[mmmichyyy]

hollanov final destination au where shane gets a premonition that ilya's team plane is going to crash so he begs and pleads and convinces ilya to not get on the plane even though ilya doesn't believe anything is going to happen but he's never seen shane this hysterical before so he pretends to be sick and stays behind, but then the plane actually does crash and there are no survivors (rip) so of course ilya feels deeply guilty and grief-stricken except he doesn't have time to process because no one can cheat death, death always finds a way to fuck with you, so after a series of near-misses that ilya barely escapes from (insert creative and absurd scenarios here) (ilya stay away from roller coasters elevators bridges highways logging trucks mri machines tanning beds etc) he has no choice but to accept that there are forces beyond his control out to get his (perfect) ass killed...

...and then because shane also intervened with death's plan, death is also out to get him too (rip shane's ass) (insert more creative and absurd scenarios here) so shane locks him and ilya in the cottage and he scrapes every corner of the interwebs trying to see if anyone had similar experiences and if it's possible to escape fate and he channels his inner charlie day and makes a murderous-looking non-murder board of research full of printed out articles and pictures connected with red yarn and all that (ilya knows it's kind of messed up to be so turned on by seeing how frantic and crazy shane is being but well the looming cloud of death above their heads just means they shouldn't waste any time by not fucking each other, right?) and it turns out there are stories of people escaping death's grasp... by way of transference... so they kill ilya's dad and brother (yes ilya's dad is still alive in this au for the plot) (insert somehow plausible and morally dubious but wildly satisfying murder plot here) and they live happily ever after the end

[chemdoodles]

1x04. Roses for your funeral?

[ellisonwongparty]

like in the spy au of course ilya is the sexpot who is really good at seducing his targets and shane is the silent and lethal killer who like murders SO many people with like clinical precision. but shane's way too awkward to do any of the social aspects of spy stuff like you know. subterfuge. seduction. disguise.

and for ilya up until this point shane just seemed like this scary but also boring monotone asshole who has no emotions or weaknesses - like this total like prim and proper killer ice queen. except suddenly sex and seduction stuff comes up and suddenly shane's like blushing and stammering his big brown eyes are all like shiny and clueless and he confesses that like he's maybe had sex with like. two people. and both times it wasn't particularly great. it was like okay. so like he doesn't know why or how doing something that's only just okay gets them government secrets.

and now ilya's all smirking and bravado because now they are on his turf right. and he's like oh. well i can show you. and he like telling shane everything he does to seduce a target while he's getting really close to shane and touching him and stuff.

and let me stress again that ilya has seen shane pop a rando for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or complete garrote someone's throat with like chicken wire and now this ice cold killer is just like backed against the wall and is all open and vulnerable pliant for him.

but of course right when things are going to get too heated ilya backs off. before you know. they cross a line.

except shane then is like. well. i think you should uh. help me practice. so i can get better at it. for the mission of course.

and ilya's like oh. okay. of course. and they have sex. again. and again. and again "for practice." except of course ilya never lets shane test his "training" out on the field. and the second shane tries to ilya just swoops in and just makes up an excuse like "it's just easier if i do it" or like "you're not ready" etc. etc. and ilya just keeps sleeping with targets just so he wouldn't have to watch shane do it, and it's complciated because ilya doesn't know why the idea of seeing shane sleep with other people makes up him so upset. meanwhile shane is watching ilya sleep with just like person after person and is also getting unreasonably upset, and doesn't know why.

and anyway they keep having sex for "practice" until one day they actually almost die because of some really fucked up mission and they are actually skidding down the road barely escaped by the skin of their teeth and the car ride is COMPLETELY silent the entire ride back until ilya kills the engine. and he turns to shane. and without saying a word they both like leap at each other and are actually tearing each other's clothes off and they have this like crazy "i can't believe we almost died" sex right in the car. and that's the first time they sleep together not under the pretense of "practice."

anyway also somewhere along the way they fall in love and also topple the american government.

[ellisonwongparty]

i have no self control so i did write it... :/

[ellisonwongparty]

chapter two of this ridiculous monstrosity is UP!!!

[ellisonwongparty]

chapter three.......... poasted🕵🏻‍♂️🕵️‍♂️(that's shane and that's ilya. as SPIES!!)

[chemdoodles]

1x04. Knock Knock!

[ellisonwongparty]

okay self indulgent journalist!au. ilya rozanov would be like one of those tiktok journalists that use weird sound effects and make things explode and his reports are of... uh...semi-dubious authenticity. however he gets a lot of viewers because he's actually willing to stoop to any stunt to get a story and he's funny as fuck. before his account blew up he was working at the deli section of a whole foods and had a semi-popular onlyfans account (which he deleted in a tearful rage after his dad died...... sad.... but not before posting one last naughty pic using the full-length mirror at his dad's funeral home..............)

anyway. where was i. so shane hollander is a Proper journalist and is a senior reporter at the MLH, which stands for Mega Long (News) Hour. he has a lot of thoughts about journalism and interviewing as a craft. he will actually kill someone on the street point blank if it means he gets to one day anchor his own primetime show.

shane hates ilya because ilya represents everything that's going downhill in the industry. ilya hates shane because all these uppity Proper News Channels keep just stealing his stuff and using his reporting and confirming things he put on his channel TWO DAYS AGO!!!! which would be fine whatever but then they have the audacity to look down on him!!! wtf!!!!

anyway so shane and ilya are tangentially aware of each other except then ilya accidentally trips and falls into a super major news story that's like an epstein files-level cover up and shane's been investigating this for years and despite his reservations about ilya as a character his reporting actually does Have The Proof that Shane has been looking for for years now to really nail this story. and so they have to work together to Solve the case and Get the papers and Speak Truth to Power or whatever. and then [telegraph stop] [they fuck about it]

[hisinfernalmajesty666]

This is the dawg I got in me

[mmmichyyy]

slowly getting used to the ellipsus format after using google docs for years but the site themes and layout on ellipsus is so much better and their anti gen-ai stance is awesome, i just wish they would incorporate the tabs option so it'll be easier to organize multi chapters but for writing one-shots is great anyway let's see how long it'll take me to finish this hollanov fic that will probably get buried in the tag and never be seen but also fuck anyone using ai/llm for fics and posting it i hope you choke 🫶

[shane-bug]

👨‍❤️‍👨

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

I think so many problems online can be solved by either going "damn, not my problem" or simply sending a screenshot to a group chat

[shane-bug]

⭐️😽⭐️

[frenetic--energy]

what i fucking love about this scene is that we know it's not really ryan, naim knows it’s not really ryan. there's no part about this that is naim being lulled, being seduced, being tricked, being gotcha!'d. it's not him but it wears his face; it talks like him, it caresses like him, it comes close and smiles and laughs like he would. naim is leaning in despite the danger, moth to flame, knowing full well what's in front of him and craving it anyway.

this is queerness as fantasy—what we could be if not for circumstance. it's queer desire in a world determined to treat us as aliens. more than any other moment in the film, this scene exemplifies leviticus thematically in one brutal, efficient stroke. they want us separate and alone and scared, but we don't have to be. loving hurts, and we love anyway.

[gnawu]

leviticus (2026)

[foolhearteyes]

need someone who cares about hockey more than i do to write a fic where shane is forced to retire before he feels ready and svetlana has gotten frustrated with her MHL job because team management never listens to her (due to the misogyny) so she quits and talks shane into starting a hockey analysis podcast together and it's called something like "hockey with hot people" or "puckbunnies" or "soft hands" (shane does not like this but svetlana understands the importance of branding) and it's 98% Serious Hockey Talk BUT they do have a dedicated segment called "why does ilya rozanov owe me money" wherein guests tell their worst ilya stories and after hearing them out shane and svetlana decide how much money ilya owes the guest. ilya is never invited onto the podcast.

[shane-bug]

hurt/comfort

[azaablue]

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

[spoonfulstar]

itqd ch 67: alternate universe theories 💫

[cloudabserk]

happy birthday ilya!!!!