So ya got jokes huh, kid?

[monologue-jokes]

This just in: Tom Price has resigned from his position as Health and Human Services secretary after using at least $1 million in tax payer money on air travel. Although he offered to write a check for $51,000, he’s hoping to spend his free time redeeming his reputation by participating as a contestant on “The Price is Right”.

[monologue-jokes]

North Korea is reportedly attempting to schedule meetings with ex-US officials in an effort to better understand President Trump. Unfortunately, they, along with the rest of the world, haven’t found anyone yet.

[monologue-jokes]

A new survey shows that Americans are split on the topic of whether or not players are doing the right thing by taking a knee during the national anthem, which is a coincidence considering another poll was just released that found pants feel the same way.

[monologue-jokes]

Ikea just announced that they’ve acquired the Silicon Valley startup “Task Rabbit” which provides various services like handyman work. Experts say it’s a relationship that makes sense, because it will save yours.