to live an ordinary life and die together with you
@mournful-cameraderie
hi im meline | 23yo i dont really use this blog much anymore but i just come here when im having komaeda thoughts and want to see fanarts etc abt him anyways hello
Okay, yay, Hajime/Izuru headcannons won that poll a bit ago, so here's some. I tried very hard to keep my handwriting legible, but I wrote it out in plain text below (WITH LOTS OF EXTRAS!) for those who have trouble reading the handwriting.
Kamukura Project Notes (Transcribed)
To improve his physical talents, he was trained between surgeries. Also helped avoid atrophy. They likely used low-dose steroids to start him off
Already had an easy time accruing muscle before the project, which is one of the reasons he was chosen. Hajime had never known this about himself because he was not invested in what made him unique
His head was never shaved; the scars mirror his hairline. The scarring is very thick, so he never wants short hair (he keeps it shaggy!)
Hair becomes a huge thing for him because it's simultaneously the thing he has had the least AND most control over
Was part of what would be considered some sort of obedience training. Monitoring how he reacted to stimuli is how they found out about the conflicts with his """"original""" personality (note: this refers to how they severed his past memories/ "personality" in order to make him more passive)
They were unhappy with the result of the surgeries on his social and emotional abilities
Post-surgery hair length was at his lower back
Kamukura Project Notes (Extended)
The series of surgeries he underwent lasted years, NOT MONTHS!
The original permission given for the treatment described the project as "the opportunity to possess a talent", not necessarily "all" talents. I go with this interpretation because it helps support the betrayal Hajime feels in ch6 of SDR2, even going as far to imply he didn't know the extent of what he'd signed up for. This would make sense considering he seemed to think he'd still continue attending school after. Joining the main course seemed kind of like a promise...?
His eyes turning red is probably linked to one of the talents he has. I assume that, since multiple characters have natural red eyes, that it's just a natural eye color, so I choose to believe it slowly faded in as time went on. It aids in his intensity/visual image as immovable
Another visual side effect is his darkening hair, although it ends at a nice dark brown and never becomes black.
I think some specific evidence/documents about The Kamukura Project are entirely redacted or destroyed, so there's no way for any characters to know the full scope of what happened
I believe that Izuru took the name as it was given to him by Hope's Peak, but never identifies with it. I don't think he identifies with much of anything! I don't think he thinks about gender, sexuality, or personal identity at all since his personhood is so destroyed.
Being able to rewire his brain is not surprising to me in ways, since I do think a real, genuine lobotomy would've hindered the experiment more than Anything Else. Hajime himself, pre-trauma sustained, is still in there, just severed... I think in a way the NWP did act as a sort of intensive therapy in restoring that part of himself, which is kind of miraculous in and of itself..?
I like the idea that he will never be the way he was before again, but I kind of dislike the idea that Izuru is this whole other Person. He became Izuru because it was what was pushed on him; his choice in being part of the project likely had nothing to do with becoming a shell of his former self. The naivety and full trust in HPA is incredibly interesting to me... YAY.
Post-Project Notes (Transcribed)
Always watching; in his own mind
Much like Hajime in the simulation, Izuru finds Nagito curious. The unpredictability is a draw to him both then and during The Tragedy for different reasons (note: In the NWP Hajime seems to fear his unpredictable nature and stays around him to keep tabs on it, while as Izuru he often gravitates towards him for this very thing. He doesn't have any feelings about Nagito's freakiness, I could see him enjoying how unpredictable he is.)
DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK
I bet he plays Solitaire in his mind like Logic Dive run minigame
Both Izuru and Nagito lack self-preservation skills. Nagito often treats himself as sacrificial, while Izuru diregards risk due to his reliance on statistics
Izuru finds Junko predictable, but her ideas curious, due to despair's unpredictable nature
Sleeps anywhere, even destroyed buildings. Hair is always dusty and filled with rubble
Izuru is spared by Junko's followers, but wants nothing to do with them, so he tries to live wrecklessly on his own. He likely keeps tabs on all of the remnants because he has a deep-rooted unkillable interest in them. He doesn't feel anything much for them but they're the only people he knows of post-surgery. They also come to annoy him. Since he's the Ultimate Hope "turned" to the Ultimate Despair, they all want his approval. HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK.
Post-Project Notes (Extended)
I don't think he's evil; I think he's traumatized. I know both can be true simultaneously, but I think his "cruel" nature is a misunderstanding of his general apathy.
He's not a fan of the overt and completely limitless devotion the remnants often have towards Junko, especially in Mikan's case. This, however, kind of sucks for him because Mikan is one of the ones I think would actively seek him out? (ummm if you want mikan hcs i can throw those out soon)
I think he probably has housing given to him/arraged for him by Junko at the very least; she does not ever want to be on his bad side, but he wants nothing to do with his housing usually. I don't think Izuru does particularly well with incredibly "safe" situations.
That being said, I think a lot of what he does as Izuru counts as some sort of self-inflicted harm. I find this particularly interesting when paired with Nagito's self-sacrificial ideals when it comes to their theoretical emotional connection with one another... hehehe (
headcanon HPA komaeda was lowkey figuring out his sexuality and had a thing for muscular guys .......... everybody wondered why he was so giggly and shy around nekomaru.........
promoting my hikoma one-shot here... if you're like me and like hajime-centric postcanon fics where he's overworked and kinda fucked up from the kamukura project but still heals with komaeda you'll uhhh like this i hope
ive seen an awful lot of people lately talking about how komahina has a mog gap and that hajime is the ugly one one so i had to fix this real quick by drawing sexy lifeguard hajime
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