KNIGHT OF SHUT THE FUCK UP

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are incapable of speaking due to a problem with your vocal chords you've had all your life. You beat the game, and did so good that you even reached god tier. Now you live on Earth with your friend Vriska, who happens to be blind. You've both found a way around your disabilities so that you can communicate.

[mutedleader-blog]

(( I’m sorry I haven’t exactly been active on this account lately. I’m battling drama OOC, but I do plan on being active again at some point. Until then, this account is on an indefinite hiatus. ))

[striderofthefuture-blog]

what you dont ever make mistakes are you a perfectionist or something is that why you dont like me ha that was a joke because i actually am perfect  did you get it why arent you laughing gosh

gasp me doing things to purposely piss you off what gave you that idea dang

nope youre seriously the only person well you and that john kid whatever

whose tavros though is that one of your little troll friends im guessing yes

well damn i guess you have us both figured out then dont you 

anyway i just kind of skimmed im a busy man karkat you cant honestly expect me to read every single rant you throw at me gosh thats just selfish i have a life outside of you i know its hard to accept but you need to realize that ok

[mutedleader-blog]

WATCH IT, STRIDER. IF YOUR EGO GETS ANY BIGGER IT MIGHT DEVELOP ITS OWN GRAVITATIONAL PULL.

ENOUGH OF THE SARCASM, ASSHOLE. I GET IT.

AGAIN I SAY IT, YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE. I KNOW THAT NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE COOL. NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE COOL BECAUSE YOU'RE *NOT* COOL. YOU'RE JUST A FAILURE WHO TRIES TO COVER UP HIS MISTAKES BY ACTING LIKE A DOUCHE TO BASICALLY EVERYONE.

STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M A WIGGLER. I WON'T HAVE THIS SHIT.

OH YEAH. HOW DARE I FORGET THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS BUSY DRAWING INCREDIBLY SHITTY COMICS AND BASICALLY BEING A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT ALL THE TIME FOREVER? I FEEL ASHAMED FOR FORGETTING THIS VITAL PIECE OF INFORMATION. 

[striderofthefuture-blog]

oh no god forbid i have to go through that cave again whatever will i do cant i just stock up on max repels or something this time idk 

oh ok

sgrub though is that something i should know about because spoiler alert i dont know what that is oops

ok so no nicknames allowed ill be sure to keep that in mind and then proceed to call you as many nicknames as i can think of its ok no need to thank me

really though theres obviously something wrong with you id you dont realize that shit are you running a fever or something should i be worried do we need to call life alert 

no karkat you dont understand his name is literally bro its not short for anything i dont call him that because hes my brother his name is actually bro 

ok so theres no werid alien hatemance going on with your animal dad and blah bah dave youre an idiot something about bestiality got it  thanks for enlightening me 

[mutedleader-blog]

YOU CAN. BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT THE FIRST TIME?

NO, NOT IF YOUR TIMELINE IS DIFFERENT. WHICH IT OBVIOUSLY IS. YOU'RE BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING WHAT IT IS ANYWAY. IT'S TERRIBLE. 

YOU'RE REALLY PROVING HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE YOU ARE. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO STUFF TO INTENTIONALLY PISS ME OFF, DON'T ACT SURPRISED WHEN I SAY I DESPISE YOU. JUST DON'T FUCKING DO IT.

I'M DONE WITH YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU'RE COOL. I'M FUCKING DONE WITH IT. (BY THE WAY, NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE COOL.) (NO ONE.) (EXCEPT TAVROS, BUT HE ALSO THINKS FAIRIES ARE COOL.)

NO, IT'S NOT. I'VE TALKED TO YOUR BROTHER BEFORE, STRIDER. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE HERE.

DID YOU REALLY READ WHAT I SAID, OR DID YOU JUST SCAN OVER IT?? I TYPE THINGS OUT FOR A REASON. IF I GO THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF TYPING AN EXPLANATION FOR YOU, YOU SHOULD FUCKING READ IT. IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO JUST READ. 

[slightpink]

omfg im srry youre totes right wow im so insensitive

if im not a person cn i be a cat cus i wouldnt mind that

mm same well im glad your day isnt complete shit tbh

[mutedleader-blog]

GOOD. FOR ONCE, SOMEONE SEES MY POINT.

IF YOU WANT TO BE A CAT, THEN GO AHEAD AND BE A CAT. HAVE FUN.

THANKS, I GUESS?

[striderofthefuture-blog]

little did you know i have an escape rope waiting in the bottom of my inventory for situations just like this bam problem solved 

ha its funny because ive known trolls all my life wow i probably wasnt supposed to tell you that but idrc  anyway ok you obviously dont know what youre talking about are you feeling ok kitkat (id call you by your last name but i dont actually know it) i mean im clearly the coolest guy around i know you dont like me but its ok to admit that i wont judge you dont worry 

excuse you his names bro and hes awesome get your facts straight 

ok so you miss him but you also dont miss him is this one of those weird troll things where you like someone but also hate them or whatever  wait nvm i think that has to do with romance not that theres anything wrong with incest but you dont really seem like the type

[mutedleader-blog]

THEN YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE CAVE AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE SOLVED ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS.

I REALLY DON'T SEE WHY YOU THINK YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME THAT. IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IN MOST TIMELINES TROLLS AND HUMANS MET THROUGH SGRUB, BUT IF YOU DIDN'T, THEN WHAT EVER?? IT'S ALSO PRETTY WEIRD THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT TROLLS BUT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME. THERE'S NOT A WHOLE LOT OF TROLLS STILL ALIVE. IN MY TIMELINE, ANYWAY. DON'T CALL ME "KITKAT" EVER AGAIN. IF YOU WANT TO CALL ME VANTAS (A.K.A. MY LAST NAME) OR KARKAT, THEN THAT'S FINE, BUT THAT'S THE *ONLY* THING YOU CAN CALL ME. I'M FINE, AND YOU'RE AN IDIOT. YOU'RE NOT COOL, AND NOTHING YOU COULD EVER DO WOULD EVER CONVINCE ME THAT YOU ARE.

HIS NAME ISN'T BRO. NO ONE'S NAME IS BRO.

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH WHAT YOU JUST SAID, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO FUCKING START. AS ALWAYS, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT. OKAY, YOU HAVE BLACKROM ALL WRONG. IT'S NOT "YOU HATE SOMEONE, BUT YOU LIKE THEM". THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, SO STOP PRETENDING YOU UNDERSTAND IT. BLACKROM IS A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU HATE SOMEONE WITH ALL OF YOUR BEING. YOU DESPISE THEM, YET YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO THEM, AND YOUR HATE FOR THEM DRIVES YOU TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY PISS YOU OFF. LIKING THEM IS NOT A REQUIREMENT. IN FACT, IF YOU LIKE YOUR KISMESIS, YOU MAY HAVE A PROBLEM. ALSO, WE DON'T HAVE INCEST. IT'S NOT A THING THAT EXISTS IN TROLL CULTURE. WE'RE NOT EVEN "RELATED" TO OUR LUSII. I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT BLOOD-RELATED TO A GIANT CRAB. THERE'S STILL A TROLL EQUIVALENT TO BESTIALITY THOUGH. FINALLY, IT'S JUST REALLY FUCKING COMPLICATED, OKAY? WHEN YOU LIVE WITH SOMEONE FOR A LONG TIME, YOU'RE GOING TO GROW FOND OF THEM TO SOME EXTENT, EVEN IF YOU DON'T REALLY GET ALONG. THEN THERE'S THE FACT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A TROLL AND THEIR LUSUS DOESN'T WORK THE SAME WAY AS A HUMAN'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR GUARDIAN FIGURE. BOTH THE TROLL AND THEIR LUSUS HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER. THE LUSUS TEACHES THINGS TO THE TROLL THROUGH VERY COMPLICATED MEANS INVOLVING A PSYCHIC SORT OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THE TWO, AND THEY ALSO PROVIDE PROTECTION, MOSTLY FROM OTHER TROLLS. THE TROLL GIVES THEIR LUSUS A HOME AND MAKES SURE THEY ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT. WITH A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT, YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO GROW PRETTY FOND OF THEM BECAUSE YOU JUST TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER. IT WORKS THAT WAY, EVEN IF YOUR LUSUS IS A LOUD-MOUTHED, CRABBY ASSHOLE WHO SCREECHES ALL DAY LONG AND ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT.

[slightpink]

hi person/troll/etc i have never met before in my life

im p sure i was right honeybnuch it was no mintake

*mistake

how r u doin tonight??

[mutedleader-blog]

EXCUSE YOU. TROLLS ARE PEOPLE TOO. IT'S TERRIBLE HOW YOU HUMAN ASSHOLES ALWAYS ASSUME TROLLS DON'T QUALIFY AS PEOPLE. MAYBE HUMANS ARE THE ONES WHO AREN'T PEOPLE. 

I'M DOING ALRIGHT, I GUESS. THINGS COULD BE A LOT WORSE.

[mutedleader-blog]

martinikitty started following you

HELLO, YOUNGER ALTERNATE OF ROSE'S LUSUS FIGURE.

I BELIEVE YOU MAY HAVE THE WRONG BLOG, BECAUSE I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE ON YOUR DASHBOARD EVERYDAY.

[mutedleader-blog]

sinisterlordenglish started following you

[maid-0f-r0b0ts-blog]

hell0 karkat

please call me aradiab0t

im d0ing pretty g00d

h0w are y0u?

[mutedleader-blog]

ARADIABOT IT IS THEN.

I'M DOING ALRIGHT, ACTUALLY. I DON'T HAVE *TOO MUCH* TO COMPLAIN ABOUT.

[mutedleader-blog]

maid-0f-r0b0ts started following you

HEY, ARADIA. WELCOME TO THE BLOG. THE UNFOLLOW BUTTON IS IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE. I DON'T ACCEPT COMPLAINTS. ETC. ETC. HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?

windyguywithallthemangrit started following you

YOU FOLLOWED JUST BEFORE I POSTED THIS, SO BASICALLY JUST. DITTO.

[striderofthefuture-blog]

that was a low blow jeez im going to need a burn heal to recover from that one

ok yes technically but put yourself in my shoes for a second jfc ok so youre dave strider number one cool kid on the block and you run into this alien kid and yeah ok trolls arent any new concept to you or whatever but are you seriously going to think of them as normal if youre me would you think that youre normal (the answer im looking for here is no) 

oh this is one of those orphan deals isnt it if it makes you feel any better im in the same metaphorical boat that you are kind of i actually never knew my parents unless bro is secretly posing my dad and he doesnt want me to know how old he really is or something

jokes on you though you cant call the police on me because you dont know where i live i think thats how that works idk can they track people by their name at this point in time i cant remember i quit

  me

[mutedleader-blog]

IT'S TOO BAD THAT YOU'RE STUCK IN A CAVE WITH ABOUT A MILLION ZUBAT. GOOD LUCK GETTING OUT OF THERE TO BUY A BURN HEAL, ASSHOLE.

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT, YOU GODDAMN MORON? I'VE KNOWN ABOUT HUMANS SINCE MY SIXTH WRIGGLING DAY, AND YET NEVER ONCE HAS THERE BEEN A TIME WHERE I CONSIDERED HUMANS "NORMAL". NOT EVEN NOW THAT I LIVE WITH THEM. BUT I KNOW THAT IF I WERE RAISED WITH HUMANS INSTEAD OF TROLLS, I'D THINK HUMANS WERE NORMAL AND TROLLS WERE WEIRD. SO SHUT IT, STRIDER. ALSO, YOU'RE NOT COOL. YOU'RE JUST SOME POKER-FACED DOUCHEBAG WHO WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT COOL IS IF IT RAN YOU OVER WITH A TRUCK.

WHY WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER? I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOUR DISGUSTING, PUPPET-OBSESSED LUSUS FIGURE. ANYWAY, I'M NOT UPSET ABOUT LOSING CRABDAD. NOT ANYMORE. HE WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT HERE, AND HE WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT ON THE METEOR FOR ALL THAT TIME. AND TRUST ME, NO ONE WOULD HAVE LIKED HAVING HIM AROUND. NO ONE.

NO, BUT THEY CAN TRACK YOU BY YOUR I.P. ADDRESS, DUMBASS. NOT THAT IT MATTERS BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING **JOKING**. 

[striderofthefuture-blog]

are you trying to make me cry is that whats going on here are you like one of those gradeschool bullies that they show on tv and that are actually in gradeschool i guess idk anyway is that whats happening do you want to steal my lunch money too 

yes but for normal people (aka humans) its still pretty hilarious ok

why is your janitor or custodian or whatever theyre called a touchy topic or st crabdad though what were you literally raised by a giant crab see i could be making a really bad joke about oh man no wonder why youre so crabby but im stopping myself would you look at that ok sorry im seriously stopping now 

you hate me for being me ok im sorry im me karkat im so terribly sorry here this is for you

[mutedleader-blog]

WELL, I WASN'T BEFORE, BUT NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I'D LOVE TO MAKE YOU CRY. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

WOAH THERE. TROLLS ARE JUST AS NORMAL AS HUMANS ARE, ALRIGHT, ASSHOLE? OF COURSE WE'RE DIFFERENT THAN YOU GUYS. WE'RE FROM AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT UNIVERSE. GODDAMN.

YES, I WAS LITERALLY RAISED BY A GIANT ALTERNIAN CRAB. AND NO HE'S NOT A TOUCHY TOPIC. KIND OF. A LITTLE, BUT NOT A LOT. I'M REALLY JUST PISSED OFF BECAUSE I DON'T WANT *YOU* TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. IT'S LIKE WHEN SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU DIES AND THEN SOMEONE YOU HATE IS LIKE "HEY REMEMBER THAT PERSON YOU KNEW" AND YOU JUST WANT TO THROW THEM IN THE NEAREST VOLCANO. IT'S LIKE THAT BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S HAPPENING. 

I REFUSE TO ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY. THE POLICE SHOULD BE ARRIVING ANY MOMENT NOW TO TAKE YOU AWAY. 

[striderofthefuture-blog]

nope youre wrong dude theyre not going to make it you killed them i hope you at least come to their funeral it would be the decent thing to do or w/e ok 

hahaha no im totally right arent i its ok though ill drop the topic just for you youre welcome

karkat oh my god is that your name like car and cat mushed into one word what did your weird white animal caretaker just give up like ok im out of good names shit lets name him karkat  thats great ok

anyway yes its very possible probably i dont actually know but whatever

are my alternates really that bad or do you just hate everyone 

[mutedleader-blog]

SURE, I'LL ATTEND THE CELEBRATION OF THEIR DEATH. AND AFTER THEY'RE BURIED, I'LL DANCE ON THEIR GRAVE AND USE SPRAYPAINT ON THEIR GRAVESTONE. I'M SURE THEY'D APPRECIATE THAT.

WOW, "CAR-CAT". I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE. FIRST OF ALL, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT HOW TROLL NAMES WORK. BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID. SECOND, "KARKAT" DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ANYTHING IN ALTERNIAN, SO IT'S A PERFECTLY NORMAL NAME FOR A TROLL. IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING IN YOUR DUMB ENGLISH LANGUAGE. FINALLY, DON'T *EVER* TALK ABOUT CRABDAD AGAIN. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR (OR READ) ANOTHER GODDAMN WORD ABOUT HIM FROM YOU EVER.

YES, THEY ARE THAT BAD. THEY'RE FUCKING HORRIBLE, AND I HAD TO SPEND THREE YEARS ON A METEOR WITH ONE OF THEM. THREE. FUCKING. YEARS. THAT'S A LONG TIME TO SPEND ON A METEOR WITH SOMEONE, AND HE MADE IT AS HORRIBLE AND TORTUOUS AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. I HATE HIM AND I HATE YOU FOR BEING HIM.

[striderofthefuture-blog]

what hurting someones fragile cool kid emotions isnt worthy of an apology cold hearted much i mean how do you even live with yourself im appalled

i bet youre just saying that because yours are puny or something are you inscure about your tiny horns is that whats going on here

really wow lucky you you should probably start being a little nicer to them though you might lose them if you dont and that would be downright heartbreaking 

and you know i might just do that how would you feel if that literally happened what if im actually super poor and cant afford meals for myself what if i die because you refused to help a dude out in his desperate time of need 

[mutedleader-blog]

YOUR EMOTIONS WILL SURVIVE WITHOUT AN APOLOGY, I'M SURE. AND IF THEY DON'T, WHY SHOULD I CARE?

WHAT? NO! MY HORNS ARE THE PERFECT SIZE AND I'M NOT INSECURE ABOUT THEM AT ALL, SO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, STRIDER.

LOSE A STRIDER? THAT'S A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN? I WASN'T AWARE. IT'S ALWAYS SEEMED TO ME THAT YOU FUCKERS LIKE TO STICK TO KARKATS LIKE GLUE JUST SO YOU CAN ANNOY THE PISS OUT OF THEM. IT'S TERRIBLE.

IF YOU WERE SOMEONE WHO I ACTUALLY LIKED? I'D PROBABLY FEEL PRETTY BAD. BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU, SO I GUESS I REALLY WOULDN'T CARE.

[striderofthefuture-blog]

harsh im hurt wounded even were you planning on writing a formal apology letter any time soon because hey if you were then i know just the guy you should address it too

(hint: its me) 

really though are we honestly having this argument horns arent even cool dude i mean dont those get in your way how do half of you guys even make it through the front door 

and assface really we only just met and i already have a nickname im not sure if i should feel accomplished or if i should let you know that im not really ok with things going that fast

i mean shit at least take me to dinner first 

[mutedleader-blog]

I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE UNTIL I DO SOMETHING ACTUALLY WORTHY OF ONE. (HINT: THAT WASN'T WORTHY.) 

NO. THEY'RE NOT EVEN THAT BIG. WELL, OKAY, SOME ARE. BUT MOST PEOPLE DON'T HAVE HORNS THAT BIG. 

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW SEVERAL OTHER YOUS, AND "ASSFACE" IS AN ACCURATE WAY TO DESCRIBE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

NO DINNER FOR YOU, STRIDER. I HOPE YOU STARVE TO DEATH.

[striderofthefuture-blog]

excuse you my shitty made-up word was gold or at least as close to it as youre going to get basically it was awesome and youre obviously just jealous its ok if you want to share the credit in coming up with it that can be arranged no need to thank me

superior species though really hahahaha that was a joke right nice one im really proud of you 

[mutedleader-blog]

YOU CAN KEEP YOUR CREDIT. I DON'T NEED IT AND I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT IT.

LAUGH ALL YOU WANT, ASSFACE, BUT I'M NOT LYING. WE'RE STRONGER AND SMARTER THAN YOU PATHETIC HUMANS COULD EVER HOPE TO BE. WE'RE ALSO BETTER LOOKING THAN YOU GUYS. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE HORNS. 

[striderofthefuture-blog]

tech-2upport started following you

huesofjadeharley started following you

loadsofshinyshit started following you

mutedleader started following you

cachaemicgement started following you

turntablegodhead started following you

randomegbert started following you

some other people too idek guess whose too lazy to list all of you guys spoiler alert its me try not to cry about it i know its hard but bare with me on this one thanks

greetings earthlings

and whatever you troll guys call yourselves because i see some of you guys up there too  what DO you call yourselves anyway like alternialings ok no that sounds stupid 

but anyway yeah hi hello salutations etc take your pick because idrc either way

[mutedleader-blog]

WE CALL OURSELVES THE SUPERIOR SPECIES. BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

"ALTERNIALINGS"? IS THAT REALLY YOUR BEST GUESS, STRIDER? I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. I USUALLY AM. THE CORRECT TERM IS "ALTERNIANS", WHICH SOUNDS A LOT BETTER THAN YOUR SHITTY MADE-UP WORD.