If Wildflowers Could Talk:

UA-75497743-1

[molliefox]

one more time for the people in the back ✨

[molliefox]

Letters to My Therapist,

A mini-series by MollieFox

[molliefox]

Everything Else, molliefox

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molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

molliefox, Everything Else

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Words with Friends?

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Hope does indeed float. Hope, British Colombia 13:06

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There are still moments when I think that I can’t resist strumming my fingers against your strings one last time. To pull one more thread and let it unravel into that hopeless spiral of agony and ecstasy that my liar of a heart tells me is the closest thing I’ll ever get to living. It’s always in the same infected part of my mind where I first found you, where a stunted child’s heart is still throbbing away. It washes over me, like street lights sweeping across a sidewalk. Time and space bend a little and I feel myself collide against the wall I built to keep us apart. That’s when I taste missing you again, metallic and rusty, like a mouthful of blood. That’s when I’m tempted. But there’s no going back, there’s no reaching out to you through the dark ever again. I’m not yours, I never was.

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

Can you taste it? The way it swings back and forth. Anger: pulsing, throbbing, then ebbing into an ache. Pain welling back up and spilling over again into fury, lungs filling with froth and salt. And something else, farther back, deeper down: a frantic, grappling, emptiness that smacks of brine and loss. Forever on the verge of something, lurching, crumbling; always breaking, never broken. Those old, familiar mountains resolute against the horizon: so stubborn. Well? So am I.

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

When I opened my eyes the light blurred and bled, and streamed like honey down my cheeks. Methodically, painfully, I threw your name out into the room. I can still hear the sound of my breath catching in my chest as I choked on the words, head tilted back against the brick wall. It was just instinct, after years of refusing to speak you into existence for fear of making what I felt real. But it was real. And renouncing it had to be real too. You can't preform an exorcism quietly, inside your head, especially if what you're casting out was never just in your head. So I forced myself, on hands and knees, to the ledge. This is it, you understand that don't you? I've clipped my own wings long enough; I'm going to fly away from this rooftop, once and for all. Always a little restless, remember?

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

Actual photo of the Parisian sky.

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I memorized you through the lights and the haze. And for years I’ve been striking matches in a dark room, just trying to keep that idea alive. But the memories don’t work the way they used to. I’ve leached every last bit of magic out of them, always trying to get back to how it felt. And maybe I haven’t stopped reaching out through the darkness, but neither have you; you’re still pulling at me like I’m the last drag on the last cigarette you’ll ever smoke. And maybe I am. Maybe your world begins and ends with my name on your lips. But mine certainly didn’t begin and end with yours; all the matches that leapt to life against the skin of my thighs burned up and out and left me just as hungry as I ever was. But I still went on living. And I will still go on dragging at the air long after your last cigarette has burned up and out and you’ve extinguished it on the skin of your thigh, all for the chance of remembering what it was like to touch mine.

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

I don’t miss you anymore. I miss the idea of you, the belief that someone out there could have saved me. Because lately that long suffering fantasy has begun to crumble, all the longing has drained out of me. It doesn’t matter anymore if you experienced the same shipwrecked sensation that I did every time our souls got a little too close to each other. I see now that it was me, not you, who forced air in and out of my lungs everyday. I was the one who laid awake night after night and listened to all of the questions that didn’t have answers. I will be the one to save myself.

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

What a flirt

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But what do I know? Maybe someday these tattered feathers will form a bird and all of my stumblings will turn to flight.

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

I thought you were the realest thing I had ever seen. And I almost gave up everything for the chance to bask in your light. But you were a mirage: The more I drank the thirstier I became. The more I salved my wounds the more freely I bled. Still, I'm the lucky one. All this pain has shown me that I am the realest thing I have ever seen, and someday I will find my way out of this desert. But you? You will always be smoke and mirrors. Unable to stop shifting and shimmering long enough to ever risk letting someone love you.

molliefox, Everything Else

[molliefox]

when you've given up on life but are still tryna be cute