hollanov final destination au where shane gets a premonition that ilya's team plane is going to crash so he begs and pleads and convinces ilya to not get on the plane even though ilya doesn't believe anything is going to happen but he's never seen shane this hysterical before so he pretends to be sick and stays behind, but then the plane actually does crash and there are no survivors (rip) so of course ilya feels deeply guilty and grief-stricken except he doesn't have time to process because no one can cheat death, death always finds a way to fuck with you, so after a series of near-misses that ilya barely escapes from (insert creative and absurd scenarios here) (ilya stay away from roller coasters elevators bridges highways logging trucks mri machines tanning beds etc) he has no choice but to accept that there are forces beyond his control out to get his (perfect) ass killed...
...and then because shane also intervened with death's plan, death is also out to get him too (rip shane's ass) (insert more creative and absurd scenarios here) so shane locks him and ilya in the cottage and he scrapes every corner of the interwebs trying to see if anyone had similar experiences and if it's possible to escape fate and he channels his inner charlie day and makes a murderous-looking non-murder board of research full of printed out articles and pictures connected with red yarn and all that (ilya knows it's kind of messed up to be so turned on by seeing how frantic and crazy shane is being but well the looming cloud of death above their heads just means they shouldn't waste any time by not fucking each other, right?) and it turns out there are stories of people escaping death's grasp... by way of transference... so they kill ilya's dad and brother (yes ilya's dad is still alive in this au for the plot) (insert somehow plausible and morally dubious but wildly satisfying murder plot here) and they live happily ever after the end
i would devour a shane and ilya before sunrise chance meeting au and a before sunset sweet reunion years later au, but a hollanov before midnight marriage problems constantly arguing on the brink of divorce au might viscerally destroy and physically eviscerate me to irreparable pieces
like in the spy au of course ilya is the sexpot who is really good at seducing his targets and shane is the silent and lethal killer who like murders SO many people with like clinical precision. but shane's way too awkward to do any of the social aspects of spy stuff like you know. subterfuge. seduction. disguise.
and for ilya up until this point shane just seemed like this scary but also boring monotone asshole who has no emotions or weaknesses - like this total like prim and proper killer ice queen. except suddenly sex and seduction stuff comes up and suddenly shane's like blushing and stammering his big brown eyes are all like shiny and clueless and he confesses that like he's maybe had sex with like. two people. and both times it wasn't particularly great. it was like okay. so like he doesn't know why or how doing something that's only just okay gets them government secrets.
and now ilya's all smirking and bravado because now they are on his turf right. and he's like oh. well i can show you. and he like telling shane everything he does to seduce a target while he's getting really close to shane and touching him and stuff.
and let me stress again that ilya has seen shane pop a rando for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or complete garrote someone's throat with like chicken wire and now this ice cold killer is just like backed against the wall and is all open and vulnerable pliant for him.
but of course right when things are going to get too heated ilya backs off. before you know. they cross a line.
except shane then is like. well. i think you should uh. help me practice. so i can get better at it. for the mission of course.
and ilya's like oh. okay. of course. and they have sex. again. and again. and again "for practice." except of course ilya never lets shane test his "training" out on the field. and the second shane tries to ilya just swoops in and just makes up an excuse like "it's just easier if i do it" or like "you're not ready" etc. etc. and ilya just keeps sleeping with targets just so he wouldn't have to watch shane do it, and it's complciated because ilya doesn't know why the idea of seeing shane sleep with other people makes up him so upset. meanwhile shane is watching ilya sleep with just like person after person and is also getting unreasonably upset, and doesn't know why.
and anyway they keep having sex for "practice" until one day they actually almost die because of some really fucked up mission and they are actually skidding down the road barely escaped by the skin of their teeth and the car ride is COMPLETELY silent the entire ride back until ilya kills the engine. and he turns to shane. and without saying a word they both like leap at each other and are actually tearing each other's clothes off and they have this like crazy "i can't believe we almost died" sex right in the car. and that's the first time they sleep together not under the pretense of "practice."
anyway also somewhere along the way they fall in love and also topple the american government.
going on my thirteenth year (#mythirteenthyear) at camp and thinking fondly of camp counselor shane who leads a group of ambitious little 1st-3rd graders every summer with his bff hayden. but! hayden has gone soft (gotten a girlfriend who he loves apparently and wants to spend time with wtf ever) so he's not returning this year, much to shane's stress.
the thing is he runs a tight cabin. his group always competes super well in camp games because of who he is as a person. and he and hayden have a whole thing going on (leads and scrapes, head and tail, etc) that they've just fallen into flawlessly over the years and now shane's stressing out because he's gonna have to build all that up again with another counselor. and oh my goodness gracious, dear reader, guess who that new counselor is? :)
smash cut to training weeks with this guy named ilya rozanov that shane will admit, has a really fun attitude about things, but also just doesn't have the same tact as shane. (like hello? he answered the scenario "what would you do if you found one of your campers out of bunk at night outside?" with "they are doing something fun, yes? they will need flashlight, so i will bring flashlight." crazy.) shane really doesn't think it's going to work. it doesn't matter that ilya's kind of funny. or that they smoke the rest of the groups during team-building exercises in a way that makes shane feel like he's just done a fat line of coke. or that ilya is the first person at camp that can lift shane with ease. it's not gonna work. he asks his lead if they can maybe switch him out with one of the returning counselors. this of course doesn't happen. "you're a vet shane - just show him the ropes" etc etc kill him. it's not happening.
and then camp starts. and the kids come. and he's scoping out their abilities from the edge of the sharks and minnows field and ilya comes traipsing up, all out of breath and smiling, and he stands next to shane and goes "they are terrible hollander. many more running games before friday though and we have a chance at winning." and shane's ears are fuckingggg perking up bitch. like hello? he actually gives a shit about winning? because hayden cared, but not like...to the degree that shane cared. no one ever cares to the degree that shane cares. and in fact hayden had this annoying habit of trying to wrangle shane's competitive ass with a "it's just a game, dude." that made him see red sometimes but ilya? he's gunning for it? oh fuck yeah.
and so begins Centaur Bunk's skyrocket to success. it's like...shockingly easy to get these kids to give a fuck about winning when shane's not single-parenting it. almost instantly, they become the team to beat. shane keeps everyone on task and goal-oriented - makes sure everyone's earning their daily pins that they get to clip onto their backpacks - keeps everyone hydrated and safe and winning. meanwhile ilya's keeping everything fun and accessible. shane's not really sure how he does it, but he gets the kid who comes down with a mysterious and totally not made up leg injury to run the last stretch of rubber chicken races ("listen close - i know where the popsicles are kept. run with us and i will get and let you have first pick, yes?") of course it's a Centaurs win. everyone cheers. shane feels probably more stoked than he should for a summer camp rubber chicken race.
and maybe that's because he's slowly realizing that ilya doesn't actually piss him off as much as he thought he did. he actually kind of-...well. it doesn't matter because it's just a month-long thing and then everyone disperses for a year and ilya's probably not even coming back right? so it's whatever. and anyway when you're in charge of a gaggle of kids you're kind of forced into this weird coparenting dynamic and that's probably all it is, right?
shane's not actually crushing on ilya. he's not watching fondly when he gets one of their quieter kids to join the (unapproved) ghost stories circle around the fire. he's not letting his eyes slip over to him a couple times too many during their lake swims. he isn't desperate to go trail after him when he whispers to shane at night that he's going to go "check in with the moon" and comes back smelling just a little bit like (unapproved) cigarettes. it's all fine actually. and good :) and shane is not crushing on him at all to the point where he wants to make out with him sloppy style the night after the Cens win the All-Camp trophy and everyone else is asleep :) he has it under control so good :) why are you looking at him like that!
look the reason i know rose is like ti west levels of insane is because she is best friends with shane. like you need to understand that to me rose is fully a polar bear apex predator. she is standing in the bathroom in front of the full length mirror at 3am fully nude not blinking and practicing her tremulous teary oscars acceptance gasp-and-smile over and over and over. she's the 25 step skincare patrick bateman.
Here is your Troy Barrett angst machine thought for the evening:
We all agree that Troy’s love language is gift giving. He puts a lot of thought into the gifts he gives. Everybody knows that he gives great gifts. What they don’t know is that he is convinced the recipient is going to hate the gift up until the moment they say they love it. Then he will know he did a good job. Yay, Troy gets an A+ in showing love and affection to the people closest to him, which is something attainable and completely normal to want to achieve.
random silly fluffy texting fic where shane and ilya are boyfriends and not famous, just a regular couple living in an average apartment with normal jobs and also they’re annoying idiots (affectionate) in love <3
ilya rozanov? shane hollander, i just wanted to introduce myself and burn the image of my freckles onto your retinas and shake hands twice so your hand doesn’t forget the feeling of holding mine and joke with you so you feel a bit of camaraderie with someone in this foreign place and wave goodbye penguin style so you spend the next decade trying to never let a goodbye between us be the last one :) anyway i should go they’re waiting for me!
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets.
2014
It's been two weeks since they last ate dinner together. The last time they did, they got into a stupid argument about something Shane can't even remember and Brian ended up storming out and sleeping at his own place. They met up for a short lunch the next week and made up, but they haven't been able to spend any substantial amount of time alone together since.
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brian's favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. He's not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that he's trying.
Brian seems to be on the same page, because he shows up with a bouquet of flowers and an apologetic smile. He swoops Shane in for a passionate kiss on the doorstep, sending Shane's heart fluttering.
They sit down to eat and it's nice. Cozy in its familiarity. There's still some tension lingering between them but for the first time in two weeks, Shane feels confident they can work through it.
There's a lull in the conversation and Brian straightens, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"You okay?" Shane asks, reaching for him across the table.
Brian takes his hand, squeezing it gratefully. "I'm fine. Just... thinking."
"About?"
"There's something I've been meaning to bring up," Brian says. "I'm just not sure how to say it."
"You could just say it," Shane suggests with a wry smile. He prefers to be told things bluntly and clearly, even when the topic is uncomfortable.
"Right. Things haven't been great between us lately, have they?"
Shane straightens, stomach clenching. He wants to pull his hand back, but Brian is still holding onto it tightly. "I guess so," he agrees reluctantly.
Brian's not about to break up with him, is he?
It would be ideal timing, Shane recognizes distantly. The season is over, he'd have all summer to get over it before he's back on the ice. Or maybe next week would have been better, after the MHL awards in Vegas.
"I think part of the problem is we have so little time together," Brian says, pulling Shane's mind back. "We get frustrated in our time apart, and we take it out on each other."
That's not true, Shane wants to say. Brian's always the one to snap, the one to escalate a disagreement into a fight. But even as he's thinking it, Shane knows he's not being fair. They have different styles of communication, and Shane's bottling up of his emotions is no better than Brian's explosive anger.
"We've also been together for so long," Brian continues. "And I'm afraid we might have fallen into bad patterns."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
The words burst out of him without permission. Shane feels stupid and childish as soon as he's said them.
"Oh, babe," Brian says, squeezing his hand tighter. "Of course not. I love you and I want to be with you."
Relief floods Shane. He manages to give Brian a wobbly smile, which Brian returns, raising Shane's hand to his lips and kissing it.
"I was just thinking... how would you feel about opening up the relationship?"
Shane blinks. For a long moment, he doesn't understand what Brian is saying. It's such a foreign concept to him, a thing he knows other couples do but he never would have thought he'd need to consider.
"What?"
"I think it would be really good for us," Brian says. "Your schedule is so crazy and we can't always line up our free nights. I think this could really take the pressure off for when do find time to be together."
This must be a nightmare. "You want to fuck other people?"
"I want us both to be able to enjoy new experiences. It wouldn't mean we love each other any less. It would just be sex, no strings attached."
"I don't -" Shane's voice catches in his throat. He feels vaguely nauseous. "Are you tired of me?"
Brian pulls back his hand. "Of course not. Jesus, Shane, don't be so close-minded. I know you're surrounded by hockey people all the time and it's a really conservative culture, but open relationships aren't anything unusual. Most of my gay friends are in ones."
"They are?"
"Yeah. And if anything, it brings them closer together."
Shane can't believe he's considering this, but. He's still not over the shock of thinking Brian was about to break up with him. That the person he's been with his entire adult life, the person who's loved and supported him since before he was drafted, could be gone from his life just like that.
If Shane says no, will Brian just break up with him anyway?
"We can try it out," Shane says cautiously. "But I'm not sure - I don't know if I could sleep with someone else."
Briefly, inexplicably, Rozanov flashes through his mind. Shane's heart jumps and he chases the thought away.
Brian gets up, rounding the table to pull Shane in for a kiss. "You're so sweet, but don't say yes just for my benefit. This could be good for both of us. You should at least try."
"...Okay."
Shane can't say he's comfortable with the idea. It feels too much like cheating. But then, he wasn't exactly comfortable with sleeping with Brian at first, either, and that turned out to be one of the best decisions of his life.
Brian smiles at him fondly, stroking Shane's cheek with his thumb. "If it helps, you can think of it like practicing for a game."
The implication sits sour in Shane's gut but he ignores it. Brian's just trying to put it in terms Shane will relate to.
Brian stays the night. Once he's gone, having given Shane a lingering kiss goodbye, Shane pulls up his phone.
He scrolls down to Rozanov's contact. It still feels wrong, but Brian hasn't just given his blessing. He's explicitly encouraged Shane to seek someone else out for no-strings attached sex and if there's one person Shane knows is reliable for it, it's Rozanov.
Besides, it's not like Shane's swimming in other options.
Shane keeps this firmly in mind as he types out his message, ignoring the way his stomach twists in anticipation. He's not excited about this, he reminds himself. This is just an experiment, something he's doing because it will please Brian.
Could we meet up at the awards in private?
His phone buzzes a couple of minutes later with Rozanov's reply.
if you promise not to be a sore loser when i win mvp 😈
+
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actually one of the most beautiful things about hacks is that we can be changed by anyone and at any period in our lives. deborah was in her forties when ava was born. she’d lived a life longer than ava’s before ava even existed yet they both have had a profound effect upon each other. it’s never too late. you haven’t met all of the people who are going to change you yet.
