ASK BEFORE FOLLOWING OR I WILL BLOCK YOU. She/her, Mtl, early 30s, writer/illustrator/burned-out activist/overall human disaster. I’ve stopped trying to summarize the content of my tumblr.
Still Not Back, but since some older posts of mine have been blowing up I thought I’d pop in to encourage everyone to get out there and do what they can to support the Wet’suwet’en people in defence of their self-determination and basic human rights, ESPECIALLY if you are in Canada.
The Unist’ot’en Camp facebook page has an ongoing, continually updated list of upcoming solidarity demonstrations if you want to get out there and boost visibility and pressure in the streets. For information on where/how to donate, as well as which public representatives to call and when, check out the Unist’ot’en Supporter Toolkit. And spread information as you see it, especially from Indigenous news sources and reporters on the ground, such as Real Peoples Media, who have been livestreaming today from Tyendinaga Mohawk territory, where the OPP are currently moving in on protesters' camps by the CN Rail line near Belleville. Facebook, where much coverage like this is streaming, seems to have been hiding posts about the situation from public view, so helping coverage get out is really important!
If you’re reading this, if you came from one of my recently-exploded older posts and you’re mad about That Person, please consider putting that energy into supporting the Wet’suwet’en and their ally nations. The situation nationwide -- in Wet’suwet’en territory, Mohawk territory, and everywhere -- is incredibly urgent. If you were thinking about getting out to a rally or something but just hadn’t got around to it, GO. Grab some friends and show up however you can. It’s vitally important now to show the federal government that Indigenous peoples have popular support in the face of colonial violence, ESPECIALLY in the midst of tense police showdowns with Indigenous protesters defending their homes and communities. It is literally life-or-death for some.
I Am Not Back but since people follow this blog I thought I would share this here; please feel free to reblog/signal boost as you like.
Head & Hands/A Deux Mains, a local nonprofit in Montreal, is in need of donations. In the past two years, they’ve seen a massive spike in people accessing their food and clothing bank and they have been struggling meet this growing need.
Most of the people accessing these services are refugees and people of colour and most of them are living below the poverty line. They are valued, active members of our communities, but are chronically underserved by community organizations and social services in Quebec. With the CAQ promising to restrict english-language government services to “historic anglophones” (read: white people) only, and climate crisis forcing displaced peoples to seek safety in countries like Canada, multilingual, service-oriented community organizations like Head & Hands are more important than ever.
Head & Hands, unlike many other similar food/clothing bank services in Montreal, does not require any ID, proof of residence, etc from people accessing its services. In addition to their food and clothing banks, they also run a drop-in clinic for youth under the age of 25 that is LGBT-positive, committed to principles of anti-racism, and free regardless of residency or health insurance status. AND, as if that were not enough, they also operate a pay-what-you-can legal clinic by drop-in or appointment.
In my activism and volunteer work, I am constantly referring people to Head & Hands and I am not exaggerating when I say that their services save lives. I have accessed their services multiple times myself as a resident of Montreal and the NDG/CDN borough. As an organization they are one of the most active in Montreal, serving some of the most vulnerable people in this city. They deserve your help if you can give it.
They are looking for the following items specifically:
Winter clothes (coats, boots, NEW warm socks, etc) for children and adults
Sleeping bags
Umbrellas
Cell phones
Reuseable tote bags
Nonperishable AND PERISHABLE food items: grains, sauces, snacks, protein, fruits and vegetables (perishable items with longer shelf lives, like potatoes, carrots, onions, etc are especially welcome).
Monetary donations (duh)
For more info on what and how to donate, go here or e-mail Jess, Head & Hands’s food security coordinator, at [email protected].
Okay. So, it’s become really, really apparent to me that I cannot use tumblr anymore. The simple fact is it has become a compulsive way for me to harm myself and feed into my own worst tendencies, including (among other things) an overwhelming and pervasive feeling of social paranoia that often leads me to believe that everyone I know is talking about me behind my back and deciding that I’m a dumb lying bitch who isn’t worth treating like a person. I am aware that “everyone is turning against me” is literally textbook paranoia, and that said paranoia is mine to manage; I just don’t think I can manage it, or basically any of my other C-PTSD symptoms, and remain on this website, or probably on any social media for some time.
More on this below the cut. Please do not reblog this post.
I’ve spent some time over the past few days talking to people I trust about it and I waffled on saying anything about leaving in the first place. But I really care about a lot of the people on this site and I want to stay in touch. I hope that eventually I’ll be able to figure out a way to use social media without going into death spirals about it every day. I don’t think I will ever continue using it for traumablogging or hyperpersonal oversharing, but sharing cat photos and talking about my work is ultimately harmless and also something I need to be able to do, like, as an writer in 2019. So, whatever, Watch This Space in a few months, I guess.
For now, I need to respect the realization that this website doesn’t help me anymore. It used to feel like I could use this place to say things directly and honestly to other people that I couldn’t say in my daily life, to the people around me. When I couldn’t look someone in the eye and say I was raped, I could go on tumblr and type it into a text box and someone would see it and maybe understand. When I felt like there was no place for my voice in public discourse, I could share my thoughts here and feel like in some capacity they mattered. That was really, really important; part of why I’ve been so reluctant to leave is that I don’t want to act like my time on tumblr has never been valuable to me. But at the same time, more and more it just upsets and triggers me, and it no longer feels constructive to share my pain in this public forum, or any public forum. Like I said to my girlfriend, I need to be dealing with this stuff IRL right now, and doing it Online is no longer a path towards that, but away from it.
Yesterday I called my best friend, who understands maybe better than anyone I know how exhausting and demoralizing compulsive relationships with stuff like this can be. They pointed out something that I hadn’t really been thinking about: how something that’s a neutral or even positive part of your daily routine can become a site of trauma, and how continuing to engage with it like you were before it did becomes a means of repeatedly triggering yourself. I know that’s what’s happening here. There are no accommodations that I can ask for from mutuals that would change this, no way of improving this site’s accessibility to me. I literally just have too much C-PTSD for it.
I feel sad. I know that leaving this site for an extended period of time, and at time time/in this manner, may mean the end of a few friendships I’ve built here, and that’s really just devastating. All of you are why I’ve stayed on this website for so long. I’m someone who has a really hard time dealing with feeling close to people (good ol’ C-PTSD trust issues) and the relationships I’ve built here are important to me.
To that end, if any of you ever want to talk about movies or cats or TV or art or Montreal or even just say hi, PLEASE feel free to e-mail me, it would honestly make my day. You can reach me at ellehumour at gmail dot com. I will probably edit this post in a few days and remove my e-mail address from it, but if you miss it, you can message @thepfa and ask him for it and he will pass it along.
In the meantime, I’m going to withdraw from the public internet for a while. I do not believe I will be gone forever, so like, if you want to keep following this blog, eventually there will be Bonky photos again and probably posts about my book and etc. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too. It makes me sad to think about losing any of you, but I have lost many people in my life, and though it always hurts, I am still here.
I love you all and I hope that wherever you go, as much as is possible, people are kind to you, or at least not unnecessarily cruel. See you on the flip side, or something.
Sitka artist designs slinky dress from 20,000 salmon bones
The idea for a glam salmon-bone dress swam around in Cynthia Gibson’s head for a while before she got cracking on her vision.
“Three years ago I collected buckets and buckets of small vertebrae. Bones in general, I find beautiful. They have a beautiful line and form,” said the Sitka artist. “I always wondered why no one was doing much with salmon vertebrae because they’re everywhere and they’re easy to bead. They already have a hole in the center of them from the spinal cord.”
A dress draped with 20,000 salmon bones by Sitka artist Cynthia Gibson. (Stephanie Lambdin Productions)
“I love the way the player’s body moves in Bloodborne: You can fly in any direction like that, like a nervous little bird. If you want to be close, you are instantly close, and if you want to be away, you are instantly away. What a gift. Of course everything is violent and wants to touch you, but if you are perfect, you will not be touched. There is a little secret here which perhaps you can notice: When the ugly monster’s limbs reach out to touch the small human’s body, there is about a tenth of a second—maybe less— where her body is invincible. It doesn’t even matter if she’s geometrically in harm’s way or not. She is safe because she timed it right, was perfect. See, even in this very hard game, there is something wonderful and fair: The game doesn’t care about the way bodies actually intersect. If your timing was correct, it agrees: “You were not touched.” Many games hide that tiny moment of invincibility within quick movement, and it feels so kind just knowing, no mater how bad you are, that if you could fit every moment of pain in that one tenth of a second you could be invincible for the rest of your life. Sometimes I wish I had this power in real life. If I had it would mean never having to say ‘no’ in so many words, nor the confrontation that sometimes comes with saying no. But that perfect, flawless dodge is not sustainable—you have to be devastated so many times to get the timing so flawless. And here’s my bad secret: when I killed this one monster, I didn’t do it by dodging flawlessly, but by mashing some awful weapon in her side while her limbs were flailing and she could not hit me back. Unfair and problematic of me, I know. So often, games’ expressive qualities are limited to the violent motion of virtual bodies, yet they can be extremely articulate within that vocabulary. As much as I want to be an untouchable angel of forgiveness and grace with a bottomless well of compassion for all living things, I keep messing up that dodge and I think it’s making me a bitch.”
— Aevee Bee, “I love my untouchable virtual body” (via goodbyemisery)
I don't usually ask astrology questions but I really wonder, why do I always catch myself having conversations in my head? Is it because I'm a virgo? I talk to myself about literally everything and sometimes it's suffocating..
On March 31st, 2019 the popular HBO show, “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver,” aired a segment providing harsh criticism of the World Wrestling Entertainment’s (WWE) treatment of professional wrestlers. The segment highlighted the number of recent high-profile wrestler deaths and how the WWE requires...
Apropos of nothing, here’s an article that pretty succinctly sums up the reason there’s never been a serious attempt by a likely union (Actors’ Equity, SAG-AFTRA, AGVA) to organize the WWE: independent contractors can’t be represented by unions, under the terms of the National Labor Relations Act. Only “employees” are entitled to union representation, and as we all know, WWE Superstars ™ are the furthest thing from employees!
I read another article in the Marquette Sports Law Journal outlining a legal strategy by which WWE wrestlers could contest their designation as independent contractors, but I don’t think any of them are eager to stick their necks out like that, and I also think the National Labor Relations Board - which currently has a composition of three Republicans to one Democrat - would side with management against labor in basically any dispute like this.
Rick Genest’s death was ruled an accident today. According to the coroner’s office, his friends and family said that though he struggled with his mental health, at the time of his death he was happy and stable and making long-term plans for future creative projects. They think he slipped and fell when he went out on the fire escape to smoke, as he liked to sit on the railing. He lived in the Plateau; I’ve gone out to smoke on a dozen fire escapes just like his, probably, and they can indeed be precarious. There had been a lot of speculation when he died last year that he had killed himself, and it feels important to me to acknowledge that this was not the case.
Gilbert Short Funeral expenses for my mother On October 17 my mother Melinda passed away at the age of 66 of congestive heart failure. The b
As you know my mom passed lasts week on October 17. Her burial costs have become exorbitant and if anyone can help I would appreciate it. I know we’re all struggling but if anyone can share or donate I would appreciate you.
“And I started to grow chitin, and my range of motion started reducing. At the time I couldn’t care less; it meant I was safer, meant I could not be harmed but by the monumental. And I’ve lived that way now for so long that that I sort of… forgot, that I wasn’t at the start so confined, that I used to be free. Vulnerable, yes, but free; with the carapace I was safe… or so I believed.
The trouble with exoskeletons is that they have to be shed periodically. They don’t change size, they just get tighter and tighter with every little bit of growth. Every incremental improvement squeezes, until eventually you are in agony and have no option left to you but to moult, to take the very thing that kept you alive and eject from it or else it will crush you dead from safety.”
