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“Dante And Virgil In Hell” (1850) - William-Adolphe Bouguereau

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An undetectable perfume. Caught on camera. Will anyone investigate? Check out the way my antlers blend in with my lips blends in with the way my lentils blend in with your ants. I said “marinate,” not “marry,” and this ring allows you to soak me in the marinade of your choice. None of her toys have ever disemboweled her, and searing her closet door can retain essential juices: What’s her secret? Hopefully my “How I Would Like to be Vivisected” coloring book will give you some fun ideas. I like that kind of flavored water that looks like an animal when you turn it upside down. Please use your extra “wet dog” tokens to help Rhonda unlock the secret of urinal cookie. This bloodthirsty gorilla uses the same tricks that keep insects in the air to pursue hobbies like sewing, horseback riding and ballet. Fig leaf: a virtual cryptid tango assistant that saves you from bending and stooping every time you wish to fondle a centaur’s rectum. Aroused, Marie Antoinette flapped her new 3mm wing structures (which grew where a snail’s foot would normally be) in a figure-eight pattern. We injected the pepperoni sock monkeys with Listerine™ for bonus zest. Mythological spectres with unwashed hooves sell currywurst without a license. When the plump marine mollusk with a breathing apparatus at the back of the bar downs a glass of rum and brandishes a shiv, the sensuous engineer will produce a magic thimble.

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‘Formaldehyde’ for The New Yorker

The New Yorker hit me up to do a piece on American Horror Story: Freak Show. The Morbidity Museum seemed like the perfect metaphor for our fetishism and exoticism for different bodies and how we react to them.

Thanks to AD Chris Curry!