Sis, please tell me, how do I LISTEN?
It’s not that I can’t HEAR, I can feel it, it’s just that I’m not LISTENING.
How? How do I listen to my Body? How do I listen to GOD? How do I listen to my spirit, to life, to the experiences and lessons that come for me? I keep ending up in the same situations over and over again: broke & unemployed, angry and short tempered, desperate, lonely and self-isolating; overwhelmed with all the negative and all I WANT to be doing that I shut down and turn everything off and close my mind and my heart to everything and everyone.
I lost my brother 4 years ago, the love of my life, my best friend & cheerleader, virtually my dad, as I didn’t grow up with mine. I couldn’t handle it, I’ve never experienced loss like this. I turned it all off and threw my spirit, along with my hopes, dreams, will to live and self worth into a box and down into a Black Sea of grief and heartbreak 💔 Now, I can’t find that box anymore…I can HEAR it screaming to me, but I’m not listening close enough to find it. What do I do?
Hey Sweetie, sorry to hear of your pain! I can relate as I lost my brother suddenly over 7 years ago and we were sooo close. It was pain I had never experienced. As for closing off and shutting down, this was also my coping mechanism. The main thing is, is that everything you write is totally possible to overcome. I'll put some tips below, take what you need and DM me if you need more support xoxox
The broken record, the keep making the same mistake pains. Spend some time analysing these. Where was the window that you could of made a change? For example. If in relationships you loose your temper when a guy doesn't message back. Where is the window in that process for change? Bring light to it. Is it learning to say no to men who show you early on that they are crappy with messaging? Is it not sleeping with them too soon so you can see their true colours? Really observe the cycle. And drill down on where you can see your set back. Once you can see the pattern and the behaviour keeping you stuck. You can move into prevention. If X happens, I will now do X. Keep reminding yourself of this. Keep reminding yourself of your new behaviour.. Daily, even outside of the situation, keep reminding yourself if X happens I will now do X. And this is the PRE step , this is making the change before you end up in the gutter. This is your preventative action. When you feel ready ask God for a test. He WILL deliver.
Stop breaking your own promises. Learn to build trust with yourself. Start small, this is how you build self respect, and move forward. This really affects your whole being. If you say you are going to make your bed start making it. Start small and build some trust inside, this is how you gently start listening to yourself, and responding. Once that trust is there and you become that person to yourself that you can rely on you can move to bigger goals.
Have an outlet to process your emotions. Create space to cry and feel if you are someone who does not have ability to do this day to day. Carve out some you time for reflection. I struggled to cry when I was grieving as a child I was not allowed to show emotion with my abuser, so during my grief my emotions became so clogged up. I would have to carve out time to FEEL. Sometimes it was journalling, but movies allow me to feel so i would sit with a box of tissues sobbing my heart out to any random movie. Do what you need to give yourself space and freedom to process and feel.
Get a therapist if possible, if not lean on youtube, podcasts, books. There are so many amazing books, I recommend Marianne Williams - Return to Love. This is a great book for healing and references to God.
Find a community, you need a support system. Through Church, through new hobbies, through existing friends let them know what you are going through and let them know what you need from them. Maybe you just need your best friend to listen instead of doing xyz, let them know. Part of asking for help is knowing what your needs are. What are your needs for yourself? What do you need right now? What do you need from you ?
Become DEVOTED to your self - care and self - love. This should be your first and foremost priority. Healing from deep wounds of loss requires extra love and care for you, so let this be your main priority.
Cleanse your life of all the pollution. See yourself as the ocean, keep your ocean clean. What music is polluting your ocean? What people are toxic to your waters? What actions are you taking that harming your beautiful seas? Take inventory and start making adjustments.
Remember, the ego will be overwhelmed if you go hard on all these changes. Imagine a swinging pendulum. Going too far to one side will only mean swinging to far to the opposite side. With the above, try to find some middle ground when introducing new habits. Be kind to yourself, and keep a check of your inner voice. Are you living in an internal war zone? Imagine yourself as a small child, how would you treat her? Love her? Care for her? Wash her? Feed her?
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