motherhate

drawing poetry 💋ogden, ut

[motherhate]

meet me in the trees.

you went away.

you went to find, 

you went outside to find yourself.

but when you went

you left me there,

left me there to die. 

& it’s alright. 

yeah, it’s alright. 

it was quiet & still. 

it’s alright,

yeah, it’s alright

you said i wouldn’t feel a thing

& you were right. 

you were right. 

now i’m still. 

the trail you left behind

was invisible to the eye.

a secret that you locked up so tight.

buried deep in the earth 

but the earth seeped.

they years went by

they sky was clear.

you went along to something else,

didn’t you dear?

but when you left me there,

a lock of hair fell behind.

& it’s alright.

it’s alright.

i won't be gone until.

it’s alright,

yeah it’s alright.

you won't feel a thing my dear.

& you were right.

you were right. 

& you’re sorry now,

yeah you’re sorry now

aren't you my dear.

yeah, you’re sorry now

you’re sorry now

now that you are still with me.

motherhate

[motherhate]

black flower

these moments alone

turn to eternity.

deep inhales of death &

uncertainty 

where the sound comes from

where the ground divides

air & roots.

while the stomach wilts

the pages turn

desire burns,

days turn to years

so many years

in distraction

in denial.

time is a blessing we all share.

why would you be rid of it?

time is disguise 

when you run out of it.

time is a blessing we all share,

& all ignore.

all my neighbors think

little of me,

because I'm little.

still i warm their home with gifts.

my memories a burning desire.

mother hate.

[motherhate]

little fairies came to the room & taught us to fly.

mother hate

[motherhate]

spills

shivers 

left under the bed.

will you come back

to pull me out again?

were you right,

is this where i belong?

accustom to the taste,

the delivery is fatal.

do you have any

help to fix it?

the day slips away,

like from beneath a dancers toes.

asleep on concrete,

may as well be.

we’ve done this before.

hasty robberies,

instead the door opens.

do you have any 

help to fix it?

catastrophe blew through

this calm country living.

the smoke is gone 

but the taste lingers. 

mother hate

[motherhate]

problem.

here is the only place i can do this. 

here is the only place i can be & say.

with this weird stain music,

recorded in a room as i like best,

music from an old friend

who you know so well 

somehow

you never really know

the everyday.

and yours is this,

indeed,

this.

so far away from those who live so near.

and so close with the demon.

you can taste it’s every breath.

it is sweet & light like childhood.

it is weightless & severe.

somehow still bitter like wine,

dark chocolate & time 

when you meet yourself a deadline. 

& all my friends are in a screen.

teenagers stuck in a grown up dream.

witches out to find a scream

on a weekday afternoon. 

& if you could ever know what i mean,

then you have been

come back again

 & gone back without a light,

without a fear.

[motherhate]

sick

decided it’s finally time to decide,

who you really are. 

you’ve come close

been near & far.

but never so close to see.

what’s hidden underneath the deep,

eclipsing you?

who?

well look my dear,

here you sit. 

you have all of it.

god damn,

all of it. 

what you love 

& who you meet.

but you’re so afraid of where you sleep.

who you sleep your tired body,

tired head in the bed.

life is real,

precious

so sweet.

do you love dear,

follow you’re feet. 

motherhate

[motherhate]

a piece of it.

folding rose tattoo motherhate

[motherhate]

when she goes to bed.

& your thoughts are so desperate to leave your mind that you abandon them there, they are never set free. they are only a shoreline disappearing under the ocean as you drift further & further away from them. only a flame at the bottom of a candle wick, that goes out. only a flat note forever because you can’t really play guitar.  only a cold cup of coffee lost in the bathroom, never to be drunk.  there isn't another thing you could do, because they cannot be true. 

[motherhate]

a name is a name.

[motherhate]

whenever i find myself here

folding rose tattoo motherhate

[motherhate]

living room conversation.

it seems so much longer in writing,

handwritten.

old relics

from school,

from reflecting.

smells that remind,

objects that hold

memories daydreaming.

the whole world?

how far could it be happening?

how far from here?

from cold fingertips touching hot water,

from velvet dresses

distracting babble.

a tiny thing,

that grew into a banished love

across a secret string.

clanking piano keys

& a moody lady singer.

a violent endeavor

for an easy favor

& children growing stranger.

motherhate

[motherhate]

it’s so cold. 

when you go outside to smoke, 

the air freezes your lungs.

but a bond between such unlikely friends

sits like a stone, unmovable. 

the thread so strong.

i spent the time away in my mind,

nothing might as well have been said. 

but really now I'm so tired

so i lay down on the rug. 

if we could all be so easily amused by something

so simple, we could be forever.

if a pillow so small could hold our sleep

somewhere we shouldn’t be,

up high in the flowers, the flowers so sweet

we could sleep for hours.

& if you were born the way you were meant to be,

then all of this is as it should.

& everything else would be a mystery worth seeking, 

don’t you think?

& all the rest besides that

would be a shot of whisky & a shower.

& the rest would be a blur.

we could be so easily amused if we were allowed the hours.

motherhate

[motherhate]

ogden

this city 

is the opening gates to hell, this city.

would you like to share a drink of this poison with me?

& make a toast to ghosts & the living?

never look anyone in the eye,

unless you want to spread the seed.

the lady of the clouds warned us of the night.

i don’t care where we go,

but we have to leave.

disappear into the night

where our shadows aren’t attached to our feet.

dripping demon, baby angel

barren desert, sands of time.

it doesn’t matter where you are,

it doesn’t matter what you see out your window

you have to wake up to another day.

disappear into the night

where our shadows aren’t attached to our feet.

a lover held close to the flame,

a baby made from sin,

skeletons,

lock them up tight

so tight in the closet from where they came,

in this city.

motherhate

[motherhate]

hatred’s mother.

on the floor are broken cups of water.

hot tar poured over you're oldest daughter.

life’s simple beauties are the only cure.

you were never simple like you say you were. 

no rain for days,

no clouds to cover.

change you're name,

hatred’s mother.

there is more to follow than the queen’s rolling head,

more to chase than the wander lust.

there is more to see than the lights floating behind your eyelids,

more to believe than your trippy kid talk. 

you will walk

alone forever

left to a chain

under black water.

you have chosen your own way.

memories blanked if only it wouldn't change the story.

you wrote me in a book your only problem.

desperate struggle, forgiven lover

hatred’s mother.

you will walk

alone forever

left to a chain

hatred’s mother.

motherhate

[motherhate]

Black pigment in skin. 🌷 

motherhate

folding rose tattoo

[motherhate]

Take your time waking up.

[motherhate]

RAG WITCH

folding rose tattoo 🌹🌹🌹 

motherhate