Following is a post i came across on facebook and i thought i should share it here please read it...
TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, SEXUAL GROOMING
It has been a strange couple of days. A professor from an esteemed University in Calcutta was called out for sexual abuse and within 72 hours, another professor died by suicide. It is like just when the discourse of power being dangerous, and blind reverence toxic was taking the centerstage, it was hijacked by a sea of obits, outlining all the ways a man has changed the lives of countless students.
I must put this out as a disclaimer that I was not taught by him neither was I a student at xx. I’d like to believe he was every bit as good a teacher as so many people are professing. I was in xxxx University though and xxxx did teach me. So did a lot of professors who are still part of the present Xxxxxx University English department faculty. To say that the last couple of days have been triggering would be to put it too mildly. It has been a nightmare that has punctured my work, disrupted my sleep and peace of mind. Because, suddenly, what me and my friends would talk about in close quarters are out in the open.
I belong to the 2011-2014 batch of xxxx University. I also did my MA in English from there. Back when I studied, there was a professor who was every bit as cool and student-friendly we read about in book and watch in awe in movies. He would chat with us after class hours, have lunch and endless cups of cha with us, drop all filters and share stories of his personal life with us. He was a friend.
Over the course of my time at xxxxxx my friend and I became close to this professor. We would chat all the time, spend every weekend at his house. To us, he represented what we did not find in our parents and peers. He was liberal, eloquent, and possessed a morality which he himself had defined. He flamboyantly told us how he could - and had - sleep with any woman he wanted to. And we, in our early 20s, took it as a trademark of charm. For three years, he was one of the closest friends I had on campus. No topic was off-limits.
We remained friends till much later. I completed my post graduation from xxxx and relocated to Delhi. Later, in 2016 he met me in Delhi. At xxx, specifically. I was alone with him in a room and following a heartfelt conversation, he forcibly kissed me. At 24 then, my only defence was, “I have to leave.”
By then our association had run too deep. I knew he was ‘this’ person…”wicked, charming, flirtatious”. I convinced myself that he was just being himself and pushed it at the back of my head. He pretended it never happened, so did I.
Two years later, my friend and I recollected our time in college. We spoke about everything that had happened to us while we both changed cities. This was close on the heels of the #MeToo movement. By now we had a vocabulary for abuse, some recognition. We realised the professor had actually spent years grooming us, a terminology Indian educational sites neither talk about nor are familiar with. If you check online, the definition reads: “when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.” This is precisely what he had done.
I understand that whatever happened with me did when I was technically no longer his student. And, for argument’s sake, I was an adult. But abuse hits in retrospect and age is hardly a signifier of age. Imagine, an older, more powerful man slowly alienating you from others in your class, spending years convincing you that you are special enough to be his friend. That this lifestyle is conventional, rational. It is not. It took me many more years to admit to myself and the courage of someone else speaking up to write all this. I expect to achieve nothing out of this. I just want to sleep better knowing that I did my bit in sharing my experience and that those who are in the universities will be less naive than me and my friend was. Also, let me assure you he has done worse both on and off campus. But that is not my story to tell.
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