt like. Just amazing to finally see.
Seeing him on BTE was something special that I didn't expect. Holy shit, what a gift! Watching the bond between him and the Dark Order members grow, their interactions as they all fleshed out their characters together... surreal and truly special. You could really see the bond they had, the friendship. What they meant to each other.
Which brings me to another reason I've been such a huge fan of Brodie for so long now- he just genuinely seemed like an absurdly good person. Kind. Seriously, if you ever saw his smile, the way his eyes lit up- he just radiated kindness no matter how big and bad he came across on TV. Watching him on UpUpDownDown, backstage photos, fan interactions, interviews... it was easy to see how respected and loved he was by everyone. I've legitimately never, ever heard a single negative thing said about him. That is so rare nowadays.
One of my favorite things to see was his love for his family. That's what hurts the most here. How fucking much he loved his family, how proud he was of them, and how cruel this is. He was so young. Just turned 41, and he passes away the day after Christmas, soon after his birthday and marriage anniversary. The shadow this will leave over Christmas for them all forever hurts to even imagine.
Writing this hurts. Thinking about this hurts. My stomach has been in a knot all day and my heart literally is aching. Because of what I do for work (life enrichment at a nursing home), I have a tendency to dissociate. It's an admittedly not super healthy way to protect myself when I work around death all the time; I deal with depression and depression anxiety anyway. Brodie's passing and how sudden it's happened (I thought he was returning in the new year for sure, it seriously felt like he was just about to come back; he just did a video podcast a month ago and looked fine), just how unfair and cruel it is... it seems far too representative of all the pain and suffering and loss that has happened this year. It's opened some kind of floodgate in me, and I can't seem to close it. I keep breaking out into tears. It feels like I'm mourning both for someone that I didn't know personally but still meant so much to me, and for everything else this year.
I don't know if any of this made any sense. I don't think it matters. It's what I needed to get out, and I may need to get more out in time. I don't know where I go from here RP wise- I will be archiving this blog and making a new main one. I don't know. I feel lost and hurt and very, very tired.
Rest in peace, Brodie. You meant so much more to so many more people than you ever could have known. The world is less bright without you. Utterly heartbroken.
