#bible memes

[limp-bizkit-dude]

[tomicscomics]

10/04/2024

Biblically accurate married couple.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. In the Bible story being read, Jesus is asked by some Pharisees if a man can divorce his wife for any reason. Jesus says that, if the marriage is lawful, it binds the couple together as one, and what God has joined together, no man can separate. 2. In this cartoon, Fr. Mark reads this passage to his Sunday school class while explaining the sacrament of marriage. The girl with the bow swoons over the proper, spiritual weight of the words as she imagines a typical wedding scene. Conversely, the words strike horror into the heart of Agnes, the girl in the green sweater, who has a history of mishearing or misinterpreting Bible stories. In this case, she's heard Jesus's figurative description of marriage -- "The two shall become one flesh." -- and imagined it literally, with a husband and wife fused together into a single fleshy pile. 3. I drew the amalgamated-flesh-pile with smiles and googly-eyes to reduce the chaos-god-body-horror implicit in its conception. I'm sure these efforts were satisfactory.

[thewordinblackandred]

Lord God, we pray your mercy over the victims of political violence, especially the four high schoolers in Colorado and seventy-two dead in Gaza today, who die because of the callousness of American politicians and pundits who make their living by advocating for the death of the vulnerable. Amen.

[sacredheart-stigmata]

HOLY WEEK PART 1 as told in the Gospel of sacredheart-stigmata

PALM SUNDAY (HOSANNA BABY!!): Jesus tells his friends to get him some ass.

"uh. that doesn't seem like a very feminist way to talk about women--"

"donkey. it means donkey peter. god"

Jesus enters Jerusalem. Everyone is having a great time. Screamin, throwing plants.

Hosanna baby!! Hosanna, son of David!

NEXT SCENE: HOLY MONDAY

Time to hit up the Temple-- OH NO. BIRD. MONEY. CHANGING..... time to get Kinky

woe is you. and woe is you. and woe is you. and woe is you. and woe is you. and woe is you. and woe is you. (is this seven woes. i've lost count)

also, fuck that tree in particular

HOLY TUESDAY:

Location: THE HOUSE OF MARTHA, LAZARUS, AND MARY OF BETHANY:

Smell: Lots and lots of perfume

Sight: The Son of God's dogs

Jesus: Hey y'all look at my oily feet.

Judas:

SPY WEDNESDAY NIGHT 60 HOURS REMAINING, featuring JUDAS

"You want me to betray Jesus?"

"I mean.... Idk.... you'll pay me?"

"But snitching is probably in the 10 commandment.........

..............................................Wait, i have to kiss him??"

Coming Up: bad. bad. bad. bad. things are bad. (and there will be more feet)

(happy april fools everyone)

[jesus-son-of-man]

Jesus, a carpenter, explaining his job responsibilities

[m0th-person]

I thought it would be funny

(also I headcanon Daniel looked up to Jeremiah when Jeremiah wasnt being thrown into prison cell after prison cell but that’s besides)

[santa-ana-winds]

[moltenmoonmemes]