this will probably awaken something in me

a collection of quotes to serve as a radical attempt to organise my brain and what inspires

[mostlysitcoms]

Summer: Why are you fighting?! Can't you see you're all the same?

Morty: Ahh, Summer. *chuckles* First race war, huh?

Rick and Morty, "Auto Erotic Assimilation".

[mostlysitcoms]

Dee: You can't spy on unsuspecting women, that's horrible!

Frank: They're not women, they're old.

Dennis: At a certain point, a woman goes from being a woman to just being an old person.

Mac: True.

Dee: Well, what happens to a man?

Charlie: A man lives and then dies. Why are we having this argument?

Dennis: A man remains a man.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. "Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy".

[mostlysitcoms]

Are you sure this a good idea? Because I had the exact same idea, but I was embarrassed to say it.

Brett Hand, Inside Job. "Clone Gunmen".

[mostlysitcoms]

God, I love being a priest. We're all going to heaven, lads. Wayyy.

Father Dougal Maguire, Father Ted. "New Jack City".

[mostlysitcoms]

I hope you guys were behaving, all right? Because you know what happens on strike two. Strike two and... Strike... You're not out on strike two, but, you know, strike two, you're on thin ice.

Robby, New Girl. "Single and Sufficient".

[mostlysitcoms]

Shirley: I have a question. I don't think my character would say "tripping balls".

Annie: That's not a question.

Shirley: I don't think my character would say "tripping balls", ok?

Community. "Celebrity Pharmacology".

[mostlysitcoms]

I pushed those two together like a god on Mount Olympus too cheap to pay for porn!

Jessica Day, New Girl. "Socalyalcon VI".

[mostlysitcoms]

CJ: You guys consider me your enemy? You're some of my closest friends.

Jake: We haven't talked to you in like three years, CJ.

CJ: Wait, yeah. I'm thinking of different guys.

Brooklyn Nine Nine. "Suicide Squad".

[mostlysitcoms]

Gina: You and I will never touch again.

Charles: Damn! If I'd known it was our last time, I would've moaned more.

Brooklyn Nine Nine. "The Mole".

[mostlysitcoms]

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.

Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Brooklyn Nine Nine. "Operation: Broken Feather".

[mostlysitcoms]

Amy: I passed a "slutty tree" on the way here. Who wants to have sex with a tree?

Hitchcock: Was it a maple?

Jake: Was it a maple?

Brooklyn Nine Nine. "Halloween".

[mostlysitcoms]

Jake: Are you a minor? How old are you?

Trevor: 610. I'm a Highlander.

Jake: Ok, y'know what? I'm gonna put that in there, and then you're gonna be tried as an adult Highlander. And they're gonna cut your head off. Is that what you want? Hmm?

Brooklyn Nine Nine. "The Tagger".

[mostlysitcoms]

What is Elmo? A seal?

JD, Scrubs. "My ABC's".

[mostlysitcoms]

Nick: That's a curse.

Schmidt: Stop being such a goy boy.

New Girl. "The Curse of the Pirate Bride".

[mostlysitcoms]

Nick: You believe in crystals, Winston.

Winston: Crystals are real, dude. Don't say nothing bad about crystals!

New Girl. "The Curse of the Pirate Bride".

[mostlysitcoms]

Anything's funny when you put an old man in it. Except for the ground.

Winston Bishop, New Girl. "Mario".

[mostlysitcoms]

Schmidt: So you had sex with him?

Jess: No, the opposite.

Schmidt: The opposite? So you gave birth to him?

New Girl. "Ready".