Different Ways Characters Can Show Love
Part of the stigma around romance in fiction is how it can feel cut-and-paste when poorly written. Romance is so much more than âpotential couple goes through struggles togetherâ, it should be shaped by each characterâs personality and backstory. Different characters are going to show love differently, and its often tied into how they were raised as children, and those difference can cause issues in relationships (even if itâs a situation where there is no real fault). A young man accustomed to getting small gifts from his mother might feel like his partner doesnât love him if they donât give small gifts, or a woman raised in a house where actions speak louder than words may find her partnerâs constant âI love youâs to feel fake unless they back it up with more.
Iâve found general types of confirmation of feeling and have noted a few kinds of characters where they are most likely to appear.
Gifts: Giving things to a loved one to show affection. These things do not always have to be fancy, they can be a replacement of something that needed replacing or an item that the partner really wants. Gift-givers are likely to have been brought up in a family that (guess what) gives gifts. Typically, this shows more with non-poor families, but a character with a money-poorer background might see gifts as the ultimate act of love because they know how much money matters (or they might see it as overwhelming, depending the situation and character). A gift-giver can also just be a character who likes to see joyful reactions from other people.
Physical Touching (Non-Sexual): Small, physical gestures of love, such as hand-holding or shoulder touching. A character brought up in a family that didnât give many hugs or is uncomfortable with PDA may feel overwhelmed by an over-touchy partner. Likewise, a character accustomed to tons of physical affection may feel unloved if their partner doesnât reciprocate.
Words of Affirmation: âI love youâs and other sweet (and sometimes sappy) things to say. Characters with this method of love confirmation likely come from a family with lots of communication, and can think that words are the ultimate glue to everything. They might be very frustrated with a partner who believes in actions over words. This particular confirmation of feeling is usually found more in female characters because of societal conditioning where women are more likely to talk about how much they love someone.
Acts of Service: Doing things for a loved one. This can take the form of doing a chore that a partner hates, cooking for a sick partner, helping with a project, etc. These acts can either be asked for or not, but any character seriously devoted to the idea of âactions speak louder than wordsâ would not need any prompting to provide an act of service. Characters who are into acts of service are often motivated to work for things and may not feel like a partner is âworking hard enoughâ if they donât measure up to the service standard. This particular confirmation of feeling is usually found more in male characters because of societal conditioning that men are weak for expressing emotion, so they make up for it by physically working for their partner.
Time: Spending quality time together. This can take the form of playing a game together, or even just sitting in the same room doing separate things. Characters who prefer this method of affirmation like company and tend to be more laid back. Quality time is a spectrum though, and even two characters that prefer time together may find that their definition of âtimeâ doesnât match up. Doing an activity together is not the same as sitting in the same room, even if they both fall under the same general category of affection.
Itâs worth mentioning that characters can have multiple ways of expressing affection and that prioritizing one method doesnât discount the rest. Itâs just important to look at each character and figure out which method theyâd be more likely to use, given their background and personality.
Thinking of asking a question? Please read the Rules and Considerations to make sure Iâm the right resource, and check the Tag List to see if your question has already been asked.
