murderbeanz666

Hai I exist and I write poetry so I hope you like it, but if not then that's okay too! It's not for everyone and mostly just a place for me to get rid of my feelings 💜 (Profile picture is my art)

[murderbeanz666]

Trans men, you’re probably taller than Jesus.

If you’re ever struggling with height as a trans man, or just in general, just remember… you’re probably taller than Jesus. Jesus was 5’1”. Do with this information what you will, but you now carry with you forever the knowledge that Jesus was a short king. Literally.

[murderbeanz666]

Unfinished.

I hope when they lay the roses on my coffin

That thorns prick their fingers,

And Remind them of their sin,

They’ll say “She should have died hereafter.”

But as of yet I am unfinished.

I’ll be here tomorrow 

And tomorrow and tomorrow

Dragging out this petty pace from place to place

Class to class till I’m

Face to face

Pen to paper

With my future

Don’t know who I am

But as of yet I am unfinished.

“It looks good on your CV” 

But they don’t say what CV stands for

Just that it’s another measure of my worth

On this meaningless earth

With these people

Who’ll all burn with me for humanity’s sins

But as of yet I am unfinished.

While the politicians watch

We will die on their behalf

“For our country”

For your pleasure

Our blood stains your adversaries

As you take and take and take from us

With no shame or regrets

Just unadulterated greed

But as of yet I am unfinished.

My words mean nothing if they’re not written

Under exam conditions

Blue or black ink

Bleeds through the page

Bleeds through the table

Through my fingers

Till they break from all the shit I have to carry

In this life from day to day

You could call it a petty pace

But who’s pacing

Nowadays

When nothing is real

Nothing is real

But you’re still breathing.

Unfinished.

And if one thing in this world remains 

After the stars have fallen

the gods are dead

the earth is scorched beyond repair

Not by the hand of hell but by the hand of man

It will be you.

Yet unfinished.

[murderbeanz666]

Untitled

My mental health is fucking shit

But don’t worry I won’t commit

Don’t have the balls to go and quit

So I’ll just sit here and take it

[murderbeanz666]

Untitled

“Holier than thou”?

Go hang yourself by the church bells then

Maybe you’ll find God up there

Or maybe you’ll find fuck all but the smog and smoke of your own sins

And maybe you’ll choke on that faster than the rope that failed to break your neck.

[murderbeanz666]

Untitled.

I have to force myself to look up when I cross the road, because I

Half hope

Half hope

I’ll cross right over it into death

I mean I would never

Do anything

Like that

Not on purpose

I wouldn’t be willing

To give up the chance I have, the

Half hope

Half hope

Of getting better

Of actually living

Rather than just surviving

On nothing but the dogged grit of an animal with nothing to do but exist until it doesn’t.

My clothes are ripped

Just like my skin sometimes

But really

It’s more of a scratch

It’s not as bad

As other people

I was only six days clean anyway

So it’s not that much of a setback

It doesn’t really matter

But it’s the thought that counts I suppose

The thought behind the art

Is what makes it after all

There would be such a fuss

If anyone knew

Good thing they don’t, because

I avoid certain topics

Words

Phrases, because

I can’t be bothered with the drama

Eaten up like popcorn

By those who don’t give a fuck

But really I

Half hope

Half hope

That someone will notice

And that someone

Instead of asking if I’m okay

Will say they know I’m not. That they know I

Half hope

Half hope

Half wish I was dead

Half wish I wasn’t here

Half wish I wasn’t breathing

Half wish I could stop half wishing and commit

To something

To anything

Anything at all but this mindless walking

Walking

Walking from yesterday

Walking from birth

Walking from one day into the next

All the way into tomorrow and the next day

Without a compass

Or a map

Or any idea where I’m going

Or even where I started

And I know I’ll get there someday

But what if everyone has already left?

And I’m too far behind

To ever catch up

If I could

Swap places with another person

I wouldn’t

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone

And I wish

I could eat more

My mother tells me I need to

That I’m getting thin

Like, thin thin, not just slim

And I’m trying

But it’s hard

I don’t want to

I feel sick

But it’s just a sandwich

So I try anyway

Despite everything

Because I have to be alive

For some reason

That’s beyond me

They say I should talk

Talk to people

About my feelings

And I say I will

But I won’t

I know

I won’t

Because the words can’t find their way

From my brain

To my mouth

And even if they could

It’s locked tight

With all the anger

That stiffens my bones

My muscles and sinews and veins

And they would never escape

Because they’re trapped in my mind just like me

Walking

Without a compass

Or a map

Or any idea where they’re going

And I cry

Sometimes

But it feels empty

And I’m wiping the tears off my face

But they’re not really mine

And as soon as they’re gone I look normal again

And no one worries

Because I don’t tell them

So they don’t know

And I’m fine

Because you can’t not be fine

In a world that expects you to be.

And so my poetry

My words

My lifeblood

Not spoken but written

Will be the only way anyone

Ever knows.

[murderbeanz666]

Icarus

As he hung in the embrace of the midsummer air,

It was Apollo’s stunned gaze

that held him there

And with the stillness of a heartbeat

Etched into flame

They fell in love with a person

Who knew not their name.