A small drabble of a very traumatic event for the lil butterfly boi! Be warned, there is triggering topics such as Psychological Abuse, Manipulation, Panic Attacks, Underage Drinking, Vomiting and Blood.
"Hmmph.. Whh.. What's in the drink again, I've been feeling..." Shuanshuan didn't really know what he was feeling. So fuzzy and dizzy, like his legs were replaced with sticks and marshmallows. They suddenly have a mind of their own. He ate.. He ate dinner with her. He thinks he's having dinner but it feels like forever. The crickets have either been silent or too loud. The dinner.. Right, he promised to eat well. He sniffed it, just in case. It's fine. The drink is fine. What's making him so sloshy? Heheh, sloshy.. What kind of word was that?
A soft chuckle, somewhat deep but holding a smooth touch. Quiet and low, nostalgic.. He didn't know how much he missed that voice until now. The Apothecary lifts his head up from the table, trying to sit up instead of drooping all over the table.. with minimal success. Hums escapes his lips, recalling the notes of that solarian song he learned those 6 years ago. "Can't hold your liquor, hm?" He said with the tiniest spark of a playful tone. Shuanshuan grumbled, feeling the need to take shelter from the lanterns outside. Who even puts up lanterns outside?? Lanterns are poisonous! ... Wrong lanterns but still! Nobody needs lanterns today. "Shhhush, I never tried it before.. Uncle Chubby doesn't want me trying that right now, you know that.." "But, you said you wanted to have a drink with me when you're older."
Shuanshuan hums, leaning his head onto his arm like a makeshift pillow. "Oh yeah, I did.. When I'm... Wait, why am I talking to you? I didn't know you.." That was back in Peach Blossom Village. No.. Pavillion. No, no.. Oh, the location doesn't matter. He said that to Yi. He just told her that story. So, why is she.. Shuanshuan looks up, just to see her and ask why she's acting this way. Why did her voice change? It's all so confusing.
He wished he didn't look up.
Right before him, sitting across with a drink in his hand.. He recognized that silhouette anywhere. His ears, his eyes, his voice.. No.. No no, wait he shouldn't be seeing him here. He's.. "Shuanshuan?" He called out. That voice calling his name, it's been so long. Too long. He missed it so much. No, it's not supposed to be this way, no. He shouldn't be hearing his voice. "What's wrong? Don't you recognize me?" His heart is crying, he wants to run up to him. Hug him tight and tell him how much he missed him. His head is screaming. This isn't him, and he's falling into a trap. What if it was? What if it's really Yi? Wake up, he's dead. He's been dead for years. That's not him.
"I.. I'm not feeling well, I think I drank something or, or maybe ate something..!" Shuanshuan looks around. He's scared. He wants to run. He's happy. He wants to tell him everything. He's angry. Why did you leave? No, Why are you using his face? "I should, I should get sleep. Sleep will fix this." He needs to get up, force his legs to listen so he can sprint out of this room. He only blinked, was about to leave and.. Yi is right there. Next to him, gripping on his arm. Those claws.. Were they always so sharp? Those eyes look at him, narrow with a hint of concern. He doesn't like that look, it's too accurate. "Shuanshuan, what's wrong? You're nervous. Is it because of me?"
"No! No, I.. I'm happy to see you." Shuanshuan laughs a bit, one that was stiff and nervous. It's not him. Remember, it's not him. It's not- What is he doing? A hand reaches up to his face, taking off his mask. His spine shivers with a wave of nausea. "Wh, What are you doing?" He wants to run. Why can't he move? Why is he scared to move? "Calm down, I just want to see how much you've grown." Soft, furry fingers sweep his bangs to the side, then a pause. He couldn't see his face right now. No, it's that he doesn't want to. He can't do this. He can't.
"... Why are you closing your eyes?"
"I just. Want to." Shuanshuan's voice felt tense, barely getting these rigid and stiff words out. He wants to run. He wants to go home. He wants to see Uncle Chubby, he wants to see Shennong and Feichen, and Aiye. He wants to go home and far away from here. "Do you not want to look at me?" The line cuts his words from his throat. No, you're not him. Shuanshuan stays silent, the touch freezing him in place. Go away, please. "Come on. Open your eyes." His fingers are on his face. It makes him flinch. "Shuanshuan, open them. I just want to see." He shakes his head in defiance. Stop, go away. You're not him. "Why are you being so stubborn? You're not still mad about the time I took your fish, right?" Don't. Say that. "Open your eyes." "Stop." Shuanshaun managed to say, pleading that Yi would listen-NO. It's not him. "Please, stop."
"I just want you to look at me." The fingers grow more forceful. He feels a claw poking the side of his forehead. He shuts his eyes harder in response. "Open them." The voice is more firm. He's trying to stop him from getting closer. He doesn't want him closer. "Stop." Shuanshaun pleaded, trying to get him off. "Please, stop." "Have you grown to dislike me?" He winced at the question. No, you're not him. Stop talking. Stop using his voice, please. "No, that's not it." "Then open your eyes." "No." "Open them." "No!"
Shuanshuan's hand was practically struggling to hold Yi's hand away. He can feel his arms shaking, as if his own body was terrified of what could happen. No, nothing will happen because he won't open his eyes. He'll keep them shut and soon, he'll be left alone. She has to give up. Soon. Right?
"Shuanshuan, open them." He demanded. The Apothecary flinches, but shakes his head. Go away. "Since when did you become so difficult-"
"GET OUT!!"
A sudden booming shriek that he never thought his voice could reach. His fists flying in speeds he rarely used and an action he never saw himself capable of doing. His fist touched fur and launched it back. Shuanshuan opened his eyes in instinct, finally seeing the scene before him. The table knocked to the side. Leftover food and drinks spilled all over the floor. The stains on the floor and rug looked almost like ink. And in the middle of that mess... Was a small figure. The silhouette of his brother. The ears, the pale cream fur. The hand covering the side of his face that was hit.
Yi's hand moves from his face and looks at it. It had blood. Blood that was dripping from his jaw and nose. Blood that he caused. Blood that stained his fist with a couple drops. The cheek is red and swollen, a dark bruise forming. Shuanshuan felt himself get cold all over, like ice was spreading through his body. Like he was back underwater, in the freezing river. He felt nauseous, he swallowed too much. There's too much. Yi finally looks up at Shuanshuan, his eyes that familiar dark brown. They narrow in somber acceptance. Heartache. There's heartache. There's pain. Betrayal. Sadness. Acceptance. A hollow acceptance. No, he doesn't want this. "... I see. I do deserve this.. Don't I?"
"I should've known you'd grown to hate me."
He ran. He ran so fast, faster than his mind and legs could comprehend. All he can pick out from his surroundings is the sound of a body crashing into a room, a door slammed shut, the sound of bile hitting the floor.. Blood. He made Yi bleed.
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Chiyou came to the Pavillion. Everyone was shocked to see him. On his back, was a mangled body. The first thing he saw was the blood hitting the floor. The sickening splash echoed throughout the Pavillion before everything went to chaos.
He'd wait. He'd wait for hours. He wanted Yi to wake up, he's scared. He never had seen him so hurt since they first met. He's holding Yi's hand. "Please, wake up.." He feels like he's going to cry. Yi is strong. Yi will wake up, he has to.
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"Shuanshuan?" He's brought back. His hands gripped the trim of the window, eyes wide with terror as the door opens once again. ".. Did you get sick?" GET OUT. He wanted to shout at him so bad. He wanted to scream, to run. No, this isn't him. It can't be. What about the blood? No, no blood, no- A sickening splash hits the ground as he hunches over the window. He needs herbs. He needs medicine. He needs air. "Hey, easy! You're gonna fall out." Hands grab his arms firmly, trying to pull him from the window. No, let go. He grips on the trim tightly, resisting him. Yet, despite his efforts, he was pulled away from his escape and in a claustrophobic embrace. "Shuanshuan, relax.. I'm right here. There's no need to be afraid." He can't get out. He's trying hard, but he can't. He tried to scream, but it's muffled by the cloak. It's a fake. Please be a fake, please.
"Remember? It's me, Yi. You must've used the Virtual Reality Device for too long." The tone was sickening calm. He wished he could throw up again. Cause a scene. For him to freak out and back off. But, he can't.. All he could do was sob. Sob and try to breathe even if he is inhaling and exhaling too fast. So fast that it feels like he isn't getting air at all. "It's alright, I'm right here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a horrible brother." 'Yi' says with the horrifyingly calm voice, laced with empty hope. With an acceptance of death. Like.. Like he's back in the Galactic Docks, crying out to Yi. Yi asking him to eat well. Yi saying he's sorry for not being able to pick him up. "I'm sorry for making you suffer all those years ago." He hummed, petting Shuanshuan's hair. "But it's alright. I'm here. I can repent if you want me to. I can keep you in my embrace if you want me to. I owe you that much, for leaving you all alone."
"Stop..!" He cried, one sad attempt to push away. His grip didn't budge. She won't let him go. He can't escape.
"It's going to take some time for you to understand our Solarian Culture." The Pavillion was huge, spacious and always had good weather. The lights glowed with no fire, a concept that shook the child to his very core. This place is three times bigger than their house! "Solarians? Is that what you call yourselves?" He asked- NO, NO, GET OUT.
"You're finally back! The performance can't start without an audience!" Shuanshuan cheerfully exclaimed, holding the flute exictedly with Abacus by his side. Yi's eyes widen in suprise and confusion. "What performance?" He asked, an ear flicking along with his question.
"The sheet music. You said to play something for you, so I practiced alot!" The child puffed his chest a bit with pride. It took alot of time and some getting used to, but he has finally got the hang of this Solarian Flute!
"Oh yeah.. Of course, I-" STOP IT, GET OUT.
"I know you don't want to tell me what you're doing out there, Yi.." He spoke up, nervously figiting with his hands as Yi looks back to him with a hum. He's scared for him. When he was brought here, he was.. there was so much blood. "But if you're going to do something really dangerous.. Something that might get you seriously hurt... Could you at least say something?"
Yi walks a step closer, fully turning to face him. "It was just an accident. I won't lose next time." He said, his eyes narrow and voice calm, but reminiscent of a wounded animal trying to fight back.
"Fi-" STOP IT, PLEASE!
"What's the best dish you ever had in your life? I might be able to make it." Shuanshuan asks, tilting his head as he holds the cookbook in his small hands. Yi thinks for a moment, contemplating. It's like there's a question of did he want to say it or not. "That'd be Phoenix Egg Fried Rice using leftover rice... I forget how long it's been since I last had it."
"Oh!" Shuanshuan beamed happily upon hearing that. He can make that in no time! "You should've told me earlier! Egg fried rice is-" GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!
He hates this. He doesn't want this. He wants to go home. He wants to close his eyes and when he opens them, he'll be home. He'll close his eyes and it'll be over. He'll close his eyes and he won't be probbed and ripped open, dissected and his scabs and scars picked at. He'll close his eyes and she won't be in his head anymore. He'll close his eyes and she won't be in his heart anymore. He wants to go home, this is violating.
He'll be home. He's gonna be home. He's..
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It's morning.
Shuanshuan woke up with a splitting headache that felt worse when the light hits his eyes. His body hurts, and he still feels kinda sick. There's faint sounds of birds chirping from the window and he was tucked in his bed. There's a smell that confused him at first. Cooked food... Who cooked here? There's no way to cook food here..
He looked to the side, where the small table is. On top of that small table, is a tray that held a clear soup with egg, rice, onion and chicken broth. It's.. The soup that..
He turned away. He can't eat it.
Instead, Shuanshuan forces himself up, gets ready for the day and leaves without even touching the tray.
Hoping to forget the blur of terror and agony from the night before.
[bonus picture]
