While in the Bahamas, I promised a blog about my passions. I’m finally getting around to it. CNN has always been an installment in my home; my dad always has the news on. That being said, I grew up very socially aware. I always knew what was going on, and I always had opinions; especially on the Israel/Palestine conflict.
My opinions have never been all that popular, especially living in a small town with a widely Christian population. During the “Muslims build a mosque near the 9/11 site,” I sided with the Muslims. During the Michael Brown trial, I sided with the Michael Brown movement. I believe in government aid and free healthcare for those who need it. Finally, come the Israel/Palestine conflict issue, I sided with Palestine. I am just drawn to fighting injustice where I see injustice. While it’s great to be passionate about these issues, and it’s great to stand for something, it can also get in the way of addressing our own issues.
Our first few days in the Holy Land were spent with a Palestinian tour guide heavily exploring the Palestinian side of the conflict. We saw Hebron’s “old city,” where Palestinians have to put a chain link fence over their street shops to block rubbish thrown from windows by Israeli citizens. We saw a check point run by an Israeli soldier where Palestinians weren’t allowed. We saw kids throw rocks over the giant cement wall separating them and Israel. We saw so many incredible things.
All this fueled my passions and made me angrier and angrier at occupying Israel. It made me want to rub the photos I took over my friends and family who are pro-Israel. I wanted them to finally see what I had been saying for years. I had never been so on fire about something before.
That fire burned into my conversations. Everyone I talked to at home wanted to hear about how beautiful Israel was but all I wanted to tell them was the things I saw in Palestine. I got angry when they didn’t know what I was talking about. I wanted to educate people. I was a furious mess, burning holes through my iPhone screen with my thumbs. I knew that no one cared, but I kept going, pouring fact after image after fact down their throats.
Later on, we visited a practicing Jewish American-Israeli immigrant, Ardie. I had been told that once I heard the Jewish side of the conflict, I may not be so “pro-Palestine,” and I trusted their statement and went into the discussion with an open heart and open ears. When the man opened the floor for discussion, he began with stories of what he’s faced as an Israeli, his tires being slashed, being shot at, etc. He opened up with stories of attacks on different synagogues and family homes. My heart hurt for him, and I began to feel compassion for him. That quickly changed when he turned the conversation into a “Muslims are terrorists” talk.
He began to imply that all Palestinians were radical Muslims, when we had just come from eating in the home of a kind Palestinian. I tried to see past this and hear his voice again, but I couldn’t. He made the following statement: “I mean, who cuts people’s heads off? That’s insanity. That’s Islam.” Within that, there is one true statement and one fallacy: yes. That is insanity. No. That’s not Islam. I grew so angry with his statement that I began to justify radical Islam. I countered his prejudice statements about radical Muslims with the question “Well, don’t you think they could’ve turned radical due to the oppression that they’re facing from Israel?” “Oppression? What oppression? I don’t see any oppression!” Is what he replied with.
The conversation went further, but that’s not what I want to write about. Mostly because it ended up with me crying out of frustration, partly because I want to talk about the rabbi. We went to this rabbi’s house directly after our discussion with the American man, and my heart was closed off. He started his discussion with same ideas as the first man. Why the Jews took the land, why he felt threatened by Palestinians, etc. However, his conversation took a sharp turn when he brought up how his views have changed. He has began to develop relationships with these people that were once so scary to him. He said he “addressed his issues.” He wants to change the conflict not through dictatorship and domination, but through peace, and option not many consider. He address the issue within himself and did something about it. He was so passionate about his faith and what he believed that he had tears in his eyes. I really truly felt for him and his struggles.
Just before leaving Israel, our director, Luke Parrott, asked to talk with me. We talked about my passions (social justice and comedy), how those can overlap into satirical news, and about how our talk with the first Jewish man fit into all of that. Luke said something that truly made me see myself: “Sometimes the things we’re passionate about reflect the things we don’t want to address within ourselves.” Holy shit.
I thought about how Ardie refused to address what Israel was doing to Palestinians. He only saw his side of the wall. I thought about how angry I got in that conversation and how I wanted to drag him to the other side of the wall so he could see the graffiti and the lives of the people in refugee camps. Then I realized that those feelings came from me never addressing the injustices I’ve committed on others.
When I applied for Gap Year, one of the questions on the form was “what’s one book that’s changed your life, and why?” I wrote about Grendel. In this book, there is a monster named Grendel who discovers a group of humans and tries to reach out to them. He wants so badly to join them, but when they hear his loud, coarse voice, they misunderstand his intentions and attack him. I wrote that Grendel changed my life because it forced me to see how I treated people and how I demonize those people that I have rejected in order to justify my own actions.
After talking to Luke I realized that I had turned a blind eye to this. I had begun to demonize people I didn’t understand and justified my actions. I was Ardie. I was the very person I hated, and that’s why it’s so easy for me to turn a hateful eye on people that disagree with me, because I turn a hateful eye on who I am. Luke also touched on two of my heroes: Stephen Colbert and Jon Stuart. “Why do you think they say the controversial things they say and are able to walk away from it and live life? They aren’t insecure.”
I have spent so much of my life in fear of letting people see who I really am. Letting people in on what my insecurities are is difficult, and I do everything to avoid that. After talking with Luke, I am ready to drop these insecurities in pursuit of who I want to be. I have chosen to pursue a career in social justice journalism, in hope of having or writing for a satirical news broadcast. It won’t be easy, but nothing in life is.
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