feelings unleashed

what goes on in my head

[mountpoems]

don't look at me 

I feel naked under your stare 

can you see 

the ugly I tried to conceal 

how raw I feel 

please 

just stop looking at me 

why don't you look at me 

I need someone to care 

am I not a sight to see 

eyes wander and flee 

all the while my insides scream 

please 

look at me 

[mountpoems]

how is it

that a person

you used to call home

suddenly means nothing

did I dream it?

did I make myself believe

we could've been enough?

maybe you were nothing more

than a place to hide

until I was ready

for something permanent

[mountpoems]

there are moments

when I’m so sure

we are not meant to be

but I don’t know how to let you go

every minute

every thought

every breath

is filled with you

and you deserve the world

but it scares me to imagine

not having you in mine

I just want to cuddle up in your arms

forget everything around us

and pretend we’re not broken

[mountpoems]

we said we’d give it a try

face anything side by side

you and me for the rest of our lives

been through lows and highs

but when it gets hard, we hide

and I can’t tell the truth from the lies

I wish you’d forever be mine

but lately all I do is cry

barely able to sleep at night

I keep wondering why

we lasted only a short while

maybe it just wasn't our time

and although it's hard to say bye

feels like a part of me dies

the good times have passed us by

[mountpoems]

they say the new year 

is a clean sheet

but why do you think

you need one? 

all the hardships

the hurt and the guilt

shaped you into whoever

you were supposed to become

this year

instead of trying to attain

the perfect version of yourself

take the time

to get to know

the person you are

and discover the reasons

why you’re already enough

[mountpoems]

I don't have an excuse

for feeling the way I do

it's a waiting game

for a disaster

for anything

that would break me

so I can stop being strong

stop trying so hard

stop pushing it all down

I just need an excuse

to let go

to let myself fall apart

[mountpoems]

you've given me life

unconditional love

strength to carry on

and not once do I doubt

you’d be by my side

when I need you the most

to even think

that one day

all this will be in the past

not hearing your laugh

missing the comfort of your hugs

having to survive without your advice

it’s a tragedy

for anyone not to have the chance

to know a soul like you

I cannot imagine a day

when I’d be able to lose you

and it would hurt any less

[mountpoems]

two people

two bodies

but wrapped around each other

like we are one

face to face

skin to skin

but still not close enough

gentle whispers

the touch of your nose

a barely there kiss

and when I look in your eyes

so full of warmth

everything else disappears

I've finally made it home

[mountpoems]

I cover up

build a barrier

in your eyes

a question

this is not going your way

at least not yet

seconds pass

or are they minutes?

I give in

just a little

and you're ready to collect

like it's yours to take

your greed

never seems to cease

silly me

to have thought

things were different this time

[mountpoems]

I feel too much

my own disappointment

and yours

my own weakness

and yours

my own fear

and yours

all there is

mine and yours

one person

trying to carry

the weight of the world

until

I'm

buried

[mountpoems]

all this pressure inside me

waiting to come out

to cause destruction

so there's nothing left

no more prejudice

no more unwarranted blame

no empty words polluting the air

let's build something new

from scratch

and leave the hurt behind

[mountpoems]

it flows

out of you

and I linger

needing to be close

maybe I can be covered too

to have even a piece of you

feels like a dream

[mountpoems]

every day

so much effort

to pretend

you're fine

and then

suddenly

all you have

is time

so much time

with yourself

to realise

you're a mess

such a fucking mess

a chaos

an explosion

waiting to happen

but at least then

everyone could have a piece

and maybe I'd finally feel

like I’m enough

[mountpoems]

I think I’ve accepted it now

the way things had to go

and though I still have moments

when it hurts even a little 

it doesn’t come anywhere close

to the happiness you brought

I’m sorry if I ever made you feel

like you weren’t enough

cause you were so much more

than anyone could imagine

I cherish all the good

and accept that sometimes 

things don’t work

but that’s okay

chapter closed

[mountpoems]

it won’t stay like this forever

nothing lasts

and it’s better that way 

you’re allowed to feel

the way you do right now

don’t be ashamed

one day you’ll look back

and it won’t matter

you’ve moved on

no matter how rough it gets

how badly you want to stop

just hold on

there’s so much ahead

the world waiting for you

needing you to survive

I need you to hold on

[mountpoems]

it’s a lie

you choose to believe

and it keeps you trapped

all the while

you know what’s happening

and you let it

after all

you feel safer in your cage

separated from the world

as much as it limits you

it also keeps out anything

capable of causing pain

[mountpoems]

why do i feel like I don’t belong

maybe you haven’t found your place yet