Moodcrab

An Elder Scrolls Blog! TES6 Wishlists series, "Fixing" Skyrim series, Memes

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Mara-Kynareth: Mara is the mother Goddess associated with family, marriage and procreation, therefore fertility, as in farming and nature, Kynereth's realm. Kynereth also the mother of man.

Kynereth-Dibella: Kynareth is nature and the sky, nature and the sky are beautiful, the appreciation of beauty is Dibella.

Dibella-Mara: Mara is familial love, Dibella is the joy of the act of love (which makes families). Also Dibella is the appreciation of beauty and no mother finds their children ugly even when they totally are.

All have been described as a wife and/or consort of Shor. (If you flip this venn diagram on its side it looks like an I)

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Nine Divines for Life by Jordanus Petersonius

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Lyg

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Sheogorath IS Lorkhan!!!

My take on the creation of Mundus goes like this. Lorkhan god of space wishes to create the physical realm Mundus.

Why? Because his fellow Et'Ada may all be powerful gods but with nothing to do they would remain big balls of untapped potential for eternity. In other words, what use is space to grow with no limitations from which to break through? Or bounce off of? You can't build muscle without resistance. You'll never fulfill your potential if there's no motivation to do so. Take Arkay, a god like any other but with no mortals to live and die, no souls to psychopomp, what is he for?

So Lorkhan decides to create Mundus by playing a trick on some of his fellow Et'Ada, while recruiting others to help him play the trick. Those he tricked would one day become the Aedra, Magna Ge and the Earth Bones. Those he recruited, as well as those who refused to take part one way or the other, would become the Daedra.

But part of Lorkhan's plan was its failure. He intended to get caught last minute, and at the moment of Convention Magnus and his followers fled Mundus creating the sun and stars, while the Trinimac and the Aedra ripped Lorkhan apart, his broken body created the moons, his heart was launched into the sea where it would create Red Mountain and eventually the Numidium, and his soul was shattered throughout time and space to wander Nirn as the Shezzarine. This is when the Deadra who didn't follow Lorkhan saw their opportunity, and attacked. Jyggalag, the mind of Lorkhan that sought to bring order to this crazy universe, was driven mad and cursed to live as Sheogorath.

In short, Mankar Camoran was right. So where's my proof?

Let's start with linguistics. The Bretons are man-mer, one foot in both sides of the Ehlnofey schism. They have the merish view of Lorkhan as this devilish trickster god, but they call him Sheor, like his manish name Shor.

Shor - Sheor - Sheogorath

Lorkhan is also known as Shezarr, the missing god of the Cyrodiilic pantheon. That Lorkhan shaped hole keeps getting filled with gods of war/ spirits of the endeavours of man. One such god was Ebonarm, sworn enemy of all Daedra, with the notable exception of Sheogorath. Why is that? Perhaps Ebonarm sought vengeance for Lorkhan's betrayal, which Sheogorath is not only innocent but one of the victims?

How about that guy you meet in The Shivering Isles, Dyus of Mytheria? He is the one thing of Jyggalag's world that Sheogorath refuses to destroy after returning from the Greymarch; his librarian. The keeper of the knowledge of CREATION ITSELF! Not only is Sheogorath unable to bring himself to destroy Dyus, he keeps him immortal and imprisoned in the library.

"As the Great Library, it once contained all the knowledge in creation. However, spare me your grief. My imprisonment is as meaningless as my immortality. Time and place are nothing. Constructs of a feeble mortal mind attempting to categorize and understand the world around it. If you were one of the fortunate few, you would one day understand and accept this. However, you are not and you will not."

"Contained within its walls were the logical prediction of every action ever taken by any creature, mortal or Daedric. Every birth. Every death. The rise of Tiber Septim. The Numidium. Everything. All predicted with the formulae found within Jyggalag's library."

It's interesting he uses both Tiber Septim (Talos) and Numidium as examples as both are examples of those Lorkhan shaped gods filling the Shezarr hole, and both use the heart of Lorkhan/Mantella to achieve divine power. So Jyggalag/Sheogorath hold the knowledge of creation, which they would know because they are manifestations of the mind of the creator Lorkhan.

Mankar Camoran believed that Mundus was a realm of Oblivion as Lorkhan was a Daedric Prince (Jyggalag??), so Dagon has every right to inherit it. This can easily be written off as an excuse to dominate the mortal plain, but if my theory is right then this belief is a legitimate way of interpreting it. If Mehrunes Dagon was one of Lorkhan's loyal recruits he might want to conquer what he sees as his inheritance.

"How little you understand! You cannot stop Lord Dagon. The Principalities have sparkled as gems in the black reaches of Oblivion since the First Morning. Many are their names and the names of their masters: the Coldharbour of Meridia, Peryite's Quagmire, the ten Moonshadows of Mephala, and... and Dawn's Beauty, the Princedom of Lorkhan... misnamed 'Tamriel' by deluded mortals."

"Yes, you understand now. Tamriel is just one more Daedric realm of Oblivion, long since lost to its Prince when he was betrayed by those that served him. Lord Dagon cannot invade Tamriel, his birthright! He comes to liberate the Occupied Lands!"

Consider Boethiah. If Lorkhan was plotting against the other Et'Ada who would make a better ally than the Prince of plots? Consider what she did to Trinimac, the Aedra that "killed" Lorkhan. She not only humiliated him in battle, she ate and excreted him as Malacath. In doing so she transformed his followers into the Orcs. She exposed the grandest Aedroth knight to be just the same as the Daedra, using Mundus as a playground and mortals as toys, and she turned his merish followers into ugly brutes, exactly what the mer accuse men of being. And she did so in the service of the Chimer, leading more elves away from their "ancestors". I mean, she could have just killed him... But she chose to destroy what he was. Strip away his pretensions. It just feels personal. Vengeful.

Consider also that Mephala, Prince of lies and murder, another prime candidate for Lorkhan's plot, is almost certainly the Night Mother of the Dark Brotherhood. Think about it. Why would Sithis care about contract murder in Tamriel? He is the void. Mephala on the other hand is all about sneaking around murdering people, and tricking a bunch of goths into worshipping the wrong god. Using the corpse of some poor Bravil girl she has made a cult to Lorkhan, who is a being of Sithis. Ever wonder why the statue of Sithis in Oblivion is of a man with his heart ripped out? Remind you of anyone?

But it's just a theory. It gets crazier when you accept that Lorkhan and Akatosh are the same person. But that's a rambling theory for another blog.

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Fixing Skyrim's Main Quest

Part IV

Jarls, Thanes & Houscarls

Picking up from where we left off in Part III, you have just escaped captivity and a dragon attack that took most of Winterhold with it. You emerge from a tunnel in the mountains south of Winterhold that collapses behind you, alone and with no particular direction to head in. There's a mountain range between you and directly back north. West will take you towards Dawnstar, east towards Windhelm, and south towards Whiterun, with plenty of wilderness in between.

Your most likely destination, however, if you follow the road down hill, will be the town of Laintar Dale (Nightgate Inn) because you'll quickly run into a Khajiit caravan on the road (who you can trade with), and they are heading that way. They heard the echoes of the disaster from miles away and you can gossip about the dragon attack, news they will spread across the country.

The Main Quest will proceed when you reach any major city, not just Whiterun. In the meantime however Laintar Dale will have a Riverwood like Golden Claw quest in case the newer player needs a push in the right direction. The main difference will be that you'll have a choice, head straight to the Thane who is in charge of this area to report the dragon sighting to the Jarl, or seek out greater rewards by retrieving the claw. If you go to the Thane you'll have a much harder time tracking the bandits later on, but if you go straight for the bandits you'll return to a Laintar Dale in ruins from a dragon attack.

When you reach a city, you won't head straight to the Jarl and get stuck straight into the dragon situation. You won't be allowed anywhere near the Jarl. You will have to find a Thane or even a Thane's Housecarl or a Court Wizard who is sympathetic to your claims, and even then they will put you to work before they trust you completely. This is a more fleshed out version of the rubbish "help my people" aspect of becoming Thane in vanilla.

These quests will not be copy pasted to every available Thane you can work for, like the identical quests on either side of the vanilla Civil War. Every Jarl, Thane and Housecarl will have a unique set of quests and dialogues that reflect their unique personalities, situations and goals. Even each Hold will have a unique culture that will shape the quests available. Some will be completely disposed against working with you based on the reputation or play style you've adopted before meeting them, and it's possible to piss them off midway through and you'll have to find a different employer. You could even betray one Thane to their rival, try to play them off each other, or even work for several Thanes in several cities if so inclined, but inevitably you'll have to approach one Jarl to advance the Main Quest.

We're creating a feeling that the political workings of Skyrim are complex and alive and that the arrival of the player character at this time is significant but not world shattering. Yet. You'll be out doing the work of the Hold, or advancing the position of your Thane, exposing yourself to side quests and NPCs local to the Hold (as opposed to zapping around an entire country just to do a fetch quest). This might instil a feeling of loyalty that may affect later actions, like during the Civil War. It will also help Skyrim feel bigger. Imagine you've spent your first few hours of gameplay in The Rift, immersed in autumnal Robin Hood escapades and the cutthroat Nordic mead business, maybe joining or opposing the Thieves Guild... Then, all of a sudden, you get a quest in Markarth and find yourself plunged into the world of Foresworn rebellion, ragtag mining frontiermanship, blasted heaths, rocky moors and brass Dwemer steampunkness that is The Reach!

The Court of Solitude

As an example, let's look at Solitude:

Culture: The most Imperialised Hold, being the Septim sponsored capital of the province for generations, a major Imperial port town, and the headquarters of the Legion and Imperial Cult in Skyrim. Most multicultural and affluent, some Oblivion vibes should shine through.

Ruler: Toryg was the true heir, but died childless. This leaves several contenders for the Jarl's throne. His widow, Elisef the Fair, is a member of a prominent Skyrim noble family from Haafingar. Her father was a decorated Legionnaire who died in the Great War, her mother an Imperial merchants daughter. This is the official reason why the Empire support her claim, but also because they see her as a naive pawn they can easily manipulate (basically her whole vanilla Skyrim character is all the Empire thinks she is).

Elisef has an uncle, her father's brother, who was also a war hero, but has left Solitude to live a simple, more uniquely Nordic life. He is now a miner at Stonehills, the mine owned by Thane Bryling. This Uncle is returning to his roots, he doesn't think much of his half Imperial niece and doesn't have much of a problem with Ulfric, Ulfric was the better warrior, end of.

Toryg has an Aunt too, a sheildmaiden in the true Skyrim tradition who despises Imperial politics she grew up with in Solitude, but also despises Ulfric for murdering her nephew. Many see her as the legitimate heir, but her neutrality in the Civil War is an issue.

Court: This is the political situation you arrive at when you first rock up to the Blue Palace. You can get work with Sybille, the vampire Court Wizard, for a morally questionable "for the greater good" questline. Or there's Falk the Steward, an older Jorah Mormont figure who seems to care for Elisef but is protective of her when it comes to Imperial interests. He would prefer her recluse Uncle step in and add some weight to her side. Or there's the Thanes: Bryling, who supports Toryg's Aunt and is secretly sympathetic to Ulfric. More Nordic revivalist questline. Erikur who is all in on Imperial trade and wants a puppet Elisef. A spying and dirty dealing questline, most profitable.

I want to reiterate! You aren't picking one of these questgivers and locking in a victory for whoever they support! These are options, in which their will be multiple choices to make.

And this is just if you happen to pick Solitude.

Eventually, no matter where or whom you pick, there will be a need to go to Bleak Falls Barrow to retrieve the Dragonstone, and so the Main Quest will go on.

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Skyrim's Thieves Guild Makes No Sense

Oh good, another faction that has fallen on hard times and needs rescuing. Another faction that will treat me like shit for a bit then gradually come to respect me as I do literally all the work. Another faction that will make me leader later this week. If you can't tell, I think the Thieves Guild is the best faction in the game, but coming from me that's like saying I think HPV is the best STD. Like if you gun-to-my-head forced me to pick one. Still makes zero sense though.

Riften absolutely slaps you in the face with The Thieves Guild like a wet fish when you first arrive in town. The guards will refuse you entry on every gate except for one that happens to be directly in front of like ten people who won't shut the fuck up about the Guild. Then Brynjolf stalks you and more or less forces you to join. Technically there are three ways it can go:

You're poor so you should join,

You're rich but you should join anyway,

You refuse to join... but you should join anyway when you change your mind.

Yes, No, Maybe = The exact same outcome, the classic Bethesda dialogue options. How does Brynjolf know how much gold you have? Well you see, "Wealth is [his] business!" despite the fact that the Guild is doing terribly and he lives in a toilet.

If by now you still feel like you have free will in this open world RPG and aren't just a spectator, try failing every task the Guild gives you from the get go and let the absolute absence of consequences wash over you. Fail to plant the necklace on Brand Shei, nah you can join anyway. Slaughter every single debtor who owes protection money, well at least you got the money, eh? Burn all the Goldenglow bee hives to cinders and destroy the business, we'll just put that down to beginner's luck, have another quest because apparently the 20 other guys we've got down here are somehow worse than you.

If open murder is such a massive no no for the Guild then why am I not in a jail cell for my endless "mistakes" by now. In fact, why are most of the quests in this faction dungeons where the no killing rule is suspended? Why have the rule at all?

Anyway, you've somehow progressed to the worst (and usually my last because it really is that bad) quest in the Guild. Dampened Spirits, the quest in which you poison a vat of mead, is the perfect example of bad Bethesda writing: Do something dumb, brag that it's smart:

So Maven and Mallus, who have spent weeks planning this by the way, are going to frame Sabjorn who owns the rival meadery Honingbrew of poisoning the Captain of the Whiterun Guard in order to put Mallus in charge, who would then run it for Maven. Let's ignore the fact that that is totally not how property law works and Mallus, an employee, would definitely not just be given the meadery on the spot, and that you just destroyed all of Maven's honey supply, and just focus on the job; the obvious way to do this would be for Mallus to poison the cup they serve to the Captain, right? Job done.

No you idiot! The obvious plan would be for Sabjorn to hire you, the complete stranger, to kill rats in his cellar that Mallus planted there (instead of getting his employee Mallus to do it or just do it himself), but instead you dump the rat poison into an entire vat of mead, then hope it magically teleports from the vat to the vintage bottle they are serving the Captain. DUH!

When this plan is explained to you, you have to say "Clever." There are literally no other dialogue options. So if you aren't roleplaying as a moron or a Nord this moment is pretty game breaking. It gets more confusing once the job is done however...

You did the "clever" plan and report back to Maven, she tells you to report the info back to the Guild, so you head straight to Mercer, the boss, and he tells you to piss off, he's busy standing at his desk glaring at nothing, so you go to Brynjolf instead, but somehow Brynjolf already knows the info that Maven sent you to tell him before you told him, and apparently so does Mercer who is furious and wants to talk to you, despite the fact he literally just told you he didn't want to talk to you... Mercer tells you to do the Gullum Ei quest and to speak to Brynjolf for more info so you go straight back to Brynjolf who already knows you're off to see Gullum Ei before you even mention him...

Feeling disoriented yet? You've just been tennis balled back and force passing messages between NPCs (and loading screens) who already have ALL the information and know exactly what you are going to say and withhold information you need to know for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Literally, Maven could have sent you to Gullum Ei as soon as you got back and nothing would be different.

So that's an overview of the set up of the guild, a typical quest, and the awkward in between quest interactions, let's talk about the overall storyline. The Guild has fallen on hard times because twenty years ago Mercer betrayed the old boss Gaius and his hot goth GF Karliah and stole the Skeleton Key from the goddess Nocturnal. Nocturnal has given the Guild a curse of bad luck and Karliah has been playing a game of shadows to ruin Mercer. Mercer's grand plan is to rob the Guild vault and complete Gaius' ultimate heist, to retrieve a valuable Falmer artifact.

Ok. TWENTY YEARS!? How old are these people supposed to be!? Were they tweens when this all went down? It took Karliah this long to figure out fucking with Maven would hurt the Guild? What's she been doing, developing Elder Scrolls 6?!? What exactly is Mercer stealing from the vault after twenty years of bad luck? And why now? Mercer really is striking when the iron is hot with this one! Twenty years to go get something that, by the way, isn't stealing from anyone, by Skyrim standards you're doing a dungeon dive for loot, this isn't a heist, this isn't a thieves guild thing, it's a typical fetch quest. And how come I never get cursed with bad luck when I literally never return the Skeleton Key because it's better than the actual Guild reward? Why does nobody freak out when I return to the Ragged Flagon after Mercer told them all I was dead? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!

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Pelinal, Pelinal,

Six foot twenty, fuckin' killin' for fun,

The present beware, the future beware,

He's coming, he's coming, he's coming...

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This is my number one favourite TES meme I ever made.

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This one thinks his Uncle Ru'kus is very gullible...

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This is my second favourite TES meme I've ever made.

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Looks like we'll be getting jyggy with it...

Fixing Skyrim's Daedric Quests

Part III Jyggalag

Even on my second or third ever play through of Skyrim NEARLY FIFTEEN YEARS AGO I still fully expected to find a Jyggalag quest hidden somewhere in the world. His absence was something of an anticlimax for many, as The Shivering Isle was the highlight of Oblivion for a lot of players. Jyggalag being missing from the world in the 200 years since his separation from Sheogorath makes little sense, and Jyggalag doesn't do things that aren't perfectly logical. Either he was overlooked by Bethesda, which is sloppy, or there's an implication that the events of Shivering Isle had no real lasting effect other than the odd cheeky remark from Sheogorath hinting at being the CoC, which is underwhelming to say the least.

But, it does give me a completely blank canvas to write this post, as we are going to be completely ignoring the Creation Club addition. Anniversary Addition is not cannon. I would no more consider a mod to be canon than CC, which isn't a fair comparison as the average mod is more lore friendly than the best CC content, which not only broke lore and established canon but, on occasion, broke the plotlines to whole games. Better games. And it did so for the shallow reason of selling Skyrim AGAIN. I repeat, Anniversary Edition is not canon. Except Scout Armour. That shit is fire.

Who is Jyggalag?

Jyggalag wasn't in Skyrim and was barely in Oblivion, so let's get to know him before we attempt to write a quest that might get into some heavy metaphysics.

Jyggalag is the Daedric Prince of Order in the sense of pure logical and statistical probability, not to be confused with Peryite whose realm is the Natural Order (you get sick, you die), in fact he has more areas of overlap with Jhunal, the Nordic god of mathematics, another unacceptably absent god in Skyrim. Jyggalag is the denial of both determined fate AND free will, everything that is fated and every decision freely made was already accurately and precisely predicted.

Your fate is 3+1

Your free will is 2+2

Either way, you are 4

That's who Jyggalag is. Cold hard numbers. Humourless, colourless, immensely powerful. The implication is that Jyggalag knew that his power would invite betrayal from his fellow Princes but would not deviate despite hating living as Sheogorath, that he knew full well that every Greymarch he'd do for millennia would inevitably be undone, but did them anyway, which must have been hell for him as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" is the definition of insanity. His own nature would have him both foreseeing this AND refusing to alter it, so we can add incredibly patient and relentlessly unyielding to his character breakdown.

*He is also, in my opinion, an aspect of Lorkhan, his mind to be specific, but as this is just a theory I shall leave this to one side for this quest, but if you're interested I have a blog about it that I'll link in the comments.*

Setting the Scene

In case you haven't read the rest of my "Fixing Skyrim" series, the game is now set only 64 years after Oblivion, not the vanilla 200+ years. So it hasn't been that long since Jyggalag was freed and it's somewhat more believable that he hasn't gathered a significant following on Tamriel yet. Also, Silus Visuius, the Imperial who runs the Mythic Dawn museum in Dawnstar, is no longer a man having a mid life crisis who got really into family history, he is the child of actual Mythic Dawn cultists who was indoctrinated and traumatized during childhood. This will be relevant later.

Quest: Restoring Order

After attaining a reasonably high level, if you happen to be walking around one of the following locations; The Library at the College of Winterhold, The Dwemmer Museum at Markarth or the class rooms of The Bard's College, you will find an area unlocked that wasn't previously there. If you wander inside you will find a library, and amongst its stacked corridors, a priestly, unassuming looking man in plain grey robes, sat at a table with an empty chair, presumably for you. Why these locations? Well they have a thematic link to logic and knowledge, but also they are areas you are unlikely to return to once completing their associated quests, which will probably be completed at a lower level, so the quest is somewhat hidden.

The man, you discover, is Dyus of Mytheria, the Chamberlain of Jyggalag. You sit and he explains who he is and the situation with Jyggalag, that he has recently been liberated and requires a new Mytheria, his Realm of Oblivion. It just so happens that a pocket realm of oblivion has recently been "vacated", Gaia Alatar, aka Mankar Camoran's Paradise. Well, "recently" if you're immortal, of course. The pocket realm has been rapidly dissolving into the endless sea of Oblivion, but has not fully collapsed yet, and there is still one from its glory days that lives. He directs you to Silus at the Mythic Dawn Museum.

Silus, who insists his museum is purely in the interests of history, is upset that everyone finds it to be in bad taste, so he's pretty eager to show you around. It's not difficult to get him to overshare, but you'll need a high speech level to get him to spill the beans on his fucked up family history, but he was indeed the child of Mythic Dawn Cultists and was the youngest member as a child. If you gain his trust he will show you a secret artifact that is usually off limits to the public because he had to do some dangerous and very illegal things to acquire them: The Bands of the Chosen, an item the CoC used when he destroyed Paradise, but lost them inside. There are two approaches to enlisting him. Using the information you learn from him and what is available in his museum/house, you can either convince him to that you are also a Mythic Dawn remnant so he will trust you, or threaten him with information that he is a secret Dagon worshiper.

You take him and the Bands of the Chosen to Dyus, who explains that as a devotee of Dagon and follower of Cameron, Silus's soul is still technically destined to go to Paradise when he dies. You have the choice of killing Silus and using a unique soul trap spell to piggy back his soul to what remains of Paradise, or, as he is now begging for his life, spare him and let him open a portal using his Mythic Dawn magics (which is how he got the Bands in the first place). Either way it only works if you wear the bands. Dyus will also give you a conjure Knight of Order spell.

You enter Gaia Alatar, which will be a bizarre half world, with bits of Ayleid like architecture floating around a black sea. You must fight your way past a unique enemy, the tortured souls of the Mythic Dawn, to a throne. Once there you must conjure and kill a Knight of Order, and place its crystal heart on the throne. The destroyed and chaotic world will transform around you into a white crystalline solid state, and Jyggalag himself will finally arrive. He will explain that the Knights and their hearts are his own creation, and therefore worked as "chaotic creatia" (an aspect of a Daedric Prince that can be used to mold a Plane of Oblivion in their image. The Plane is small now, but will soon thrive and overtake the infinite seas of Oblivion. He rewards you by transforming the Bands of the Chosen into white crystal gauntlets called The Hands of Order, which gives the wearer a chance of doing non elemental "crystal" damage when striking, a shard of crystal shall strike the opponent. This works even with hand to hand.

And that's it. Don't worry about Silus, I had no intentions of using him in my Dagon fix. I'll be honest I'm a little disappointed with how this one turned out, I've been coming back to work on it for a while and just wanted to get it posted. I did attempt to write actual dialogue for Dyus, Silus and Jyggalag but it wasn't great, so here it is and I hope you like it.

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The Skyrim Opening Makes No Sense!

YouTube has recently been recommending a lot of people playing Skyrim for the first time, mostly from channels by young people exploring very old games... BETHESDA! This means for the first time in a decade I've watched the Skyrim vanilla opening over and over and... Well I guess I never really thought about it in detail. Before I started modding it was just something tedious to get past... But watching it retrospectively along with commentary from a fresh point of view I've noticed that the Skyrim Intro Makes No Sense!

So we wake up on the cart next to Ulfric, a man who is gagged because he can literally murder people with his voice... But all our hands are bound in front of us... Just like, take the gag off dude. Like it sucks that apparently that bit of cloth is more powerful than the Thu'um, but you could just reach up and take it out of your mouth, fuck we'll help you if it's at an awkward angle or whatever, this is literally all our lives and your whole rebellion at stake, that's all.

General Tulius is here, meeting up with the Thalmor that he totally trusts, that's totally not sus that they knew to be here at all... Makes you wonder why he didn't just execute Ulfric on the spot as soon as he was caught doesn't it? It's not like he's giving Ulfric a trial or anything, as far as the Empire is concerned Ulfric is guilty. Tulius for some reason just decided to bring Ulfric to a town to execute him, not even the nearest town to where he was caught either. Did he want witnesses? Ok just leave a handful of Stormcloaks alive, they aren't going to lie about seeing Ulfric beheaded.

Nevermind we're here now, quickly, kill Ulfric and bring a swift end to this mess... After I make a little speech. And after this priestess makes a little speech. And after we execute this nobody Stormcloak. And after we execute the random in the rags who we aren't even sure is guilty of anything. Why are we here again?

Oh yeah, we were "caught crossing the border" right? Take a deep breath before we delve into this hole that Bethesda dug for itself for literally no reason; baring in mind that in all previous games where you begin as a prisoner they never explicitly say why you are a prisoner. What crime are you accused of, are you guilty or innocent, that was all your headcannon and Skyrim needn't have been any different. So... Exactly what border were we caught illegally crossing?

Well, there are numerous examples of the game implying or outright stating that the player character is not from Skyrim, even if you choose to play a Nord. Every race specific response from Hadvar, for example, or when Galmar asks why an outsider would want to join the Stormcloaks. So you definitely crossed a national border... The only problem is, as Ralof confirms, the Imperial ambush happened at Darkwater Crossing, a location that is nowhere near a national border. Helgan is in fact closer to the border than Darkwater Crossing, but that doesn't matter because, as Tulius and the Fort Nugart Note confirmes, the border to Cyrodiil is snowed in, hence his recruiting locally and not relying on Imperial reinforcements.

The only border that Ralof could possibly be talking about is the Eastmarch-Rift border, both Holds that are Stormcloak territory, so why the Imperial Legion would care about someone random crossing it I don't know. And even if they weren't Stormcloak Holds, as we all know from actually playing the rest of the game, crossing Hold borders isn't illegal. In fact it actually erases your wanted level.

Again, nobody forced Bethesda to make it cannon that The Last Dragonborn was caught crossing a border they physically couldn't have crossed, illegally, despite the fact it isn't illegal. It's literally one line of dialogue, this was entirely avoidable.

What's that bone chilling roar? IT'S NOTHING! Hurry up and kill this obviously not a rebel (before Ulfric, the actual terrorist). It's fair to say they couldn't have guessed that that noise was coming from a dragon, but to assert that it's nothing!? With those oh so trustworthy Thalmor just down the street? Yeah probably nothing, keep Ulfric at the bottom of the list. Gods I fucking love damn lists!

Well it turns out that the terrifying roar didn't just come from absolutely nothing. It in fact came from absolutely something. Nobody could have foreseen this. The something it absolutely was, is a dragon, and in the chaos Ulfric somehow got away. Again, nobody could have foreseen this, in fact it's pretty much the opposite of what Tulius was going for here.

In our desperate escape we run straight past two giant city gates because Tulius ordered us to use the unnecessarily labyrinthian, giant-spider infested escape route through the keep that's literally collapsing on us instead.

We get a choice, go with Ralof, a fellow prisoner who has risked his life to save ours, or Hadvar, someone who was perfectly willing to kill us knowing full well we were innocent, but he feews weelly bawd abowd id 🥺. Fuck off Hadvar, you "just following orders, I'll pay your corpse more respect than your life, torture is a necessary evil" bitch! And fuck this opening for not letting me skip anything! I may not be a big fancy "great American novel" writer like Emil Pagliarulo, but still I think this could have used a second draft.

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Based and Shalidor-pilled

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Fixing Skyrim's Daedric Quests

Part II - Clavicus Vile

Honestly this was the most underwhelming Daedric Quest in Skyrim, but Skyrim is by no means unique in this as it's just the most recent in a long line of underwhelming Clavicus Vile quests in the Elder Scrolls franchise. Vile, the god of wishes, deals and dodgy monkey palm style tricks forms a natural counterpart to the Divine Zenithar, god of honest work and trade, but for some reason there isn't a Vile quest that isn't "Go to dungeon and kill X". Skyrim, to its credit, tried to make it interesting with Barbas, but still resorted to "go to this cave and kill this guy."

The whole story of Sebastian, the mage who wished for a lycanthropy cure for his daughter only for Vile to grant him an axe, is a truly boring misunderstanding of what Vile is all about. An axe isn't a cure, not even in an ironic double meaning of the word cure. Any axe, indeed any weapon or spell, can kill a werewolf, but he didn't wish for his daughter to be killed, something he could easily do without making a deal with the devil. There are several ways to cure lycanthropy in Tamriel, death is not one of them. If you have cancer but you die in a car accident you are not cured of cancer, literally the opposite in fact. This isn't a mind bending M Night plot twist, it's bullshit. Not only is a dead werewolf not a cured one, he didn't wish for his daughter to be killed, so there's nothing stopping him from just throwing the axe in the sea and going to find a Glenmoril Witch. Vile gains nothing from this arrangement, and Vile doesn't enter into arrangements that don't benefit him.

A true Vile wish would have cured the lycanthropy in such a way that causes unforeseen consequences that end up killing the daughter, dooming her soul to The Fields of Regret, his realm of Oblivion. The wish would be technically granted, but it backfired horribly. The only thing remotely Clavicus Vile-ish was the big "rug pull" at the end of the quest where he offers you the axe if you kill Barbas, and like, no. No thanks. I have access to better axes, I'm not killing a dog for this *two handed 🤮* one. I never wanted this axe, there is no reason in the quest to even use the axe yourself let alone grow attached to it, unlike Barbas who has now accompanied me all through the quest. This isn't a choice.

Quest: Best Wishes

The quest opener is being moved from Falkreath to Morthal, because vanilla Morthal has no general store. Well, now it does. Compared to all the other stores you visit it will have a unique look, very mysterious and quirky with oddities on the shelves, and the owner will be an eccentric character with a cute dog. For the quest to activate you must have traded at the store a few times and reached a level. On entering, the owner will be distraught and refuse to trade unless you agree to find his dog who has gone missing.

You go on a bit of a dog hunt. Asking around Morthal gets you little useful information. In fact, if you ask certain people, they will say some curious things; like they have no idea who you're talking about, or that there isn't a general store in Morthal at all, "Oh that old place? That closed down when I was a child after old man whatever died"...

You eventually track the dog down outside the city and, surprise, it talks! Barbas explains the situation, that he is the somewhat loyal side kick of Clavicus Vile, who has an offer for you. He also makes it clear, this offer is an invitation only, you would walk away right now if you were wise. Assuming you aren't a pussy, you of course return Barbas to the shop and hear the offer.

The shopkeeper transforms into Vile, in all his jovial Skaafin glory. He tells you about a wish he has recently received, one that he would like your help in granting. There's this would be merchant in the city of Whiterun named Ysolda, who you have likely already met as she is a very popular wifu, she has been a devout Zenithar worshipper for years, but has become impatient with waiting for her hard work to pay off. She really wants to be a trader, and has prayed to Vile to make it so. If you agree to take care of it for him, he will reward you. As Barbas has recommended, you can quit the quest right now. Or...

You head to Whiterun and start investigating Ysolda. It's up to you how the wish gets granted, depending on what you discover about her:

1. She would like to buy the Bannered Mare of her friend Hulda, who isn't ready to sell. So you could ruin the business to make Hulda desperate to sell, but Ysolda would get a ruined inn. Or you could forge Hulda's will and stage an "accident", so Ysolda inherits the inn at the expense of her friend's life.

2. She has done some work with the Khajiit caravans, learning what she can about mercantile skills, but expressing how hard and horrible their lifestyle sounds. Investigating this will lead you to a secret meeting between Ysolda and an Orc. The Orc hands Ysolda a "the goods" but Ysolda complains there isn't enough. The Orc explains how dangerous getting it is. Ysolda doesn't care, she tells him he needs to go get more. If you follow the Orc to Sleeping Tree Camp you'll witness his death at the hands of the giants there. On his body there is an incriminating note, which you could show to the Whiterun guard captain, who will banish her from the city as punishment. Ysolda will spend the rest of her days with the Khajiit caravan, living as a vagrant and exiled from her home, but a trader, just as she wished.

3. As Barbas, who will accompany you, advises, you could warn Ysolda and break your side of the bargain. She believes your story (how else could you have known about the wish?), but depending on your speechcraft and personality attribute - because a fixed Skyrim would obviously have attributes - you either strike the right amount of fear into her that she flees to the temple to seek sanctuary, or you miss your mark and she decides to go check out this shop in Morthal for herself. When she gets there Vile will reluctantly let her take over the store, but if Ysolda repents she will one day become a Priestess of Zenithar, and convert the shop into a fledgling temple.

Just Deserts

When you return to the general store in Morthal it will have transformed into an abandoned ruin.

Any outcome of options one or two will please Vile, he will award you his Masque which will be light or heavy armoured dependant on which skill is higher for you and it will have a powerful speechcraft, personality and price discount enchantment. You also have the opportunity later on to take over and run the shop yourself.

If Ysolda comes to Morthal to take over the store, Vile will be annoyed at you and Barbas for being boring, but will accept that the wish is technically granted and Ysolda, now his devotee, will be spending her afterlife in his realm. You get the Masque but she gets the store ( unless you marry her...)

If you break your deal and save Ysolda, you get a curse; permanent debuffs to speechcraft, personality and prices. The cost of being a hero is high, especially when it comes to the Daedra. (Maybe Ysolda can lift the curse once her temple is up and running, but that will be a while).

[moodcrab]

Fixing Skyrim's Daedric Quests

Introduction

Unlike my Oblivion character - a mere mortal who stumbled upon a shrine while lost in the wilderness, becomes somewhat obsessed with gaining the level requirement and collecting an offering, then undertakes the quest feeling like a dark god is testing their worthiness to be their champion - The Last Dragonborn has Daedric Princes falling over themselves to make them their champion straight out the gate. Level one? Who cares! No offering? No problem! Not my Summoning Day? We haven't cared about that since Morrowind! Literally told me to go fuck myself? Take the prize anyway Champ you've earned it!

Basically, much like factions, Skyrim shoves nearly all of the Daedric Quests in the player's face as soon as possible because they're widely considered to be the best and most rewarding by fans of the previous games. But the older games had them, to varying degrees, hidden away or locked behind mechanics, and Bethesda didn't want newer, more casual fans to miss them. In doing so the Princes and their cults lose that air of mystery and danger they once had.

On the other hand, it was nice to be doing something else entirely then have a surprise Daedric Quests blind side me, and it's not like the old Oblivion way was perfect. Find shrine, give offering, get quest for EVERY Prince? And just one quest and I'm the champion, dedicated my soul to your afterlife and all that jazz?

This series is going to try to maximise the good parts of Skyrim Daedric Quests, while bringing back some of the classic elements that it left out, starting with...

Part I - Namria

Quest A) A Taste of Death.

If you visit the Treasury House in Markarth you might overhear an argument between Brother Verulus and Thongvor Silver-Blood. This location change means you are unlikely to just run into this quest immediately as in vanilla, but also gives you a high chance of encountering it during The Forsworn Conspiracy, in which case it has the double benefit of acting as a kind of red herring in that quest and linking this quest with Markarth's corruption and secret society vibes.

Brother Verulus wants the city guard to stop their lockdown of the Halls of the Dead and to actually go in and deal with the draugr head on (in my alternative "Fixed" Skyrim the increased draugr population is connected with Alduin's return, who is raising his Dragon Priests to serve him, even within cities). Why doesn't he go pester the Jarl or the Captain about this, asks Thongvor, dismissively. Oh come on, don't act coy, we all know who really controls the guard in Markarth, why not let them do their job, replies Verulus. Thongvor counters that that would be a desecration of the Nordic dead, that guards putting them down like a pest would be dishonourable. What's more, perhaps if the glorious Nordic dead of the city weren't being tended to by a poncy Imperial Priest of Arkay instead of a proper old fashioned Orkey Shaman, maybe none of this would have happened. Verulus starts to lose his temper at this, and in anger implies that he knows that the draugr problem that plagues the other cities isn't the real issue here, that most of the ancient dead here are Reachfolk not Nord, and begins to demand a true explanation for being locked out but stops himself, he has said too much and leaves.

The quest begins by talking to Verulus who will ask you to investigate what's really going on in The Halls of the Dead. How you get in is up to you. If you're a sneaky type or a smooth talker you'll get in that way. You can also commit a crime to lure the guard away maybe. You could go find Thongvor who can be convinced to give you an alternative - take care of Verulus, but more on that later.

However you get into the Halls, on entering you start finding evidence of cannibalism, butchered bodies, cooking stations and so on. As you delve deeper you hear Eola, a Reachman Namira Devotee, goading and teasing you; "Not many would walk blindly into a crypt, smelling of steel and blood, but not fear... Don't you see what I am about down here in the dark? Is that disgust? Revulsion?... Or curiosity? Why don't you come deeper, and scratch that itch?" You can question her about who she is, what is her purpose here, why is Thongvor protecting her etc. but it will come down to convincing her to leave, killing her, or accepting her invitation to eat human flesh.

Now, IF you sided with Thongvor, the plan is to lie to Verulus to get him to follow you into the Halls of the Dead, this time you'll be confronted directly by Eola and Thongvor together. They intend to kill and eat you both and blame your deaths on Draugr. You can fight your way out and try to save Verulus, or you can prove yourself by killing Verulus yourself and tasting him by way of a test.

If you partake in cannibalism you will get a monologue from Eola about Namira, waxing poetic about the oldest god, The Black Fly, being the Daedric Prince of decay and squalor and all things ugly and repulsive... But also her significance to the Reachmen. To them she is the Spirit Queen who is the true god of death, not Arkay, the primal darkness that gives and takes life. You will gain the power to feast on a corps once a night or when underground, and unlock the second quest.

Quest B - A Guest for Dinner

The second quest will be even less obvious to the player and will hopefully take most people completely by surprise the first time it happens. The quest will only begin after the following criteria are met: You have used the lesser power to consume 10 or more corpses. You own a fully furnished player home. You spend the night there with either your spouse or a follower. When you sleep, a slow, loud, ominous knocking at the door awakens you.

At your door is a stranger in rags and a hideous face asking to come in. You can refuse or invite them to stay. Once inside they will take a seat at your table and ask what is being served for dinner. At this point your follower/spouse will be freaking out a little. You can offer food, like regular food, which will disappoint him and he'll leave. You can offer your spouse or follower as the meal and you'll have to attack them, the screen will darken for an gruesome audible muckbang. Or you can tell the Stranger he is on the menu, which will please him greatly and he will warn you against choking on him, depending on the disposition of your specific follower or spouse they will either join in or abandon you forever.

The Stranger, if he survives the night, will give you the Ring of Namira as thanks. If you ate him Eola, who incidentally will now double as a replacement spouse/follower, will arrive and give you the Ring. The Ring is a powerful reflect damage/magic ring, a unique enchantment in Skyrim.

[moodcrab]

While researching Namira for the first in my "Fixing Skyrim's Deadric Quests" blogs I ended up doing a deep dive into the religion of the Reachmen and now I'm thinking a "Fixing The Forsworn" blog is on the cards...

[tindomizel]

you know that one god awful map that literally looks like a minecraft world? yeah that's what tamriel looks like

[tindomizel]

[letters-numbers-and-dashes-only2]

Uhhhhhh

[moodcrab]

Fixing Skyrim's Main Quest

Part III

You're Finally Awake

You awake in your prison cell at Winterhold. You can speak to your cellmates, a horse thief named Lokir who is having a nervous breakdown and blames his misfortune on your other cellmate, Rala (girl Ralof), who will exposit about being a Stormcloak scout who got caught, and, in hushed tones, that we shouldn't worry, the Stormcloaks are coming to liberate the city soon! He will ask who you are (character creation) and how you ended up here. There are several options you can pick as a back story, one race specific one, and a "I can't remember/mind your business!" option if none of those fit your backstory.

Enter Hadvar, who seems to know Rala. From their conversation you gleam they are brother and sister and grew up happily in a village called Riverwood, before politics split them apart. Hadvar wants Rala to betray the location of the incoming Stormcloak attack, so that he can get her out of execution. She refuses, and though it saddens Hadvar he seems to respect her loyalty. During the conversation Rala will refer to Ulfric Stormcloak not only as "True High King" which Hadvar will disagree with, but as "Dragonborn" which Hadvar will treat as almost blasphemous. Rala will respond with something about the banning of Talos.

Towards the end of the conversation you see other prisoners being led out behind Hadvar. Times up. They are leading you out to the headsman's block. As you exit the dungeon you are hit by the bright, beautiful snowy land of Skyrim, you can look around you as you are led through the busy streets of the large bustling city of Winterhold. A large fantastical building, The College, looms in the skyline.

Just as execution seems imminent, the Stormcloak rescue mission erupts from hiding! But just as the two sides prepare to charge each other... Something happens that puts fear into both parties. A bone chilling roar followed by tremors in the earth. From the north, the vast black shadow of Alduin descends on us all.

Still bound, you flee from the dragon as around you the whole city is collapsing into the Sea of Ghosts. You get a close call from Alduin and a great view of the city around the College falling away leaving the College untouched. You get separated from the other prisoners, and get a choice to follow Rala or Hadvar. Together you descend into Winterhold's Halls of the Dead. "That was a Dragon! OMG!" Just inside you find the body of the Priest of Orkey and his lootable robes and healing spell tome. Hadvar/Rala remarks that the priest has been stabbed, not killed by the dragon attack. Who could have done this?

The lone draugr shambles towards you, lootable blade drawn. Hadvar/Rala will sound surprised to see one here. After you kill it, they shall explain that the odd draugr might be known to attack grave robbers or unsuspecting explorers in some ancient ruined tomb out in the wilderness, but here in a city? With a priest tending to the Hall? You continue through the Hall, there's a passage into the mountains he tells you, but crypts around you start popping open, you get a quick go at archery and stealth during draugr fights but this dungeon won't be drawn out.

Eventually you'll bump into Rala/Hadvar, whoever you didn't go with, who has arrived via a separate tunnel with some of their soldiers. They will try to hold their soldiers back and focus on escape, but a fight breaks out as the earth is still quaking around you threatening to implode the tunnels at any minute. In the chaos, the sibling you entered with is killed by the other, and you flee for the exit.

And that's how we begin. You'll exit the tunnel alone as it collapses behind you. You won't be funneled to any particular settlement or quest. There is a mountain between you and Winterhold to stop an immediate return, but nowhere is off limits either. Let's rundown the major changes and discuss why I made them.

Oh and Lokir got shot.

Location. We're in Winterhold, which is now a proper city, not Helgan. Pretty much, if we're going to destroy a settlement let's do it properly. The Great Collapse in vanilla Skyrim was undercooked, let's actually experience it first hand and appreciate the devastation on return visits. The Collapse will be big news, and people will gossip about how Jarl Korir, who lost his son in the attack, is going full Stormcloak because the Empire is not coming through with aid. He, as well as Nords in general, will be highly suspect of the College for surviving untouched, shoving a bigger wedge between Nordic society and mages (First the Oblivion Crisis, now this!?)

Hadvar and Ralof. Changing Ralof to a woman is literally just change for the sake of change. Like, why not? But making them siblings rather than vague acquaintances really sets up how divisive the Civil War will be. Making one kill the other will really set the tone here. Whichever one happens to survive your playthrough will become a fucked up guilt and grief driven character if you side with them, someone you can help or condemn, and if you side against them they'll be like a mini boss in a CW battle. It did cross my mind to make them lovers instead of siblings but I think this will be better off elsewhere, like with Jon and Olfina in Whiterun.

Ulfric and Tulius. They aren't here. It never made much sense to me why Tulius wouldn't kill Ulfric on the spot. From the Empire's perspective, no trial is necessary, he's a murderer and a traitor. Vanilla Tulius not only took Ulfric to a town (not even the nearest one) he planned to execute him AFTER a horse thief and the stranger in rags. It makes no sense.

The Halls of the Dead sequence allows you to tutorial basic combat/magic/stealth quickly whilst also putting the insane amount of draugr you are about to fight in this game into context. Draugr are a thing, but now they are rising en mas, and it has something to do with the Dragons. When a dragon attacks a city the dead shall rise, people will be unable to visit their ancestral barrows anymore.

Pacing. Above all I wanted to put the world of Skyrim into context in as short a time possible for the benefit of replayability. Playing vanilla Skyrim without an alternative start mod is torture. We've done away with the lengthy carriage ride that showcases a mechanic that doesn't exist in the rest of the game. We get into the action of the Dragon attack quickly but without sacrificing tension and the tutorial dungeon is much shorter.

For more context check out

Part One - Setting:

https://www.tumblr.com/moodcrab/713523288690802688/fixing-skyrims-main-quest

Part Two - Backstory:

https://www.tumblr.com/moodcrab/714501541554454528/fixing-skyrims-main-quest